I have a conundrum that I need to share with you ladies. I'm hoping for someone to shoot some wisdom at me straight between the eyes. :LOL
I come from a long line of Catholics. I was never comfortable there, and went out searching for something else. Paganism found me, and after I left my parents' house (out of respect for them) I started studying and practicing in earnest. I was married in a Catholic church (again, mostly out of respect for my parents, and family in general). And now, we are having our first baby.
Right before I got pregnant, I had an eye opening experience at the funeral of my husband's grandmother. The funeral was at a Presbyterian Church, and after some discussion with DH and a very good Christian friend, I decided to look into other Christian religions (other than Catholicism, I mean). I attended a Presbyterian church very briefly, and felt that I was embarking on a new exciting path that felt RIGHT for me at that moment in time.
In the midst of all this, DH and I finally found the PERFECT house (we've been looking for one for years), and then, found out we were having our baby (we've been trying to get pregnant for a good long time, too.) These things felt like signs to me; signs that I was on the right path.
But, I cannot wrap my mind around so much of the Christian faith. I cannot follow something that I've researched so indepth, and disproved in my own mind thousands of times.
So, I kind of gave up on spirituality in general for a while. And then my Catholic SIL and BIL asked DH and I to be their child's godparents. We accepted, although I did so with misgivings. As it turns out, all I was really asked to promise was to help raise the child in the faith his parents have chosen for him. When the part about believing in XYZ came up, I just didn't say "I Do" with the rest of the parents/godparents. This made me feel better, that I wasn't "lying".
In any case, being someone's godmother was the beginning of me wanting to start seeking again, and then my mother gave me something that really made me do a step back. Just as I was starting to feel comfortable with identifying myself as a Pagan again, with abandoning this seemingly fruitless search for truth in Christianity, mom brought me some things that my grandmother made before she died.
She told my mom, "I don't know if I'll be here when Sharon-anne is having a baby, but I want you to hold on to these things to give to her at her shower." She'd made a blanket, a sweater set, and a christening gown. The single most beautiful item of clothing I've ever seen.
Okay, here's the conundrum that I'm facing (heavens, this has gotten long! I'm so sorry! :LOL)
I want to do something to honor my baby's birth. Not necessarily something to "dedicate" my child to any religion, but SOMETHING. I also want my child to wear this christening gown that my grandmother made her/him. This is SO important to me. I can't even begin to tell you guys how important it is that this gown be used.
To use it in any sort of wiccaning or Pagan ceremony just doesn't feel right to me, as my grandmother was SO Catholic. To not use it at all feels just as wrong. To use it in a Catholic baptism is what feels most "right". But, I don't know that I want to do that. DH is no help, as he doesn't believe in any type of spirituality, sees religious training as "mom's job" and isn't all that interested in what I believe to begin with :LOL THat sounds awful, he's a great guy, just way too scientific for any spirituality. ;
So, here I am, asking you guys for input. Do I do a Catholic baptism, to honor my grandmother, mother and all my other "ancestors", and have the baby wear Grandma's gown? Or do I do a private Pagan ceremony, involving myself and...well...the baby? Or maybe I can do both??
It just feels plainly icky to me to promise to raise my child in the Catholic faith when I have absolutely no intention of doing so.
Sigh. This is hard. :LOL
Thanks for any wisdom you all can share with me.