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*Gaydar*??? - Page 2

post #21 of 76
Just found this post in a "new posts" search. I'm straight and so I am barging in here.

I think I have developed pretty good gaydar for men, but it was learned rather than intuitive. Maybe it was a bit of both. I grew up in a rural area and went to a Catholic College, so I probably would have needed a burning house to fall on me to get the message back in those days. In fact, my good friend and college roommate is gay and it took her coming out to me sometime after college for me to get the message. Looking back, I just laugh at myself and my naivete. She really made it very clear to anyone with any sense.

Then I headed to grad school at IU Bloomington. I am told that Bloomington has the largest per capita gay population after San Francisco. Anyhoo, I lived around a number of gay men there for about nine months before I got the message. (Like I said, I was very naive.) Then became good friends with a gay man and learned a lot about the culture. I was open to learning but had no access to the information before and did not seek it out. My friend Stewart perhaps made it a point to educate me or perhaps I just picked the info up hanging out with a lot of gay men. So I tend to have a good deal of accuracy with men, but I'm married now and out of the game, so I don't know why I would possibly need the info.
post #22 of 76
I'm, um, 'straight.' LOL Married to a man and we have a son. I've been intimate with women on numerous occasions, though have never had a relationship with one. I never really refer to myself as 'bi' but am definitely not straight. I think I have really good gaydar. My accuracy seems to be pretty good, at least when I have the opportunity to find out for sure after my internal notification goes off.
I find that they shoot me with the gaydar gun too. I definitely get the eyes held longer than average by a lot of women and feel a distinct sexual tension when the attraction is there. No doubt, gaydar is alive and well.

It's fun to have that sexual tension. It was there with my roommate in college, who had been my friend since 8th grade. Heck, the tension is STILL there when we get together. Feels good!!!
post #23 of 76
Moving this to TAO.
post #24 of 76
I have a happily married bi friend who says it's all in the hips when they dance.
post #25 of 76

Well, there's always the direct approach

Originally Posted by wemoon
Yea but if your gay, you wanna find others who are.... at least I do since I'm dating...
Classmate of mine in Japanese class has a hat with pins that basically say "I'm lesbian, if you have a problem with it it's *your* problem" But then, she's very political.

So get some rainbow jewelry and let them hit on you.
post #26 of 76
Wemoon is hot. I think everyone is hitting on her. At least I would be.

I have pretty good gaydar. I think for me it comes down to being observant about people. Men are easier than women IMO. But I pay attention to mannerisms, dress, conduct and how they present themselves.

Wemoon, I feel you. I could not get a date if I tried being a single mama with a toddler in tow twenty four hours a day. We should just move in together and save ourselves the trouble.
post #27 of 76
My gaydar is pretty good but thats probably alot to do with the way people react to me. I look like a total lesbian cliche... so i often get the 'i know that you are, i am too kinda look' from both women and men.
post #28 of 76
I'm usually fairly accurate. I think often too there is a certain body type, not with all lesbians for sure, but in a good number and it makes me wonder how anyone can say being gay is a choice. I have a very good friend who is a lesbian, frankly, she's built more like a man and she just simply looks like she is gay. It doesn't matter what she wears, it still comes out. I remember at a business function she was blown away that anyone knew she was gay-couldn't figure it out, after all, she hadn't even told anyone. She was in a business suit much like the one I was wearing, but there's just something there. Actually the first time we met, she was a friend of a friend of mine and we all went to a bar to see a band play. I came in, sat at the table and even though there were 5 women there I didn't know, I turned to her and said "Oh you must be Marilynn, I've heard so much about you, glad we could finally meet!"

So Wemoon, my friend Marilynn is single.....nice girl.....just a good sh!t all round.....likes kids but doesn't have any....she's a lawyer......who speciallizes in family law.....she'd have more money but more than half of what she does she does pro-bono because she said she went to law school to help people, not to be rich....
post #29 of 76
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by AdinaL
Moving this to TAO.

Whoa, what was the voe for? I feel a little exposed right now.... I thought I was posting this in Queer Parenting for a reason? Single mom, Queer, Trying to Date? Egads.

And Meco, I would love to live with you. We would be a hot couple!
post #30 of 76
My gaydar is good, but not great. My most notorious failure was not knowing Rosie O'Donnell was a lesbian until she officially came out. In my defense, I clearly had never met her in person!

As someone said earlier in the thread, it's a combination of signals. Unless you really think about it, you can't identify each one. It's almost like instinct, like is talked about in The Gift of Fear. You aren't consciously analyzing the details, but your brain is seeing them and identifying them.
post #31 of 76
Originally Posted by wemoon
Whoa, what was the voe for? I feel a little exposed right now.... I thought I was posting this in Queer Parenting for a reason? Single mom, Queer, Trying to Date? Egads.
ditto, this does not belong in TAO
post #32 of 76
I'm sorry you feel exposed. That sucks.

I am usually right but I am so paranoid about being wrong that I ignore it.

I had a good friend in Tucson - when we first met I was pretty sure he was gay but I hated to assume, yk? Which is pretty funny looking back because it didn't take a degree in sociology to figure out he was gay, he was pretty "out" about it. We were playing chess at a coffee shop one day and I flat out asked him if he was. He looked at me like I had 2 heads, said, "nooooooooooo," really sarcastically and rolled his eyes. :LOL So I guess he was.
post #33 of 76
Originally Posted by wemoon
Guys are so much easier for me to tell, dress, mannerism etc.
Same here.

With girls it is the way we interact with one another. The tone of voice used. Touching while talking is indictive for me too, like our shoulders touched while sitting next to each other.
I've also noticed this. It's just a "vibe". Sometimes I've been wrong, but mostly I was right

So how can you tell that 100% someone is straight? I just thought of this because on another forum I posted that if you have kids in tow someone automatically assumes your straight.
I think it's still quite common for people to assume someone is straight unless/until they give indication that they are otherwise, KWIM? The kids thing is a big misleading thing too (as you already know Im sure) because our lesbian neighbors have two children. I think usually most people look for stereotype give aways.
post #34 of 76
The voe occured because I wasn't aware this was anything but a fluff thread. And since it seemed to be a chatty thread, it got moved to TAO. If this was a specific Queer Parenting issue - then I missed that.
post #35 of 76
My gaydar is over-sensitive, I think. Anyone know where I can get it re-calibrated? I am constantly pegging people as queer and later finding out they identify as straight. Never the other way around. But then, maybe I know something they don't. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking. :LOL

I'll tell you this much - I am not setting off anyone else's gaydar. Maybe I need to start wearing "Nobody knows I'm queer" shirts.
post #36 of 76
Originally Posted by guerrillamama
I'll tell you this much - I am not setting off anyone else's gaydar. Maybe I need to start wearing "Nobody knows I'm queer" shirts.
That's me, too! Not once have I been pegged when I'm without my partner, unless I was wearing something like my rainbow bracelet - and even then people most often just assumed I "liked those colors". DP however gives off a huge lesbian vibe. She's not butch or manly looking, possibly tomboyish though, but she does carry herself in such a way that seems to indicate "lesbian" to everyone.

I've got pretty good gaydar, as well as bi-dar, or even "thinking of experimenting"-dar. But that could just be because my DP is a hot tomboyish lesbian and people are always giving her the eye! :LOL
post #37 of 76
pic, please?
post #38 of 76
Originally Posted by Faerieshadow
I've got pretty good gaydar, as well as bi-dar, or even "thinking of experimenting"-dar. But that could just be because my DP is a hot tomboyish lesbian and people are always giving her the eye! :LOL
I wonder if I give out good "bi-dar" signals. (Now that's a fun word "Bi-dar" lol)
post #39 of 76
My gaydar works fine but I'm often having trouble with my straight-dar. Sometimes I see a person who really seem straight, like a guy with stiff hips and unwashed hands or a woman with a curvy body type and long hair, and they turn out to have had at least a couple of naughty dreams involving naked persons of their own sex

okay, honest. I can only tell with people, no matter what their preference, who make me a little ticklish inside when I don't expect it, but then I"m hardly ever wrong.
post #40 of 76
Wow. All that time and now this is here. How odd. Sorry wemoon, that is why I watch what I post on here...

Who wants to be outed today??????????????
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