Help 3 yr old screams and wakes babe

[M&Mmama]

We were looking for some ideas from other parents. Our 3 1/2 year old son sometimes starts screaming (as opposed to crying) when he is upset. This was not typical for him as a toddler and might not be such a problem were it not for the fact that generally when he does this he wakes up his 8 month old brother sleeping in the sling held by mama or papa, or he at least scares his brother who starts to cry. We don't want to teach him that emotional expression is wrong but also don't want him to be screaming when he is upset (generally the thing that sets him off is very minor). Often one the things that leads to the screaming is the fact that we cannot do something for or with him because we are trying to get his brother asleep (it's one of those moments when because we trying to AP two children things get messy).

I don't see any SCREAMING icons or smilies to add to this message so I'll just end. Any ideas?

[water]

No ideas, sorry, but I'm right there with ya. I've tried explaining that if he wants me to do whatever with/for him, I need him to not scream so I can put the baby down and then help him while she sleeps. Works sometimes.

I think it's the lack of impulse control thing though. He sees the baby sleeping, knows that screaming will wake her up and then before he can help himself he has to scream *just* to see if it will really work or something. Drives me nuts! :LOL

[TiredX2]

I'm sure you have already tried this, but could you get a few quiet books & toys that are only for use when the baby is trying to sleep (or even a short video : ). Then explain that they are for quiet big guy use for a few minutes while you help baby? Of course, *then* when baby is asleep you need to reward him w/your undivided attention. It was very hard to understand but eventually DD got it that if she was loud while DS was trying to sleep *all* my attention needed to go to DS. If she could be quiet, then we could do something together soon.

Good luck!

[Carolinamidwife]

That's really tough. I have a screamer as well, unfortunately we didn't deal with it until he was older but that was probably easier on us because he could better understand why screaming in unacceptable. We have a rule, not sure everyone would agree but here it is: You can scream, but only in your room. Ds would go to the landing of the stairs (we have stairs that turn) which is the exact center of the house and lay down and scream and tantrum out. We don't send him to his room as punishment but rather as a place where you can go and scream and say anything you want in private. I gave his feelings a name (Oh, you're mad, or sad, or frustrated) and helped him to his room. He would usually scream for a while and then come out for snuggles.

Anyway, I hope this is a phase that passes soon for you!