I don't have any concrete suggestions for you, just some sympathy.
When we moved to our house last summer, our DD was 2.25 years. There were 2 quite sweet girls next door, aged 3.5 and 5. They came to play very often, and it had its benefits. They were pretty well behaved. I don't think the parents were actually neglectful, but it was pretty clear their standards were very different from ours. I would never let my child play in a home that I hadn't set foot in myself.
We did have some boundary issues - the older girl would come and bang on our back door, or stand outside and holler for DD. We eat our meals in a sunroom at the back of the house, and she would call to us from her backyard. It was really driving us crazy. Rather belatedlly, we had to set some limits. She could only come into our backyard when we were already in the yard. When we were in the house, that was our private time together. They could not come over without letting the adult caring for them know where they were. Of course, the girls could just say that they had told. if it had gone on, it might have become more of a problem again.
DH and I both work FT. We don't have a lot of time at home together as a family. We weren't interested in spending all our free time with these girls. The family seemed to use casual child care - a rotating mix of family and friends of both sexes.
In the fall, the family moved a few blocks away. I gave the parents our phone number, in case the girls wanted to come over. They were nice kids, and DD enjoyed playing with them. We've never heard from them, although we occasionally run into them in the neighborhood. In the end though, I'm kinda glad they moved. It would have been a lot harder to keep DD out of their house as she grew older. There was no way that I would let her play there - lots of smoking, drinking, too many adults in and out that we don't know, and the family was friendly with some pretty scary types who live farther down the street.
I think a phone call from the adult is a good idea. It also gives you an opportunity to make it clear to the adult that now is NOT a good time. It also makes it pretty clear for the boy. I didn't get a call from your mum, so you can't come in. He will end up frequenting someone elses house instead. Talking to the mum is going to be uncomfortable, but its hopefully a conversation you only have to have once.
I agree with the comment from an earlier poster - don't leave this boy alone with your younger DC.
If the child is in your house, then I would impose whatever you feel is appropriate. If that means no video games, so be it. I did make it clear to our neighbors that we probably had different rules than they did at home, but they were the "house rules". If they wanted to play at our house, that was the price. I'm sure that there were times that the girls thought I was a total witch, but I think they also liked coming to our place a lot.
I don't think that CPS is the way to go here (ignoring the debate on THAT topic). You need to talk to your neighbor and set your own boundaries, both with the parent and the child. It will be difficult. But look at it from this standpoint - you have a responsibility to protect your own family from issues that might arise from interactions with your neighbors. Bring out your Mama Bear!
When we moved to our house last summer, our DD was 2.25 years. There were 2 quite sweet girls next door, aged 3.5 and 5. They came to play very often, and it had its benefits. They were pretty well behaved. I don't think the parents were actually neglectful, but it was pretty clear their standards were very different from ours. I would never let my child play in a home that I hadn't set foot in myself.
We did have some boundary issues - the older girl would come and bang on our back door, or stand outside and holler for DD. We eat our meals in a sunroom at the back of the house, and she would call to us from her backyard. It was really driving us crazy. Rather belatedlly, we had to set some limits. She could only come into our backyard when we were already in the yard. When we were in the house, that was our private time together. They could not come over without letting the adult caring for them know where they were. Of course, the girls could just say that they had told. if it had gone on, it might have become more of a problem again.
DH and I both work FT. We don't have a lot of time at home together as a family. We weren't interested in spending all our free time with these girls. The family seemed to use casual child care - a rotating mix of family and friends of both sexes.
In the fall, the family moved a few blocks away. I gave the parents our phone number, in case the girls wanted to come over. They were nice kids, and DD enjoyed playing with them. We've never heard from them, although we occasionally run into them in the neighborhood. In the end though, I'm kinda glad they moved. It would have been a lot harder to keep DD out of their house as she grew older. There was no way that I would let her play there - lots of smoking, drinking, too many adults in and out that we don't know, and the family was friendly with some pretty scary types who live farther down the street.
I think a phone call from the adult is a good idea. It also gives you an opportunity to make it clear to the adult that now is NOT a good time. It also makes it pretty clear for the boy. I didn't get a call from your mum, so you can't come in. He will end up frequenting someone elses house instead. Talking to the mum is going to be uncomfortable, but its hopefully a conversation you only have to have once.
I agree with the comment from an earlier poster - don't leave this boy alone with your younger DC.
If the child is in your house, then I would impose whatever you feel is appropriate. If that means no video games, so be it. I did make it clear to our neighbors that we probably had different rules than they did at home, but they were the "house rules". If they wanted to play at our house, that was the price. I'm sure that there were times that the girls thought I was a total witch, but I think they also liked coming to our place a lot.
I don't think that CPS is the way to go here (ignoring the debate on THAT topic). You need to talk to your neighbor and set your own boundaries, both with the parent and the child. It will be difficult. But look at it from this standpoint - you have a responsibility to protect your own family from issues that might arise from interactions with your neighbors. Bring out your Mama Bear!
:
: See, that's irony tinged with sarcasm.
there are some changes being made however thanks to aggressive anti CAS groups and better public education, but admittedly in the past few years..they have done a great job themselves proving what losers they are. :LOL look at all the inquests and baby deaths over the past 4 years....ahh I digress
