Two-time Homebirther experimenting with the dark side

[Spark]

Ok, well, it's not really the dark side, I just wanted to be dramatic enough to make you come look... and you DID! Now, stay and give your opinion, please?

I have two children and both were blissfully born at home. I only know homebirth. Well, we've found ourselves quite unexpectedly pregnant again. Our youngest just turned one last week. So, last year we paid for a homebirth and then to turn around and pay for a homebirth again this year, is just a little bit daunting. We probably could do it, but I've made my first ever appointment with... the dark side... or in this case a group of Nurse-midwives who "deliver" (hello medical establishement... I'm delivering, they're catching!!!) at a local hospital.

The hospital is only 2 minutes away. So in my mind I think, I would hire a doula and we'd all stay home until I felt like I was going to push. (my pushing has taken upwards of 2 hours each labor)

But, here's my question. I'm going to go interview these Midwives and I'm not really sure what questions to ask to find out if I would be comfortable birthing at a hospital with them.

Q: When all you know is homebirth, what do you have to watch out for with nurse-midwives and hospital births?

X-posted

[mwherbs]

tell me a typical birth story that you see/ attend .
What are your standing orders, what time do you come and do you stay with your patients or do you usually catch the baby?
are a few more later

[saintmom]

My first 2 were hbs followed by 4 hospital births and the last I was home again.We simply couldn't find a hb midwife here for years! I couldn't reccomend a hospital birth for a healthy full term mom.It's just not smart.Apart from the obvious,mandatory fetal monitoring,bloodwork,newborn tests,etc theres also a host of subtle manipulations that come into play to make you a more compliant patient and thus more 'managable". not to mention you can be a sitting duck for any opportunistic infections once your waters break
If monies the issue see if you can't work something out with your midwife.I've never met one who wouldn't work out a payment plan with their client, i just now finished paying our debt for dd,and it took a year!

[Artisan]

This may be a dumb question, but what about a birth center? Do you have one near you? What about a CNM who does home birth (so insurance would pay for it)? You may have some luck getting reimbursed if she submits claims (around here a CNM can just bill directly).

[homebirthing]

www.motherfriendly.org


A hospital birth is so different. Could your midwife let you pay half of the normal fee? I would at least ask before committing to something (I am sorry) so wrong...I am just hugely afraid that you don't realize (YAY!! A woman who can just give birth!) how political it has gotten. They want blood tests, glucose tests, vaginal exams, strep B tests...which if you fail, IV's and antibiotics, vaginal exam on arrival before "permission" to push, fetal monitoring for 20 minutes with you in the bed. You "have" to be 5 centimeters to get in the waterbirth tub, so they will keep checking you. I had to fast babies and then a slow one, there is no guarentee with a 3rd.


I guess all I am saying is to REALLY make sure that you think it is worth it. Make sure to ask your midwife before committing to such a huge change. Hospitals are not nice places. They are awful and for a woman that is used to homebirth, it could be very big letdown.

[PancakeGoddess]

I considered it with my third for the same reasons, spark, cost and also distance (we'd moved further from a hospital). Also, the hospital in question would have been a mother-friendly very cool place as far as hospitals go... in the end, i couldn't bring myself to take the risks associated with showing up at a hospital in labor. There are just too many unknowns. My midwife was happy to let us pay slowly over time, and we had another amazing birth at home, with no regrets. For the top 5 memories of my life, the price was worth it ;-)

[PancakeGoddess]

i'm sooo confused. here is the post - there are two threads? sorry to be so dense.
i'm a 10 year dedicated email listserv user and just don't get the board thing yet.

[citizenfong]

Claire,
May I speak frankly?

Don't do it!! : :

Based on what I know about your pelvis ( :LOL ) and previous births, I would not trust anyone in a hospital to allow your body to work in the way it needs to. Didn't your labor with Cicily shut down when the midwives arrived the first time (am I remembering that correctly)?

Yes, you COULD have a great hospital birth. And your children could choose to eat only one piece of candy, and to only watch educational tv shows, and that guy could be chasing you down to return the keys you accidentally dropped back there, and the bank could call you to tell you they made a mistake on your account and they owe you $3000...

It COULD happen, but do you want to chance it?

Wish I had more time to be gentle but I gotta go hang up some balloons for E's FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY!

Oh, did I mention


CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

pssst...I KNEW you weren't done yet!!

[mwherbs]

If i lived there I would help you, and I know that if you like your midwives from the past you should try and talk to them.

One midwife I know who lives in a feast or famine area ( where people either have lots of money or are very very poor not too much inbetween) anyhow she put together a charity in order for people to be able and make donations so a person who can't afford it can get a grant- this helps the mw with her expenses and the client gets mw care. so that is one way really there are lots of ways mw will work it out including volume discount

[Full Heart]

From a momma in the same exact situation (ds turned 1 on march 7th and I am due in sept) I would say call up a bunch of midwives and see if they will take very little payments, even if it takes 2 years to pay it off. Or find one who will do trades. I have had a hospital birth and wouldn't do it again unless someone was dying or equally serious. I would go UC first. No question. Even if everything goes well you practically have to fight to leave the place and the pp stuff is just as bad as stuff that goes on during L&D. Maybe you can find my post about my hospital birth, it weren't pretty and it was really good as far as hospital vaginal births go!

My mdiwife letting me do $50 a mos. I had to really spell it out for her the kind of situation we are in but after that it was cool. $50 sometimes is hard to come by but we are managing so far.

Good luck!

Michelle

[mwherbs]

Michelle (Fullheart), I am glad to hear you worked it out. and hope you are doing ok now. PM me if you need anything

I also have had the hellish hospital births with my first 2 and with #2 I had him in 1 hr but only about 1/2 hr at the hospital and it was still caios , also had a routine manual removal of the placenta- couldn't even see straight the doc has his hand/arm into me to scoop the placenta out within 5 min of giving birth and he did it to everyone on the ward who had given birth that night!!!!!! so you can't contol the varibles in the hospital. And i have the do unless threat of death attitude myself.And had my 2 homebirths after that which were far nicer in ways but i did scare myself with the UC.
Anyhow exploration is usually all it takes to convince a mom who has had experience, spend 1 hr visiting a friend in the hospital.... it becomes very clear.

[Guest*]

This has already been stated, but I'll say it again.

What I would do (in this order):

1. Talk to all the HB midwives in your area about your situation and see if you can work out any "deals."

2. If that's not possible, then go to the hospital midwives for pre-natal and plan a UC.

3. The very last resort, if you're not comfortable with UC, wait as long as possible to go to the hospital. In fact, wait so long that you give birth within 10 minutes of arriving at the hospital. That would suck, IMO, but then you have the insurance paying for it.

Personally, I really feel that the HB midwives would be more than sensitive to your situation and would help you out as best as they can.

Best of luck to you.

[USAmma]

I had two wonderful hospital births, esp. the last one. I think it's very important to go over the birth plan with your care provider ahead of time and make sure they agree to everything on it. Make sure they are respectful of your wishes. Ask a lot of "If x happens, then what will you do?"

The choices are yours. A doula is wonderful to have. She can remind you and dh about your wishes at different stages so you can tell the nurses and doctors/midwives.

[momto l&a]

We are paying forthe the birth we had in November with the tax $$ we just got.

Many mw are flexable with payment.


I know for me that I would NEVER want anything but a hb.

Yes we would be so much further ahead if we had hospital births but it just isnt worth it IMO

[Defenestrator]

Hi Spark! I see both sides of the birth world as a doula and apprentice midwife. If you want a lot of specific detail about your preferred hospital, pm me.

The biggest minefield that I can see about the hospital birth choice doesn't actually lie with the midwives at all. It is with the pediatricians. You can decline just about anything that you want for your own care, but both of the hospitals in our county have a bad record of calling CPS or threatening medical custody whenever you decline something substantial for the baby. If there are any complications at all and the baby needs care, the pediatric team will be called in. Even if your ped has hospital priveleges, it can be hard to get him/her into a position where he/she can call the shots at the moment of birth. You are left with a team of residents whom you have never met calling the shots for your baby.

Good luck with your decision!

[Spark]

: Um... canceling interview! Thank you ALL for reminding me to think with my heart, not my pocket book! I can up my ball production and take a dent out of the bill. I can borrow money. I can do whatever it takes.

I don't think I'm willing to give up the control for myself or my babe.

Tracy, thanks for the kick in the butt. I needed that!

I think it's just all so new still and so catching me off guard. I feel such a strong sense to explore my options this time. I'm very open to UC. I just have some issues from Cicely's birth that I need to work out before I could make that leap.

[Spark]

Oh, forgot to answer... we do have a birth center about 30 mins from here, but our insurance won't cover that either. It's only $500 difference between that and homebirth, and I'd rather be at home.

[ctdoula]

It's so disheartening (spelling?) to me to see so many posts about how evil & terrible everything WILL BE, without given to opportunity to truely explore them. Not EVERY hospital birth is an aweful nightmare & not every CNM or OB is an evil ogre. But, reading most of the threads around here, that's what you'd think.

I'm on baby #2 w/the same CNM practice. Everything is my option. Don't want Quad screen, okay. Don't want GBS testing, okay (I was + last time, so it was my option). Don't want vag exams, okay. With my last baby, I had SROM at home & went to the hosptial for the antibiotics and then WENT HOME. The plan is the same this time if I rupture early in labor. You don't have to be a certain # of cms to get into the tub.

Things are different everywhere, but I think a lot of times, it comes down to the mother, her choices & her relationship w/the provider.

I'm sorry I'm rambling.... it is just SO discouraging that EVERY birth story/thread I read is about the EVILs of hospitals, etc. Some people really don't have other options (sometimes it's financial, sometimes it's other reasons). I'd like to just encourage a little more flexibility & offer a reminder that it IS possible to have a beautiful birth in the hospital.

[dnr3301]

Claire!! OMG! I am so excited for you. I knew you went done with the babies .

I also have had two hbs. ANd the idea of going to a hospital scares the bejeezes out of me. My mother was at both of my births, she is a RN who works labor and delivery. She also used to attend homebirths back in the day before she went to nursing school. After each of my births, we have talked about what would have been different in the hospital. Let me tell you, I trust her when she says my first birth would have been messed up in the hospital. My contractions never got regular, I had major back labor, she was completely OP, born facing me, I was in the water longer than I would have been allowed in the hospital, if they had let me at all. At home, with just my mother and dh present, I pushed for a grand total of 20 minutes with my first baby and we checked my cervix once. In the hosiptal, based on discussions with my mother and a close family friend who is a CNM, I believe I would have had AT THE LEAST constant fetal monitering, many more cervical checks, not been allowed in the water, pitocin to even out my contractions, and torn much more than the nothing I tore at home. You know how to do this. You are healthy. Tracy was right, stay home. Think about Cicely's birth story. You'll figure it out.

much love to you and your family.

[KayleeZoo]

Things are different everywhere, but I think a lot of times, it comes down to the mother, her choices & her relationship w/the provider.

I'm sorry I'm rambling.... it is just SO discouraging that EVERY birth story/thread I read is about the EVILs of hospitals, etc. Some people really don't have other options (sometimes it's financial, sometimes it's other reasons). I'd like to just encourage a little more flexibility & offer a reminder that it IS possible to have a beautiful birth in the hospital.