Birth and beyond...what do I need?

[NightOwl]

I'm hoping you guys can help me figure out what I need for birth and afterwards. #1...I need to figure out what to take to the birth center. I have a list in a book, but I'm wondering what you found helpful.

Also, I'm wondering about what I'll need postpartum clothing-wise. How am I supposed to figure out what size nursing bras to get? What about nursing cloths? I'm wearing a size medium in maternity (But I'm really inbetween small and medium) I stay home most of the time, so I figure that some nursing sleep shirts and pajama pants would be useful. I've been looking at nursing shirts and they all seem so ugly and weird and I can't imagine actually wearing them in public. Do I really need them? I guess around the house it doesn't really matter what I wear and I know I'll be bleeding a lot for awhile. So, I'm thinking thrift store pajama pants and some nursing night shirts. I just feel like I don't know what I'm going to need to have in terms of clothing and I know I won't want to go shopping after having the baby!

So...any advice appreciated!

[farmer mama]

The bras I actually like are the blue canoe stretchy cross front bras www.bluecanoe.com, nursing bras don't work for me. I have never bought a nursing shirt, I just used button down shirts and night shirts, and then just shirts I could pull up. Flannel pajamas are really nice, and I always make sure to get extra chutz pads or old towels so I could go without pads and underwear while resting in bed. I also take extra pads and soak them in an herbal "tea" and freeze them to help my sore bottom in the first days. I also made this tea for baths and put it in a peri bottle (squirt bottle) to spray as I peed incase it was a little stingy, and to keep my pernieum clean. For nursing pads, I just used extra cloth diapers in the first days, and changed my shirt often. Hope that helps, I could give you the tub tea recipe if you want.

[NightOwl]

I don't know why I didn't think of button down shirts! Maybe I'll just get some medium maternity button down shirts for the weeks after birth. It's just so hard to know what size I'll be. I know it will take awhile for my belly to shrink back down. But how long? At least I know that when it's just me and DH at home it won't matter what I wear as long as it fits. But I figure that people won't leave us alone with the new baby, so I'll need some cloths I can look sort of presentable in.

I have a ton of nursing pads, so I should be fine with those. And I have a lot of old towels I can lay on in bed. Can someone explain to me about a peri bottle? I keep seeing that mentioned, but don't completely understand what it is or what it's for.

And how will I know what size bra I'll need? I was a 34 B before pregnancy, now I am a 36 D at 7 months. Any way to estimate how much bigger I'll get?

[PuppyFluffer]

I like to wear tank tops with a button up shirt over that for nursing. It's easy to unbutton the shirt and simply lift the tank top. YOu can also use the overshirt as a bit of a cover for your side/tummy and to be more discrete if you are uncomfortable nursing in public. I have one nursing shirt I really like but in general, I'd say they are not necessary. Any shirt I can lift works just fine.

I too liked the frozen pads to help with the tenderness that follows birth.

The peri bottle is a wonderful thing too. I had a very tiny tear and it did sting in the presence of urine, so being able to rinse while peeing was great.

You need lots of frozen food prepared and easy to pull out and fix.

You need a nice water bottle to carry with you everywhere you go! New nursing mommas need to keep their fluids up! I don't think I drink enough water and mostly it's because I just don't carry it with me. When I sit at the computer with a glass of water, it's gone before i know it but only because I had it right there!

I think it is really helpful to get yourself in the mindset that all that matters is that little baby! I fully recommend giving yourself permission to lay in bed and snuggle with your baby guiltfree! Don't worry about the dishes, the laundry or other household stuff. Hopefully you will have someone helping out! My sister came for a week after we had the baby and she was awesome. My dh and I were able to just lay around and love the baby and be really present for the amazment that overcame us. I can't tell you how much time we spent just gazing at her and all her little parts....those tiny toes and little knees and the fingers and nose....wow! And we created that! My sister was just like a functional ghost. She did stuff, took the dogs out, fed the dogs, did laundry, fixed dinner, answered the phone....and she did it all so quietly, staying out of our way. It was so wonderful! She was there to help us instead of us feeling like we had a houseguest we had to take care of.

I hope you have a smooth easy birth and a wonderful time with your new baby!

[farmer mama]

Puppyfluffer-ITA with your entire post, especially the need to drink lots of water, and carry water with you.

About the peri bottle- It is a squirt bottle thing that you get in your birth kit, or the hospital/ birth center should give you one. I think a plain old squeeze bottle would work fine. Often after the birth your perineum will be sore and sensitive, and if you have a tear or "skid marks" the urine may sting when you pee. So I fill the bottle with tea or warm water to run over my perineum as I pee to help the sting, and I also spray off to keep my perineum clean in the first few days. The warm water is very soothing. Let me know if you need more info

Bra sizes- I have no idea. Some women seem to really get big as their milk comes in, some don't have as dramatic of a change. I get a large, stretchy bra so I am not dealing with size, and like puppy fluffer I also use a nice, supportive tank top. Also, in the first days I found it helpful to let my breasts be bra-free, less to fuss with while learning to nurse, and it helped me to let my engorged breast drip a little, although some people find support helpful.

As far as belly shrinkage, I just wore elastic waistband pants in the first weeks, and again, everyone's body is different. Some are back in their old jeans by six weeks, and others it takes a long time (myself being the latter LOL).

[PuppyFluffer]

But I figure that people won't leave us alone with the new baby, so I'll need some cloths I can look sort of presentable in.

You need a "do not disturb" sign for the door! I'm totally serious! I would tell everyone that you want the first several days alone at home with your dh to bond with the baby and adjust to nursing. It's not rude, it's getting your needs met and getting the needs of your baby met as well. If people want to drop a prepared meal on your doorstep, great, just ring the doorbell, set it down and go!

And turn off the ringer and let the answering machine get the phone. Then when you have a few minutes and want to contact the outside world....you can listen and return a few calls.

Get a digital camera and take pictures and email them to friends and family so they don't feel left out!

I'd also suggest you get a film camera (I just don't think digital is the same quality). Take lots of pictures. Newborns change fast frequently. I kept an index card and when I took pictures, I'd write the date and some note so I would know what date to put on the back of the shot when I got them developed. Example: "July 9-pink outfit on bed". I have my pictures dated and in a box in chronological order. (It's the only thing I'm organized about!) I was the youngest of 4 kids and there are so few pictures of me. I have made sure dd won't have that problem!

[crunchyconmomma]

peri bottle? get a second. ask for a second one at the center or buy one at a drug store. one just never was quite enough and that way i had 2 filled and felt more relief from the rinsing. (of course, we could only hope you have no skid marks, tears or anything of the sort and won't feel a sting!!)

nursing bras? i personally was the same size engorged as i was 9 months preggo with both kids. i LOVE LOVE LOVE the playtex expectant moments nursing bras with underwire, but i was always an underwire wearer b4 kids. fwiw, i have a big bust (42DD), so i don't know if i would like them if i had small boobs -?? - but these bras ROCK! they hold 'em so well that i wore them even after my first one gave up the milk!

get a boppy or a hugster pillow. (hugster is bigger and the curve fits better if you aren't super skinny or you have a big baby, which you will in a few months even if baby is small at birth, right? and it comes with a velcro waistband, but you can just cut that off.) nursing is way natural and yet it isn't all at the same time. it's instinctive, true, but you have never done it, baby has never done it and you want to be comfy, comfy while you are getting the hang of it. helps get babe in the right position and that's mucho importante.

clothes? took me about 7 or 8 weeks to wear anything sort of normal both times (no maternity in anything and zippered/buttoned pants) and about 10 weeks to feel as "flat" (although squishier) as pre-pregnancy in clothes. i have never owned a nursing top, but i also cannot nurse in my sling (mostly because my boobs are too big and smooshy to get up at the right angle for the baby) and think that a nursing top would be helpful for that, maybe. i feel too exposed pulling my shirt up high enough because my whole side is nekked then. that's the only thing i have ever thought i might like a nursing top for, but i agree, they are ugly - who do they make them for? just pull your shirt up when you sit down to nurse and even if you are a modest type you still won't show much.

do you normally sleep in clothes? naked is very easy for nursing. if not that, big T shirts work great.

good luck!! don't stress - you will have way more than you need of everything but love for the baby - there's never too much of that.

[harmonymama]

ditto to big t-shirts, and don't worry about looking presentable for anyone. You need space to tend to your baby, and being in a bathrobe sends that message. Some people even recommend throwing a bathrobe over regular clothes when the doorbell rings.

[NightOwl]

Thank you all so much! This has been very helpful!

And thanks to whoever encouraged me to let people know not to disturb us. DH and I are very shy, homebody people anyways and the thought of all the distraction of having everyone want to be around has us nervous already. My mom said she'll help out, but she gets on our nerves, so we may be better off alone. I think my family will understand, but DH's family will not. They already get annoyed that we don't visit enough. : But I'm just going to have to put my foot down and tell 'em to be respectful of our needs. As it is I'm having a problem with telling everyone that they can't wait at the birth center during the labor and birth. We want almost everyone to wait and come once the baby is born. It's a really small place and I don't want a million people around. But of course some people are taking it personally. I'm not one of those people who's going to let everyone in the room when I'm having the baby.

Ah well...I just need to relax about all of this. There are just so many unknowns! I have to remember that as much advice as I can get, it is different for everyone.

But thank you all for you advice!

[stafl]

some things I didn't see mentioned already...

Don't answer the phone - turn on your answering machine and turn your ringer off. Change the outgoing message to a birth announcement, and don't tell them to leave a message. Most people only want to hear baby's stats anyway.
If you don't want them visiting at the birth center, don't tell them you're in labor. Don't call anyone until after the baby is born! It's not about them, don't worry about hurting their feelings. It's your day, do it your way!
DO NOT play hostess when people visit. If they don't want to see your boob hanging out, they can leave. If baby needs to nap, so do you, tell them to leave so you can get some sleep.

For two weeks, don't do anything besides take care of baby. For the first week, do nothing but lay around nursing your baby. The second week you can start doing a bit more, but DO NOT do anything for anyone besides you and your baby. Don't do any housework, cooking, anything at all!

[NightOwl]

Reminds me of the reason my father and grandmother didn't speak much for like 10 years. My stepmom had my little sister and my grandmother went to see her in the hospital. Then about a week later she went to my dad and stepmom's house to see the baby. The baby was napping at the time, so my stepmom said that if they just wait a little while she'll wake up and my grandmother could see her. Well, my grandmother got really offended and left. That started a chain of events leading to them being estranged for a long time. Can you believe that?! My grandmother still barely knows her grandchildren by my stepmother because of that.

I guess that's why I've been wary of telling people that we need time and space when our son is born. I think that most of my family will understand, except that very grandmother. So, I guess I can just make it a point to make sure she feels included. (She really is a sweety, just has problems with depression) And as for DH's family...I really wouldn't care if they got offended. DH's stepmom's reaction to my pregnancy was to tell us that she isn't going to buy us diapers. (Even though she buys everything for her own grandchildren) I told her that I'm going to use cloth diapers and I hope she doesn't buy us any nasty disposables. :LOL But I know she's the type of person who will easily get offended if she feels like we're not letting them see the baby enough. She can kiss my big pregnant booty. :LOL

[PuppyFluffer]

She can kiss my big pregnant booty.

That is a very affirmative confident statement from someone who says they are the shy homebody type! See, you are finding your voice! You go momma bear!

All you can do is to try to convey nicely that you and dh want time to adjust to a new baby, time to recover from birth, to adjust to nursing and to acclimate to the changes a baby brings.

And I totally second changing the outgoing message to give birth info. Maybe say something like: "Hello (Baby's name) has arrived at (?am/pm) on (date), weighing ( ) and ( inches long). I can't come to the phone right now because I am a) nursing the baby b)napping with the sleeping baby or c) changing a diaper.Thanks for calling"