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post #1 of 76
Thread Starter 
Ok, I know it is silly... but after seeing L-word that term just kinda stuck to me :LOL

But can you tell who is gay? How?
post #2 of 76
Hard to say. With women it's usually the way they act. It's hard to judge by appearance alone.

With men, it's more the way they dress (groom). They usually look so much better than straight men.
post #3 of 76
Well, I'm not a gay mama... but I have bi feelings (so I hope it is okay to post in here!) and for me it is just a feeling I get about someone. You know the way you can tell that someone is looking at you as more than just another person? Not like checking out, its different than that, but similar. I can tell if a woman is looking at me that way the same way if a guy is.

I don't have gaydar for men though. I think its 'cause I'm a girl
post #4 of 76
Some people are just more stereotypically "gay" than others. kwim? Women are more difficult than men to me...go figure.

But with many men who do not fit the STEREOTYPE-it is their mouths-think Jimmy Fallon (I say he is bi).
post #5 of 76
For me, with women, it's usually the way I find myself reacting to their presence. It's weird ( or maybe not since they actually have a term for it!), but I'm extrememly accurate!
post #6 of 76
Thread Starter 
Guys are so much easier for me to tell, dress, mannerism etc.

With girls it is the way we interact with one another. The tone of voice used. Touching while talking is indictive for me too, like our shoulders touched while sitting next to each other. Eye contact is big, seems that those who are gay will look me in the eye much more (but I've found one who WOULDN'T look me in the eye, but it was because she was very nervous around me). Dress really means nothing, but I have noticed a trend in styles for the lesbians in my area. And there is just energy there that I can pick up on.

So how can you tell that 100% someone is straight? I just thought of this because on another forum I posted that if you have kids in tow someone automatically assumes your straight. But is there anything that for sure you just know they are not gay?
post #7 of 76
My gayday is legendarily inaccurate.

Sooooooo, I went back to just accepting people as people.

Debra Baker
post #8 of 76
Thread Starter 
Yea but if your gay, you wanna find others who are.... at least I do since I'm dating...
post #9 of 76
Originally Posted by wemoon
So how can you tell that 100% someone is straight?
: I don't think that anyone is 100% straight
post #10 of 76
I agree with you Black Orchid. :LOL

And yes I have gaydar. I think actually it's a way of reading a combination of signs: outside of the norm mannerisms, queer culturally specific ways of dressing and slang, particular political views, the absence of heteronormative language (like not identifying the gender of partners, etc)... all rolled into a person's vibe.

I know a transgender kid who says she has "gen-dar." :LOL
post #11 of 76
My daughter, Jennifer, may be confused with the term.

There were so many "Jens" in her classes they sort of developed a Jenn Look and "Jenndar"

I kid you not.

I mistake a lot of straight chicks for gay I guess they may be bi.

As in my gaydar may not be as bad as I might imagine

post #12 of 76
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Black Orchid
: I don't think that anyone is 100% straight

That may be true! I kinda wonder that too.
post #13 of 76
My theory has been that another gay person holds your gaze for a nanosecond (not an exact accounting ) longer than 'straight' people. Not really long enough to conciously notice, but it triggers something in my brain that says....ding ding Family...

My gaydar is in the high 90%s for accuracy.

This is an interesting topic...
post #14 of 76
You feel like you see something of yourself? Something indefinable...
post #15 of 76
Well, my DD and I are both bi ... and both have absolutely no "gaydar". Which is tough, because we're both shy with women unless we're pretty darn sure they're interested ... darn, darn, darn ... is "gaydar" a hereditary trait? Is it something one can learn? If so, can any of you tell me where I can find classes?

Although I have to say I am frequently attracted to bi men!
post #16 of 76
Mine's pretty accurate, well, as far as I know!

I agree that is is often in the way someone looks at you, holding your gaze for an extra nanosecond. It's just like the way you can tell the difference between a guy who is friendly and a guy who is attracted to you even if he says nothing obvious.

Even when someone is not necessarily attracted to you, there's often something there in their eyes when they look at you, sort of a, "yep, you're one too!" look. Hard to explain. But that's why this works for me even if the person in question is not attracted to me or if it's a gay man rather than a woman.

DB, I like your "Jenndar" idea!!! I feel the same way about being Jewish. I can always tell when someone else is, or is not. It's so easy.
post #17 of 76
Around here, people only seem to have gaydar for women who are kinda "out" looking in their appearance (i.e. that just off the basketball court/golf course/womyn's music festival/ look).

My partner and I get no notice as gay mommies since we look like any other moms on the street. Even when we are saying loudly "let mommy and momma hold your hand" to our son.
The other day at the bookstore a lesbian couple held the door open for me and the baby, and I was trying to give them some kind of secret signal that we were ones too. I know they had no idea why I was trying to make eye contact!

I have been thinking of putting a HRC equal sign on the diaper bag or something!
post #18 of 76
This is a great thread! I'm not allowed to use my gaydar without supervision. It just isn't reliable and I'm usually pretty clueless when it comes to identifying anyone as family. The joke with my circle of friends is, that like one's driver's license, I have restrictions on my family card and it can be taken if I don't use my gaydar with supervision... :LOL
post #19 of 76
Duh, editing dumb doublepost
post #20 of 76
The = doesn't mean you're gay, does it? I thought it just ment you were about equality and justice.

There are two guys that take a little boy to my dd's Kindergarten every day. They're really cool, really seem tuned into the boy. They sometimes ride their bikes and can be seen riding home holding the tiny Kindergartener's bike.

I've told them that they really bless me (particularly with the bikes) and they set off my gaydar. (I didn't tell them about the gaydar)

There is no way for me to know whether they're gay or straight and I suppose it doesn't really matter whether I know (if you know what I mean.) My gaydar is so completely useless and I end up just telling myself that it doesn't matter, just treat everyone nicely and the details don't make a hill of beans' difference.

But, then gain, I would like to know just because I'm curious.

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