I don't know what to do (VERY LONG)

[Pagan_princess]

Ok first of all here is some past history on the situation. My four year old daughter was diagnosed with Lead Posioning when she was 1 1/2. She got it from the apartment that we live in.

I didn't know that lead was even a problem anymore. I had thought that the whole lead thing was over in the 80's. My landlord knew that the house had it here and that he was supposed to inform any of his tenet's that have children. I was 8 months pregnant with her and Collyn was 3, so he obviously knew that I had kids.

Well, her lead level at her highest was 47.4. A lead level of over 10 is considered to be high. She had to into the hospital for 6 days and have chelation to get the lead reduced. Her last test before she started school this year was 3.2, so she is ALOT better and has improved that way.

I sued my old landlords and have a comfortable settlement for her. It is in a trust fund for when she turns 18.

When this all first happened we were told of many of the possible problems that she could have as she got older. Mental retardation, learning disabilities, ADHD, stunted growth, total lose of appetite, sterility, and severe behavioral problems.

Well, thankfully her mental status has never been affected. She is in her second year of head start and is off the "norm" charts. But, her behavior on the other hand is very very hard to handle.

She has these tantrums and she totally "flips" She is four and when she gets angry she does everything from trying to hurt herself by banging her head on things, to hurting her sister, screaming at everyone in the house, trashing everything in her room, trying to break her glasses, and that is just the start of it. It doesn't sound like it's so bad when I type it here, but you really just have to witness it.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't believe in spankings and timeouts and privledge taking away doesn't work with her. I just don't know how to discipline her effectively. And I know that alot of it is not her fault because of what she has gone through. I used to think that it was just my parenting skills or lack there of. Maybe because that is what my ex DH has put into my head forever now, but she is the same way with him and everywhere she goes. Except in school. I have thought about taking her out of school , and to homeschool her so she can get the one on one attention, but she loves it so much. (once she actually gets there, trying to get her there in the morning is a struggle) I am trying to get her into some kind of counseling or theapy or something that might be able to help her.

Or maybe I need the therapy. I just wish that I could help her. I hate seeing her get like that. It totally breaks my heart seeing her get like that, and knowing that she needs a contructive way to vent her frustratations. I am seeking help with the school in trying to find ways to help her. If anyone else has any ideas or information on dealing with the after effects of lead posioning please let me know. Anything would help. I am at my wit's end here and am feeling like a pretty bad mama lately.

[zo's ma]

You said she's doing really well in school and that's it's the only place she behaves and she loves it....I would really rethink the thoughts on pulling her, i'd leave her be and work on the other issues first. Sorry mama I don't have any experience or advice.

[e&r]

This may sound silly, but if she doesn't have these issues at school is there a way that you could observe her class (either when she isn't there, or through a "hidden" window or something) to get an idea of how the teacher is managing the class? Also, can you talk to her teacher? She/he knows your dd and you might get some valuable advice from her/him.

A behavioral specialist with a gentle discipline slant might also be a good idea. I know of two families who used the same one (a wonderful and insightful man) for years with special needs children with behavior issues. He worked with them for years because, of course, the children would get older and the challenges would change. He was also sometimes just a sounding block for the parents.

Both of these families benefitted greatly from this.

Good luck with this difficult situation.
Ellen

[Gendenwitha]

My son had horrible tantrums, where he was SCREAMING completely inconsolable and they became less frequent, and finally (knock on wood) went away by the time he was about five. (Some tantrums now but not the same intensity)

However, he still has some odd behavior like being very picky about clothing. (VERY, no sweaters, no sweatshirts, no bumpy zippers, etc). When he was three he got some Red 40 (which we'd avoided for general purposes) and went completely wild. We avoided it even more after that. When he was fiive he went into a screaming fit banging his head against walls for 30 minutes. Then told me afterwards, "Sometimes my brain wants me to kill myself, but I"m not going to". This tantrum was sparked by my washing his hair, with a new shampoo, that was loaded with Red 40.

I've heard similar stories in reading about the Fiengold diet, which is why I started avoiding Red 40 to begin with, but different kids have different triggers. Just something to think about.