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SAHM... do you get an allowance?

post #1 of 117
Thread Starter 
Okay, my dh doesn't give or leave me any money unless I ask for it a thousand times. Then he rolls his eyes if it's for something personal for ME and not for the household. I do get grocery money, obviously... but I shouldn't take from the grocery money for my own needs. So, I'm going to sit the "boss (LOL)" down and ask for a "raise (again, LOL)".

Do you get an allowance?
How much?
What is that money for?

How does it work in your family??

Thanks ladies!
post #2 of 117
Dh does all the finances (because he's good at it and I would rather pull my fingernails off one by one than be in charge of bills, etc). I don't get an allowance- but I don't have a budget, either. I just buy what we need/want and if there's something I really want that's extravagent, I tell dh I'm buying a Mother's Day or birthday present for myself early :LOL He doesn't say anything about what I spend, for the most part, and I don't spend much on myself, either. Now the kids' clothes- he does question some of the credit card bills from Hanna Andersson , but mostly, he leaves the spending up to me.
post #3 of 117
No allowance. We both have debit cards on a joint checking account and I just spend it how I please.
post #4 of 117
I have a credit card in my name but on my husband's account. I can spend whatever I want, but he can see everything I buy, so that keeps me in check -- I no longer buy a new $200 handbag every season or $140 jeans. We need that money for other things now. He doesn't get upset if I spend on myself a bit, though.

If I need cash, I either ask him for some before he leaves in the morning or draw from our joint account, but we have to keep a large amount of money in that account to maintain "premium checking" status , so I don't do that very often. Not to mention going to the bank/ATM is a PITA with a 9-month-old. Basically, I mostly use the credit card for everything (we pay it off every month and never carry a balance). It works well for us.
post #5 of 117
Agree with both pp's.


I do consider it my responsibility (as it is his) to live within our means, think about purchases and spend/ save wisely. I also handle the bills. We discuss larger purchases (furniture or larger appliance).
post #6 of 117
Allowance? No way!

Maybe I am overly caught up in semantics, but the idea of a allowance for an equal partner in a relationship bugs me. Can you call it something else? Please?

When I was a SAHM, I was (and still am) in charge of all money. It was OUR money--my husband did not have to give me anything.

I know different couples handle finances differently, and that's cool. Just wanted to add this perspective.



fasten your seatbelts, we will be departing shortly
post #7 of 117
Do you get an allowance?
nope
How much?
n/a
What is that money for?
n/a

How does it work in your family??
I give dh money! He goes to work, I do the rest. In our house, she who pays the bills, gets the $$$. :LOL No, it's not that bad. Dh is fine with it. He just takes what he needs and I take the rest.
post #8 of 117
No strict budget or allowance but dh lets me know every pay period whether money is tight and I need to stick to necessities, or whether we have a little wiggle room for extras. He'll give me a general budget when I'm shopping for something specific, like clothes (either for hte kids or me). Just something like "try not to go over $X on that"
post #9 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by wolfmama
Allowance? No way!

Maybe I am overly caught up in semantics, but the idea of a allowance for an equal partner in a relationship bugs me. Can you call it something else? Please?

When I was a SAHM, I was (and still am) in charge of all money. It was OUR money--my husband did not have to give me anything.

I know different couples handle finances differently, and that's cool. Just wanted to add this perspective.



fasten your seatbelts, we will be departing shortly


post #10 of 117
No allowance here, I handle all the finances. We both have access to the checking account. It is usually me who tells him if we are getting low on funds. He never questions what I buy or how much I spend as long as the bills are getting paid he is happy.
post #11 of 117
I'm with wolfmama on this one. No way would that be cool. I am a careful spender and do have a little "pin money" from a job I do once a week. If we need to make a major purchase, we confer with each other.
post #12 of 117
I get money every two weeks. For gas in my van, for babysitters, for grocery, for extraneous expenses "Honey can you go get a new fluorescent bulb for the kitchen at Home Depot".

I do not do the budget. I am not in control of the money. I totally suck at bookkeeping, if we just both pulled money out of the joint account, it would be a disaster and I'm the one with the spending problems! It is just easier this way. We are both happy.

I would rather not say how much I get. We looked at what I spent every 2 weeks over a 3 month period and came up with my little share of the money. So far it's working out very nicely!
post #13 of 117
[QUOTE=wolfmama]
Maybe I am overly caught up in semantics, but the idea of a allowance for an equal partner in a relationship bugs me. Can you call it something else? Please? (QUOTE)

Yes, even the title set my teeth to grinding. Mama, you gotta work something out so you are not needing to beg for money!

In our house we both have ATM cards w/access to all funds, so we can get $ as needed. Of course we discuss major purchases, but we trust & respect each other enough that we do not need to account for each others spending.
post #14 of 117
I am not really a SAHM in many senses (I generally woh but at night while kids sleep). I grew up in a family where women always took charge of finances. DH was opposite. I never heard of a man in charge of money til DH family.

needless t osay-if I do not pay the bills-they do not get paid... lol
post #15 of 117
We both go over the bills and we have a joint account - if I need money,and we have some, I go and get it.

Kitty
post #16 of 117
We have a joint account with checks and debit cards. If I need cash I get some from the ATM. There is no allowance here. We are both adults.
post #17 of 117
Dh and I both have an allowance. I sah, he woh and handles all the bills. I hate dealing w/the bills but make any of the phone calls that need to be made (disputing charges, reducing services, etc.)

We set an amount to basically keep dh in line w/his spending. Dh has fourteen thousand different hobbies (ok, I'm slightly exagerating, but only slightly) and they tend to be expensive. So we set an amount so that he can still feel like he can spend money w/out always having to "check in" (we check w/each other before we make any purchase over $100). I don't really use my part of the allowance (I don't buy a lot of things for myself) but it sits there accumulating for me.

For instance, if I want to buy diapers for the new baby but it's something very functional like prefolds, kissaluv 0's, or basic covers, it comes out of the household budget, if I want to buy some really expensive diaper (can't think of any that I want/need right now) then the price would come 1/2 out of the household budget and 1/2 out of my "allowance." Clear as mud?

OP: I hope I don't offend you, but if my dh were to respond to my money requests as yours does, I would sit him down and we would talk about what his expectations were. Occasionally I do have to remind him that I sahm because it works for us spiritually and financially. (This mostly comes up in regards to housework not getting done during the day, not money). Anyway, I hope you can resolve your issues w/your dh. It helps me to realize (when dh and I talk money) that very rarely is money the actual issue, it's usually power, lack of power, control, lack of control, entitlement, etc. Good luck!
post #18 of 117
We share everything. No one has more control over the money than the other. Currently I do the bookkeeping, but we take turns (1-2 years at a time) because we both dislike it and both are equally good at it. When I get sick of it and think he can handle it again on his plate (time-wise) I will hand it back to him for a while.

We both always have access to the money and the books.
We both have credit cards in our own names, with the other as authorized user with a separate card.

We even consult about how to divide dh's pension investment within the company's plan.

Anything else would feel out-of-balance and unnatural for us.
post #19 of 117
No I don't. But he does!!! I do all the day to day finances, he does the investing, and he comes to me if he needs money. Even though he is the one whose name is on the paycheck.
post #20 of 117
The word allowance really bothers me too.


I am incharge of all the money and bills. All dh does is work :LOL!

Any major decisions we make together, but I do most of the shopping. Dh buys lunch 2-3 times a week and lets me know if he spends more than normal. He hates to carry cash and uses a cc to pay for everything. If he needs cash, he asks me for it (or his dad - who he works for and always carries cash ).
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