Help! it's my due date today, and I'm going crazy with anxiety (long rant)

[akmbloom]

Today is my due date, I feel so stressed out. I have some anxiety problems anyway but I am feeling like I just can't handle it any longer! I feel like the baby will never come. I have been essentially in prelabor for a week and a half - I've been having contractions nearly the whole time, sometimes pretty regular (10 mins apart) and sometimes pretty intense. At first I really thought I was going into labor but now every time I have contractions I think "it's not time, it'll never be time, I'll have to be induced and it will be extremely painful and i'll end up with a c-section"

I have been working part-time this last week, which is hard enough, but I've also been training a new person (and I'm a little afraid they'll like her more than me, so when I come back after my maternity leave - which I'd rather not do anyway - I'm worried they won't want me back). I keep wishing the baby would come this weekend so I wouldn't have to go back next week - money issues make going to work necessary if I feel physically ok enough to go. Even if we weren't so broke, going to work is at least a distraction from worrying all the time.

I have suddenly starting having fears about the baby being ok. i didn't worry about this much the whole nine months. but we conceived while I was on birth control and although everything has seemed to be fine with all the medical tests, all i can think about it whether or not she will be ok. if I don't feel her move for a while I freak out.

I can't sleep, my hips are in so much pain and I've been having bad dreams and grinding my teeth. Also one of our cats has been sick and has been puking and pooping all over the house. Aarrrgghhh!

But the thing that is stressing me most right now is that my mother-in-law who lives across country went and bought a ticket to come here for tomorrow! My husband really wants her to be here when the baby is born (even though I am not going to have her in the delivery room) and has told her that she can stay with us. Up until yesterday i thought that she would probably wait until we call to tell her I'm in labor, then catch a flight as soon as possible. i really don't see what the difference is for her to be here when the baby is BORN or a couple hours afterward. She is really excited and gets very pushy when she is excited; most of the time we get along really well but I don't want her in my tiny one-bedroom apartment while I am in labor!!! I don't think I will mind her staying with us after the baby but the idea of being in labor with her watching over me, asking "is this it? do you need to go to the hospital?" is FREAKING me out. But I can understand why he wants his mom here; I want *my* mom to be there during labor! But I just feel like having her around will make me feel more pressure to have this baby already, and I definitely don't want to pretend like I feel just la-dee-dah fine or to have to treat her like a houseguest (which she wouldn't expect, but I think I would feel like I had to entertain her, etc). I could ask her to cancel her flight but I'm worried about the expense she's already undertaken; If she does end up coming tomorrow, and I haven't had the baby, I probably will ask her to stay with my parents or at a motel, I don't see how I could be comfortable with her here. But also, it could just be my overactive imagination and anxiety that makes it seem so terrible, maybe she would be a help and a distraction, she is a good person and I enjoy her company usually. I don't know. I think DH and MIL are just excited and worried that she'll miss something.

I actually don't think she would be offended if I asked her to stay elsewhere, or even if I asked her to wait to come but - I was pretty laid back before and said "whatever" when they talked about plans for her to come here, but it really never occurred to me that she would come *before* the baby is born!!! When i said whatever i thought I meant, come whenever you like after the baby comes- right away or a few weeks or whatever. But now that I left it open ended like that I would be going back on my word if I told her it's not ok. She was the one who offered to stay elsewhere, but my husband has been like, oh no you'll be no trouble, you won't bug us or get in our way! Which is normally true. But she actually might. So if she does get here before the baby I will just stick to my guns and ask her to go somewhere else for a while.

This makes me annoyed at my husband, that he can't read my mind (haha), but he's just so excited, I can't really blame him. His mom is the only other person in his life he really wants to share this with. I am so high-strung right now that i can't imagine anything but the worst. Maybe having her here would feel loving and supportive, I don't know. I just worry about everything being the worst-case scenario.

Thanks for letting me vent about all of this; I feel better just writing it down. Any suggestions for helping me to chill out these next few days and visualize a positive outcome - no matter what happens - would be greatly appreciated.

[aprildawn]

i know everything seems impossible to handle when you get to this stage. i'm due next saturday and have found myself really worked up about things that normally wouldn't bother me. and i'm blowing things out of proportion a lot.

here's to hoping you go into labor RIGHT NOW and have the baby before you MIL gets here.

i know you said you need to work for the income. when i was 39 weeks along with dd#1 my mw told me i needed to stop working to focus on labor and the baby. i thought she was nuts because i wanted to work both for the income and for the distraction. basically she told me the distraction of work was possibly keeping my body from knowing i was ready to have the baby! i quit and had the baby about 7 days later.

[milkymama1104]

Wow. Big

This is just my 2 cents, but..When I got close to my due date I got extremely touchy about things that normally wouldn't bother me at all....I know that this probably isn't helpful, but my dd was 2 weeks overdue...And I had been in "pre-labor" for 6 wks by then... Hang in there, the baby has to arrive sometime!
As to your situation with MIL, you really might feel better if she stayed elsewhere. I know that right after I had my dd I was incredibly resentful of everyone in our families wanting to be around. I felt like I just wanted to share her with a few people and do some serious bonding on my own. It was really overwhelming to feel like I had to be nice to all of these people that I really didn't want around. Just my own opinion.
As to the still working....I was really tired and left work a week before my edd. I was concerned about the money, but my larger concern was that I would be too tired to have the labor and delivery that I wanted.
See what you can do to try to get some rest, I know that the sore hips can really prevent you from sleeping well. Also, don't be afraid to tell people to stay away and give you personal space. Most people are really understanding about the personal boundries of a pg mother. Don't let yourself give up what you really want to please other people.

Good luck!

[akmbloom]

Well, whew, my MIL decided on her own to wait until the baby comes and then fly up here. That is a huge load off my mind. But of course now that I feel a little better, my husband is anxious!

boy this is hard, I didn't realize that it would be. I don't know how people make it 2 weeks past their date!

[Llyra]

aw, akmbloom, I remember those last few days before DD was born. I was a a mess. Everything and everyone drove me crazy, and I was convinced I was going to be pregnant for twelve months, and I actually cussed out my poor, sweet FIL for asking, "how are you feeling?"

It is perfectly natural to be like that. At one point it was so bad that poor DH said he was going down to the corner to buy some milk, and he stayed out five hours. :LOL Poor guy, he just couldn't take it anymore! I was combing the Internet looking for "natural induction" advice!

You don't sound like you've reached that point yet, and so I'd say you're just like every other mama who's ever birthed, and don't worry about it! Heaven knows you have enough to think about!

I say you do whatever you need to do to relax, even if it means sending MIL to a hotel. Don't worry about hurting feelings or being polite-- this is all about you and the baby! Inform DH that it is his job to stand between you and anything that disturbs your peace-- I think that's a DH's proper role in labor anyway!

What really helped me was talking to the baby. Well, reading her the "riot act" is more like it! Talking to her really helped me keep my focus and not TOTALLY lose it.

And in the meantime, here are some labor vibes for you-- *****
and I'll be hoping for a peaceful, wonderful birth and a beautiful, healthy baby!