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Loved my intrathecal! No natural childbirth for me EVER again! - Page 10

post #181 of 225
On the subject of birth rape;

I attended as a doula a woman having her second baby. With the first, she got a huge episiotomy that took months to heal properly. She was pretty flexible with her hospital birth, but she was firm about one thing only: NO episiotomy.
her OB and her nurse were well aware of this, as she had written a birth plan and discussed at length with the OB her fears of having another epi.
Anyway, she's pushing, and stretching nicely. Between every push, she gasped to her doctor, "Remember, don't cut me. Please, whatever you do, don't cut me!"
Her doc kept saying, "Stop worrying about that! Just push!"

Then I saw him pick up the scissors.

I looked him in the eye, and mouthed, "Don't you dare cut her!"
He gave me a smirk, yes, a smirk, and proceeded to cut her right into her anus.
She screamed the most heart wrenching scream I have ever heard.
What ensued after got me banned from that hospital as a doula, but whatever.

The point is, here she is, lying on her back, legs wide open, at her most vulnerable moment. Here is a male in a position of authority, standing between her open legs, with cutting tools at his disposal. Despite her pleas, he abused her trust in him, dis-respected her wishes, violated her most womanly parts, and committed an act of violence, for no other reason than to prove to all and sundry that he was the one in control, that he held the power of mutilating her vagina or keeping it intact in his hands, and there wasn't jack she could do about it.
Not only would she have to bear the physical pain of that episiotomy (more like a vaginal cesarean, IMO) for months, but she will have to bear the psychological and emotional trauma of having her doctor, whom she trusted with her well-being, betray her and violently assualt her.
She could not hold still for the repair, and despite her objections, got demerol injected into her IV. (She said that she had severe reactions to demerol, it made her violently ill and she could still feel everything, so her OB told her either she took the demerol or he was going to leave her split wide open.) She reacted to the demerol like she said, vomiting all over herself and screaming from the pain she was helpless to escape.
post #182 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by sevenkids
On the subject of birth rape;

I attended as a doula a woman having her second baby. With the first, she got a huge episiotomy that took months to heal properly. She was pretty flexible with her hospital birth, but she was firm about one thing only: NO episiotomy.
her OB and her nurse were well aware of this, as she had written a birth plan and discussed at length with the OB her fears of having another epi.
Anyway, she's pushing, and stretching nicely. Between every push, she gasped to her doctor, "Remember, don't cut me. Please, whatever you do, don't cut me!"
Her doc kept saying, "Stop worrying about that! Just push!"

Then I saw him pick up the scissors.

I looked him in the eye, and mouthed, "Don't you dare cut her!"
He gave me a smirk, yes, a smirk, and proceeded to cut her right into her anus.
She screamed the most heart wrenching scream I have ever heard.
What ensued after got me banned from that hospital as a doula, but whatever.

The point is, here she is, lying on her back, legs wide open, at her most vulnerable moment. Here is a male in a position of authority, standing between her open legs, with cutting tools at his disposal. Despite her pleas, he abused her trust in him, dis-respected her wishes, violated her most womanly parts, and committed an act of violence, for no other reason than to prove to all and sundry that he was the one in control, that he held the power of mutilating her vagina or keeping it intact in his hands, and there wasn't jack she could do about it.
Not only would she have to bear the physical pain of that episiotomy (more like a vaginal cesarean, IMO) for months, but she will have to bear the psychological and emotional trauma of having her doctor, whom she trusted with her well-being, betray her and violently assualt her.
She could not hold still for the repair, and despite her objections, got demerol injected into her IV. (She said that she had severe reactions to demerol, it made her violently ill and she could still feel everything, so her OB told her either she took the demerol or he was going to leave her split wide open.) She reacted to the demerol like she said, vomiting all over herself and screaming from the pain she was helpless to escape.
Right and thats about it, I dont think its wise to dispute the modality of a rape.. as we can see scissors or penis or whatever! rape is rape.. a violation of one against their will that leaves them helpless to fight their attacker.


That poor woman.. did she have any recourse sevenkids? could she sue him?
post #183 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by emmabella
Wow, some of you gals are nasty. .
Hmm..I didn't notice any "nasty" responces...most of us were clarifying our view.
I do thank you for your clarification, but I still don't think that when a women describes her birth experience as being like a rape, that she is using the term "lightly". Rape IS a strong word, and often the only word that even comes CLOSE to describing how violated a woman felt after a traumatic birth experience. I don't think it demeans the word at all. JMO
post #184 of 225


What a horrible, horrible thing to have happened 7.
post #185 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmuma

That poor woman.. did she have any recourse sevenkids? could she sue him?
I encouraged her to write a letter of complaint to the cheif of obstetrics, and cc it to FOGS (Florida Ob/Gyn Society) ACOG, AHCA (association for health care administration) and several other groups, but it didn't get too far. He of course, stated she was non-compliant and her baby was in danger and that her doula (me) was interfering and influencing her against medically appropriate treatment.
This particular hospital has one of the highest maternal/infant morbidity rates in south Florida.
post #186 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasabi
Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're writing here ...
I’m very concerned that you may have misunderstood me but I think you would if you read it in the context of why I posted that story I think you would understand.

If you’re still not sure why I posted what I did or what I meant or what I think my friends feelings are about, please, please ask because you are definitely misunderstanding me.

Please let me know about this because I really hate to be misunderstood about things of a personal nature. Please let me know.

Please feel free to question me and why I posted or even ask me to edit but please don’t question my friend’s feelings. Sorry, maybe it was not appropriate to mention them.

Urgh…what a bad feeling.
post #187 of 225
ICM, It is your friend's feelings and you chimed in. I don't think it was anything inappropriate at all. You were just speaking from another POV you have seen.
post #188 of 225
Quote:


However, I do think it comes down to language (perhaps its limitations) and allowing people to label their experiences according to how they feel.

But I wanted to tell you that I, I…well, I don’t think I understand your feelings…but I just wanted to tell you my experience with my friend.
I shared that story not to agree with the feelings but to recognize that maybe sensitivity to the word rape is common with survivors. That's all.

I thought it would be helpful. I was just trying to help.


I hadn’t realized that mention the story would bring my friend’s feelings into question. That was a mistake.




BTW, I made a mistake while trying to quote myself and hit the edit button on the post in question.
post #189 of 225
OMG 7, that story is absolutely horrific.
post #190 of 225
I got what you were trying to say. I'm just not all there right now.
post #191 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by sevenkids
On the subject of birth rape;

I attended as a doula a woman having her second baby. With the first, she got a huge episiotomy that took months to heal properly. She was pretty flexible with her hospital birth, but she was firm about one thing only: NO episiotomy.
her OB and her nurse were well aware of this, as she had written a birth plan and discussed at length with the OB her fears of having another epi.
Anyway, she's pushing, and stretching nicely. Between every push, she gasped to her doctor, "Remember, don't cut me. Please, whatever you do, don't cut me!"
Her doc kept saying, "Stop worrying about that! Just push!"

Then I saw him pick up the scissors.

I looked him in the eye, and mouthed, "Don't you dare cut her!"
He gave me a smirk, yes, a smirk, and proceeded to cut her right into her anus.
She screamed the most heart wrenching scream I have ever heard.
What ensued after got me banned from that hospital as a doula, but whatever.

The point is, here she is, lying on her back, legs wide open, at her most vulnerable moment. Here is a male in a position of authority, standing between her open legs, with cutting tools at his disposal. Despite her pleas, he abused her trust in him, dis-respected her wishes, violated her most womanly parts, and committed an act of violence, for no other reason than to prove to all and sundry that he was the one in control, that he held the power of mutilating her vagina or keeping it intact in his hands, and there wasn't jack she could do about it.
Not only would she have to bear the physical pain of that episiotomy (more like a vaginal cesarean, IMO) for months, but she will have to bear the psychological and emotional trauma of having her doctor, whom she trusted with her well-being, betray her and violently assualt her.
She could not hold still for the repair, and despite her objections, got demerol injected into her IV. (She said that she had severe reactions to demerol, it made her violently ill and she could still feel everything, so her OB told her either she took the demerol or he was going to leave her split wide open.) She reacted to the demerol like she said, vomiting all over herself and screaming from the pain she was helpless to escape.



HOLY $H!T I'm sick! Please tell me she sued the hell out of that SOB????!!!!
post #192 of 225
Quote:
Then I saw him pick up the scissors.
I'm beginning to wonder how common this is. I know it happened to one freind of mine- she had made it clear to her doctor that she didn't want a episiotomy and afterwards, her doc told her she tore, but another freind was in the room at the time and watched him cut her. My freind giving birth was never told what really happened, but it makes me sick to wonder how many women are being violated and they don't even know.
post #193 of 225
I'm gasping at the story told by sevenkids. Unbelievable.

ICM I'm sure feeling sensitive about the use of the word is common among most/all rape survivors. I was just having trouble with the part about feeling other rape victims weren't allowed to have ownership of that word unless they were raped a certain way which I would imagine would be incredibly hurtful to those victims. But I'm relieved that I misunderstood what you were posting.
post #194 of 225
That birth rape story made me so angry. I don't know what you did to get yourself banned, sevenkids, but I hope it comes close to what I would like to say/do to that doctor.
post #195 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by famousmockngbrd
That birth rape story made me so angry. I don't know what you did to get yourself banned, sevenkids, but I hope it comes close to what I would like to say/do to that doctor.
basically a screaming match with the doctor that nearly turned to blows until a nurse called security and had me removed :

I thought about waiting in the parking lot for him (harkening back to my thug days) but my dh talked me out of it after I called him fuming and crying.
I'm still really hurt by that birth, even though it was years ago.
post #196 of 225
I think that stories as flat out horrifying as sevenkids are rare, but I think unfortunately that stuff similar to this happens all the time.
I have a friend TTC #2 who made a special appt with her doc the first time to discuss the fact that she did not want an episiotomy under any circumstances. He told her he would "try" and would not make any kind of commitment. During delivery, he cut a midline episiotomy telling her her "vagina was just too small." She pushed 26 minutes for a 6 lb 9 oz baby. She actually healed pretty well, and did not have a lot of discomfort. However, she now believes that she just has "too small of a vagina" and her episiotomy was truly needed, when really that doc just cuts everybody and never had any intention of honoring her wishes. (I practice at the same hospital)
I think this type of situation happens all the time - and women are left to feel that their bodies are inadequate and faulty, and thank goodness the doc was there to save them.
post #197 of 225
sevenkids . . .

OMG. That is just beyond horrible.

ETA: To the OP . . .This is what I think. I think I can't judge you or your actions, period. I think it would be ridiculous of me to assume that the way you and I experience pain is the same, so how can I put myself in your place?

I don't even have a problem with you mentioning how happy you were with your decisions for the 2nd birth on this forum . . .I can see how people would be, because this type of thing is all too common on mainstream boards (extolling the benefits of such a birth), and it seems frustrating to deal with it here. But, I look at your post and realize that I am LUCKY that I didn't have that kind of labor experience (like your 1st), and I credit my body for that (not the horrible residents at the hospital).
post #198 of 225
I hope that doctor is not still practicing medicine. Routine episiotomies are one thing (and bad enough), but that was downright sadistic.

OK, so... ten pages into this thread, I have to ask - what exactly *is* an intrathecal???? I assume it's like an epidural but I have never heard this term before. Can someone enlighten me?
post #199 of 225
it just means "in the spine" and is used in this context to mean what is usually called an epidural (epidural means "next to the dura").
post #200 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by doctorjen
He told her he would "try" and would not make any kind of commitment. During delivery, he cut a midline episiotomy telling her her "vagina was just too small." She pushed 26 minutes for a 6 lb 9 oz baby. She actually healed pretty well, and did not have a lot of discomfort.
Same thing happened with my #2. I did leave it up to him since I put it that I'd preferred not to have an epis (I was only 18 and still not really realizing these were my choices). When the time came as he was cutting me he just said that I needed one and I said ok. Didn't think a thing of it. At that point I didn't even realize choosing to tear was really an option. I was lucky and did not have trouble healing and I don't think it was a big cut but still. I think unfortunately this does happen to a lot of women.
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