How to do talk to your child about important topics?

[grumo]

When ever I try to talk to my daughter about "important" issues. She shuts down and says stop talking. She is 3.5 and very verbal. She has no trouble comprehending some complex issues.

I am not sitting her down and saying, "now, we have something very important to talk about. I want to to pay close attention." I try to keep it very light and that I am just mentioning it out of the blue.

Today I was prompted by the thread on sexual predators to mention to her about finding another Mom if she ever got lost. I said very lightly as we were washing our hands, "I was thinking about when we're at the park, what would be a good thing to do if you couldn't find me?" She says "Stop talking," and hides her face. I continue on (let's not bother to mention here that I've just ignored her stop directive), "You look for me everywhere...under the slide, on the bench, behind some trees, and no Mommy." No response. Just get the information out, I say, "If I were a kid, I'd look for another Mom to help me find my Mom." and I ended the conversation.

We had another conversation earlier in the week about matches and candles, that went similarly. Despite, my light tone, she knew this was something "serious" and she wanted to have no part of the conversation at all.

I feel like we are headed into an age where we need to start having more of the these conversations, but she shuts me out entirely, and I have no idea how to get around her fear of these conversations.

[monkaha]

How about making them a bedtime story? "once upon a time there was a little dog that lost it's mommy at the park. It asked another mommy dog to help, and they found mommy. The end." Add details that fit your park, the situation, etc.

[4evermom]

Contemplating these scenarios (not being able to find mommy, etc) are making your dd anxious, as you undoubtedly realize. The bedtime stories sound like a good idea. My ds has been asking me "what ifs" a lot lately, giving me an opportunity to broach these subjects. "What if the mailman took me and put me in the back of his truck?" Ds did not like the answer "call out mommy and I'll come get you." He did like the answer "I will watch you at all times so that can't happen." He also liked the idea of blowing a whistle to alert me. I ended the conversation by mentioning the mailman must have wanted to bring him to play with his little girl who is the same age. Our mailman is very nice and I don't know why he was a villian in this "what if" scenario. I'm glad my ds is like this so I can figure out what is worrying him. I have a niece who is more like your dd, very sensitive. I think the bedtime stories would have upset my niece too, now that I think about it. But it's worth a try. Or you could wait til she brings things up on her own unless you think she is worrying about something specific. She is still pretty young, IMO, to have too many of these discussions. She wants to know that you will be there to take care of her under any circumstance, and she is young enough that she should be constantly supervised.

My ds is 2 months older than your dd, btw. You could give her a little more time before you worry about it. I'm finding this age to have increased anxieties and greater need for being close to me.

[~*max*~]

My ds also gets anxious when I try to talk about serious things, but he gets all silly & distracting. I try to follow his cues & talk about things when he brings them up, or relate them to stories, play etc. It is hard, I know. I think some kids are really sensitive & understand that this is serious stuff, which makes it scary for them.

[Autumnschild]

My dd is nearly 3 and very bright for her age. She comprehends the serious issues and also shuts down in the face of issues that create anxiety. She slipped out the back door a few days ago and when I went outside to find her only moments later, she was standing in the driveway talking to an older man through the rolled down window of his car. I ran out and grabbed her hand, staring the man down. He protested, saying he was a friend of my neighbor's. I said, "well this is my child", and took her inside.

The incident freaked me out. Apparently she is old enough to have the "Don't talk to strangers" talk. I was not and am still not prepared for this. When I tried to talk to her about it (after I'd calmed down) she started babbling nonsense to shut out the sound of my voice. This is what she does. And I can't get her to be quiet and listen, nor can I talk over her voice. So I went to the library and checked out two movies about stranger dangers. Thinking I could trick her into watching them. As soon as she realized what they were about she got really mad and took them out.

I waited until her cousin (who is 4) came over and we all watched the movie again and talked about it a little. I had to keep the subject as light as possible, while trying to convey the importance of the message. Not easy. How do you teach a child not to trust people? She kept insisting that the man was "happy" so he wasn't a bad stranger.

I'm subscribing to this thread because I obviously need info on dealing with this appropriately, myself.

[grumo]

I like the story idea, though I suspect she'll flat out tell me she doesn't like this story if it isnj't subtle enough. I'll have to give it some thought before I try to use that.

I felt like I had a little success this afternoon when I was applying some medication to her vulva to remind her (lightly of course) that at this point, she is old enough that only Mom or Dad should be helping her with her vulva or her bottom (she has a chronic problem) or a doctor when Mom or Dad is there. She responded with her usualy Stop Talking, and I responded differenlty this time in a way I think was respectful and still allowed me to repeat the information I want her to know. I said, "Oh, it makes you uncomfortable when I talk about your private parts and when I make sure you know that those parts are for just you." Then I went on to talk about what we would be doing later. There was no long pause as I got frustrated and wondered how to broach the topic.

I do think now is the time to start talking about these things with her, and a whole host of other important issues. I don't want to put off talking about them until she is more comfortable with it. She may never be, and I like the idea that basic info is just stuff she has always known. I want her to be exasperated with me and say, "I knooooow, Mom" instead of this fear of my words.


Boy, Autumschild, that sounds like a really scary situation. That is exactly what I am worried about. It doesn't take very long for a child to get lost and while the planets would have to be aligned just so for my dd to get lost at the same moment an evil-doer is in the vicinity, I just can't forsee every situation.