I am stepmama to a lovely 5 1/2 yo girl who is having troubles with her morning routine. We have tried a chart on the wall that we give big checkmarks to when she does her stuff, ie teeth brushed, face washed, getting dressed, etc. The list is not huge, she helped to make it, and we agreed as a family that when all the boxes are checked, she gets a new toy that she has really wanted for a while.
The first couple of weeks were great, but I noticed that whenever she returns from her mom's, she loses steam on her morning list. We have a pretty open time share with her mom, so sometimes she is here 2 days, sometimes 5. When she is with her mother there isn't any routine, and a dirty face isn't inappropriate. I am by no means expecting perfection from a 5 yo, nor am I some clean freak. That being said, I think that washing the goop from her eyes and brushing her teeth is neither too hard nor an inappropriate thing to be teaching. But when I have to ask her 5 times to brush her teeth, it gets a bit grating and I know my voice changes to a less friendly tone. ( I am pregnant with my first, and don't feel much patience these days!)
I have tried to talk to dss about this, I have explained that we need to come up with something that works for us all, and she doesn't seem to have any ideas except to not do the morning cleaning stuff. I told her that unless she can get herself ready in a more timely fashion, we are going to take away a priviledge ( a movie, or a toy). This causes alot of sadness, and I don't want to punish, but don't know what else to do. In most things, she is a really great child, and very responsive. She is quite smart, and I don't think these tasks are beyond her.
My sweetie has suggested that I have issues about not being listened to, and that dss is not disobeying me, so I am the one with the problem! Granted, she will eventually get around to doing what she needs to, but it often takes alot of nagging, and makes me feel icky, not to mention the poor child! It doesn't work for me to take upwards of 2 hours to get going in the morning, and so whether or not I have "issues" to do with being listened to, I need some help! Any suggestions to make it easier on all of us would be appreciated!
The first couple of weeks were great, but I noticed that whenever she returns from her mom's, she loses steam on her morning list. We have a pretty open time share with her mom, so sometimes she is here 2 days, sometimes 5. When she is with her mother there isn't any routine, and a dirty face isn't inappropriate. I am by no means expecting perfection from a 5 yo, nor am I some clean freak. That being said, I think that washing the goop from her eyes and brushing her teeth is neither too hard nor an inappropriate thing to be teaching. But when I have to ask her 5 times to brush her teeth, it gets a bit grating and I know my voice changes to a less friendly tone. ( I am pregnant with my first, and don't feel much patience these days!)
I have tried to talk to dss about this, I have explained that we need to come up with something that works for us all, and she doesn't seem to have any ideas except to not do the morning cleaning stuff. I told her that unless she can get herself ready in a more timely fashion, we are going to take away a priviledge ( a movie, or a toy). This causes alot of sadness, and I don't want to punish, but don't know what else to do. In most things, she is a really great child, and very responsive. She is quite smart, and I don't think these tasks are beyond her.
My sweetie has suggested that I have issues about not being listened to, and that dss is not disobeying me, so I am the one with the problem! Granted, she will eventually get around to doing what she needs to, but it often takes alot of nagging, and makes me feel icky, not to mention the poor child! It doesn't work for me to take upwards of 2 hours to get going in the morning, and so whether or not I have "issues" to do with being listened to, I need some help! Any suggestions to make it easier on all of us would be appreciated!
I'm sure it's not easy being the step-mom and being pregnant with your first child. Parenting isn't something that comes naturally, and you were thrown into instant family, making it even harder for you to adjust. But you'll get it all figured out. Try letting go of some of your expectations, work with the child rather than trying to control her. Everyone will be happier as a result.
