pink hair and piercings? - Page 2

[Cheri]

belly button piercing instead of pushup bras

.

[DaryLLL]

Cheri, your post was a tad off topic, so I am going to start another thread for you, titled, how to talk so teens will listen...

[mamakarata]

hah! my 12yo dd is sportin' a pink bob, has double piercings on both ears, and a recent new cartlidge addition!

i told her she has to wait 'til high school to get her nose pierced. she and i have had many convos about appearances, the media and it's influence on girls etc.

she pulls straight A's, has a brown belt in karate- something we started doing together since she was 7 (hence my MDC user name), and she talks to me. so none of this experimentation has worried me. she likes variation and feels it is just another expression of herself.

i think if she wanted to do something that would draw an unsual amount of negative or adult attention, i would be concerned. like belly button piercing... i explained to her how the belly and that kind of piercing to some people might infers a little bit of sexuality.

she hadn't thought of it that way, and doesn't want to express her sexuality just yet. intended or not! she doesn't mind waiting until she is older for something like that.

we have a good dialogue. i think that is key. it's not pefect, but it helps.

[DaryLLL]

Well, 14 yo dd finally won over dh. it took months of researching piercing and "being responsible" around the house (to prove her maturity) and he has agreed to the industrial pierce.

So we made the appt and are all gong en masse on Sat aft. No one wants to be left out of the fun, me, 16 yo dd, 11 yo ds. Dh wants to go and has final veto power if he thinks the place seems disreputable.

[marymom]

many bright blessings on her adventure!

[DaryLLL]

Oh, thanks, marymom!

So we went and did it. the place she had picked out from a website was in Worcesster, (Ma) about 45 minns from here. So it was a road trip.

The piercer was a middleaged mom with bleached blonde hair and lots of tattoos. Dd said her son works there too, as a tattooist. It was very busy there being Saturday. Quite a few couples, or family groups, or best friends were there to do things together. There was a group of 3, a mom, her mom and her 14 yo daughter. the grandma and granddaughter were both getting their bellybuttons done!

so dh approved of the place, and he and the victim and my other dd went in to get it done. Ds and I waited in the waiting room.

the industrial is two holes thru the cartiledge, with a barbell between the two. Dd chose the larger gauge too! Apparently it is the most painful piercing you can get. From what I was told, the piercer, Rose, did one hole, then let dd take a break, have a drink of water, then did the other hole and put in the barbell. Well, it looks so fantastic, the placement is very good. Obviously rose knew her stuff. Dd is in heaven. I loaded her up with arnica, goldenseal and echinacea and milti vitamins when we got home and again this morning.

After the pierce, we all went out to dinner to "celebrate," per her request. So all in all, a nice family bonding experience.

[DaryLLL]

Well, it's been a couple wks and it's healing nicely. We went to the in-laws for t-giving right after, and I forgot the echinacea and the multi vits! I did bring arnica tho, it helped some. She got it bumped a bit in play and didn't sleep much, so it did get swollen.

but when we got home, i dosed her up good, and by the next morning, it looked much better and continues to heal.

Ironoically, she has broken out in little rashes from a cheap ring and a belt buckle from Hot Topic in the same time period.

[DiaperDiva]

my great friend who's two children are now just out of their teens had a rule of 'no permanent body modifications' until they were adults (18, or so I think).

This is what we plan on doing. Kailey or any other children we might have can dressed, be colored, apply fake tats, get pierced, whatever during their um...expressive years..but nothing permanent until they are adults, ,and can pay for it themselves

[DaryLLL]

Well, dont' you call piercing permanent? Esp on the face, or belly button? What about ear stretching?

BTW, dd paid for her pierce with her own money, and she is only 14.

[DiaperDiva]

No, I said when she is an adult AND can pay for it herself.

Piercings aren't permanent they can be taken out and they heal fairly well.

So, no tattoos, no stretchings.

Oh and in NC you can't get piercings other than ears until you are 18. We also are teaching her about being a law abiding citizen

[marymom]

hmmmm, law abiding citizen...
well I guess I TRY to teach my kids to raise their hand before they question authority...
all that questioning has often provoked me to reconsider but...I have to be true to my conscience.

if the piercing closes there will be scar tissue to close it- the scar tissue may be a different color, on the toungue and ear I dont think its very noticeable- but bellybuttons can be pretty permanent even when "healed" in my opinion,

Daryll, the piercing sounds awesome, painful tho that makes the experience ever so much deeper... there is, in my opinion, a big difference in the experience when there is alot of pain involved, there is a warrior mentality or something...an empowering thing...its different then say the aesthetic piercing of ones belly button or ears.
just my opinion...

[Juliacat]

I have never dyed my hair, had ANYTHING pierced (not even ears) or gotten a tattoo, nor have I ever had any desire to do any of these things, nor do I expect that I ever will have the desire to do any of these things.

That said, if my kids wanted to, I would say, "It's your body, so it's your decision." I think that goes in hand with teaching them to respect and care for themselves. (Although I do think the idea of waiting until age 18 to get a tattoo is a good one, but I would make it a "suggestion" rather than a "requirement")

There are so many other things to fight about, this shouldn't be one of them.

[Sierra]

Well, I have been gaining a lot of perspective on this issue in the last month or so. We now have a 15 year old foster son who is quite the dresser...and I mean nothing nearly as tame as pink hair and piercings (both of which my wife and I, between ourselves, have had plenty of on our own).

Anyway, at first I found my biggest issue was overcoming my inner feelings in relation to how other people react. I think there is a certain part of us, whether we like to admit it or not, that feel our children are like extensions of ourselves, so it can be both painful and embarrassing when our kids have a fashion sense that illicits certain reactions from the rest of the world. If it was just us looking at our kids all day, we probably wouldn't be so disturbed by this issue. I know, for the most part, I couldn't care less what my kids wear at home.

Because I am an incredibly shy person, one of my problems was that my son was drawing tons of attention everywhere we went. I went through a brief period thinking I could never again have this kid come grocery shopping with me. The rude people who stare and the way this kid just changed every room he walked into was more than a little hard for me. I want him to be at least somewhat accepted by at least some people and treated well by the rest of the world, and at the same time I want him to be an individual...and I really think he is the most amazing person as an individual! I have never seen him look more beautiful, have more of a glow, than the times when he's been able to just be himself and dress/present himself the way he is comfortable. The most painful day for me was when a young **adult** male was verbally aggressive toward my son because of the clothing he was wearing/the way he presented himself when we were going into a drugstore.

And then at the same time, I am no longer a pink haired or bald headed (yes, even as recently as two years ago I maintained a shaved head) girl, and frankly, I don't want everyone in the grocery store standing around judging me, my son, and our family. But you know, this is who this kid is in the world. This is my son's expression of himself and the way he wants to be. So rather than negotiating what he wears, I've put my energy into becoming more comfortable and accepting myself with his choices and with the reactions they illicit.

I have, however, drawn a line at safety. Luckily, my son is easily redirected and has been pretty responsive when I am just honest about my safety concerns. Of course, he wants to be able to help evaluate what risks he can take and when safety is and is not important to him, but because he is developmentally not ready for that (he is much younger developmentally than he is biologically), we do that evaluation together. I also have found him more responsive when I can enjoy certain things about how he dresses and presents himself. When we admire his shoes together, he feels a lot more open to my commenting on the way he has applied certain makeup on his face, even if I am only giving a simple suggestion about how to make it look more attractive.

[granolamom]

Sierra,

You foster Son in very blessed to ahev you.


Granolamom

[lilyka]

My dd had dyed her hair pink and blue by the time she was 4 1/2. O guess I won't have a problem with it when she is older either. peircings are a different story though. I means he can have her ears peirced and other I am not sure about thier permanace. Anything that she canget rid of she can have but anything permanant she wioll have to wait until she is an adult. If I had gotton my tatoo when I was in high school I would have gotton something really stupid.

[Chelly2003]

Originally posted by Arduinna
I don't have this problem. DD has no piercings (not even her ears) and doesn't ask to dye her hair or anything. She likes temporary tattoos though and bindis.

Maybe it's because she has parents that are inked up and pierced?? Nothing to rebel against.

Just a though. Maybe if the parents run out and get pierced the kids will not want it??

:LOL

I hope this works in our family!! (I'm the one with piercings and a tattoo!

DS is only 3 1/2 - he draws on himself if that counts!

Chelly

[Marg of Arabia]

RM wrote:
"Anyone with teens struggling with this? I guess it's my karma, I raised them on rock and roll. "

Funny?? Our kids are more conservative. We thought our teen would be more like yours. Instead she is ultraconservative. Her father and I were hardcore punks. We did everything. I had die blue/black hair that looked exactly like shag carpeting and my dh was a local celebrity because of his very tall and erect mohawk!! We both wore shocking clothes with anti-religious and political slogans written all over them. So, now we end up with a very acedemically driven, conservative, no real social life, teen!!!!

Of course people tell me it could all change. She is only 14 and a half..........

[barbara]

LOL Marg, isn't that always the way it goes!

-b

[CincoDeMama]

OMG-this is SO me when I was growing up! My folks were ultra-kewl about it too-I think they handled it very well! I was pretty bad, coming home with holes here and there, shaved/dyed hair, etc. They tried their best not to say anything negative about it, and the shock value kinda wore off for me, LOL

This is how I plan on dealing w/my teens as well. (Imagine that, my folks DID do something right!! LOL)

[oncewerewise]

I let my 4 y.o. daughter colour her hair with those colour wands when she wants. My only concern is about health issues. My sister had to have some expensive dental work done because of mouth piercings. I think that if teens want piercings they should research the risks. Also, I think that tattoos should be off-limits until 18 with the understanding that they are still growing and the tattoo could shift/distort if they have a growth spurt.

Pierce.

Ooops, peace