Two-time Homebirther experimenting with the dark side - Page 2

[Ligmom]

Wow! Congrats, Claire You must be so excited

I was going to post that perhaps you could work out a payment plan with your midwife, but I think someone else already posted that

Wishing you a wonderful pg and a healthy baby to snuggle....mmmm....i newborn snuggles.

[dnr3301]

Originally Posted by ctdoula

It's so disheartening (spelling?) to me to see so many posts about how evil & terrible everything WILL BE, without given to opportunity to truely explore them. Not EVERY hospital birth is an aweful nightmare & not every CNM or OB is an evil ogre. But, reading most of the threads around here, that's what you'd think.
....
I'm sorry I'm rambling.... it is just SO discouraging that EVERY birth story/thread I read is about the EVILs of hospitals, etc. Some people really don't have other options (sometimes it's financial, sometimes it's other reasons). I'd like to just encourage a little more flexibility & offer a reminder that it IS possible to have a beautiful birth in the hospital.

You have to look at the audiance this is coming from: many many many of these homebirthing mamas came to home birth second and third babies BECAUSE of a traumatic hospital birth. I know so many women who after their first birth didn't want more children if it had to be like their first birth, so they educated themselves more the next time around, ususally before getting pregnant a second time. Some of those women came to birth at home, some switched to CMNs instead of OBs, but still did hospital. For many women, the reason to homebirth is to avoid repeating a horrible experience. After having a homebirth, these same women find glory and pride in a birth experience where there was only powerlessness and shame before. If that makes some of us a little anti-hospital, so be it.

[mother culture]

Stay home!

First of all Congratulations...I hope you adjust to the surprise babe soon. My surprise 3rd is a rainbow baby and the joy of my life.
I think if it were me and I was 2 min from hospital I would go to the nurse midwife for prenatals and then prepare for a UC you can always go in in labor if needed! You may find a doula wo can help you birth at home for free.
If you still want to put your self under hospital policies. Tell the NMW that you are interviewing exactly how you would want your birth to go and if she agrees you will adapt to the hospital environment and it is all in your frame of mind!
Don't forget to ask about newborn policy.. In some places refusing vit K will get you registered with CPS!

[PuppyFluffer]

Originally Posted by dnr3301

You have to look at the audiance this is coming from: many many many of these homebirthing mamas came to home birth second and third babies BECAUSE of a traumatic hospital birth. I know so many women who after their first birth didn't want more children if it had to be like their first birth, so they educated themselves more the next time around, ususally before getting pregnant a second time. Some of those women came to birth at home, some switched to CMNs instead of OBs, but still did hospital. For many women, the reason to homebirth is to avoid repeating a horrible experience. After having a homebirth, these same women find glory and pride in a birth experience where there was only powerlessness and shame before. If that makes some of us a little anti-hospital, so be it.

I completely agree with this! In my case, my adversion to a hospital birth stemmed from hospital experiences I had as a 5 year old very sick child. Negative experiences at the hands of medical personel leave deep and lasting impressions on people. From my hospital experience as a child, I knew I would never ever consent to a hospital birth. I was able to have a birth center birth that was easy and wonderful. If I had not been able have a birth center birth, I would have chosen to do UC instead of hospital....or I would have gone to The Farm in Tennessee!

Not every woman who has had a hopital birth has a nightmare story about it but the voice of the many many women who have had bad experiences needs to be heard in my opinion.

[homebirthing]

I DID give birth at the hospital the first time...that is why I stayed home with the next two!!

[Full Heart]

Originally Posted by dnr3301

You have to look at the audiance this is coming from: many many many of these homebirthing mamas came to home birth second and third babies BECAUSE of a traumatic hospital birth. I know so many women who after their first birth didn't want more children if it had to be like their first birth, so they educated themselves more the next time around, ususally before getting pregnant a second time. Some of those women came to birth at home, some switched to CMNs instead of OBs, but still did hospital. For many women, the reason to homebirth is to avoid repeating a horrible experience. After having a homebirth, these same women find glory and pride in a birth experience where there was only powerlessness and shame before. If that makes some of us a little anti-hospital, so be it.

Just wanted to add that if all you know is homebirth then hospital birth is more than a little forgein. Just like a mother that only knows hopsital births and they hear about homebirth and think how crazy it is. Plus all the reasons the mother choose homebirth might not be able to be overcome with a good dr and a cooperative hospital. Like for me, my hopsital birth was a transfer with my 2nd. I had already had a homebirth so I knew what I was missing. And like I said my hospital birth was good! But compared to a homebirth - well it doesn't even compare.

Michelle

[PancakeGoddess]

my 2cents...

I had a beautiful hospital birth AND 2 beautiful homebirths. I didn't choose homebirth as a reaction to a bad hospital birth - I chose it because I wanted to have the baby at home. The homebirths were just so much better. Like night and day.

The hospital birth wasn't traumatic at all, but that was largely good luck. I think you can birth plan and discuss and question all you want, and those things are great if you absolutely are having a hospital birth, but no amount of preparation will prevent some nurse or pediatrician from getting a wild hair. IMO, the most reliable way to have a lovely birth is to know exactly who's going to be there in advance, and know they are philisophically with you, based on the word of other mamas who birthed the way you want to birth. If you can do that with a hospital birth, that is a really excellent start, but afaik, you can't pick your nurses in advance, or your on-call pediatricians.

[mumm]

I'm glad to see some other posts that a hosp birth is not all evil. My second birth in a hospital did not see any testing at all. Every patient admitted has standard blood work done, but I said no, my blood type hasn't changed thank you. No one else asked again. No monitoring of fetal heart rate, no one else touched the baby after she was born. (Actually, we had her hearing tested at my request.) And at one point during labor (we were only there for a short time before she was born) I asked everyone but dp to leave the room. They (the mw and nurse person) both left, no questions asked. I had them come back when I was ready.

Total bill was $20!

That all said, it would have been nice not to have had to hop in the car to do it all! Good luck with your choices!

[mwherbs]

I think I stated my reasons for bias. I have attended hospital births with clients with the best and most wonderful physican that backs up the birth center here and the nurses bucked at every order the doc gave--- to the gal to go eat a breakfast and the nurse said no you cannot eat doc walked back into the room for something and she said yes let her eat...... the whole birth went on like this, including the nurse asking every 15 minutes if she wanted pain meds and at a certain point she told the mom I had natural births but you are suffering too much I really think you need something, so mom says ok maybe and the doc comes in and says she can give her a shot of nubain and usually 1 shot will give her a restbit but the second shot often doesn't work... nurse wanted an epidura but mom took the shot and was fine things went on and on like this and we even got a different nurse with a similar attitude -----So I know that there are better hospitals with better support staff , it is that many people thing that they have things covered and are only talking to part of a team. As for my second hospital birth I had been thinking all pregnancy how to not be in the hospital, talked over with the doctor the stuff I didnt want to happen this time and those things for the most part didn't but if I didn't know to ask for certain thing or like the routine manual removal who would even think of that?

[tinyshoes]

I always wonder what the hospital is going to give the mama who's practically pushing her baby out.

After all that laboring at home, with a doula, then drive to the hospital? For what? Exactly?

I think that question needs to be asked and answered.

For example, if the answer is "just in case something happens" or "I want a birth attendant" or "aren't I supposed to have the safety of a mw/OB nearby?" that will tell you something.

FWIW, personally, it's the emergance of the baby that I was least worried about--I wanted someone to monitor me (my fluid intake, fetal heart tones, provide emotional support) during labor. If something "bad" is going to happen during a birth, isn't it going to start going "bad" during the labor? When baby's on his/her way out, she's/he's on the way out.

Spark, I hope you can find a way to have the birth experience you truly want; not what the bland yet real realities of $$ dictate. Good luck in your choice!

[natashaccat]

Originally Posted by ctdoula

It's so disheartening (spelling?) to me to see so many posts about how evil & terrible everything WILL BE, without given to opportunity to truely explore them. Not EVERY hospital birth is an aweful nightmare & not every CNM or OB is an evil ogre. But, reading most of the threads around here, that's what you'd think.

I'm on baby #2 w/the same CNM practice. Everything is my option. Don't want Quad screen, okay. Don't want GBS testing, okay (I was + last time, so it was my option). Don't want vag exams, okay. With my last baby, I had SROM at home & went to the hosptial for the antibiotics and then WENT HOME. The plan is the same this time if I rupture early in labor. You don't have to be a certain # of cms to get into the tub.

Things are different everywhere, but I think a lot of times, it comes down to the mother, her choices & her relationship w/the provider.

I'm sorry I'm rambling.... it is just SO discouraging that EVERY birth story/thread I read is about the EVILs of hospitals, etc. Some people really don't have other options (sometimes it's financial, sometimes it's other reasons). I'd like to just encourage a little more flexibility & offer a reminder that it IS possible to have a beautiful birth in the hospital.

I dunno why we see so many hospital horror stories here, maybe it's because many of us turn to MDC looking for better answers after bad hospital births. Unfortunately birth friendly hospitals just aren't an option for many of us.

I do know that my hospital is pretty sloppy when it comes to risking infection and pushing drugs (BTDT). Starvation and intimidation also did much to complicate my labor.

[wasabi]

Originally Posted by ctdoula

It's so disheartening (spelling?) to me to see so many posts about how evil & terrible everything WILL BE, without given to opportunity to truely explore them. Not EVERY hospital birth is an aweful nightmare & not every CNM or OB is an evil ogre. But, reading most of the threads around here, that's what you'd think.

I'm on baby #2 w/the same CNM practice. Everything is my option. Don't want Quad screen, okay. Don't want GBS testing, okay (I was + last time, so it was my option). Don't want vag exams, okay. With my last baby, I had SROM at home & went to the hosptial for the antibiotics and then WENT HOME. The plan is the same this time if I rupture early in labor. You don't have to be a certain # of cms to get into the tub.

Things are different everywhere, but I think a lot of times, it comes down to the mother, her choices & her relationship w/the provider.

I'm sorry I'm rambling.... it is just SO discouraging that EVERY birth story/thread I read is about the EVILs of hospitals, etc. Some people really don't have other options (sometimes it's financial, sometimes it's other reasons). I'd like to just encourage a little more flexibility & offer a reminder that it IS possible to have a beautiful birth in the hospital.

I just wanted to ditto that. Certainly there are bad experiences and there are bad providers but if you are very careful with your selection of providers and have a good hospital you don't have to have a bad experience. I have very hands off midwives and they're totally fine with me showing up pushing. When I get there the hospital wants monitoring for 20 minutes but other than that anything else is my choice. No iv, no other routine interventions etc. I've told them flat out I want a homebirth that happens to take place in a hospital (Dh has some issues surrounding DD's birth and we couldn't afford homebirth when I got pg) as is possible. I expect to give birth where ever I want in the room with nothing attached to me. Now I'm not saying that for someone who has already had and enjoyed homebirths that it will be the same. But it certainly doesn't have to be a nightmare.

[UmmBnB]

I remember lamenting to my mom on the phone during Bella's pregnancy that I just didn't know how we were going to pay the MW bill. She suggested that perhaps I should consider a hospital birth (I think knowing full well it was out of the question but wanting to be supportive of our situation by suggesting options).

Honestly, that thought hadn't even occured to me. When thinking of options the only thing that came to mind was doing UC but I have such a wonderful relationship with my mw that I wanted desperately for her to be there as a mw and trusted friend. HB is all we've known or care to know, iykwim.

We ended up doing part of the bill in trade, my husband is a carpenter, part in monthly installments and ultimately had to take out a loan to cover the rest. I'd have taken out 50 loans if I needed to.

I know its a hard spot to be in. Especially if you have good insurance. $2500ish vs. $100 (our co-pay) is quite attractive when you are thinking about the pocketbook.
Birth is a one shot deal though so it takes so much consideration to decide what's best for you and your family.

[Mama25]

sorry to jump in w/o reading

Please forgive me for jumping in w/o reading all the replies but had to comment since I went to the "other side" after having 2 great homebirths. It is not all about the birth part as to why to avoid a hospital birth!!! My birth part was an 8 compared to a 10 with my homebirths. Nothing was major wrong with the birth part but just the sutble things during the birth- like driving while in major labor pains not fun, then getting to know nurses I didn't know (I am a private person), just the look of the room wasn't comforting made me think "sick". But even with that stuff the birth part was really ok. It was *AFTER* the birth that sucked that I didn't plan/think of and what has me swearing never going to a hospital again for a birth. So I had this great ob dr. and nurse midwife for the birth but after the birth they really don't have too much control over things like the BABY. Even if you say "I will leave after the birth" in reality it does take some time to leave, I am mean the baby doesn't just come out and 10 minutes later you are walking out the door. (It was within 30 minutes of the birth that they got all over me.) I had to fight them the hospital and dr/nurses over my baby and his temp not being stable according to them. You think no big deal they take your baby's temp (just like the homebirth cnm did too) what could be wrong with that. Well, for us it lead them to wanting to start 10 day iv abx! Of course baby would have to stay in hospital for it too. And when I said no they threatened me with taking my child into costudy. And of course with all the other things I really looked weird (no vax, drops, vit K, didn't consent to blood sugar test they wanted since he was "big" etc) they had plenty of fuel to say I am "bad" and take my baby. So for the first moments after his birth I was fighting and crying and worrying at every time they wanted to take his temp. I was a basket case what they put us through. They took the happy first days away from us.
So it's not just about the birth and the cnm or ob dr. you have things can happen AFTER the birth that the cnm/ob dr don't have control over. My ob dr and cnm told me in regarding to the birth there are certain things beyond their control even for the birth (like had to have a gbs test on file or this hospital would consider you positive, and had to have 15 min hook up monitor when you first come in, even if they didn't really believe in it they had to do it because of the hospital.) Another thing I remember thinking when I knew I was going to have the hospital birth I thought "Oh I am Miss. Strong Woman who can handle whatever they throw at me, but when you are IN the middle of this it is different and all you want to be and do is a MOM and mother your baby and not deal with this stuff I didn't want to be some advocate I just wanted to be my baby's mom and left alone.
I wish you the best with whatever birth environment you have and just wanted to help you and others think about after the birth.

Here is all the smilies I wanted to use in this post:
: :

PS The reason for the hospital birth after 2 homebirths was my baby turned breech within days of my due date and didn't turn after doing things and I got way passed my due date and found an ob/cnm who would let me do breech vag. And at the time I was too scared to do UC because of other health issues I have and my homebirth cnm isn't allowed (regulations) to do homebirth breeches.

Kim Ann

[carrietorgc]

I just wanted to add that I had an awesome hospital birth with dd, and love the cnm's I am using for ds coming in august. they deliver at a birthing inn attached to the hospital, natural birth mom's have their own wing (with nurses that are supportive!), and no testing is required, either prenatal or during labor. good luck with your decision!

[nikirj]

I've had two beautiful, well-supported, relatively intervention-free hospital births. I only went ahead and had a homebirth this last time because I thought I'd like to sleep better afterwards (major gripe, just wasn't comfy the next night in the hospital bed). And it wasn't until after the homebirth that I realized the difference was HUGE! Really, tremendously, huge! I couldn't have convinced my former hospital-birthing self that the hospital births were anything less than spectacular, but held in comparison, the homebirth was absolutely, hands-down, leagues and leagues above the hospital births in so many, many ways. And I'd never, ever go back to the hospital again. Even though they were 'good' births, even though I got everything I wanted, everything I've ever heard anyone here say they wanted from a hospital birth.

So yes, there are good hospital births. There are great hospital births. But I'd take my spectacular homebirth anyday.

Just wanted to present that there are many of us out there who had good hospital births, who know that homebirth is still so much better that we would still fight for it.

[Rainbow]

I had two hosptial births that, compared to many stories here, were wonderful!

No matter how wonderful they were as hospital births I still think that someone who has had two homebirths would be disappointed with the general hospital policies. The bright lights, the aggressive "wiping" of the newborn, the sterile environment, the interchange of nursing shifts, the food or lack of it, the lack of fresh air, the fast clamping of the cord (even when you prearrange it to be left it often happens faster than you can realize).

I really am completely happy with my births. Once I started to explore homebirth and realize how different the environment alone is I realized that I wanted that for my birth. I can totally see how someone who has only had homebirth would be totally upset at the hospital standards even with the best possible hospital birth.

[OnTheFence]

I have a friend who has done homebirth and then had her last baby at a hospital. She was only there a half an hour when he delivered. (her labor was very fast) I took her to several of her OB appointments. He knew she was a homebirther but because of some medical issues that had come up prior to her pregnancy, she decided to go the hospital route. She seemed very pleased with her OB care. She even had the 20 week ultrasound, and was glad she did. (she wanted to find out the sex, like you she was having babies very close together) Anyway, she had first decided to stay only six or seven hours after the birth and then go back home but she was treated so well decided to stay two nights. She said it was nice to just focus on the new baby and have just that special time without the other children.

I think you can have a good hospital birth, a natural birth and the birth you want. Its not as evil as it is made out to be. You just have to be proactive and have a good provider that will work with you.