So very depressing - Page 2

[liliesandliars]

It wasn't an attempt to educate... as I'd said, I know this isn't my job (and by no means an area of my expertise... btw, what does CLW mean?) and I know it wouldn't amount to much. It was more of a desire to share my ideas with the women I'd gotten pg at the same time with, w/o the problem of dismissal.

It's just that I know that I would raise my child the same way they're going to raise theirs, IF I hadn't thought about why people parent the way they do and wondered if there was a better way. It kind of disappoints me to know that the same women who tried so hard to conceive their children are the same ones who don't question the concepts behind why they parent the way they do, or why they give birth the way they do. I know these things depend on what women have learned in their lives, and their own personal experiences, but... you'd think that the advent of motherhood would be a good reason to do a little research.

You're right, Sarah... I shouldn't let them get to me... still, when they tell me that the kind of parenting I've begun to see as best for me and my baby will inevitably be of harm to my child... lol... it's kind of difficult not to see it as an attack.

I guess I should only bring up those ideas in safer places, then.

[Emilie]

No- if we only bring up our ideas in "safe" places- we are basically saying that there is something "wrong" with what we do. Or that we have something to hide.
It is nice to talk abot these topics to people who agree with you- but if we really believe in what we are doing- wouldn't it be more beneficial to society as a whole if we introduced these concepts to others who may not be so enlightened.
I think that it brings a sigh of relief to most mothers when they find out that they do not have to listen to their babies cry for long periods of time- and that it is neglectful not to care for them and their needs.

[Awaken]

Originally Posted by Emilie

I think that it brings a sigh of relief to most mothers when they find out that they do not have to listen to their babies cry for long periods of time- and that it is neglectful not to care for them and their needs.

Thanks for that reply- I agree with you.

And on the above note- I have been feeling really sad about something that happened on a pregnancy loss board I'm on- some of the women have gone on to have babies after the loss, and of course the usual topic of how to get them to sleep at night comes up. Well, they are all talking about how their peds say they MUST do 'tough love' and not nurse the baby between 10 and 6 and let them cry till it's an appropriate time to get up, or some such nonsense. They are all saying how they let the babies cry for hours and know they need to 'nip this problem in the bud' and it's 'not acceptable' for a child to wake up at night. These babies are 8 months and younger.

It just confuses and depresses me terribly to know what these ladies have gone through in losing a baby and trying so hard to have another one, and how happy they are to have the baby, and then they turn around and not feed it and let it cry for hours???? I just don't get it! Usually I am never one to post my feelings, and I typically delete any group messages involving sleep because I just don't want to know about what people do to their kids at night- but in this case I was so saddened that I did post some (hopefully helpful) info and book/website recommendations to maybe let these moms know that there is another way! And then I promptly said goodbye and unsubscribed because I couldn't bear reading any more.

[bec]

CLW = Child Led Weaning

I frequent several mainstream boards (not FF, though. I found the format too clumsy). This is what I have taken from them. First, there are usually forums where I will feel more welcome (like a breastfeeding board) than others (like the Sleep Dilemas board). While I am certainly one of the more "out there" members on these boards, I have found a place there and am respected because I don't engage them on certain issues. I generally don't post when someone asks for advice on how to wean their child. Rather than laying down commandments (You must nurse your child until they start kindergarten, and cribs are evil), I present my own experience positively. I talk about the joys of extended nursing, and how convenient and snuggly co-sleeping is. I feel like, even if most of the people don't go to the lengths that I do, I am making a difference. Before I got there, no one spoke about nursing beyond 18 months in any kind of positive light, or how comfort nursing is fine. Now, there are a bunch of extended nursers, people sleeping with their babies, deciding not to wean at 6 months, etc. I feel like I have made a difference, by not making waves, but just presenting the ideas in a non-judgemental way.

The thing I have come away with in the last 4 years of parenting is that there are many ways to skin a cat. There are lots of ways to conceive, birth, and raise a child that end up with a happy, healthy, confident, effective adult at the end.


Bec

[pajara2]

Originally Posted by mamatoady

A good doctor wouldn't perscribe clomid after just a couple months of trying to a perfectly healthy woman,

Well....I don't know if he's a 'good doctor' or not. But I have a friend on yet a different board, who's insurance would pay for 3 AIs at a Reproductive Endocrinologist. This is a young (late 20s, early 30s) woman, with regular cycles, and a reasonably lengthed LP, and no family history of Gyn issues. Her doctor said that since insurance would cover it, let's go full guns. She had a million fertility tests run, all normal, then was on clomid with trigger shots, then had IUI at the REs.

So I know of one doctor that will jump right on this band wagon.

BUT...I also feel that women are at liberty to be as educated as they choose, and make whatever decisions are right for them. I am happy for any woman that realizes her dream of becoming a mother, whatever path she chooses. That said, I stay away from the FF boards, because they also make me crazy.