Help for Friend w/sick Newborn

[jempd]

I need help quick--I don't have accress to my own bfing books at the moment. I just found out my friend had her baby 3 weeks early by cesarean and since she had a fever, and the baby was breathing abnormally, they put they baby in the ICU and are feeding her formula. My friend is pumping but I can tell she's trying to get the right help and isn't getting it and doesn't really understand how important it is that she and the baby be set on the right path in order for the bfing to take. I am anxious about this because I didn't fully understand, ran into problems, and it became tremendously difficult and only by the grace of an A-1 lactation consultant did I persevere. I know I should know more having been through it myself but in my excitement I would like for you smart expereinced ones to help me out here. I am super set on getting her to bf because she is one of my best and oldest friends (we met in 1984) and THIS ONE I want so badly to have a good bfing experience (long story, I can't explain here, but for this woman, even more than most, this would be such a good thing: some background: she's kind of uptight and not all that 'in touch with her body' and I can see her freaking out about it) and I can tell that she got talked into being induced and a cesarean perhaps (though how can I be sure) unnecessarily and am afraid the bfing might not get started right. I had my baby at a different hospital but I found out after I got a lactation consultant how much they did wrong. I want her to get a lactation consultant but it is not covered by insurance.

SO: I'm going to the hospital to see her in a few hours. What's the best stuff to tell her, stuff for her to read, anything I can do/bring?

PS In case this is pertinent the baby is getting antibiotics.

[Lil'M]

Off the top of my head: There is a LLL book called Breastfeeding Your Premature Baby, but I doubt you could get it in a few hours. The Nursing Mother's Companion is easier to get in book stores. Also, check kellymom.com and lalecheleague.org for info you can print out for her. Anything on kangaroo care for premies would also be great. Make sure she has a good pump and help her use it and understand that as long as she keeps pumping enough (8-12 times per day, including nighttime) she will be able to try breastfeeding as soon as baby is ready. Encourage her to make sure the staff is giving her pumped colostrum/milk to the baby and to push them for when she can feed her baby herself. She can have her pediatrician put orders in her baby's chart that he/she is to be breastfed so staff can't prevent it any longer than is medically necessary (if it even is). Find her the name and number of a local LLL leader to give her. Enlist her partner/family to be her advocate with breastfeeding and the hospital. Give her your love and support.

Good luck and kudos to you for being such a caring friend.

[jempd]

Yes! Thank you! Am printing out your post so that I remember everything and will stop by Barnes & Nobles on the way. Also, I lent her my own Medela Pump n Style so she's all set with a good pump.

[sunnysideup]

I think it is important for your friend to know that it is most likely bfing will work out well for her. Negative attitudes, fear of problems and the perception that bfing is hard can be huge obsticles to success. My first dd was born with a life-threatening GBS infection (her heart stopped pumping). She was in the NICU for a week, on a respirator, IVs, monitors, etc. We couldn't even pick her up-- let alone BF. I did not pump for the first 24 hours at all, after that I was told to pump every four hours during the day, nothing at night. That first week my dd got pacifiers and bottles. My milk came in just like it should, and once baby was off the respirator she took to nursing like a pro.

I hope everything works out as well for your friend.

[hunnybumm]

Mothers of premature babies make special milk designed for premature babies. Your friend needs to stop the formula and suppliment with 100% breast milk and only breast milk, unless there are more serious issues. That baby needs that BM so badly to help it's little body get to were it needs to go. The baby is on anti biotics so it needs the bm that much more. I really hope the doctors and nurses are good about using BM instead of formula, I have heard really good stories about most NICUs and PICUs encouraging the mother to pump and feed BM rather than formula. Though most doctors and nurses are unaware that it takes a few days for the milk to come in and they freak out and pressure for formula.

Good luck to your friend, hope everything turns out ok.

[jempd]

Update: I went to the hospital to see her and brought Nursing Companion. My visit coincided with middle-aged, bossy aunt of friend's dh's visit and at first I was bummed, then got unexpected bonus because right after I launched into pro-bfing spiel got major support from the aunt! Right away I knew she'll get the support she needs. I said: Don't think the nurses necessarily know what they are talking about because they think they do but when I hired a LC I found out how much they didn't know, etc. the aunt chimed in and said that's right, and so on: I was surprised to hear well-informed, strongly encouraging pro-bfing words coming from this woman! Also, dh is on board. So, together I think we really strengthened her for dealing with the hospital. Her milk hadn't come in yet and she was strugging to pump the colustrum. I helped her with the pump. She even let me see her somewhat undressed (a first in all these years). We saw the baby who is doing well in special care and I stressed she push to feed the baby her milk as soon as it's in. I do think it will work out. The baby is not as sick as they first thought and will be able to go home sooner than she was first told. I did resort to stressing at one point how quickly you lose weight when you bf as I knew with her this would particularly stick, but hey.

Thanks for your replies. Momof Four that IS inspiring and so true Lil'M re: negativity, I myelf have known a few cases in which I am sure that but for negativity it would have worked. And hunnybumm, I Know: I've wondered before why there is such a rush to feed when it is not hard to figure out that the newborn is designed to last till the milk comes in. There was this to-do when mine was born because he was big and I was pressured to give him formula because his blood sugar was too low or too high, I don't remember. According the LC I eventually hired, they way over-estimate what the dangerous level is and I wonder why that is. Also, as her baby is a little jaundiced and the bilirubin count is high, the bf is really good for both.

[Lil'M]

I'm so glad that you are part of her "support team." She is lucky to have you as a friend!