Pregnant & Nursing / Tandem Nursing CLW'ers - Page 3

[uzra_hashmi@rediff]

Pregnant & Nursing / Tandem Nursing CLW'ers

Thanks Kirstie and Huntersmommy for your kind words.
Perhaps vestiges and warm feelings of joint and extended family and home-centric full-time housewife lifestyle provide automatic support to continuation of bf culture on our side. Like just now, DH is out with his friends in the neighborhood after dinner, DS is asleep and both the DDs are at the breasts of my co-wife who is gigling as I am telling her about what am I typing. Also, one should see the triumphant look on the face of DS (from under the breasts of co-wife) at times I donot fulfil one of his silly demands and she laughingly accommodates him. Well such are little pleasures we collect. May Allah continue to bless our little family.
Uzra

[Noodle Noodle]

Conflicted!

Hi.

I am expecting our fourth child this Juy (28 1/2 weeks now). All of my kids have been breastfed and I feel strongly that CLW is what is right for our family. My oldest weaned herself the day after her second birthday when I was pregnant, my second daughter only just recently weaned herself last month at 4 years and four months. My third DD is currently 26 months old and going strong. I feel that by allowing my children to nurse as long as they want/need to, and allowing them to decide when to wean, I am giving them a huge and irreplaceable gift.

I really didn't like tandem nursing last time, although I did it because I felt strongly that it was the best way to meet the needs of both nurslings. I couldn't stand nursing them at the same time and only did so rarely, and as a result I had to set some limits for my then-2 1/2 year old, but it worked out fine. I'm not exactly looking forward to it this time, as my third DD is even more strong-willed and ferocious about nursing than my second was. Again, though, I feel like it is something I am willing to do if it is the best way to meet the needs of both my two year old and my newborn.

My problem is that my heart and head both really strongly believe in CLW, but right now, I am pretty much hating every minute of nursing my third child. I don't want her to feel like I resent her or our nursing relationship. I know that this is a choice I made, but it just bothers me. I feel so tapped out physically and emotionally with three young kids at home and in my third trimester (I also work 3/4 time and DH works full time - we split shifts so one of us is always with the kids). We are also moving and have a lot of stuff going on. I just feel like I have been nursing or pregnant consistently since December of 1997, and the truth is that I just don't want to nurse my older daughter anymore. And I am feeling horrible that she must know this on some level. And I don't know how to deal with this and reconcile it with my commitment to CLW. I am even wondering if I shoudl reconsider and go through the agony of gradual weaning.

My daughter is also incredibly resistant to any kind of obvious limit-setting where nursing is concerned. I've had to limit nursing by distraction, redirection, and just making it unavailable to her by virtue of our activities or my clothing. At bedtime is when the issue comes up the most. She's not generally a night nurser anymore. I think it would help if I could set some good clear limits that we could stick to, but if I try to limit nursing with a time "ten minutes!" or by giving her a countdown or a warning that nursing is almost over, she freaks out, especially when she is tired. And she will just use all her will to stay awake and I know the best way to get her to sleep is to nurse her, and I'm exhausted too, so I just have to go ahead and nurse her to get her to sleep. My best days are when I can somehow keep her going until she's exhausted, so that she will fall asleep a few minutes after settling in at the breast. Because of our split shifts, I am alone at bedtime with the three kids most of the time. DH is wonderful when he is home - she'll go down in a snap for him without crying, complaint or nursing, just a good snuggle.

Does anyone else feel this way? I feel so awful for hating nursing my wonderful daughter, who clearly still feels so strongly about it. I don't want to feel like a pushover. I mean, this is a relationship, and I should get a say too, but I know that she is not ready to wean, and I hate the thought of forcing her.

Jen

[Mama2ABCD]

NN here's a giant from us all.

No wonder you are so stressed, you have so much going on with preg, moving, besides nursing. Just reminding you to take each day as it comes. You've already had 2 that weaned so you know that you won't be nursing #3 forever. What a wonderful mom your girls are so lucky to have!

hang in there. hope you can find the time to get more rest

[huntersmommy]

first off NN

I may be way off base here, but this is the impression I get reading your post.
1. YOu have ALOT on yoru plate right now, and you dont; have anytime for yoruself, and are greatly feeling the demands of being all things to all people.

2. YOu haev a very deep desire and comittment to CLW

again I may be way off base here, but I dont' think you really want to wean your dd, you want to know if you had too, if you wanted to, you would have that option! That you do have a choice! AS you said, that you haev a say.

My dd is goign to be 6 yrs in 2 mths, she shows NO signs of weaning....I am fine with that....my son is goign to be 2 yrs in 16 days (not that I am counting ) and shows no sign of weaning....does this feel like a burden some days? YES! it does, some days I wish I coudl sit down without someoen nursing:LOL I wish DD would not nurse some days, but in my heart I knwo that I feel very strongly about CLW and I am givign her a great gift and it is her right to wean when she is ready....and it is my right to decide IF i can do that for her.

I have decided I can, it is not always easy, but it is worth it as I am sure you see in all your children. you can see the benefits of the choices you haev made where they are concerned.

you are tired, and overwhelmed....take a deep breath and know it is okay, to feel overwhelmed. you are doing yoru best.

WE are all here for you if you need to vent, if you need a shoulder.

I can say I love tandem nursing, but that doesn;t mean that I look forward to every single nursing session. and remember that each child is differnt,

you said you didn;t enjoy yoru last tandem relationship, this will be a new tandem relationship (if you decide to tandem that is) with 2 different people.

do what you feel you must do for the good fo both yourself and your child,
I hope this helps and I am not just rambling....

[ldsapmom]

Jen, (((hugs))) to you. You have done a wonderful job at meeting your childrens needs. I firmly believe in CLW and was lucky that worked out for us. But every situation is different. You need to do what's best for your family. Maybe that is weaning, maybe that is continuing on. But one thing's for sure -- limits help keep nursing relationships working.

I tandem nursed for almost 2 years. My oldest ds weaned on his 4th birthday -- his brother still nurses every other day or so (which my oldest never did -- he nursed like a newborn until the day he stopped). I am 10 weeks pregnant and just hoping my three year old will wean before December! It hurts so bad to nurse him! I am ready to be done .

I really believe nursing has to be working for both mom and child. It does no good to nurse a child and begrudge that relationship. Better to just end it. I sometimes get very irritated with nursing my 3 yo, and that doesn't make me a good mom and it doesn't make me feel good at all. When I get that, "I've gotta run awat right now" feeling, I tell him we are almost done, and give him a few seconds to adjust.

Some moms feel it has to be all or nothing, but with limits kids can understand it's either this way, or not -- you choose. While pregnant with ds#2 I night-weaned ds#1 because I really couldn't take one more thing. It was difficult, but with persistance and consistancy, we made it through.

I hope I don't sound too tough-love-ish, but really, we don't need to be maryters, do we? It needs to work for us, too, doesn't it? We need to do what makes us the best mom we can be. Like I sad, for some that's to alter the formula, for some it's to stop.

Stacie

[Noodle Noodle]

Sorry it took me so long to get back here. Thank you so much for your thoughtful and sensitive replies. It's funny because just this week two big things happened: My second daughter, who is 4, who actually stopped nursing about a month ago but wasn't ready to own that yet, told me that she is ready for her "no more nummies" cake (we had discussed that when she was ready to stop nursing, she would get a cake to mark the occasion just like her best friend did). And my two year old finally FINALLY is learning to adjust her latch. We had one horrible bedtime where I was in so much pain from her teeth clamping down unpredictably that I just couldn't do it anymore, and I held (or tried to hold or be available for holding) a tantruming toddler for more than an hour. I just couldn't do it. It hurt. I told her we'd try again tomorrow when I felt better. After the total meltdown, which I can only guess was her finally getting it that if she didn't adjust her latch (she had pretty steadfastly refused to do this), she wouldn't be able to nurse. So the next day, she asked to nurse, and I very calmly explained to her that her top teeth were hurting me and I showed her (again) how to pull her top lip down over her top teeth. AND SHE DID IT! I guess part of my frustration was having to do with the fact that, unlike her sisters, she had been very stubborn about adjusting her latch to accomodate her larger mouth (and teeth). But then last night, she kept trying until she got it and she nursed and it didn't drive me crazy. I was so glad.

And you all are right. I need to find a way to get more time for myself. So, I just hired a sitter to come two afternoons a week for the next few weeks. Even if I spend the time packing, I plan to listen to my music while I do, or take a little bit of that time to just eat without anyone on my lap or tasting my food and maybe even read a book without pictures!

Thank you guys so much. For remind me that the right choices aren't always the easiest choices. And for the support.

Jen

[s_kristina]

I was wondering if I had ever posted to this thread or not. I don't see a post from me so I thought I'd say hello. My dd turned 3 in January and at that time was nursing on average 2 plus times a day with no signs of slowing down in the near future. Then the middle of March we got a surprise LOL It looks like #2 will be putting in an apperance sooner then we had planned for. So far I have not had any of the soreness that I hear about so much while nursing through pg *knock on wood* We did run into other issues though with my getting sick on top of morning sickness and almost ending up with an IV to get me rehydrated at 7 weeks. Right at the same time I dried up due to the dehydration, but I have been able to get some clear colustrum out so there is something there for her at least. I do feel badly that while I was at my sickest I would put her off from nursing and cuddle or talk to her instead. Because of that she is down to nursing only every 2-3 days and we are having latch issues ouch! I posted about this to another board and the response I got was maybe it was a sign to wean her : After getting through all this fun stuff I am hoping to be tandem nursing sometime in November and I know where to come for advice! I guess that was a pretty long intro, but its 10:30 at night and I have a bad habit of rambling. Nice to meet y'all!

[ewe+lamb]

Pregnant and Nursing then CLW

I just posted somewhere else that my wonderful dd just weaned a month ago - she saw her new baby cousin nursing and I think it was that that made the initial thought in her head and a few nights after our visit with her cousins said that "num nums was for the baby and that she would prefer a story or a huggle instead of num nums" - she's only 2 1/2 I really was just getting my head around and used to the fact that we would be tandem nursing and then she hit me with this bomb - what a shock - I even cried at my LLL meeting! I have found it really hard but as the decision came solely from her I can't say that she either needs or wants it - although we do spend alot of time having hugs etc and her relationship with her daddy has grown tremendously, I just miss it and in a funny way was quite looking forward to tandem nursing. Maybe next time.
I did find the nursing whilst pregnant difficult as it hurt so much but never said no when she asked to nurse as I feel that CLW is a very important part of a child's life.
I am just looking forward to the arrival of our new wee one so that I start nursing a little one again - I really miss it!

[mom2threenurslings]

Hi Mamas!!!
to all who need them!

I'm glad to hear that things are going better for some of you who have been having difficulties.

I'm 24.5 weeks pregnant and continue to tandem nurse my almost-3 year old dd and my almost-5 year old ds. My belly is absolutely HUGE, and I still have about 16 weeks to go! I have a midwife appointment on Wednesday and am curious to see how I'm measuring, as I'm feeling movement all over the place and way higher than I'd expect at this point. We shall see!

My almost-5 year old, who had been nursing anywhere from 2-5 times a week only nursed once while we were on vacation, but since we got home he's been nursing once a day. Today he's already nursed twice...I think he's getting the cold most of us have. Dh is feeling so ill he's home from work today....but he let me sleep for TWELVE hours last night!!! (I'm battling the cold, too, and fell asleep putting dd to bed at 8 last night.) What a wonderful guy!

My almost-3 year old continues to nurse at least 6 times a day, often more. She just loves to nurse!

I'm looking forward to nursing a baby again...It's been so long I've almost forgotten what it's like!

[Mama2ABCD]

Amanda, that's so wonderful that your pregnancy is progressing so well. i bet your dc are enjoying that belly! sorry you all had to suffer through a cold.

Ever feel like nursing two is like playing twister? especially when the youngest is old enough to be mobile, but young enough to not have any manners! :LOL

[OhMel]

Hello ladies! I am 8 weeks pregnant and nursing my 2.5 year old son. Unfortunatley over the last couple of weeks my milk has almost totally disappeared. For the first week he just kept nursing anyway but just the past few days will only latch on, say there is no milk and then he's done. I had really wanted to tandem nurse as a way to ease the sibling relationship. Has anyone had a child wean during pregnancy and then nurse again when the milk comes back?

[mom2threenurslings]

to you. I know several moms whose nursling weaned during pregnancy and then resumed nursing after baby was born. One of them is currently tandem nursing her almost-3 year old (who weaned during pregnancy) and her 9 month old and her 3 year old shows no signs of stopping. It does happen!!!

[OhMel]

Thanks Amanda. I'm hoping he'll just keep doing little bits and that we'll make it until January.

[Mama2ABCD]

bumping.

i've noticed a lot of tandem threads so that means there are a lot of tandem moms here at MDC and elsewhere.
i know tandem is not a recent thing, but it does seem to be catching on. thanks to forums that support nursing moms/tandem moms and internet access to information about tandeming/breastfeeding in general. there might be pitfalls to the computer age, but it surely has opened up doors too. i'd much rather be a mom now then at any other time!