Dh and I both have an allowance. I sah, he woh and handles all the bills. I hate dealing w/the bills but make any of the phone calls that need to be made (disputing charges, reducing services, etc.)
We set an amount to basically keep dh in line w/his spending. Dh has fourteen thousand different hobbies (ok, I'm slightly exagerating, but only slightly) and they tend to be expensive. So we set an amount so that he can still feel like he can spend money w/out always having to "check in" (we check w/each other before we make any purchase over $100). I don't really use my part of the allowance (I don't buy a lot of things for myself) but it sits there accumulating for me.
For instance, if I want to buy diapers for the new baby but it's something very functional like prefolds, kissaluv 0's, or basic covers, it comes out of the household budget, if I want to buy some really expensive diaper (can't think of any that I want/need right now) then the price would come 1/2 out of the household budget and 1/2 out of my "allowance." Clear as mud?
OP: I hope I don't offend you, but if my dh were to respond to my money requests as yours does, I would sit him down and we would talk about what his expectations were. Occasionally I do have to remind him that I sahm because it works for us spiritually and financially. (This mostly comes up in regards to housework not getting done during the day, not money). Anyway, I hope you can resolve your issues w/your dh. It helps me to realize (when dh and I talk money) that very rarely is money the actual issue, it's usually power, lack of power, control, lack of control, entitlement, etc. Good luck!