Trying to Convince

[chickadee79]

A friend of mine has a 15yo son. I guess things have been pretty bad with getting him to go to school. The option was there last year for his son to homeschool, and at first he was all for it, then decided that it would be too much work for him to do on his own(his dad and step-mom both work). So, this year he has been cutting school quite a lot, he just refuses to go to school. His dad of course has fines and courtdates because of his son not going to school. They even went so far as to dropping him off at school every morning. The kid would walk in the front door and walk out the back door. He has even hidden in the basement of his house all day to avoid going to school.
Anyways, what I am asking is, what is there that I can relay to his dad about homeschooling? His dad is for it 100% but I am guessing that this boy thinks homeschooling is exactly like school, only at home. Are there any links or anything you all can tell me to help him? He is a really good kid, he just hates going to school. Obviously at the rate he is going now, once he turns 16 he is going to drop out I believe. I'm hoping if I get information on maybe unit studies or unschooling, that may interest him? He is in 9th grade. I really don't know what to do. I just really want to be able to do something. Thanks.

[nicole lisa]

This is probably not a great answer, but maybe he should drop out? My younger brother never attended school after grade eight, and there was no conscious decision to homeschool/unschool by him or my parents. He was always really bright but HATED school; but he could never articulate why (now he sure can, but he's 30!)

So he worked crap jobs and spent the rest of his days reading and writing and the reading and writing sustained him enough to keep working crap jobs. He never tried to school himself and he wasn't intentionally unschooling. But that was what he was doing. And after a few years of working crappy low wage hard labour jobs he went into university as a mature student (at 23). He excelled and was top of his class and LOVED it, because he was turned on to what he was studying (Russian language and literature.) No previous language instruction, no family connection to Russian and no high school equivalency. In his third year he went to Russia for a year and studied at a university there. Now he's done and works a better paying warehouse job (it has benefits) on the second shift so he can have his mornings off to read and write. He's also saving for grad school.

My parents were so distraught when he was a teen, thinking he would never get a good job or go to university etc (middle class family so university was considered a must) and they worried he was wasting his intellect. And my brother spent his teen years hiding from family gatherings worried he'd be judged and felt a bit like a failure in everyone else's eyes. If only my parents had known about unschooling back them.; it would have been much easier on all of them. Of course now they think he's IT and it's because of him that everyone is in support of DP and I unschooling our DS. They now have trust that you can learn outside of school.

My guess is your friend's son is scared and has no faith in himself. It's hard to trust yourself when you've spent a ton of years in a system that is built on mistrusting kids and youth. He's probably been made by teachers to feel intellectually lacking (my brother sure felt this) and academically incapable. If hw were my son I'd pull him out of school; he's not going anyway and at the very least it will save the father more fines etc (do they actually police this?) Whether or not the son decides to unschool or work within a curriculum he needs to deschool, which will take at least the rest of the school year and summer. My guess is he'll then start finding stuff he wants to learn and learn about and it will go naturally from there. And the most beautiful thing will be he'll, hopefully, start to trust himself and in his abilities to learn. maybe the dad can remind him or all the amazing stuff he's already learned outside of school starting with walking and talking and riding a bike and cooking and skateboarding etc etc (whatever his skills are) as a way to start boosting his self esteem?

I'm so glad you posted cause writing a response has got me thinking I need to write a thank you letter to my bro and tell him how much he's taught me and how DS is benefitting from that.

[Persephone]

That boy needs to read the Teenage Liberation Handbook.It was written to kids who are intensly dissatisfied with school and don't know why. The author is a former teacher who now encourages kids to quit high school and unschool themselves. And she explains why you hate school, even if you don't understand yourself. And then she gives TONS of resources for unschooling yourself in every subject, how to convince your parents, and "case studies" of kids who have done it, and how they school themselves. I WISH I had read it in high school!

[SagMom]

Yeah, The Teenage Liberation Handbook is a great idea. If he truely doesn't want to homeschool though, what about alternatives to the school he's in now? Are their any alternative high schools he could go to? If he's interested in college, could he enter a community college early? What about planning to take the GED and becoming an apprentice to someone?

unschooling.com has boards for kids who are unschooling--he could chat over there and get an idea of what kids his age do all day.

[chickadee79]

Thanks for your advice. I'll definitely be letting them know about the book.

Yes, they definitely do enforce parental fines for cutting school. At least in my area they do. But we are talking constant cutting. He hasn't been to school since March 10, I believe. $40/day. They had court today, haven't heard yet what happened. And this isn't the first time either.

As far as what he wants to do, I don't think he knows. He just doesn't want to go to school.

I'm not too sure about any alternatives to school, except homeschooling. I don't think there are any alternative schools, although I'll certainly mention the idea. He was really into the homeschooling at first, but then said he didn't think he had the motivation to do it by himself, since everyone works during the day.

Can anyone tell me a little about deschooling, if it is needed in their case? Do you just not do anything? That doesn't sound rigt but I hope you know what I mean.

I think he could maybe look into an apprentice-type situation, they certainly know enough people who are self-employed in some type or another who may be interested in it. I don't know about the GED though. I'm pretty sure he would do great on most of it, but he is in 9th grade, I can't imagine he has had some of the math that the GED has, you know? Although I think there is maybe a study book he could do before taking the GED? Does anyone know anything about that?

Thank you so much for all your suggestions.

[Ravin]

There's really nothing on the GED that a smart 8th grader who's had a smidgen of Algebra can't handle. And in many places there are GED prep courses that just last a few weeks (depending on the needs of the student). When my sister withdrew from high school (at 18 and a junior, upon finding out that because of previously being held back and then failing most of her junior year while my parents were in the middle of divorcing and she was moved to 3 high schools she wasn't going to graduate until after her 21st birthday), she took a GED prep class at the local community college that took like a month. She was never a particularly strong student, but did just fine.