chores for 4 yo??

[cyberpriya]

Hi All!
I would really like to hear how you all handleintroducing chores to little ones...at what age? My dd is 4.5 and has always "helped" with chores around the house, cooking, laundry, shopping,, vaccuuming , ect which meant mostly sitting with me while I do it, trying little things as she was able. She is big enough to do some things by herself now--empty dishwasher, fold clothes, put her own clothes away, even get a few items in her grocery cart from her own "list" . She has chores to do a preschool and seems to feel pretty good about it. Ideally I'd like to teach her that everyone in the family helps out because it's "our" house and we keep it nice, "our food that we eat, ect....in the spirit of all belonging together. Right now, I give her the choice of helping or playing independently while I work., She's about 50/50. I'm wondering if it's time to assign a chore to her? Also....what are your thoughts about tying chores to money? I have a nephew who gets paid 1$ a week to empty the little wastebaskets in his house...He actually saves up for little cars and such. He's 5 yo. I don't know how I feel about it b/c on the one hand, it's a great way to learn about money and saving for thoings...on the other hand it does contradict my idea of doing chores simply b/c that's what members of our family do...I'd love to hear what you all have done!
PPatti

[sphinx]

great questions! i am wondering the same for my 5 yo dd - esp about money being tied into chores. I remember getting an allowance independently of the the chores, but we did have daily and weekly chores. I'll be interested to hear what others have to say.

[moondiapers]

My son just turned 5 and has been doing chores for 2 years now. When he was 3 he was feeding and watering his cat every morning and making sure his laundry made it into the hamper. When he turned 4 we added setting and clearing the table (not both in the same night when he sets his sister clears and vice versa). At about 4 1/2 we added gathering dishes around the house so that his sister could wash them, and wiping down the table after dinner dishes had been cleared. Now that he's five he also takes out the trash. He's not really capable of cleaning his room yet unless it's only a little messy, so I pay his sister to help him with that since his room shouldn't be her responsibility. I have a family daycare and both children get paid to do daycare chores. I won't pay them for normal household chores though because that's being part of a family, but if they want extra money they can do som of my chores for me and I'll pay them something for it. Though we don't get paid to do someone else's chores if the person that was supposed to do them is sick, because once again that's part of being a family.


-Heather

[kavamamakava]

I like the idea of money and the idea of responsibilities for helping around the house. But I don't like them to be tied together. It sounds like your daughter is ready to have an independent responsibility but I think she might need motivation and a little guidance whlie she does it. For example, if her chore is to clear the table after dinner, you can be doing something nearby and talking to her about it while she does it rather than just expect her to automatically do it completely unsupervised and alone without any interaction about it.
Last night, I gave my two older ones spray bottles with water and they cleaned the table. My son was so proud of his work that he told me about it when he woke up

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by cyberpriya

Hi All!
My dd is 4.5 and has always "helped" with chores around the house, cooking, laundry, shopping,, vaccuuming , ect which meant mostly sitting with me while I do it, trying little things as she was able. She is big enough to do some things by herself now--empty dishwasher, fold clothes, put her own clothes away, even get a few items in her grocery cart from her own "list" .

We just kept running with the "helping" that the kids did when they were little. For instance, when they were toddlers, they liked to dust with me--which meant following me around the room with their own cloth. As they got older, they'd say they wanted to do the dusting "All by myself!" and I'd do the picking up or vacumming or whatever. Eventually, they were old enough that we'd all just work together without my needing to supervise. My 5 y/o will help clear the table, bring dirty laundry down to the laundry area, dust, but the chores aren't assigned--we all just pitch in with whatever needs doing, according to abilities.

He does get an allowance, but we don't tie it to chores. My feeling is that we all live in this house and we all are responsible for taking care of things. (No one pays ME for cleaning up!) I also am not in favor of rewards--when my oldest was in school, they had a chart...I forget the details, but when they got enough stars, they got a prize. I was uncomfortable with this, but figured it was the teacher's gig, yk? One time I asked ds to do something at home and he replied, "What will I get for it?" Blew me away, and totally reinforced my anti-reward stance.

I think that if your dd wants her own "job" you could certainly give it to her. But then, there may come a day when she looses interest in it. Then you're in the positition of either having to renegotiate her responsibilities, or somehow enforce them. For me, it's not worth the struggle--we just all help out.

[ChiroWife]

Our 3 year old helps us also, but doesn't have any specific chores. Mainly we have her help make dinner (when appropriate), set the table, clear the table, pick up her toys/room, make her bed, etc. I have also been teaching her to fold and put away her own laundry and the towels. Most of this stuff is fun to her so it is not a struggle to get her to do it.

I have been thinking about starting an allowance with her that is not tied to her helping around the house. We have started talking to her about money and buying things. It would be nice for her to be able to buy a book with her own money so she understands the concept better.

[UmmBnB]

ds has chores he's responsible for - cleaning his room each night, taking his plate to the kitchen after eating, clothes in the hamper, picking up bathtub toys, etc. He doesn't and won't get paid for doing what we believe to be his responsibility as a part of the family.

We have had from time to time options of extra things he can do to get money for his savings. We just had to get rid of our parrots, but before doing that he could get twenty-five-cents each time he stopped to use the handbroom and dustpan to clean the floor in front of their cages. We manage our building and he can earn money by helping with the weekly cleaning of the hallways and laundry rooms.

We have been talking about taking him to the local children's bank and letting him set up an account.

[fyrflymommy]

My 3yo puts clean silverware away, takes her dirty dishes to sink, helps scrub windows, puts most of her clothes away. And generally she helps me out w/ whatever I ask her to.

fyrfly
PS: I don't give money for chores either

[cyberpriya]

Thanks all you mommmies for your great advice! I think I will not attach any $$ to the chores and I think we'll keep it informal for now too. Reading about what your kids are doing made me realize that DD actually does do a lot of things around the house. And I do NOT want to turn helping around the house to an arguing point when she is still really glad to help (most of the time!)
Patti

[Embee]

DS is four and change. He is a good helper *most* of the time (i.e., will think nothing to grab a rag from the drawer when he's spilled something, helps me dust, etc), but then there are the other times.

DH and I have some things that we do exclusively: he: gardener, me: laundry, and that's simply because to switch those things would be disasterous for the garden and the laundry . All other household chores we share, or do as a family ("time to sort the recycling!"). DH and I aren't formal about chores, and DS is invited to pitch in where he can and is willing. My biggest goal with this is to help DS develop positive associations with keeping our home clean and therefore pleasant to live in, and with that, we don't force or assign.

Money will not be tied into chores, but doled out regularly for the sole purpose of allowing DS to learn how to manage money. Not sure when we'll commence with this or how much will be given. My jury is still out on these items and our checkbook is bone dry so for the moment, it's not much of an issue.

The best,
Em

[raleigh_mom]

My 1yo likes to be a helper. Her 4yo sister does have assigned chores that just developed naturally - in the morning, she has to get dressed, brush teeth, make her bed, and brush her hair before breakfast. She helps set and clear the table, and helps with periodic cleanups around the house.

We don't give allowances yet, but sometimes there are special items that she wants us to get for her. For example, there was a special doll she wanted. I sat down with her and made a list of 12 chores (the doll cost $12) that she could do to "earn" the money to buy the doll. It was things like "read" 3 books to her sister, help Mommy wash the windows, help fold and put away a load of laundry. She seemed very pleased with the system, and we have developed a new list that she is using to "earn" another special new item that she wants.

I figure I'll consider chores and allowance seperate, then she'll also have extra jobs that she can do to earn extra money.