Swim lessons?

[Kleine Hexe]

My four year old is terrified of the water. He likes baths as long as you don't wash his hair. :LOL He is afraid of pools and the ocean. If he does get in a pool he stays on top of a float mat and will not actually get in the water. I can get in with him and he either clings to my neck or refuses to get off the float. My DH thinks he should take swim lessons for safety reasons. He thinks it's a good idea that DS knows what to do if he ever falls in a pool. He's fallen in once and DH had to jump in because DS immediately sunk to the bottom. We don't have a pool at home but mu inlaws do and well we live in FL and pools are everywhere.

Should I have DS take swim lessons even though he screams when you try to get him in the water? All the swim schools I've looked at say the same thing. To ignore your child when they scream, cry, or throw a tantrum. That does not exactly mesh with my parenting style. I don't ignore my children when they are screaming or crying from fear. Is this the "correct" way to teach children water safety and how to swim? WDYT?

[liawbh]

I would give it a try. Find a ninstructor you like and see. My son was freaked out by getting his face wet, and refused to learn any swimming. The summer lessons at our community pool are taught by high school studetns. He had the best time, and totally learned to swim. Sometimes kids forget their fear when they're not around mom & dad. And these instructors are all really well trained in calming and entertaining frightened kids.

It's worth a try anyway.

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by Kleine Hexe

I don't ignore my children when they are screaming or crying from fear. Is this the "correct" way to teach children water safety and how to swim? WDYT?

I don't know about "correct" but I sure wouldn't do it. Both of my boys went through stages where there didn't want their faces wet or their hair washed. What happened was, they'd play with water, and around a small kiddie pool--pouring, dumping etc. and gradually got used to the water in their own time. My parents have a pool, and when we went there to swim, ds would hang out on the deck and play, not wanting to get in the water. My mother kept pushing for him to get into the water and I had to tell her to lay off. Ds eventually worked his way over to the edge, stuck his foot in, then moved on to letting me carry him in the water, and in a few DAYS time, he was jumping into the pool from the deck, and swimming under water.

I understand the reasoning behind swim lessons so a child knows what to do if they fall in, but I've also read that, if a child falls in, they're likely to panic, even if they know how to swim. I don't think lessons are any insurance. Even if a child that age knew how to swim, he shouldn't be left near a pool unsupervised, yk?

I'm a huge believer in kids doing things at their own pace--I'd just let him play in the bath, in a kiddie pool if he likes it, until HE'S ready for larger water.

[SummerLover]

I would wait awhile. My dd was not very fond of the water and we waited on lessons until she was 5. Now she loves it.

Also, just to give you another perspective, having a child at lessons that is screaming and terrified can be very stressful for the other kids. There was one child at dd's lesson who was having an awful time and it completely freaked my dd out.

[Greaseball]

I would keep my child away from all pools, lakes, and oceans until he initiated swimming lessons himself. And no, ignoring a crying child is not the best way to teach them anything.

I screamed and cried through years of swim lessons and still do not know how to swim. Well, I can dog paddle. Also, in swim lessons, children were dunked for punishment, laughed at when they cried, and parents were NOT ALLOWED to observe the lesson!

That should tell you something right there. If someone wants access to your child, but does not want you to be there, what do they have to hide? If your child is interested in lessons, look for someone who will allow you to be there at all times, who will let your child out of the water the minute he wants out, and will otherwise go at his pace. Perhaps you can find someone who gives private lessons?

There are so many new studies and articles out that show most child drowning victims have taken lessons, and that when a kid has lessons parents just feel safe leaving them alone in the water. Also, that most kids who drown were being supervised at the time. It's just such a dangerous thing; I would not allow my children into a pool alone even if they were everywhere. I would not allow them to stay at someone's house that had a pool.

We did take our dd to the pool on her first birthday. Dh and I kept our hands on her at all times.

What should your child do if he falls into a pool? Ideally, since you would be right next to him if he was ever walking near a pool, he wouldn't have to do anything.

[Marsupialmom]

My husband almost drowned as a child. His parents never push him into the water. He only got the courage to go near a pool because I was sympathetic and gentle. I do think it is wise to help people through their fears and to teach them how to swim but your child IS ONLY 4 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!! I also don’t think waiting until they initiate it is completely wise either. If he has a deep down fear he might not ever initiate it.

I would forgo swim lessons for now. I would get a kiddie pool and get in with him. Play games like spitting water out of the pool, that means sticking your face in to get water and spit it out on a target. Let him shower you with water (a colander type container). Ask permission for him to do it to you. Get squinter things. Stop if he doesn’t like something.

I would go to public pools with baby pools. Be prepared to leave (DON’T WORRY about the money). Be right with him.

Take walks around parks with pools so he can see people having fun.

Maybe watch swimming meet from outside the fence.

If your son is into emergency vehicles/helper people point out that the life guards are helper people. Start talking about being safe and not going around water alone. Watch the weather. Make comments like this is a good day for water play/swimming.

Go swimming without him. Make sure he knows what you are doing.

I would not start swimming lessons until he is unafraid of the water. As others have stated, it can be quite disturbing for other children. Plus is could turn quit humiliating for him. If he is still shaking you need to find someone that will make him comfortable. The first goal should be making him comfortable with water NOT SWIMMING. Most of this IMO should be done by parents. Parents should take this fear very real. No belittle or get frustrated when he balks.

I do think that learning to swim can help drowning but PROPER SUPPERVISSION IS most important. He should not be around water with out a life vest, EVER!!!!!!!! This is the time of year to start finding life vest, have him pick one out. Not arm floaties, those really don’t help them.
I have not read any reports on the swimming sucts have have flotation devices on them.

Another thing to do is when he takes on too much water (gets his head under and surprised/scared) acknowledge his feelings but down play them also. “Woo took on a little to much. Here you go.” I have seen many adults add to their child’s fears because they freak out. I have seen people destroy their child by saying things “Oh that wasn’t scary.” So acknowledge, be supportive, but down play it also. His fears MUST BE respected.

[Kleine Hexe]

Thanks everyone. Yeah, I'm going with my gut feeling and it says he is not ready to be forced into the water. Dh tries to force and we argue about that. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and take it step by step.

[TiredX2]

I just wanted to point out that even a very, very good swimmer would not be "safe" around the pool at 4. In fact, they are probably "safer" if they have a certain amt of fear--- they won't be jumping in on purpose at least. Swim lessons at that age can be fun, and if the child is interested but should not be approached as increasing water safety. If your son had sunk or not, your DH probably still would have had to jump in.

[doctorjen]

My older dd was quite afraid of water. Interestingly, my younger ds had no fear, and at the same time I would be trying to coax dd into the water, I'd also have to watch ds like a hawk because he'd jump right into any water he could see! My dh and I both felt better letting her set the pace, so we let her do what she felt comfortable with. For a couple years she mostly sat on the side. She went even get her face wet in the tub when she was 4. Slowly, she got more used to the water, and would get in a pool if we held here. We never made her get her face wet, or splashed her, or forced her into the water. She very slowly got more and more comfortable. By the time she was six, she would happily splash around in shallow water. The month after she turned 7, we were at my mom's in AZ on vacation, and she learned to swim all by herself in the community pool there. A few months later, she begged to join the swim team. That was 3 years ago, and she can now swim all 4 competitive strokes and loves water. I don't suppose all fearful kids will eventually become good swimmers, but I'm still much happier that we didn't push her when she was scared and let her get comfortable on her own.
I want to second that swimming lessons don't necessarily make kids safer around water - but they might encourage parents to let down their guard. We still watch our kids like a hawk when they are in the water, and there are always lifeguards even at swim practice where all the kids are strong swimmers. You just never know what can happen.

[stafl]

My father taught swim lessons at the Y thirty years ago, and it never involved anyone screaming from fear, even those who were afraid of the water. I think you should be able to find a gentle approach, one that matches your parenting philosophies. And, I'm going to disagree with the majority and say that I do think swim lessons are important, and the younger the better.
How my Dad did it, was everyone started out just sitting at the edge of the pool with their feet in the water, learning to kick. It was very very gradual, and nobody was forced into the water before they were ready!

[liawbh]

Originally Posted by stafl

My father taught swim lessons at the Y thirty years ago, and it never involved anyone screaming from fear, even those who were afraid of the water. I think you should be able to find a gentle approach, one that matches your parenting philosophies. And, I'm going to disagree with the majority and say that I do think swim lessons are important, and the younger the better.
How my Dad did it, was everyone started out just sitting at the edge of the pool with their feet in the water, learning to kick. It was very very gradual, and nobody was forced into the water before they were ready!

Exactly! I would worry that if he never gets exposed, he might continue to refuse.

I may be extra paranoid about swimming though, since my best friend drowned when I was 8.

[SummerLover]

I thought this link had some good info.-

http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/pa/pa_infswim_hhg.htm

[ChiroWife]

My DD takes the parent/Tot swim program at the YMCA with DH. This is their second session and she is by far the oldest. She has does not have a fear of water in general, but did not like putting her face/head in. DH has seen a lot of improvement in this with DD this session of lessons. She has also slipped under a couple of times (DH right there) and gotten right back up (they were in the kiddie pool). They do work on the basic 'reach and pull' concept as well as safety.

No way do I think DD knows how to swim. I don't think I would allow her in a pool alone until she passed the treading water etc. in the deep end when she is much older.

The next level at the YMCA has group lessons. We tried that last fall with DD and she was just not mature enough to do it. The other kids would be sitting on the side of the pool while the instructor worked one on one with each kid of a couple of minutes and DD would be up walking around trying to climb in. We quickly stopped those lessons because my Mommy vibe was going off.

Our city offers a parent/tot for 3/4 year olds. I would maybe try something like that. Does he react the same way with your DH? Maybe he would be better able to deal with it than you? Or how about a teenage cousin or baby-sitter that he gets a long with? *I am not saying you can't handle it or anything, but sometimes a different parent/person can make a difference.

[oldcrunchymom]

I would say take him to the Y and get him into a parent/child or the lowest level swim class and see how he does. If he is completely terrified you can always take him out. I wouldn't wait until they initiate it. My kids are 9 and 7 and just learned how to swim this year after I put them in lessons. I was tired of wading into lakes and pools with them clinging to my neck because they couldn't swim on their own. They weren't phobic or anything, they just never learned to swim. This summer will be a lot more fun for them (and me!).

[CarrieMF]

Also, in swim lessons, children were dunked for punishment, laughed at when they cried, and parents were NOT ALLOWED to observe the lesson!

This is unbelievable. When i was a kid parents were at the pool or lake with us, in the city it was the same thing. Now that my kids are in lessons we stay with them too.

I would not put your son in swimming lessons. The first year my dd went in she was 3, it was a getting used to the water type of thing and it involved dumping water on their own heads. After 2 weeks she still wouldn't do it, she hated having her hair washed or water on her face. She is 6 and will be going back into them this summer and has had no problem with water for the last 2 years.

My younger 2 kids are scared of water. The middle one is alot better, she just turned 4. In the summer she went to the lake with my mom and swam every day for 3 or 4 day and got used to it. My younger one though clings to me so she goes ontop of the floating mat. She's happy up there so that's where she stays.

He's fallen in once and DH had to jump in because DS immediately sunk to the bottom.

Why wasn't he wearing a life jacket? My kids have always worn them if we go to the pool or lake. It takes a couple of seconds for a child to drown, even if they're right beside you.

[AmandaBL]

I've nevder replied to one of your threads before.... strange. I'm just making sure my post count stays higher than yours!

I think you'll figure it out - you're good at that. I do think we Floridians look at this differently. I know kids drown everywhere, but summer in FL it seems like there are a few every week. It's so scarry because you really can't get away from the water - if you happen to not have a pool, your neighbors all do, and there's so many springs, rivers, retention ponds...... I understand everybody saying wait & let him take the lead - we do that in almost every other area, & right;y so, but I think we should push a little on this one - very gently, though. I think "we'll" (I'm just realized I'm helping you parent here - haha) just try and do water activities this summer & hopefully he'll start to show an interest? I'll have DS#2 swimming in a week - just kidding.

[cool_mom]

You should hold off on swimming lessons for another year or two until ds is a little bit older and will not be so scared of pools. I see no urgent need for him to be able to swim right away, and there is no point in scaring him right now. We didn't give dd swimming lessons until she turned 5, and she is alright. It isn't like there is an urgent need for four year olds to know how to swim.

[Wilhemina]

Just wanted to say thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses to this thread. It is an issue I struggle with too.

SummerLover, thanks for the very helpful link!

Originally Posted by AmandaBL

I do think we Floridians look at this differently. I know kids drown everywhere, but summer in FL it seems like there are a few every week. It's so scarry because you really can't get away from the water - if you happen to not have a pool, your neighbors all do, and there's so many springs, rivers, retention ponds...... I understand everybody saying wait & let him take the lead - we do that in almost every other area, & right;y so, but I think we should push a little on this one - very gently, though. I think "we'll" (I'm just realized I'm helping you parent here - haha) just try and do water activities this summer & hopefully he'll start to show an interest? I'll have DS#2 swimming in a week - just kidding.

Same here in Texas. In fact last summer I rescued my then 6 y.o. neice from drowning. My sister and I and our families rented a house in our old college town for a long weekend. It was on a piece of property with (what is called around here) a tank (pond). On the tank is a pier. My dd (then age 5) and dneice and I walked out to see it. Neice walked out on pier - no problem, perfectly stable, wide and safe. She was walking not running/skipping or whatever, then she stepped off the end. The water near the pier was covered in algae and other vegetatation and looked so much like the shore she didn't realize it was over water. The tank is 12' deep. I can't see a thing because of the vegetation (except her pink flip flops floating on the surface - an image that still haunts my dreams), so I am blindly groping under the water and almost slipped off the pier myself I am reaching so far and frantically. Miraculously I felt her hair, started pulling and found her arm and got her out. It seemed like it was minutes, but probably only seconds in reality.

It was absolutely terrifying. I cried and prayed silently on my knees all night, so thankful she was okay. My dd felt very guilty because she was so parallized with fear she didn't try to help. I was screaming HELP so my sister and bil would hear, but poor thing thought I was screaming for her to help me.

I hired a swim teacher for private lessons for both my dds later that summer. Maybe it was too much too soon. I was less than gentle and absolutely insisted they participate. In hindsight I am lucky the lessons don't seem to have traumatized them, they are still happy playing in the water. But they are not swimmers.

That was a long thank you. Got carried away. Sorry

[journeymom]

I got lucky. We have a pool. We moved here 3 years ago, when dd was 7 and ds was 3. They are both fearless in the pool, for which I'm very greatful.

I found simply the best summer swim lessons program, through the community park and rec center. The community center has this fabulous pool with a "beach" attached to the traditional 50m lanes. They hired all these teens from the local swim club and high schools. These guys and girls are excellent teachers. They are so good at making the lessons fun, so they don't feel like lessons. It starts with mom/baby level, "Tadpoles", moves up to "Guppies" preschoolers, and goes up to age 14 "Sharks".

I enrolled dd, and ds with me our first year. Dd was at one end of the beach with the other 5-7 y.o. with some teen girl she absolutely idolized. Ds and I were with the rest of the moms and dads and their little ones, learning how to get our faces wet, blow bubbles and pick toys up from the bottom of the pool (1 foot deep at most). Ds thought this was the funnest thing he'd ever done.

Other than the parent/baby class, parents aren't allowed near their kids during lessons. I should say they're discouraged, because the teachers say the kids learn much better when parents aren't near by, giving the child an easy out. The children tend to "deal with it already" when parents aren't right there. To be sure, the parents are all right there on the deck lounging in the shade or working on their tans. But they're far enough away from th pool to not distract the kids.

I'd say the key to this particular program's success is the excellent staff and the fact that the pool has that "beach" end. The teachers are enthusiastic and really know how to get the little ones past their fears. And the shallow beach lets the littlest swimmers get in very gradually, so they feel safe.

My girlfriend's son is a year older than my own ds and had taken these same lessons 2 summers in a row before he finally put his head under water. That's fine! He was still learning, even if he didn't put his head under.

A safety note: even though my kids are confident in the water, I still don't let them play unattended. I won't consider even the 10 y.o. safe to swim on her own for a few more years. So yes, swim lessons are a necessary safety measure, but you absolutely must not count on them to take the place of your vigilance.

[Irishmommy]

I would look for private lessons, preferably also in a private pool where it is quiet, and have lessons every day. Even if the instructor and he just dabble feet in and go from there. My dd wasn't scared of the water, but wouldn't get her head wet, even after 3 years of lessons, but within one week of one on one every day, she was swimming widths correctly!

But I wouldn't ignore the crying.