"No intercourse for 6 weeks"- rationale? is this just arbitrary?

[LoveChild421]

I was wondering why do dr.s and even some midwives say "wait to have intercourse until the baby is 6 weeks old?" and other midwives and childbirth educators say "as long as bleeding has stopped and tears healed go for it"???

Is the 6 weeks thing just arbitrary or extremely conservative? I gave birth 3 weeks ago and felt good as new "down there" after 2 weeks and bleeding had stopped to spotting so I went with the "as long as your bleeding has stopped" rationale

will this cause me some sort of damage I'm not aware of???

[georgia]

IMO, i believe it's more of an arbitrary thing---with an open wound (for lack of a better term right now!) where the placenta detached from the uterus, i think the 6 wks timeline is given to prevent infection---and to perhaps give mama a break if she so desires . but, with all things, you know your body best. enjoy

you might want to call C if you want a more "professional" POV if you're at all worried about damage.

[mwherbs]

By 6 weeks nearly all women have stopped bleeding and the uterus in back down in size. I think that the tradition was started in the old days when the blood taboos were upheld by most people and there is less risk of infection if there is no bleeding-- antibiotics came into use around 1945 so up till then there were some pretty dramatic treatments for infection and in many cases not too successful.

[the_lissa]

I think it is arbitrary. My mw said I could resume as soon as I felt like it. I felt like it after a week, but I was too scared until 2 weeks pp. I was still bleeding. My mw said it didn't matter. It didn't hurt. It felt pretty good actually.

[ChristaN]

We waited about 4 weeks. It didn't help that dh went around asking all of the men in his office if he really had to wait for six weeks (they were all my former co-workers, so it was a bit embarrassing!), but my mw seemed to follow the "if it feels okay & you're not bleeding anymore" route.

[Myboysmom]

Don't know. I DO know my OB tried to tell my husband (after my 3 C's) that I shouldn't have intercourse, do heaving lifting, laundry, cleaning or anything strenuous for 6 years. : : :






























didn't work

[sevenkids]

6 weeks before sex.

This started back in the day, when every body was drugged, no one breastfed, and everyone got an episiotomy.

6 weeks is the time it takes a large episiotomy to heal.
6 weeks is the time it takes a non-nursing mother to resume her periods and get on birth control.

Most ladies start to feel sexy again about 4 weeks after birth. Some ladies, who really need the rest due to demanding DH's and other children, I'll tell them (in their partner's presence) six weeks of no heavy housework, no lifting, and no sex. Most ladies I'll advise them to resume when they feel sexy.

[wasabi]

"Most" women feel sexy again four weeks after birth? Oh man not the women I know. :LOL It took a long time for me to feel sexy again just because of the lack of estrogen and hence lubrication due to BFing and the same was true of many of my BFing friends plus throw in some touched out feelings too and yeah not a formula for sexy.

Be that as it may with my first two I was told nothing in the vagina for six weeks and this ban actually included tub baths and I think I wasn't supposed to drive for six weeks either (and I didn't have any sections btw). With #3 which was about 10 years later I wasn't given the prohibition on tub baths and honestly I can't remember anything about sex. I think I was told it usually just took that long for your cervix to totally close and your uterus to shrink etc.

[Tanibani]

I think the 6 week thing is extremely conservative and wise. Women around the world (traditional societies, with close female relaties nearby) follow a 40 day rest rule. Mothers are not allowed to do any strenuous work... female relatives cook, clean, make nutritious meals for the new mother.

Some new mothers (depending on their country/customs) get special massages to help healing along.
Postpartum care in Ancient India

Maternity Wise - Traditions - from Robin Lim's book

I can't find it online anymore, but I read a study once of Indian rural women who went back to work during the first 6 weeks, and they found more instances of prolapse.

Another link I can't find... In Vietnam women are not allowed out of bed because they fear the uterus falling out (rest, rest, rest, heal, heal, heal.)

Sex is wonderful, but not particularly restful, especially in the first 6 weeks (personally speaking.)

So... IMHO simply abstaining from sex (anything strenuous) is a good idea for most women.

though I know people who felt "just fine" within days and were up and about doing stuff.

Not me... I felt my insides coming out and I needed bedrest.

So from personal experience, I would advise women to * really * take it easy the first 6 weeks.

A baby just came through that birth canal and needs time to heal...

American childbirth educators or midwives... aren't aware of all the world practices, are they? I really believe this attitude (self-sufficiency & independence - women refusing to lay in bed and rest because they feel fine - that was me the first time) is cultural. I'd love to hear the opinion of a Mexican or other non-Western midwife on this subject.

Wow I just found this totally OT
University of Michigan - Health & Cultural Beliefs

[Quickening]

Im interested in this thread! I was "feeling sexy" the next day after birth up to two weeks but heard some weird stories about sex causing air embolisms in women if you have it too soon???

It scared me enough to wait til 4 weeks when my lochia was nonexistent but by then I had started to go off the idea of sex because of bf'ing hormones affecting me!

[pamamidwife]

IMO, I think it has more to do with the six week postpartum visit, in which nobody but your doctor/midwife can give you permission to do anything with your body.

:LOL

Seriously, I think that's the attitude. "Better wait until I can check you out and give you the go-ahead...."

I think the risk of infection is pretty rare, though I would assume that if you have tears/open lacerations that are at risk of infection, you probably wouldn't feel like having sex anyway.

I think that deep connection postpartum is so important for some couples. For other women, they are touched out and often feel like they need some more time. I leave it completely up to the woman. Not her partner. It's all up to her.

[stayinghome]

I think we had a go about three weeks pp with all of ours. I say if you feel good, then it's probably about time...

[georgia]

it took six months for my episiotomy to "physically" heal.....12 months for me to feel even sort of human, still healing emotionally from it! w/my last hb, i felt awesome within days--but couldn't seem to find any time w/o nurslings around to take anyone up on it

i say go for it

[bri276]

well......
it's not exactly the same thing, but after I had cryotherapy of the cervix I waited a full 8 weeks to have sex, and used a condom too, but immediately got an infection. Then I had to wait another 4 weeks to try it again.
So, my line of thinking is I'll wait the 6 wks. Infections may be rare, but they're not fun.

[Full Heart]

Never waited longer than 4 weeks personally.

In our culture, when you are expected back to work in 6-12 weeks. When most women get little support after birth physcially and emotionally you just don't have the time to rest. When you have other kids to take care of, if your partner works, if you have no family around women have to be on their feet very soon after birth.

Honestly I heard of women giving birth and immediatly getting up and working both here in Americas past and other cultures. It probably just varies from culture to culture and from time to time based on what we find important and how our lives change.

I personally never understood many of the things that women are told after birh, or heck even before! One poor lady was told not to lift anything heavier than 10 lbs. Her newborn weighed more than that at birth! She didn't know if that meant she couldn't carry her own baby around. My mil was told to clean her nipples before each feeding with rubbing alcohol! I think momma knows best, not some culture or some dr. One ladies custom was to only eat bland food the first 6 weeks after birth. Which meant food like plain rice. She was dying for food with flavor.

I think Pam is right too in that drs have to give women permission to do something with their bodies. Which also presents a problem if the woman doesn't want to have sex, but her dr said it was ok, so she gets pressured by her partner - because whats her problem? The dr said it was ok.

Michelle

[Greaseball]

With the first, I waited 2.5 weeks. I had a forceps delivery with internal tearing and the stitches were not out yet. I was still bleeding.

With the 2nd, I waited a week. No tears, but still bleeding.

Both times, I felt ready. Actually, I felt ready much earlier but it was dh who insisted we wait! :LOL No problems either time. If you just wait until you feel like it, you will probably be fine.

[philomom]

Both times I had a baby, I was not cut and did not tear. I stopped bleeding after ten days and felt sexy after two weeks. So we made love. I was a trifle sore but loved being close with hubby again.

For me six weeks without would have been too long! I am a hot mama!

[captain optimism]

I have a different experience. At my six week post partum appointment, the midwife said incredulously, "You haven't had sex yet?" It felt like a criticism! I mean it really felt BAD!

Since she had given me an episiotomy and it wasn't totally healed yet, it was kind of like adding (mild) insult to (mild) injury. She continued to urge me to have sex as she fitted me for a diaphragm and I bled all over the place from the incision.

[loewymartin]

My OB said to wait until my 6 week appointment; more due to my 3 stiches then anything else. But we didn't and had sex around week 4 or so. At my 6 week appointment I found that my last stich had popped and they had to cauterize the area...ouch! Actually, while it burned a bit and smelled while he did it, it wasn't too bad. But I seemed *more* sore from that then I was after birthing DD! So, this time around I'm going to wait the 6 weeks (or right around there :LOL ) depending on how this birth goes.

I really think if you feel ready, and you want to then you should.

Michelle

[Electra375]

Okay, after my c/s I think we waited 2 wks with the first and not that long w the second. But after my hb, well that was at least 8 wks and even then it was more for him than me.

My mw told me to take it slow and let her know how it went when it happened. I tore inside 2nd degree, but almost 3rd and I bruised so badly. DD is a year old and well things still aren't right, but I've finally figure some of it out and now I feel comfortable enough to have a CNM take a look.

As for post-pardum visits, after my stitches were out -- I never did go for a 6 wk or later post-pardum visit. My mw came out around 3 mo or so, but it wasn't an exam so to speak.