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wondering about baby lost in-utero

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
I have alwaYS considered myself a very spiritual person. I was brought up catholic, but no longer consider myself any particular religion. It never bothered me not having a place to hang my hat until I recently lost my pregnancy at 15 weeks. I know my baby is OK and safe now, but I wonder where the baby is now. In heaven, reincarnated, waiting for me to get pregnant again? I just wish I had something to believe in.
I actually started laughing today thinking about what happened to my baby's spirit, because I started thinking about how we always talk about how babies are just born with certain personalities. We can influence them with our parenting, but there are some things that are just completely themselves. I have 3 boys and each is so different from the other that sometimes I really wonder where they come from! I was out walking in the wilderness, thinking that there is probably some couple who will be living in the city, and a few years from now their child will start dragging them out for nature walks and bringing strays in!! They'll look at each other and ask "where did this child come from?" That was my most current speculation! Does anyone else have other ideas?
post #2 of 14
A Hug & my 2 cents......
on what the bible says about where babies (we) come from...

Psalm 139:13-16

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.



Psalm 22:9

Yet you brought me out of the womb;

you made me trust in you

even at my mother's breast.

From birth I was cast upon you;

from my mother's womb you have been my God.
post #3 of 14
I'm so sorry for your loss.

I believe that your babe was sent from God and has returned to Him; and that you will see your baby again in the kingdom of Heaven where he/she is waiting for you.

Ms. D
post #4 of 14
I lost dd1's twin at 13 weeks. I just wanted to tell you I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm Catholic, and I don't have any certain, perfect answer to your question. I'm so reminded of the nuns shrugging when we pressed them on matters of faith and say "It's a mystery."

For me, not knowing but believing the same thing as skellebelle about it, it is enough to know that God knows the where/what/how /why of it. And someday, when I see God, I hope that God will tell me. In the meantime, I just ask God to comfort me. I will hope that you are comforted also.
post #5 of 14
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much for your words. I am slowly begining to accept the fact that I won't really know exactly what happened to my baby, but that God will take good care of him/her!
I like to think that Mary is also watching out for my baby. I found a beautiful little church with a Mary statue holding Jesus and her hands out in blessing. I felt like she was calling to me. I made my husband stop and get flowers and I went back and spoke to her. I asked her to take good care of my baby and to help me cope with my pain. I left the flowers at her feet. The name of the church was The Little Flower. Somehow it just seemed right. I felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders and that everything would eventually be OK and I no longer had any fear for my little one!
post #6 of 14
"I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Can't remember which book of the Bible this comes from, but it always reminds me He loves us ALWAYS...as an embryo, a fetus, a baby, a teenager, an old lady,...
I pray that you find comfort in these words, it seems like difficult times are when faith is strengthened.
Hugs!
post #7 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by race_kelly
The name of the church was The Little Flower. Somehow it just seemed right.
Was it a Catholic church? St. Therese of Lisieux is often referred to as "The Little Flower". She was always a frail child, and died of tuberculosis as a teenager. She left a big impact, though....she's one of the most popular saints in the world!
post #8 of 14
Thread Starter 
skellbelle-
It was a catholic church. Do you know anything else about St. Therese. There just seemed to be something so comforting about the church and the statue.
post #9 of 14
Oh, I love St. Therese! She's the patron saint of the small mission chapel I attend. She's best known for her "little way". She was a Carmelite nun and so fragile in health that she could not do much physically, an endless source of frustration for her. So she adopted a "little way" of sacrificing herself in whatever small ways she could find. She kept a daily count of her good deeds with a string of beads she carried with her. (My RE class makes a replica of the beads every year on October 1, St. Therese's feast day.) It was very important to Therese that she make a impact on the world in the name of Christ; something she probably accomplished more in death than in life.

Therese is almost always depicted in a Carmelite habit and holding flowers, usually roses.

Her autobiography. The Story of A Soul, is a popular book.

St. Therese is the Patroness of florists, foreign missions, pilots, and France.

I'll admit that I'm not one to pray for intercession of Saints (although I don't discourage it); but if you're comfortable doing so, perhaps you might want to ask St. Therese for intercession on your sweet baby's behalf.

I'm glad you found comfort in her.
post #10 of 14
I am pagan and believe in reincarnation. I believe each individual spirit has so much to learn that they can't possibly do it all in one life time. I was very confused about my own beliefs when my daughter died a year ago. I finally understood why heaven was so important to people. It was nice to think of her floating around with the spirits of family and friends around her. But that isn't what I believe. It took me a while, but I finally came to terms with her death and my spirituality. I believe that babies choose the family they want to be born into. When things don't go as planned, such as with miscarriage and stillbirth, the spirit has a choice to make whether they want to return again to the same family through another pregnancy, or move on to a different incarnation. For me personally I believe that Arawyn chose me because there was something I needed to learn from her. I have a very strong feeling that she won't be back. I only hope that she learned whatever it is she needed to learn from me.
post #11 of 14
I saw a wonderful movie about St. Therese on television a while back. Apparently there's another one out now: http://www.religiouslife.com/pr_09-24-04.phtml

Here's are some links to the life and works of St. Therese (and those who venerate her today):

http://therese-de-lisieux.cef.fr/ang/frameang.htm

http://www.saint-therese.org/Shrine....lower?OpenPage

http://www.littleflower.org/

Here is the list of her patronage:

atronage
African missions, AIDS sufferers, air crews, aircraft pilots, aviators, Belgian air crews, black missions, bodily ills, diocese of Fairbanks Alaska, diocese of Fresno California, diocese of Pueblo Colorado, florists, flower growers, foreign missions, France, illness, loss of parents, missionaries, parish missions, restoration of religious freedom in Russia, Russia, sick people, sickness, Spanish air crews, tuberculosis

Here's where I got that from:
http://www.catholic-forum.com/saints/saintt02.htm

May you be comforted by the communion of Saints and our Heavenly Father.
post #12 of 14
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for all the information. I am an avid gardener and flowers have always brought me great comfort and joy. I just planted a flower garden and planted many sunflowers. I planted it with my 3 boys and also found great comfort in the soil and thought of my little baby the whole time. Perhaps this is why I was so drawn to St. Therese's church. There is something very religious to me about growing things.
iris- Thank you also for your view. I also feel like there was something that the little soul needed from me. I hope that it recieved all it needed from me. I also think that maybe the baby was sent to me to teach me something too. I am always trying to find ways to control "my world". This year, I have learned there are a lot of things that I can't control, even with all my planning and reading and studying. I guess letting go and trusting that there is some type of plan is very difficult for me. I feel like perhaps this is God's, or the Universe, or Mother Nature's was to teach me to take a deep breath and let go. Your comment about making a choice made me smile with a bit of dark humour, because a few days after the loss, I was sitting at the kitchen table. My 3 boys were running around like crazy screaming and playing, and I looked up at my husband and said, " I know what happened. The baby was a girl. She heard the little maniacs running around, and thought, 'the Kelly household, I don't think so' and that was the end of that!
post #13 of 14
Thread Starter 
I was thnking about St. Therese today and thinking about her "little way". I thought that perhaps if I could do little good deeds for others that helping other people might also help me feel better. Now I need a plan. I never thought that it would be difficult to think of good deeds to do. I mean it is easy to let someone go first at the grocery store or when driving or help someone carry something, but I would like to do something maybe more related to pregnancy and birth loss. Anyone have any sugestions?
post #14 of 14
I'm sorry for your loss.

We lost a baby at 5 weeks nearly 3 years ago now...........

Have you ever read Saved By the Light by Betty J Eadie? (not sure about spelling?)

I read it years ago at my mother's urging after we lost my grandfather and I sunk into a depression/anxety over it. At that time it gave me peace over his death but still didn't ring anything true for me . I am a devout Catholic, trust God implicitly. Anyway there is a section there where Betty (she died and came back) speaks of these beautiful tiny baby angel spirits that are just giddy with white light and bliss....and then there are some very solemn and sad.........she said the happy ones were the souls/spirits of the babies-to-be who have yet to come into their mother's womb or take on their body form while in womb, and the sad ones were the same only they knew they weren't meant to survive for whatever reason and they were sad for their prospective parents.

This has since given me such peace, knowing the child we lost wasn't meant to stay with us. But that child's leaving also gave us our newest daughter who is now a year old. I have days where I struggle with that but for mere moments now.

I think basically whatever gives you peace and some sort of calm, is what you should take stock in. But I do believe our babies are in God's hands.......safe and sound and we will see them one day. :
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