"No intercourse for 6 weeks"- rationale? is this just arbitrary? - Page 2

[NoraB]

I was not ready for sex until about 8 weeks pp w/ DD. Don't know how I'll feel after this baby, but I'll probably stick w/ the 6 week ban. I don't know how arbitrary it is, but I personally feel the break is necessary for me (though maybe I'll feel differently after the birth of this baby).

[the_lissa]

Originally Posted by NoraB

(though maybe I'll feel differently after the birth of this baby).

Ha definite possibility. I thought I would wait months, and I could barely wait two weeks.

[sunbaby]

i felt sexy and emotionally ready pretty fast, but was given the 6 week rule by a midwife i love and really trust. so i waited the obligatory six weeks, and went for it. boy was i sorry. it felt like losing my virginity all over again. i dont know why i hurt so much. maybe my tear was very bad? i felt pretty great for other activities, but i was high on endorphins and feeling no pain once i had my girl in my arms, so that painful sex was really a surprise.

[applejuice]

I believe the six week rule has its origins in the bible, in the book of leviticus.

There is a law for the "impurity" (bleeding) after birth.

[LoveChild421]

man I don't see how you wait 6 weeks! Philomom we're on the same wavelength

One midwife told me she "really likes for you to wait 6 weeks" and I was like "that's nice, what if I DON'T like to wait 6 weeks?" I figured if there was some real risk involved they would tell you so?

I am so glad we didn't wait 6 weeks- we would have gone mad with frustration- especially with the stress of a new baby...we needed a release

[Greaseball]

Yeah...after all that so-so, 8-and-9-months-pregnant sex, I wanted to get back into real sex right away!


Hamsters have sex right after giving birth...and they get pregnant right away! That's one thing I sure don't want right after delivery!

[Keeper]

I'm with Greaseball. We stopped being able to have meaningful sex (or really, sex at all) at 30 weeks. It was all we could do to go 16 days after the birth of my youngest. That was our longest wait, because I had a tiny tear that didn't need any stitching.

Emotionally, I could never make it 6 weeks, with the stresses of a new family member and sleep deprivation, without that connection with my husband.

Sarah

[wasabi]

Originally Posted by applejuice

I believe the six week rule has its origins in the bible, in the book of leviticus.

There is a law for the "impurity" (bleeding) after birth.

Not sure if it's exactly that. The impurity laws differ depending on the sex of the baby and the clock doesn't start ticking until the bleeding stops. However a woman does bring a gift to the temple 40 days after the birth of a boy or 80 days after the birth of a girl so there could be a connection there. Christians in medieval times had a "churching" ceremony 40 days after giving birth since that's when Mary went to the temple so there could be that angle as well.

[Yummymummy74]

The soonest I have had sex after birth was 7 days ...yup we could not wait.
average for me is 14 days I at least prefer the bleeding to be a bit slowed. ( I tend to bleed 6-8 weeks pp) but it was just not an issue..mind you I don't think I have ever showed for a "6 week visit" :LOL even when I used to use medical providers for birth.

[mnnice]

I'll be another dissenter here. I waited 5 1/2 weeks after ds was born and if I had it do to over I would wait longer. It hurt like hell and dh and I both found it to be way less than satisfying even with tons of extra lubercation. I was still bleeding at the time (very lightly) and had the epis from hell. Hopefully I'll have better experience this time.

[Storm Bride]

hmmm...if I have a vaginal birth this time, maybe I will wait the six weeks. Both of mine have been c-section, and I felt emotionally ready in about two weeks, but it was far too painful, and there was absolutely no position that didn't strain the incision. The wait felt like forever!!

[ZeldasMom]

Hope this isn't too graphic, but the thought of doing anything that involved penetration killed any sexual thoughts/feelings I had during the first 8 weeks or so (I had a small tear). Fortunately there are ways to be intimate and sexual with your partner other than intercourse!

[Belle]

I had a 1st degree tear after my dd's birth. I was not feeling sexy and it was actually a relief not to have to worry about sex because "My OB forbade it" My dh respected this even though he thought I was especially sexy after the birth and definately wanted to.
Sex before dd was born was great though. I think my dh was a little inhibited though towards the end.

[mrspeeper]

Originally Posted by sevenkids

6 weeks before sex.

This started back in the day, when every body was drugged, no one breastfed, and everyone got an episiotomy.

6 weeks is the time it takes a large episiotomy to heal.
6 weeks is the time it takes a non-nursing mother to resume her periods and get on birth control.

Most ladies start to feel sexy again about 4 weeks after birth. Some ladies, who really need the rest due to demanding DH's and other children, I'll tell them (in their partner's presence) six weeks of no heavy housework, no lifting, and no sex. Most ladies I'll advise them to resume when they feel sexy.

4 weeks ??!!! Is something wrong with me? It's been 6 months since DS was born (traumatically) and I have absolutely no desire. Nada. Poor DH.

[captain crunchy]

Yeah, I don't believe I will be one of those *I couldn't wait* people...but I could suprise myself.

I think it will be an overall adjustment, physically, emotionally, etc...plus the added attention given to a newborn (yeah I wanna have sex after nursing for 12 hours straight and getting 3 hours of sleep in 2 days...lol)....but we could have the *easiest* baby in the world, ya never know...I could tear, I could be perfectly fine, so on and so on...

I say *wait and see* but I am erring on the side that I don't think I will be much "in the mood" for a while...

[Momtwice]

Most ladies start to feel sexy again about 4 weeks after birth.

Not most of the ladies I know!

Originally Posted by mrspeeper

4 weeks ??!!! Is something wrong with me? It's been 6 months since DS was born (traumatically) and I have absolutely no desire. Nada. Poor DH.

Feeling sexy at 4 weeks or even 6 months is not the experience of most moms I know. I would hate for you to feel you are not normal...I think you are, and I think a lusty new mom is normal too.

[georgia]

mrspeeper, not at all! see my prev. post---it took me 12 months w/my first to even consider doing anything that might result in another birth what a sad commentary on the state of maternal "care."

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by mrspeeper

4 weeks ??!!! Is something wrong with me? It's been 6 months since DS was born (traumatically) and I have absolutely no desire. Nada. Poor DH.

Nothing wrong with you at all. Different women...different hormone balances, different psychological reactions, different exhaustion levels, different lifestyle factors (eg. how much help you can get with the little one), different babies with different needs. It's absolutely different for everybody. I had one friend who was having sex right up to the day she went into labour (with both her children) and was having sex within two weeks of her c-sections! I asked her once if that wasn't painful, and she said "yeah, kinda - but it's better than going without". Everyone's different.

[yeni]

When my 1st was born, I was so sore for the longest time. I can't remember how long we waited to have sex, but it was at least 8 weeks, it was painful, and it was months and months before I had even the slightest desire.

I just found this thread from a search because now I'm almost 6 weeks PP, still not completely done with the lochia (think it took about 8 wks with dd), but I am SO SICK of waiting. I wish I'd seen weeks ago that not everyone says you have to wait 6 weeks and until the lochia has completely stopped! Shh, don't tell our midwife what I'll be doing tonight!