Not sure how to stop unwanted gifts?

[Fiercemama]

I liked' Leatherette's thread on how to end a playdate "gracefully". I guess that's kind of what I'm going for here.

There is a mum at our daycare who is really kind and generous. We often ride in on the subway together. I think her DD is really crazy for mine.

But, we has been giving gifts that are things that we just don't approve of for our DD. Its the practice at our dc to give out loot bags at your child's birthday, rather than giving gifts to the birthday child. Its not obligitory - some families do it, some don't. Anyways, at her DD's 3rd birthday, her gift was a little plastic purse filled with cosmetics. The kids in the room range from 2.5 to 3.5 years. The purse had lip gloss, nail polish, eye shadow, body glitter, you name it. I tried to pass it on, but even a friend with a 10 year old said that she didn't think it was appropriate for her DD.

Out of the blue, the mum left an extremely sweet sugary lollipop in DD's cubby.

Last week at dc, I was putting on DD's shoes, and was asking her if they were getting tight. The mum overheard and asked if we needed shoes. She is friends with a mgr at a shoe store and gets tons of shoes for free. Her DD is much bigger than mine, and is growing like a weed. The next day she brought in a bag of about 5 pairs of shoes, lightly worn. I looked through them, and there is really only one pair of watershoes that we can use. There is a pair of Mary Janes that are a style we've already had and don't seem to fit DD very well. The rest are white runners emblazoned with characters, which I really hate. We don't boycott the characters, but I really try to avoid them. Also, I can't be bothered with shoes with laces, which most of them have.

Generally in this situation, I would just quietly accept the stuff, then dispose of it quietly, making sure that it got passed along to someone who can use it. I never put stuff in the garbage, I really like to find a home for this stuff. BUT she ALWAYS asks me if I got the gift. She's asked me once or twice about the shoes.

What do I say to her? She is a really lovely person, and I don't want to offend her, but I feel that its poor form to encourage her any farther.

[Magella]

When it comes to receiving gifts that we don't like, we often just accept them with a gracious 'thank you' then in the privacy of our own home decide whether to keep them, give them to someone who needs them, or toss them (if it's really junky). On occasion we've gotten hand-me-downs from our neighbor and there's just been too much or it's something I wouldn't want my daughter to wear, and I've said "Thank you so much, but some of these just don't fit, would you like them back so you can pass them along to someone else you know who could use them? Or should I pass them on myself?" Or, "thanks, that's so nice. But we already have one/some, and wouldn't really use it. Maybe you know someone else who could use it."

Maybe you could say something like "That was so nice of you to give us the shoes, but you know we don't usually use shoes with laces and the others don't fit my daughter quite right, so unfortunately we can't use them. Would you like to pass them along to someone else? I'd really like to see someone else benefit from your generosity."

[oliversmum2000]

i think that sledg has excellent suggestions. maybe with the sugary stuff you could mention to her that you daughter has sensitive teeth and has to avoid sugar completely as recommended by your dentist, which is basically true as all little kkids have very sensitive teeth and i am sure all dentists would reccomend avoiding sugary foods.

maybe the lady is trying to establish a friendship with you and this is her way of reaching out. perhaps you should invite her and her daughter over for a coffee.