SAHM... do you get an allowance? - Page 4

[PadmaMorgana]

No allowance. I think if DH told me he was giving me an allowance I would start charging him for dinner

DH makes the money and pays the bills (he does it all online). I spend money how I see fit for the house. Groceries, household stuff and little things (like lunch on the way home from playgroup) go on the debit card. Gas and expensive trips to Heck-Mart go on the credit card (we get 1% back and DH uses it for work expenses). I take out money when I go grocery shopping (easier than another stop at the bank).

Large things for me, like clothes for me and the kids and salon appointments (cut and colour please) I tell DH I need it and he either tells me fine or wait until he gets paid. He buys clothes as he needs them. Big purchases we make together.

The only thing we argue about is me buying cloth diapers. I am slightly addicted :LOL It usualy works out fine, by me hiding all the good diapers and getting him to change DD using the ones falling apart (my washer is harsh on clothes). He sees my point eventually, and he trusts me to use good judgement.

[Greaseball]

To me, I like the term "allowance" because it implies I have a right to it regardless of the "job" I do. If it were a "salary," "earnings" or "wages" it would mean (to me) that it was tied to my "performance."

If we eat nothing but fast food for a week straight and dh has to do all the mopping, I am still entitled to my allowance. Now, if it were a salary, I'd feel that I had to earn it by performing optimally in all areas of the home. I deserve my allowance simply because I live in the home.

I think people don't like the word "allowance" because it reminds them of being a child. But a lot of children don't get a true allowance, even though that's probably what their parents called it.

About credit cards...our cards have high interest rates and are almost always very close to maxed out. It costs a lot less to just get cash from dh.

[brookely ash]

I run the money - dh gets the allowance.

[shishkeberry]

We don't have enough money for either of us to have an allowance :LOL We both ask each other if it's ok to spend a little on ourselves. I have to ask him if I can and he has to ask me if he can.

EDIT- Although it's usually him asking me if he can. I'm the one who does the bills and the budget, so I'm the one who knows how much money is extra.

[Viola]

My dh does all the bills because I suck at that. He doesn't actually do all the bills, really, because I have several credit cards in my name. I also have my own checking account and we have a joint checking and savings account. I can transfer money from our joint accounts into my account as I need, but I talk to him first about how much I am going to take.

I prefer not to walk around with cash as I just spend it. DH always has to have cash on his person. Sometimes I have him trying to give me cash because he says he worries about me running around town with no money. I guess he thinks I'll be picked up for vagrancy or something. :LOL Actually, I think he is half serious.

We end up talking about big purchasing decisions. Like he really wanted a Sony PSP. I kind of bitched and moaned when he brought it up--"but we are supposed to be saving money, we spent too much going to my sister's wedding and I feel like we are just hemmorhaging cash."

"OK," he says, "but when I get my cash sharing in May, I'm going to buy one then." Fine, no problem.

Two days later he says, "I cracked and went out and bought a PSP on my lunch break. But I'm going to start skipping meals. I figure I spend at least $10 a day in food."

"Ummm, OK, you don't have to quit eating, we just should make a concentrated effort not to eat out, and you should not order pizza from Domino's anymore."

"You're right, Papa Murphy's is much cheaper."

I won't mention how much I've spent on groceries in the last month, with two trips to Trader Joe's in one week, plus a big food co-op order. If dh would just eat the food I cook, we'd save more money.

[number572]

There are many dynamics of the family unit so as long as your situation works & you're happy in it, great! Some sahms may truly enjoy the position of being taken care of by their partner.

But, if this situation is really bothering you & you need of a way to help your dh realize that you are not simply a STAY-AT-HOME-mom, as severely misunderstood by majority of people who've never done it... in reality you are a 24/7 childcaregiver/cook/housecleaner/laundry service/personal shopper/etc - who equally DESERVES to get paid just as he does, fairly, only your salary will need to come from the house budget (regardless that one of you works away from the home in order to fill the house bank, both of you WORK for the family unit, right??)

Figure out how much the "house" budget for each of these jobs that you do everyday should pay & try to keep it fair to yourself as much as possible without breaking the bank. The total $ of the sahm jobs is technically your salary... (which does NOT mean that all of that is free for your disposal) After figuring out your salary, both of you then figure out how much the household bills are, divided equally. Whatever is left over for each of you is what might be considered "personal cash". Neither of you should be without at least a little personal cash & the personal cash does not get spent on the house or the kids, those are household expenses.

Any *extra* money for personal things could be considered an "allowance" of sorts, but be sure to get paid for your tough work first!





This is all jmo of course & wouldn't have responded but the title & subject made me do it!!! - differing financial opinions... kinda like religion & politics!

[alexisyael]

We have a joint account, and joint credit card and I spend what I want. (I'm a SAH, but not yet a mom, unless you count our sweet doggie, which I do! I do make a little money teaching Tribal bellydance classes, but really, that's extra.)

However, we confer with one another on "major purchases" -- the definition of which has changed over the years. And occasionally one of us has cash when the other doesn't (going to the bank is a PITA) and we "steal" cash from one another's wallets. (It isn't borrowing, since it isn't paid back).

I'm in charge of the bills. It stresses dh out too much. Occasionally we have to confer (we have complicated finances, since dh's salary is US money, and we are US citizens living in Canada. Trans-national banking really sucks!)

I would be really po'd if I had an "allowance" -- and it would make my dh very uncomfortable, too. We do all our shopping together, except on very odd occasions (someone is sick, or something).

[~ATenthMuse~]

Originally Posted by Viola

I won't mention how much I've spent on groceries in the last month, with two trips to Trader Joe's in one week, plus a big food co-op order. If dh would just eat the food I cook, we'd save more money.

Exactly! My dh actually gets lunch for free at several places but still I get receipts from his many coffee shop treats. AND I do cook dinner for him most days before he leaves but sometimes it's just TOO healthy he says!!!

sorry for the rant.... :

[its_our_family]

Originally Posted by mum2a&a

but still I get receipts from his many coffee shop treats.

I was talking toa co-worker of dh's. He jsut went out and bought a 400 dollar coffee/espresso machine. He said if he started making his at home then in 4 months he would have saved more than that by going to Starbucks HALF as often That is a lot of coffee drinks!

[MamaWindmill]

We have joint everything, and spend what we spend. I was working part time last year, and that money went into the family account; I quit about 2 months ago (we're expecting a baby, like, yesterday). Having said that, I wouldn't feel comfortable being told what I could and couldn't spend, whether I contribute financially or not. I'm a grown woman, I'll buy what I want to buy, and the same goes for him. I think I would feel insulted if my husband suggested something like this to me - as if I'm so dense, selfish, or childish that I would recklessly spend us into the poorhouse.

Originally Posted by Viola

Two days later he says, "I cracked and went out and bought a PSP on my lunch break. But I'm going to start skipping meals. I figure I spend at least $10 a day in food."

:LOL

Just as an aside, my husband also "cracked" under the pressure of PSP lust, and sold off the Gamecube and several games to buy it (leaving "only" the Xbox, PS2, and several vintage game systems). He absolutely could not wait and HAD to have it (I guess I'll have to think of something else to save for and give him for our anniversary in July :P). He figures if he liquidates entertainment items to purchase other entertainment items, it's not like spending money at all, but simply swapping one thing for another! :LOL

[PumpkinSeeds]

Spending money?


What's that?

[queen bee]

I handle the money in the family, and we each have a personal allowance - a certain amount of cash every two weeks. We started doing this last year and it has dramatically simplified record-keeping - its so much easier than keeping track of debit card purchases, and it eliminates the need for "checking in."

[lab]

Heeellll nooooooo

I give him the moolah!

[TiredX2]

I have an allowance. I admit it.

DP does too.

We met in high school then went through college & grad school for DP together so we got used to really watching every penny. By the time we got a little, it was really, really, really hard for us to spend it on ourselves. On the kids--- no problem. On something we knew was "wasteful", like lunch out with the guys, a chai tea, some fudge... oh so hard. So we just gave ourselves an allowance. $ with no guilt attached. Last year I saved some so we could go out to a really nice dinner once and it was great--- otherwise I would have stressed. DP gets video games, I get candy, books, etc... You could call it spending money, whatever, we just don't have any issue w/calling it an allowance (also we get it weekly the same day the kids get their allowance. Honestly, I like that part of it because then I can point out to the kids when I am buying something I want I am budgeting money for that--- I just don't buy *whatever* I want).

The money is all ours though. We generally agree before hand on any large purchases, but I did buy a garage door opener last year ($200) w/out explicitly checking it. We both have a couple credit cards and a debit card and so constant access to our money. I physically pay the bills and balance the accounts, though.

[USAmma]

Right now my IL's are here so our budget is all messed up. As soon as they go back to India we plan to change things a little. Dh is always on me about spending money, or giving me warnings like "Don't spend too much okay, just buy what's necessary." OTOH I feel that since I'm frugal that spending a little as a treat is okay without needing to justify it.

So, I'm going to open a seperate account. Dh's check is put into our joint account. He will pay all the monthly bills, put a little in savings, and then forward the rest of the money left from his paycheck to my account (keeping a small cushion on our account). So then I know exactly how much I have to work with each month. I have to use it for groceries and other necessities, but any left over is mine to keep!

No more nagging from either of us, no more resentmemt.

[witchbaby]

no one has an allowance around here. we both have equal access to the bank account and its debit cards and checkbooks (we don't have credit cards because they scare me). i handle the finances for the most part, just because i'm the one who remembers to get the mail OUT of the mailbox and put the bills where i can see them to pay them
the boy works fulltime and i just started working parttime to cover the spread since we moved into a slightly more expensive place. even so, when i was a fulltime sahm, i didn't have an allowance or have to ask for money. the boy will ask me if we have enough money for such and such, because i usually have a better idea of the balance, but that's where it ends. we usually know about one anothers' spending and usually purchase large items (furniture, appliances, etc.) together, so no one is in the dark.
imho, i would be OFFENDED and probably soon divorced if i had to ask for money.

[Greaseball]

I'm surprised at how many SAHMs pay the bills. That never occurred to me; I mean, the checks are in dh's name, he has to put them in the bank, I just thought he would write the checks too.

Maybe it's different when there is no joint acct.

[CrazyRED]

ALLOWANCE!?!?! Good grief. I hope you don't have to clean your room before you can come out to play.

I SAHM too while DH makes the $$. This is a partnership and we share it all. The house, the cars, the kids, the chores, the problems and the money fall into the "ours" category.

[annakiss]

I too am in charge of all the money. DH doesn't really have much of a clue. We don't have much money, so I tell him whenever I buy something that we don't necessarily "need", and he makes sure with me which card to put his haircuts on and asks to get money out of the ATM. We have one single joint checking account with debit cards in our own names, one savings account (in my name just because I set it up recently), and a credit card that's his but we each have our own card. I pay all the bills. I deduct 10% of his paycheck each month and put it in the savings account. I do the budgeting. I do the planning. We've been married since we were 19 and got into trouble with overdrafts a few times, so I keep very careful track of our account now.

Once DH actually has a job, I want to switch how I do our finances a bit, which will also be necessary. We will have new bills (student loans) and at some point I want to have a real savings and to buy life insurance and start saving for retirement. I figure that he will have a retirement system through work and I'd like to have my own retirement account also deducted from his pay that is hopefully equal to his, or at least will be equal to his one day. That's way off-topic though.

I'm moving this to Finances...

[Viola]

Wow, where are we? I didn't even know this place existed. You learn something new every day.