Playing board games

[oceanbaby]

When you play board games with your dc (Chutes and Ladders, Candyland, etc.) do you try to get them to play by the rules? Or do you allow it to just be a free for all?

This will sound really silly, but I'm wondering if other parents have thought about this. Like when playing Chutes and Ladders, do you try to enforce that you go UP the ladder and DOWN the chutes? Or do you just let them do whatever they want?

Or like in Candyland - he just wants to go to the Candy spaces, so will pick through the deck to find those cards.

On one hand I don't really care if that's what he wants to do, but then I think that maybe I should be reinforcing the correct way to play the game. Right now I tend towards trying to teach him the correct way, but not forcing the issue too much. But then I think that teaching the whole concept of winning is probably best left until as late as possible, so why even bother?

And am I the only uptight parent who finds it really irritating to play a totally free for all game? :

[4evermom]

I just started playing an Orchards type game that involves rolling a dice. My ds (born 8/01) doesn't quite get the idea of the random factor. He carefully sets the dice down with a certain number facing up. I'm gently encouraging moving the playing piece in the same direction but I figure taking turns is about all he can realistically be expected to do. I like the cooperative games particularly at this age so he can practice following the rules (tho he does change them, making up his own version which is great) without there being any winners (incentive to not follow rules in order to win).

One,Two,Many and Harvest Time look nice. There is more than just this page of board games at this site.
http://www.rosiehippo.com/categorysu...=702&offset=12

[supervee]

DS hates hates hates to lose, so this is tricky for us. I have insisted lately that he play by the rules if we are going to play a game, mostly because it was just silly how badly he was bending the rules to win every time and I think he needs practice losing gracefully! We can make up alternate rules, but then we have to play by them for the whole game. If he can't play by the rules, we just stop playing and do something else.

[The Lucky One]

For the most part I try to encourage him to play the game the 'right' way. It seems the times we've done the free for all thing, both of us end up getting frustrated.

Basically when he starts getting off track, I ask him if he wants to continue playing the game or not. If he says no, then we'll quit or just be silly with the gamepieces (making them walk backwards up the chutes or whatever). If he says he wants to play, then I go over the rules again and tell him that's how the game is played. I would never force him to play a game that he doesn't want to play, but on the other hand there isn't much point to a game if it isn't played the right way, kwim?

We try to stick to short and simple games. Personally, I think chutes and ladders is better for an older preschooler--more like age 4.5-5 yrs. I think there are almost too many concepts to grasp.

A GREAT game is Cranium Caribou! I cannot say enough good things about it. My ds loves it!

[TiredX2]

We are *really* into board games around our house and have *always* (and I mean always) played by the rules.

When we moved into our house, DD was 2.5 and our neighbor was 4-4.5. We went to play games with him and he was used to playing "his way" and it was HORRID.

Now, sometimes if we are playing a certain game, DS jokes and we play by "his" rules (like in connect four he will put his fingers on top of the slot he is using so he can win, or in chess he will say all his pieces can move like a queen) but it is agreed upon, for a joke and generally only for a short time.

Dh will occasionally "set up" DD to win, though... but they know its for fun. Like stack the deck so DD gets the cards in candyland to win in just four moves, or gets all the "skip" cards in Harry Potter Uno and let her go first. She thinks it is really funny, but doesn't want to play that way all the time.

We play a variety of games, some more competitive than others (we don't emphasize winning, but both kids understand there is a winner in many games).

A GREAT game is Cranium Caribou! I cannot say enough good things about it. My ds loves it!

:LOL Both my kids really like Chutes & Ladders (we got it for their Nana & Poppa's house) and the one time we played Caribou thought it was really boring. You just have to find what works for you, huh?

[TiredX2]

It also occured to me that the Childhood Years covers ages 3-8 so that might effect it a bit too. I don't know, though.

[ChiroWife]

DD is 3.5. She likes playing games and we make her follow the rules. She understands winning to a degree, but gets really excited when she gets the plum guy in Candyland. She doesn't care that she has to move all the way back.

She received Chutes and Ladders for Christmas and I think we have tried to play it twice. It's still above her right now. She does love Wac A Mole and Don't Spill the Beans.

[root*children]

OT - I didn't like Chutes & Ladders b/c of all the "naughty" things the kids would do and how the game revolves around that.

We do play by the rules, but don't anymore do games that promote winning and making others the loser. Not to say that we don't at all, we do play Mancala and sometime's hi-ho-cherrio. But mostly enjoy cooperative games, like some PP's. Instead of finding them through Rosie HIppos, go straight to the source: www.familypastimes.com (I think that the website address). They are also available on ebay for cheaper.
HTH!

oh yay, if it's a winning/losing game, we often make it into a cooperative game (so I guess we're not really following the rules to a 'T'). I really hate for such a young age to think they should have to bend the rules or "cheat" so they can be the winners!

[mamalisa]

I HATE Chutes and Ladders. He doesn't get it yet, the numbers and the counting confuse him. Then my anal retentive self tries to make him do it right, it's a disaster and it makes me want to run screaming down the street :LOL

My ds is a mellow kid, plays by the rules, always has. He thrives on knowing the "right" way to do things. He's big into winning and losing so we work hard to make winning and losing just as fun. Occasionally he will get upset when he loses, but we talk about how things don't always work out, maybe next time you'll win, heck, even the Yankees lose sometimes

Right now we're really into Memory and if we don't let Daddy play, he kicks my butt! I was actually genuinely excited to beat him a few times today, how sick is that? : We got a Zoboomafoo game and it's based on pure luck of the draw so that's a lot of fun. We're also big on Don't Break the Ice, he's got no "game" but it's fun to hit stuff Hi Ho Cheerio is always fun, but can go on forever. Strategy games like Connect 4, Checkers are just too complicated still.

I just have to share his weird game thing though. When you play a game that has a spinner and it lands on a line he calls it "double salad". I have no idea why but it cracks me up :LOL

[oceanbaby]

I HATE Chutes and Ladders. He doesn't get it yet, the numbers and the counting confuse him. Then my anal retentive self tries to make him do it right, it's a disaster and it makes me want to run screaming down the street

I'm so glad it's not just me! And I was starting to worry about ds too. The age says 3-8, he's almost 4, and the he is also confused by the numbers and the counting, the switching directions back and forth, etc. And since I struggle with being a little uptight about things in general, I didn't know if this was just another instance of me being insane.

I'm definitely going to check out some of the other games listed on here. I usually love board games, so would really like to find some ones that work better for us.

[SagMom]

We play a lot of board games around here. When they were little, I'd explain the rules, and remind them of them, but I didn't insist they play by them. I figured it was a GAME--it's supposed to be fun. It seemed silly to make it a struggle. What I found was, when they were really little, they just wanted to do EVERYTHING that happened in the game--if a space was interesting, they just HAD to land on it (we had a lot of creative counting and imaginative dice rolling ) However, *I* played by the rules--mostly because I wanted to, but also figuring that eventually, they'd follow my lead. They even picked up chess this way--I'd move the correct way, while they moved however they wanted. In time, they wanted to know the moves. So, as they got older, they WERE more interested in playing the "right" way, and then they did. It never became a problem.

We still change the rules around on some games--even my older kids--because we think a rule is silly or something is boring and we make up something different. When they play with kids outside our family, sometimes they go back to the "real" rules, and other times they adopt our rules.

[coleslaw]

I've pointed this out before but I think it bears repeating. My parents kept our old versions of Candyland and Chutes and Ladders and both were for ages 4 and up back then. Now they say 3 and up. Just another way commercialism has tried to convince us that our children need to grow up and follow the rules before they are ready.

[supervee]

coleslaw, you are probably right about why they've decreased the age ranges. Another thing to consider is that kids have changed since we were kids b/c of exposure to different toys/media. For example, apparently more kids than ever are starting kindergarten already reading because of LeapPad.

[MilkOnDemand]

My dd is 3.5 - and we love to play Memory, Don't break the Ice, Don't spill the Beans & Operation. For memory, I encourage her to play by the rules, but we don't use more than 8-10 pairs so she can play along without much struggle. For Operation, my ds gets 2 buzzers per item, and dd gets to get the part out regardless of how long that thing buzzes at her. For me, games are about the interaction & the skills that can be developed, not about winning....the rules are there for older kids I think.

[journeymom]

We play a lot of board games around here. When they were little, I'd explain the rules, and remind them of them, but I didn't insist they play by them. I figured it was a GAME--it's supposed to be fun. It seemed silly to make it a struggle. What I found was, when they were really little, they just wanted to do EVERYTHING that happened in the game--if a space was interesting, they just HAD to land on it (we had a lot of creative counting and imaginative dice rolling ) However, *I* played by the rules--mostly because I wanted to, but also figuring that eventually, they'd follow my lead. They even picked up chess this way--I'd move the correct way, while they moved however they wanted. In time, they wanted to know the moves. So, as they got older, they WERE more interested in playing the "right" way, and then they did. It never became a problem.

We still change the rules around on some games--even my older kids--because we think a rule is silly or something is boring and we make up something different. When they play with kids outside our family, sometimes they go back to the "real" rules, and other times they adopt our rules.

For me, games are about the interaction & the skills that can be developed, not about winning....the rules are there for older kids I think.

I totally agree with these philosophies. This is how we do it, too.

While I agree, what's the point in playing a game if you don't follow the rules (if you don't it becomes different game, basically), I don't have a problem modifying on the fly to make the game more fun and interesting.

Or move faster. I have stacked the Candyland deck several times so that ds would win quickly. : However, when ds started acting like a poor sport and was a ungraceful loser, I figured that had to stop. I went back to letting him lose.

We like Cranium Cariboo and Cadoo. I help 5 y.o. ds play Cadoo with 10 y.o. sister.

[mamalisa]

Take that bag off your head Journeymom!! Stacking the deck is perfectly acceptable....as long as you don't get caught! "I'll set up Peanut, can you go feed the dog?" Seriously, otherwise Candyland can take an hour :LOL

[Mallory]

We usually follow the rules, But we also like to make up our own rules, sometimes using pieces from two games. The only real rule we follow for all games is everyone has to agree to any rule changes (and they usully work best if you talk about it before you start, not in the middle of the game (but that works too, if everyone agrees)). So sometimes we might pick through the deck or only use a few cards and other times we might play it more by the official rules.

Of course the 5 year old is a lot better at following rules then the 3 year old, but what I really like about this rule is they have fun playing games with out me, because we don't have to know all the rules to play and they will make up games to play with their friends too.

[mogit]

My ds is 3 1/2, and we play Candyland, Snakes and Ladders (our version of Chutes and Ladders), Memory, and Go Fish all by the rules. When we first started playing Snakes and Ladders, I did leave out a couple of the rules, including the one that says you have to land exactly on the last square to win. (Does Chutes and Ladders have this rule? It makes the game go on forever!) Now DS wants to follow all the rules.

My own family, my mother especially, was *very competitive at board games. (My parents have a weekly Scrabble game, and if my father gets too far ahead early in the game, my mother whines so much that they have to start over! ) I really don't enjoy playing games with people who are out for blood, so I've made a point of not even *mentioning winning to DS. I never talk about who is ahead, who is behind, or even use the words "win" and "lose." Often after one of us "finishes" Candyland, DS will ask to keep going till the others have "finished," too. So far this has worked to keep even traditional, competitive games fun for everyone.

It's pretty funny to watch my parents play Candyland with DS. I've told them I don't emphasize winning, but the competitive spirit is so ingrained in them... DS will be happily moving wherever the cards take him, while my 75-year-old mother is moaning, "Oh no, I got stuck in the Molasses Swamp!!!" and my 78-year-old father is praying for a double red so he can move ahead of everyone else.

[oceanbaby]

DS will be happily moving wherever the cards take him, while my 75-year-old mother is moaning, "Oh no, I got stuck in the Molasses Swamp!!!" and my 78-year-old father is praying for a double red so he can move ahead of everyone else.

:LOL

[gizgirl]

Another uptight mama here! (m)

Like you, I get uptight if there are rules but my sons won't follow them!! They're just a few months younger than your dc, and they have little willingness to follow rules yet. I decided that wasn't particularly good for them or for me, so my solution has been simply to find games where it's not about rules! That way we can practice the turn-taking aspect of the game, and leave the whole idea of winning and the stress of rule-following until later! They're still learning about the very idea of playing a board game, so we can worry about following rules once they are used to the turn-taking part.

So we put some games aside until later, and take other games and adapt them to be far simpler. They have a bingo-style matching game, which involves boards with 6 shapes on them, and a stack of little shape cards. So we decided that everybody has a board or two, and we take turns taking a card from the central pile of shape cards, identifying the color and shape on it, and finding out who has the matching color/shape on their board! No winners, no losers, just a collaborative process of matching. And if nobody has or needs that particular color/shape combination, we throw it on a discard pile, proclaiming loudly "Nobody needs that -- that's JUNK!" (Daddy's little touch, that one!) :LOL

Another game they have is supposed to be a game of dominos, with little domino-style cards which have various Thomas the Tank Engine characters on them. Again, we don't follow all the rules, but we each take piece in turn and join it onto a matching character. No winning, just fun.

As they become more comfortable with the game, I'll look at introducing some of the more complex rules of the games. If I were you, I'd put away the Chutes & Ladders and Candyland games for a little while, and focus for a while on something a little simpler.

Giz. Mom to Kyle & Aidan, 3.8 years old.