Bored in Montessori or just adjusting?

[Gale Force]

My son appears to be a bit bored at school. He is 3, just started preschool and had a good first week or so in terms of enjoying school. Now each day he cries and clings. I have talked to him about it and he says “I don’t want to play by myself.” He has been a very dependent child in a lot of areas and he has had an adult working with him one-on-one for pretty much all of his life. So at first I thought the issue was that he didn’t want to break out of that. But as I have talked to him more, he has said that he would like to “work with other children” and he seemed very excited about that. In fact, that’s pretty much how we packaged preschool to him: there will be other children, you’ll all have fun doing your work, etc.

Here’s what I need out of preschool: we work at home and have meetings with clients in a city about 1 ½ hours away. That’s where he’s in preschool. We can take him to town with us and take care of business. After preschool, we actually plan to homeschool him. There is a HS charter school in town as well that has 2-3 hour classes 2x/week that would serve this same purpose. So, to be blunt, we need babysitting.

I want him to get some socialization out of it. Already he addresses people more politely and has made great progress in going to the bathroom by himself. I don’t expect him to get a lot out of it academically. He’s beginning to read and write on his own and he does basic addition. The “work” at school is definitely not challenging for him, but I think he still enjoys some of the crafts and circle time. But all in all, he’d rather be with us, so he tells us.

I know that children go through this “clingy” stage, but at what point do I need to be concerned?

And what can I expect in terms of a challenging environment for him? The director has mentioned that in the fall, he’ll be teamed with another student to partner on projects. I don’t think he’s quite out of the parallel play stage yet, but is there some request I can make in the meantime that might allow him more interaction with a peer? Any ideas?

Thanks for reading.

Amanda

[Gale Force]

My husband dropped him off today and talked to the teacher and director. They said that they would try to foster him working with other children.

But in the meantime, he didn’t want to get out of the car. My husband tried to convince him by reminding him that he will see other children. My son said “I want to hold Elliot’s hand.” (Elliot is a boy who was with him in Kindermusik last year and is in his preschool class). Apparently, my husband got him into class somehow.

Should I be concerned? Is this normal?

[Raven]

Amber was like that when she was 3 also and at a montessori school. In my opinion a child should never get bored in a montessori school b/c the role of the directress is to observe and see where the child is at in terms of what s/he needs and if the child seems uneasy in any way, it should be noted and acted upon as soon as possible.

Im glad you spoke to the directress, this will (should?) help. When I worked at a montessori school 5yrs ago, there were kids who would cling to their mom or dad and be very irritable when they got dropped off and when they were fetched but for the rest of the day they were as happy as anything could be. This was the case with my dd as well. The directress told me that she was very happy during the day and I decided to see for myself, so one moring I drove round the block after dropping her off and then drove past the school and saw her playing happily with a couple of other kids.

Do take your sons concerns to heart, trust your instincts and communicate with the directress so she can help out.

Good luck

[meemee]

amanda, when my dd turned 2 i had to go back to work ft. i researched and chose some in home daycares and a play based non academic preschools. i checked out the v. good montessori program in our area, observed it for a long time but then decided it wasnt the right fit for my dd. she needed more team work time, more play outside time and a chance to play with more than one activity.

anyways we tried the in home dcs and dd rejected all of them. finally a seat was available at the play based ps and my dd loves it there. she would rather be with me (just like ur son she tells me she would rather be with me, i tell her the same i would rather be with her but i need to earn money to buy food, to pay rent so she understands now that even though we both dont like our situation we have to deal with it) but doesnt mind going to school. she gets lots of time with the other kids as well as time to herself. they not only do a lot of group activities but her fav. is playing outside with all teh children as she enjoys playing more with the older kids than her group. everyone of the teachers are really good - v. nurturing and caring.

but a clingy phase everyone goes thru. my dd has been in dc for 9 months now and still sometimes she cries at dropoff. she did worse when seh was at the place she didnt like. she CLUNG to me. at her ps she cries too but the moment she doesnt see me she stops even if i am not out of the room. the ps tells me after a long holiday even the older kids 5 year olds have a hard first few days back at ps.

trust in ur gut feeling. i changed 5dc in 4 months as dd wasnt adjusting and i could tell u the difference in her reaction when she didnt like it and when she did even though seh still sometimes cried. there was a marked change in teh child i picked up in teh evening. overall i noticed a big difference. i was told many a times oh this is normal, ur child will get over this, all children behave this way - but my gut was saying something different. some of the providers also agreed with me.

oh btw almost all children have a good first week. u wouldnt believe my dd's first week. she was a happy well adjusted child at dc till she realised that it wasnt a temporary thing but she would have to go back again.

also at that age children show excitement about any situation any talk. yet when it comes down to it in practise when they face reality - its a whole different story.

plus i also think the hours matter. i think my dd has a hard time because seh is there 8 - 9 hours a day. i notice the difference if she is there an hour less. if seh just went to a 3 hour ps 3 - 5 days a week she would do much, much better. we wouldnt see this separation anxiety at all or maybe a little.

one more thing. do they allow him to take a lovey with him? a soft toy, blanket or book? that might help him adjust. also the first month i stayed half hour to one hour everyday to help her adjust. the ps was v. open to that. in fact i still sometimes do that as i have so much fun. i usually spend about 15 mins even now playing or reading to all the kids. my dd is delighted when i spend some time with her and her friends.

[Gale Force]

Thanks ladies. The situation has improved a great deal. The teachers said to give it a month and, actually, by the end of the first month, he was bounding out of the car and going to class.

He does still hold a bit of a grudge against "Teacher Maria" because, as perhaps the world's greatest Sound of Music fan, he expected to see Julie Andrews as Maria Von Trapp when he entered his classroom. They don't sing and dance in the Alps and he still appears to resent her for it. LOL