Me too. I am really shutting up because my daughter is tooting the horn.
Originally Posted by DreamsInDigital
I get government medical and daycare but beyond that I never ask anyone for anything.
|So, no, I don't think babies are expensive at all.|
Originally Posted by dharmamama
I'm not in any way slamming you, but yes, if everyone got free insurance and free daycare, the cost of having kids (for most people) would go WAY down.
Originally Posted by DebraBaker
$400/month for daycare is *cheap* My sil spends about $1500/month for two kids none of whom are infants in diapers so she was spending a lot more before this.
Originally Posted by mimie
I am very shocked by how nasty some of you have been toward me.
Let me rephrase, since it was a three word phrase that set quite a few people off. We would FEEL very, very poor were we to lose half our income.
We do have over $100K in student loans. My husband works for LEGAL AID on a grant, through which he provides legal services for women in two rural counties who have been abused. He does divorces, child custody, restraining orders, etc. He actually makes $27,700 a year right now, but will probably get a raise soon to be around $33,000.
Our loans are made up of loans for our undergrad degrees, his law school and my MSW. I work in a mental health program in a prison as a Psychiatric Social Worker.
$130K in student loans - that's our mortgage. Of course, we still have to pay for somewhere to live. We can't buy a house because our long term debt to income ratio is too out of whack. DH gets about half his loans paid each month by his school, but everything else is on us. We pay about $1000 each month for student loans. Were we to have a baby, we could reorganize and get that monthly cost to be lower, but we're still ultimately responsible to pay those loans at some point over the next 30 years.
We chose this situation. We are both ambitious and passionate about what we do, and we wanted to have the best tools possible to do our jobs. Hence, lots of schooling. I didn't chose my field because I would make lot of money (I won't) but because I felt I had an opportunity to do something meaningful. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm scared about our financial situation.
We will have enough to eat, we will have a roof over our heads, but I guess I'm looking for a little more financial security than that. I want to know that we'll be able to pay all of our bills each month, pay for healthcare and put a little in savings to use for emergencies. I also want to know that we're at least on the way to being able to buy a house. Renting is not a recipe for long term financial stability.
So these are the issues my DH and I are struggling with right now. Just as I think it is terribly inappropriate for the OP's family to question her decision to have another child, I think it is inappropriate to be dismissive of my financial concerns. I do appreciate the support I've received from MDC -- I never would have thought that things like cloth diapers could be such a good option. And I think there is a great community here of women who understand my desire to SAH even if it is a financially difficult decision.
Anyway, I apologize for my mistake in phrasing. We would <i>feel</i> poor. I am afraid of having more going out each month than coming in, and the desperate feeling of juggling bills, of robbing Peter to pay Paul.
But I am still really shocked by how cruel people were toward me. Go back and read what you said about me, and just think for a second how that must have made me feel.
Originally Posted by Belleweather
But my ability to continue to DO that work is totally threatened by the fact that it only pays $26K a year -- too much to qualify for loan repayment assistence (Which, by the by, is not provided by 'the school', but by student orginizations who raise and invest funds to make those payments. It's a total grassroots thing -- so if you care about affordable legal services, buy a cookie from them, huh?) but too little to pay my $1000 a month in loans and still make the rent and bills. Yeah, I could take my JD and my experience in health care law and work for an insurance company making $60-80K per year working 60+ hour weeks and helping insurance companies screw working families out of benefits, starve babies and keep children from learning to speak --- but that's not what I went to law school to do. And I couldn't live with myself if I did that. And I think it's insensitive and insulting to complain about the lack of affordable legal services and people pushing for social change and call all lawyers sharks while at the same time poo-pooing anyone who doesn't take their JD and use it to make a mint and screw over the working class, you know?
And for the record, I would totally call our income very, very poor if I took that job. $26K per year - $12K of loan repayment doesn't leave a whole heck of a lot for three people to live on. (DH will still be in school when I graduate - woe betide us when we have to start paying his student loans off) and I may very will simply not be able to afford to take that job, and need to find some sort of comprimise between selling my soul and not knowing where food is coming from. I also thing a huge part of being very, very poor is the sense of living on the egde -- one financial problem, one illness, one job loss or layoff, one car repair from out of the blue and you really are left wondering how you're going to put food in your bellies and keep warm now the heat has been disconnected. I think regardless of income anyone living in that situation has the right to consider themselves poor.
Originally Posted by MotherEden
I dont know what school mimie's husband went to but many many law schools forgive your student loans per year for every year you work for something like legal aid.