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What made you decide to leave your son intact?

post #1 of 73
Thread Starter 
I have 5 brothers~ the first one was circumcised, the last 4 were not. My mother first opened the door for me to realization that circumcision is not necessary. She told me she would not have had my older brother circed, had she known it was not necessary. She also told me that an intact penis is easy to care for, and even told me her mistakes of retracting the foreskin to clean and then learning you are not supposed to do that.
Then when dd was born, my dh was in the nursery with her (while she was getting cleaned up), and he witnessed a circumcision. He said it was so incredibly awful, and that the baby screamed so terribly, that we would never do that to any son of ours. I agreed.
Also, while pregnant our OB told us that it is not medically necessary, so we felt even better about our decision. So it was never an issue with us. I feel very lucky that I had good information and support.
How about you?
post #2 of 73
What made me decide? He was born with it, so he gets to keep it! Simple as that! I just figured if males weren't meant to have a foreskin, why would 100% of them be born with one?
post #3 of 73
When I first found out we were having a boy, I wasn't sure if I wanted him circumsized or not. I thought, "Maybe it would be better for him to look like his dad, so he won't wonder..." But as I read more about it, I felt like it would be cruel to do so, but I still wasn't completely sure, my dh was uneasy about not having him circ. After he was born, and I heard him cry for the first time, I said "I cannot let my son cry out of pain for something that is so unneccesary!" He is so beautiful just the way he is!
post #4 of 73
Okay, so I knew what circumcision was, in very basic terms for my teenage/adult life. However, I became truly aware of the facts slowly. First, as a teenager I learned that my boyfriend was circ'ed but his older brother wasn't. Years passed and we got engaged. I learned that he was NOT supposed to be circ'ed, but the doctors ignored my MIL/FIL and did it anyway. There was a lawsuit and they won a small sum of money. This was 1976. I later learned that his father and grandparents were all intact as well. My poor, lovely DH is the only one among them who was circumcised.

We discussed try to have a baby and I started researching 'everything baby' online. That is when I learned the real facts about what happens and why it's so awful. I showed DH what I found and he was appalled. He didn't know all of the details. He is very sad, but accepting about it and intends to restore. I dearly hope he does, for both our sakes.

I also had some real-life experience with intact men...but you'll have to search for that thread yourself. (And, no...it wasn't cheating. )
post #5 of 73
As long as I can remember my mom talked about the horror of having to have my older brother circed at 3yrs old. The dr who delevered him didnt beleive in it and he beleived in bfing to. He was really ahead of his time this was back in the 60's. Well I am not entirely sure what went wrong but from what my mom has told me I suspect he didnt need to be circed at all just needed some meds for prolly a yeast. At any rate I still was against the idea of causing a baby pain. Something in me just keep asking why should I do this. Then when I got pg with my first I talked to my dh about it (he is circed) and told him that I would not have it done. It just didnt feel like the right thing to do. We had a daughter I never spoke to my mom about my thoughts on the subject cause I pretty much knew what would happen. Well when I got pg this last time we were trying for a boy. I ended up mentioning to her that I was not gonna circ. Well it pretty much hit the fan if u know what I mean :LOL

What it comes down to i feel if they r born with it it is ment to be there. I kept thinking about her saying much better to do it when they r born so they wont remember. Than to put them thru the pain later. And thinking well we r born with an appendix and we dont take it out at birth just cause it might cause problems later and other body parts to just dosnt make sence to do it "just in case". KWIM?
Now that I have the internet I have done the research on it and know that I was right to think this way. I still have no support for keeping my son perfect the way he is. And I know that my family his family and dh all r just waiting for something to go wrong so they can say I told u so. : but I am confadent that no matter what comes up I will be able to deal with it with the knowledge I have gained here and elsewere in my reading.
post #6 of 73
I saw no point.

We are not religious, and circ is painful.

My son is 16, and ever 16 yrs ago, I knew there was no way you could snip off a body part and not have it hurt.

My son was born at home, not vax'd, breastfed, CD'd, and why would I screw up a nice, gentle homebirth with surgery?
post #7 of 73
Ok, I don't have a son, but anyway...

This question is really weird for me,I grew up in Europe and until I moved here it never ever in my life occured to me people would circumcise their sons for different reasons that a medical one or religious one.If someone had mentioned that to me a couple of years ago I would have looked at that person like he was an alien.So, there you are..
post #8 of 73
my body, my choice....

his body, his choice.

// nak
post #9 of 73

My reasons.....

Well, my first son was done because my husband insisted and I was not educated on the issue so I reluctantly allowed it since I thought the daddy *had* to know better than me about this stuff. My son had meds for pain but they did not work because my dh said he screamed the entire time. He also had complications as the plastibell got stuck to his penis and the skin grew to it; so when they went to remove it (cause it did not fall off ) he bled horribly. He had infections and such and was just in so much pain for several weeks. I hated myself for letting that happen to my baby and vowed never again! I researched everything I could find and told my dh that it would not be happening to another baby boy of mine ever. To make a long story shorter... I have 2 more boys now and they are intact and if I ever have anymore they will be intact as well. This mothering board has been a wealth of information for me!
post #10 of 73
I read (in The Baby Book, which got lambasted in a thread here the other day) that it was not medically neccessary or recommended and almost never needed later in life, so, since I wasn't having the baby's tonsils removed 'just in case' (duh!) I didn't wanna cut up his penis. I had a bit of a go-round with DH, but once he knew what I knew, he was against it too.
post #11 of 73
I'm American (and both of my brothers are circed), but dh is British and intact.

It was never an issue. The first time I was asked whether or not we'd circed ds was when I called a friend in the States to let her know that ds had been born.

My reaction was instinctive and horrified - holding my sweet, defenseless newborn in my arms, I could not fathom why anyone would imagine I would hand him over to have part of the most sensitive part of his body cut off.

That began my obsession with the subject - but I was very fortunate to live in the UK and have an intact dh, so circumcision was never even on the radar screen.
post #12 of 73
I chose not to for a few reasons. For one, when I found out I was having a boy I had this instictual deep down sense of dread regarding the subject, but I thought to myself, "it is what is done so there must be a good reason", so I went on a hunt for things to ease my mind and tell me that there was a reason to do this. What I found was a MOUNTAIN of reasons not to, to my relief. With the information on my side I knew there was a compelling reason not to have it done.

Then I had to get over the "percieved social pressures" to do it.. "he will be different, he will be made fun of, girls wont like it" and then I looked at my own experiences. I was lucky enough (if you want to put it that way haha) to have experiences with three uncirced men in my "day". One born in the US, one born in Australia (living in NZ) and one born in England (living in Canada) and all three seemed perfectly happy and glad they got to keep their foreskin. They were 100% happy and had no desire to be any different. So I figured, even if my son is a bit different than his friends (I live in the SW so this is becoming more rare anyways) I truely believe he will love his whole body too, having never been the other way and will be glad when I explain to him I decided to protect him from pain and harm and social pressures to change him so soon after birth. I do consider myself lucky to have been exposed to the intact penis, I feel bad for soo many american women who cant even picture that possibility and cannot get over the unknown.

I also never had a problem sexually with my intact partners and saw it as definitely more help than hinderance *giggle*, I wish my husband was intact but I dont have the heart to tell him that. I am just eternally greatful he agreed with my research and is in 100% agreement about our boy and future boys, if it should be, to stay intact.

- Erin
- boy: Dominic 9/18/04
post #13 of 73
I found out what a foreskin was, what circumcision is, and that it's not necessary, all in the same conversation when I was about 10 years old. Just the basics, but it stuck.
post #14 of 73
I honestly never gave the infant penis much thought until Bradley childbirth classes. Once informed I became a believer in the "rightness" of Mother nature.


I also agree with Klothos, by leaving my son his foreskin, he has a choice. If after the age of 21 he wants it done, the decision will rest with him, not with me. I will have done my job as mother protecting his body until he was "old enough" to understand the issues.
post #15 of 73
I came across a a book in "new age" bookstore in New England many years ago. I don't remember the title but it talked about circ and restoration. It was a good education on the subject. I decided then to never ever to that to a child.

When I met my dh, I had been recently single from what I thought was my life long partner....boy was I WRONG! I was 30 and really angry to find myself wanting a family with no husband on the horizon. I decided I needed to raise the bar a bit and get all of my parenting/lifestyle questions on the table pretty quickly so I didn't waste time on the wrong dude! Very soon into the relationship, I asked him what he thought about homebirth/midwives, what he thought about breastfeeding & cosleeping.....and we were in agreement right from the start! When I asked about circ he said...and I quote: "No way....and frankly, I'd like mine back!" That was when I knew he was definately marriage material! We have a solid relationship and are on the brink of ttc our second child. We are hoping for a boy.

The main arguement I use when discussing circ is that regardless of whether you believe in a higher power or evolution, we are here to procreate, and no design of procreation would include a flaw in the reproductive organs. It really is a perfect design!
post #16 of 73
When I was pregnant with my daughter, and facing the decision, I had reluctantly decided to leave the decision up to her (circed) father (the "he has the penis" theory, that I now loathe). We were definitely leaning towards not doing it (I mean, really, when you put the "cultural" nonsense aside, and just read the procedure as an objective, sane human being, it sounds like torture, plain & simple).
We had never made a final decision on it, which was ok because we had a baby girl. But I know myself, and I know that if she had been a boy, there is no way in hell I would've let them take him away from me knowing what they were going to do when it came right down to it.

Between that baby and this baby (6 years), I became way more educated on the matter. It was a no-brainer this time, and I told my fiance (different person than my daughter's dad) that our little boy would be circed "over my dead body".
He's from the south, and had never even heard of anyone NOT circing--he just assumed it was something we'd do--, but he quickly realized how serious I was, agreed to read some information, and agreed with me that we would not circ. To be perfectly honest, even if he had "put his foot down" about it, I would not have signed the consent form and "overruled" his wishes, and dealt with the consequences. There is not a snowball's chance in hell that I would let someone do that to my son.
post #17 of 73
When I got pg with ds, I knew nothing about circumcision and assumed we would do it. Then on BabyCenter I went to the circ debate board and got mired in all the "does it prevent UTIs, does it prevent cancer" arguments. That was very confusing, but then I saw the pictures of circumcision, and that was it. That is why it is so important to be able to advocate using pictures and videos - it generally works! I told dh no way would my baby be circ'ed and we fought for awhile so I just told him I would divorce him but our child would not be circ'ed. He knew I was serious so he read the material and now is a huge intactivist.
post #18 of 73
Here in Scandinavia male circ is viewed with same horror than female circ. No one does it(you couldn't probably even find a doctor willing to do it here). My DW is American but she was against circ even before we met.

My American MIL asked if we were going to circ our son(she is a nurse) and was very happy that we didn't.
post #19 of 73
Honestly... : I knew nothing and really had never even thought about circumcison when my son was born. I was youngish, single, the pregnacy was totally unplanned, and I don't think it ever even occured to me that my baby might not be a girl. :LOL I had a homebirth, and a crunchy NP so circ never came up.

When my son was about 4 months old and I was introducing him to his paternal grandmother she asked me if I had circ'd him. I had this moment of totally confusion...I guess until that point it had never even occured to me that that was something I might do...or that other people did. I answer "Why would I do that?" Paternal grandma got all huffy and walked away.

But that conversation is what started me researching, and led me to be intactivist
post #20 of 73
I let my dh decide and he didn't want to do it. :

I probably would have had a really hard time doing it even if dh wanted it done. I think part of the reason he decided against it was he could tell I didn't want to do it. Cutting your child's genitals just seemed like such an awful thing to do even without doing any research.
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