Sheltering is sometimes a good thing

[USAmma]

I don't believe in totally sheltering a child from everything bad, but there are certain things that I would like to expose Abi to when I think she's ready, and with me by her side to explain it to her.

My friend, a fellow homeschooling mom, took her 3 kids to a free arts and crafts thing at the mall. Instead of the normal craft the children were asked to decorate boxes for a children's book drive coming up. While her 7yo son drew the typical things like dinosaurs and castles, my friend said there was a group of boys who drew terrible things. She described one box that had a picture of a man on fire on it, another one with two cars crashing and flames coming out, and one of a person shooting another person with blood coming out.

She said her son is very naive and innocent that way and for once she's glad.

I remember in school, hearing kids talk about sex and telling sex jokes way before I was ready to hear them. I mean I didn't know anything about sex yet, and I still remember like it was yesterday, the jokes they told and how sick it made me feel inside. I can't imagine sending my dd to school as a 5 or 6yo and hearing things like that or seeing her peers draw pictures of human beings shooting each other or on fire.

Wow.

We can't control what other parents let their kids get exposed to, and I sure as heck don't want my dd learning that stuff from other kids. I'm so glad I have that kind of control over her world right now.

[Mom4tot]

Um. Amen! I feel that way, too. I keep coming back to the idea that childhood is so short....and seems to be getting shorter by the day. It is a delicate balance to protect our children while still living with others and in a "mainstream" society. I love that about hsing, that most of our friends participate in the same activities and encourage a lot of play.

[callmemama]

I totally believe in "sheltering" young children. We heard gunshots recently and I had to explain "guns" to my 5yo for the first time. He was totally perplexed why anyone would want to shoot an animal or a person. It also opened the opportunity to tell him if any little friend ever showed him a gun to come and tell me immediately (not that he goes places without me yet!). Needless to say, he has never used sticks or fingers as guns because he didn't know what they were! Obviously, if we lived in an area where guns were frequently brandished, I would have explained them to him at a much earlier age for his protection...

[teachinmaof3]

ITA!! Reminds me of the new Lonestar song:

Let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little

So innocent, a precious soul, you turn around
It's time to let them go

[benharperfan]

Originally Posted by teachinmaof3

ITA!! Reminds me of the new Lonestar song:

isn't that song by Billy Dean, not Lonestar? It's one of my faves, for a country song!

[fromscatteredtribe]

slightly OT, but I was at that craft-time with your friend when the two boys started drawing that stuff. we thought the table next to them had the parents, but it appears the kids were ALONE (at a majorly busy shopping center with a trader joes, walgreeens, auto parts store) but before we knew that here is what we did:

1. as soon as we saw the bart simpson mooning us, the flames and guns and skulls we sent our kids to the other side of the box
2. we complained loudly to each other and other parents hoping their parents would say something
3. we complained to an employee who said he would "cover it up" but did not stop them
4. we kept sending our kids elsewhere repeating that those were totally inappropriate messages.

Is there something else we could have done?

darshani, i agree we need to shelter our kids somewhat, but we don't homeschool and I still want a little naivete for my kids or at least a repulsion for the vulgar and inappropriate.....

[annettemarie]

I completely agree with what you are saying. My kids are very sheltered, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I do worry that one day another child is going to make fun of them, but I am sure they will be OK.

[Marsupialmom]

The lead singer of Lone Star and Billy Dean wrote the song together. It is on both of their CDs. They decided Billy Dean should release it first. So we hear Billy Dean version on the radio.

[USAmma]

Originally Posted by fromscatteredtribe

slightly OT, but I was at that craft-time with your friend when the two boys started drawing that stuff. we thought the table next to them had the parents, but it appears the kids were ALONE (at a majorly busy shopping center with a trader joes, walgreeens, auto parts store) but before we knew that here is what we did:

1. as soon as we saw the bart simpson mooning us, the flames and guns and skulls we sent our kids to the other side of the box
2. we complained loudly to each other and other parents hoping their parents would say something
3. we complained to an employee who said he would "cover it up" but did not stop them
4. we kept sending our kids elsewhere repeating that those were totally inappropriate messages.

Is there something else we could have done?

darshani, i agree we need to shelter our kids somewhat, but we don't homeschool and I still want a little naivete for my kids or at least a repulsion for the vulgar and inappropriate.....

Hi Tiffany! I'm glad you did something to alert the store employee. I didn't get to hear what happened b/c we had to, as usual, get off the phone to attend to one of our children. I have been thinking of Asher with his health problems. Poor little guy! If you ever need to talk just call me.

[fromscatteredtribe]

thanks! asher has reflux issues (spitting up out of the nose and discomfort) but is gaining wait okay (not great but not in as great a need as nitara). he has been sick since the hospital admission with respiratory distress but we are hanging in there giving him asthma treatments and keeping him in clean humid air asmuch as possible. thanks for all your support throughout my pregnancy too. you are kind and generous....tiffany

[oyemicanto]

Hi - I have been a bit of a lurker on this forum while I try to decide if I will homeschool or not, and this is one of the reasons that I want to homeschool. I am glad others feel the same way. I don't think I am unrealistic or naive in thinking that my children should be entitled to their childhood and that enjoying the "goodness" of life should be fundamental to their development.

the scale keeps tipping in favor of homeschooling...

[fromscatteredtribe]

sometimes it depends on the nature of your child and your circumstances. I was absolutely SURE I would homeschool while i lived in chicago and then moved here where i have more school choice (HUGE number of charter schools from which I can choose) and my oldest totally FEEDS off the energy of OTHERS his age. with three little brothers school is his special BIG kid time. I am carefully guiding him as he chooses his friends and outside of school we hang out with LLL friends and church friends and mothering friends and my sister all of whom share our basic ideas about parenting. I would NEVER discourage homeschooling EVER; I think it is the BEST in most cases, but I say go with your gut and your child's individual needs as well as the needs of the siblings and parents (our financial situation necessitates me working part-time eventually and dh works two jobs now). just another perspective......good luck!!

[laralou]

I was reading on another forum about a woman with an older dd who still played with dolls. When she has a ps friend over, they play with dolls together but her friends says, "Please don't tell anyone." She is over 10 and it isn't "cool" to play with dolls anymore. It is cool to be into fashion and boys. That sealed it for me. I don't want my girls turning into women prematurely. I want them to enjoy and relax in their childhood for as long as possible.

[annettemarie]

Sometimes when people ask why we homeschool, I tell them because I want my children to have nice loooooooooooong childhoods.

[Wilhemina]

Originally Posted by laralou

I was reading on another forum about a woman with an older dd who still played with dolls. When she has a ps friend over, they play with dolls together but her friends says, "Please don't tell anyone." She is over 10 and it isn't "cool" to play with dolls anymore. It is cool to be into fashion and boys.

Would you believe we have had the exact same experience? 9 year old Neighbor, who is 3 yrs. older than my dd, comes over to play dress-up and dolls, but doesn't want word to get around to some of her ps classmates in the neighborhood. Sad, but true.

[onlyzombiecat]

I also think sheltering is a good thing for children.
Of course kids still will learn to face these things at some point but how great if they don't have to be all grown up at 5 or 10.

[almama]

I hope I don't start a big row with this observation, but I just wanted to advocate a little caution in judgement. My son, soon to be 5, can be the sweetest most darling guy, but he is fascinated by power. He always has been and is a smart little nugget and can pick up on words and ideas that give people pause in an instant. He watches very little TV (only videos 2-3x a week that we select), does not go to preschool, has gentle friends (with whom he plays gently), and we encourage gentle play at every turn. We shelter him to a great extent. Regardless he can pick up on the fact that guns are scary to people, the word "kill" is scary, etc. In his own words, he tells me that when he is nervous and upset, he talks about scary things to feel powerful. The words and ideas that come out of his mouth when he is upset are not always nice. He's been making our mouths drop since he was 18 months old (highly verbal) and he certainly was not meeting with any scary ideas at that age. We are with him almost constantly and when he starts on this track we always work with him to stop being "scary" so to speak. He's small and trying to make sense of how people related to each other socially.

All that I wrote above comprises a small bit of his life, but it is there. I don't think he is having a short childhood, in fact he is free to roam and be wild in positive ways almost all day long.

From what you have described, these boys at the craft were doing something out of line and should have been told that, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they are eating violence for lunch every day. They may be, but they may be nervous and fascinated by idea of violence and trying to figure out what is OK in their minds. Reread Tom Sawyer to get an idea of what some boys that age have going through their heads with regards to violence and dark ideas.

I would have gone up to the kids and asked them if they thought their drawings were appropriate for little kids to view or for a community activity. I would have tried to engage them and see if they would take some time to "fix" the drawings to make them less frightening.