Is escapism through reading bad?

[OTMomma]

I just want someone elses opinion on this. I have a friend who's 10 year old dd is an avid reader. From what I understand she would prefer to read a book over doing about anything else. I think I was that kind of child, and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. But my friend (who does not like to read btw) thinks it is bad and makes a point of telling her dd things to do to keep her from reading so much.

So, my question is- Do you think a child can read "too much"?
All of the books she is reading are age appropriate, not vulgar or overly adult, or anything like that.

[philomom]

Me, too. Things were chilly in my own family growing up. Easier to ride my biKe or stick my nose in a book. I finished college and have a few very good friends in this life and a warm, loving family that I co-created. I think this is fine, to stick one's nose in a book.

My own dd is like this, genetics? I only insist that she not read at dinner and that she emerge once in awhile to help me with cooking and evening chores.

[TeaBag]

Just my thoughts...

I was that kind of kid. I still am, to an extent. Do I think it's harmful? Nope. I learned tons from reading. However, in my case, I would get so *into* my books that I would not hear anything going on around me. Honestly. My mom would call me and I wouldn't ignore her, I *didn't hear her!* My dh got me a set of time travel, romance novels for Christmas last year. He regretted it. I was the same way. I hadn't read anything just for myself in so long, that I literally transport myself into the books. I don't hear anything, I don't see anything, except the story. So, unless it's dangerous....I imagine if there'd been a fire and I'd been in my room reading, would I have heard the smoke detectors? I don't know. Truly....I don't know.....

But as long as it's age appropriate material, I *want* my kids to read, to love to read, to enjoy learning anything they can from a book. I think if one of them ends up like I was/am, it will concern me, only for safety reasons.

again, just my thoughts.

[cresorchid]

Encourage the girl!

I'm with everyone else here. I wouldn't be surprised to find that your friend was an athlete or has other kids who are athletes and wants her daughter to follow that path. Either that or found reading difficult and is uncomfortable with her daughter's talent at something she found so difficult. Like it or not, we are all individuals, with our own interests and hobbies.

Like the other posters, I have always been an avid reader–and I could get so completely involved in books that I didn't see or hear what was going on around me. If you ask me, parents of readers like that ought to be grateful– their kids aren't getting into trouble or addicted to video games. There may be some positives to video games, but I don't think they are nearly as educational as reading can be.

[catnip]

I agree. as long as she is interacting with the family, doesn't show other signs of depression that would otherwise send up red flags, and getting some exercise, reading is great. My favorite thing in the world to do when I was ten was make a pbj, grab a book (or 2) and go sit in a tree and read all day. Maybe get a hammock in the back yard so she can get fresh air and read? Encourage this!

[Lillian J]

I had an acquaintance who behaved that way toward her one son who was an avid reader. The family had a focus on sports and on "social" competence in the mainstream way, so gave lots of good strokes to their other kids who all fell into that camp. It was very sad. That boy was gifted in a number of ways that were honored in that family. The family pressures did not change him - they only damaged his confidence. It's not fair to try to squelch the individuality of a child that way. Who knows where that girl might be headed? A great writer? A briilliant lawyer working to help the unfortunate? A diplomat? If she's repected for who she is, and supported in developing her interests, she can bloom in whatever way she was meant to bloom rather than being stunted in some pale imitation of someone else's idea of who she should be. It must be hard for you to watch - I wish you the best.

[Laziza]

Hmmm, that's interesting. I was exactly like your friend's DD when I was younger (still am, to a certain extent) and my father was like your friend. The problem was that he saw it as antisocial. Which, OK, fine, but it wasn't on purpose. I just LIKED to read, and reading is, by definition, a solitary activity. If I LIKED to play board games, I would have been pestering him to play all the time, you know? Anyway, no, I absolutely don't think there's anything wrong with it. I have friends, I go out, DH and I talk all day. I also have a good vocabulary, and I write for a living.

[KoalaMommy]

I read tons as a child. I find that my vocabulary is larger than my peers. I write better than most people I know. Though I am dislexic, I am a better speller ( though not necessarily typer :LOL ) than most of my colleagues. I interested in other people and cultures. I think I have a heightened sense of empathy. I truly believe this is because of all the time I spent reading.

And by the way, I majored in literature in college, graduated Magna Cum Laude and I don't read much anymore, I guess I burned out on reading.

I don't think it hurt me one bit to spend hours with my nose in a book!

[Lillian J]

And I just had another thought. Maybe it is indeed a from of "escapism" - from a family situation in which her individual nature is not being cherished and nourished. - Lillian

[Lillian J]

And I just had another thought. Maybe it is indeed a from of "escapism" - from a family situation in which her individual nature is not being cherished and nourished. - Lillian

[zinemama]

Read too much?! No, no, no!

I was a solitary child who read all the time as a child. And when problems came along in my family (nasty, long divorce), I was well set-up to escape from the noise. Not that this is the only justification for being a reader! However, my parents were readers, too, so they saw my reading as normal. I can understand why a non-reading parent might have concerns, but there's nothing she can or should do. Once someone is a reader, that's that!

I have an excellent vocabulary, I'm a writer, I grew up and went off to foreign lands in search of adventure, just as so many protagonists of my books did, and I learned so much more about life and the world than I would have if I'd spent those hours watching tv or shoplifting lipstick from Woolworth. Or playing sports (shudder). It's true, I have turned out to be a literary snob, but we all have our faults.

Your friend's dd may well turn out to be a late-bloomer, as many readers do. But so what? Wouldn't the mom prefer that, anyway? My mom fretted over my lack of social life, but I just wasn't that way as a kid. And neither may this kid be. But if she's happy, so what?

Speaking as a former English teacher, there is a regrettable lack of readers these days, and your friend should be proud that she's raising one.

Edited to add: I didn't mean to imply that the alternative to reading is shoplifting from Woolworth. It's just what my non-reader friends did.

[PikkuMyy]

There was a thread on this a while back where, I believe, the OP was worried that her daughter was reading too much. I say, NO SUCH THING!!! (Yes, I shout it!)

As an only child, I was an avid reader and still am, married to another avid reader. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as she isn't reading because she has social issues that are preventing her from playing with friends and needs help with those issues, etc.

I'm always so sad to hear of parents not supporting their children's desire to read. I could have done it all day and still can.

[OTMomma]

Thank you all for your input. Its nice to know I'm not the only one that thinks reading is a blessing. Dh and I have given this dc books for Christmas every year since she was born, as we think books are wonderful.

The girl, M., does have symptoms of real depression and she really is using the books to escape, I believe. Her parents have discussed sending her to counseling, but have yet to follow through. The mother I mentioned above, is her step-mom, her original mother died when she was 4. Her father remarried when she was 6 and she now has an little brother who is almost 3 and there will be a new baby in the family in July. I'm pretty sure she was read to every day of her life until her dad remarried.

I do think part of what she is escaping is not being honored and respected for being who she is. She is a wonderful girl, who I wish I could help more.

[captain crunchy]

Wow, the concept of reading *too much* is SO foreign to me!

My mom was always an avid reader, as far back as I can remember she always had a book in her hand....but at the same time she is very social, has lots of friends, does outside activities etc. She just LOVED to read, it was her way of discovering the whole world without having to leave the comfort of home I guess--among other things.

I was an avid reader too, and still am. My husband is as well. We become like zombies when we are engrossed in a good book and while we don't read as much as either of us would like, we love nothing more than snuggling next to eachother on the couch, each with a book, reading the other a few really good lines every few minutes (I guess we are terribly boring!!! lol)

Life is about balance though. In addition, we do go out, have friends, have a full life, have our daughter etc...
Even if the girl is depressed, which I think is a shame and she should get some help for and her parents should respect who she is and be kinder and more enouraging of who she is etc---my goodness, if the WORST thing she is doing is reading a lot, everyone should consider themselves thankful ya know?

Perhaps if reading is her way of escaping and you would like to help her, maybe give her a few books as gifts that you feel she could relate to, whether fiction or otherwise...? Are you in a position to become a *mentor* to her, like take her out to lunch once a month or something or somewhere fun to give her some special attention?

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by OTMomma

The mother I mentioned above, is her step-mom, her original mother died when she was 4. Her father remarried when she was 6 and she now has an little brother who is almost 3 and there will be a new baby in the family in July. I'm pretty sure she was read to every day of her life until her dad remarried.

Oh, my gosh. It's hard to imagine even imagine what all this must have felt like inside that little girl. Her world blown away. It sure puts a lot of our own problems into perspective. I hope you will be able to be a special friend to her - and that her reading will continue to provide nurturance. How fortunate for her that she at least has that. I hope her stepmom gets some counseling to understand how to provide the kind of support and nurturing this child needs. - Lillian

[liliesandliars]

There's no such thing as reading too much. Children learn different ways... if this girl decides that the way she wants to learn is through reading, I believe she should be left alone with her choice. LOL, who am I kidding... if she were my daughter, I'd buy her every single book she asks for. Books are a precious resource and I'd be glad if any child of mine used it as a form of escapism.

When she begins to lose touch with the real world, she'll come back.

[AmyAngel]

I was a voracious reader as a child - my books, mom's books, library books, magazines, the back of the cereal box, etc. I also would get so into what I was reading that I couldn't hear anything going on around me. I would read at the dinner table, before school, during school, in the car, on the bus after school (missed my stop once doing that!), in bed with a flashlight, etc. I also got plenty of playing outside time, but I really loved to read. Now I have a larger vocabulary than many of my friends, am a pretty good speller and usually have fairly decent grammar. I also am pretty good at trivia games! I still read a ton, it's just mostly online, now.

If this girl seriously has depression, she should see someone about treating it, but I don't think reading should be discouraged. I don't think there's any such thing as reading too much. There's so much that can be learned through reading - even fluffy fiction books teach spelling and vocabulary by osmosis.

It really freaks me out when I go in someone's house and they don't have any books. I just find that strange!

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by AmyAngel

It really freaks me out when I go in someone's house and they don't have any books. I just find that strange!

This made me laugh out loud - I have exactly the same reaction. - Lillian

[Britishmum]

One of my most painful childhood memories is of being made to feel odd for reading 'too much'.

Only one person supported me in my reading joy - an elderly neighbour. Other than that, I was ridiculed and on my own.

Until I went to college to study literature, I felt alone and 'odd'. The message that everyone gave me about myself certainly stuck. I still love to read and always have four or so books 'on the go' at a time. Plus regular papers etc. I made my living from my talent with language and writing - and finally now my family don't seem to view me as being dysfunctional.

[Ruthla]

I set some limits with my girls' reading- for example, no reading while walking to the car (put the bookmark in, close the book, watch where your'e walking, buckle up, and THEN you can continue to read, otherwise you take too long to get into the car!!) I also don't let them read at the dinner table if we're eating as a family. We do that several times a week, but there are also days when I'll eat in front of the computer and let them eat while reading or watching TV : I also have a problem if they read so much that homework doesn't get done, and on nice days I encourage them to play outside for a while (or at least take the book outside and read there!!)

Overall, I think reading is a positive thing and should be encouraged. One thing I find wonderful is when my children and I read the same books (ex: Harry Potter) so we can talk about the books together. I try to read all their books after they read them, even if they don't particularly interest me.