New Bipolar Thread! - Page 5

[BelovedK]

Right now my meds are working, no side effects except slight loss of balance (physically) I feel like i now know how a normal person feels.
One thing about being on meds is the hampering of my creativity, i write and paint. I am in a writers group for women that has allowed me alot of practice in the craft, it has helped immensely.
I now feel like more of my old creative self, though i have to think things through a little more. I just need to get out that easel and paint away, work through it.

My bipolar is very rapid cycling and i have alot of mixed states ...i have to say that Abilify has made a world of difference along with my other ones. I also want to get off meds one day, i need a new DR who will actually remember me (not such a large practice) before i will wean myself off of them. I need them right now so i will be the mother i want to be , because i wasn't before. Basically i put off meds until DD was through BF. I'm afraid i've already scarred my DD and DS by them seeing me go through what i've been through.

Are there any of you out there who have been made worse by being pregnant? Not afterwards, but during..bc that is what i experienced and then after the babymoon period, it just gained on me and smashed me like a train. It was awfull.

I'm so thankfull i am where i am and i wish you all the best.

[Chickadee]

Hi

I posted my own thread a while back about cyclothymia. I've been avoiding this thread to a certain extent, mostly because I really felt like I didn't want to accept the possibility that I might fit here. I've had mood disorder trouble for 20 years of my life, starting in my teens. My new psychiatrist put me on Zoloft because I am nursing but she really feels that I should be on lamictal. I started at 25mg and am currently at 175mg. It seemed like it was making a difference originally but I have started feeling worse again since going to 175, too much in my head, starting to turn nocturnal again (and wanting to sleep all day), getting anxious and avoiding life, and irritablity starting up. I am just easily overstimulated, like I can't be at home with the kids and have music on for more than 10 minutes because I can't handle the noise.

I'm also feeling all this grief about my life and trying to come to terms with this not being a passing phase. Feeling really angry at others I see who life seems to come so easily to and feeling like I should be able to be like that. And really resistant to taking my meds, like not remembering them and then putting off taking them later and later.

Is anyone familar with, shoot can't think of the guy's name, some site all about BPII? I've been readin it and feeling like I fit so many of the markers he lists. I just thought I would need to be more wild to be BP, not just angry and unable to complete anything or related consistently to anyone.

Thanks for providing the space to vent.

[rowantree]

Originally Posted by BelovedK

Are there any of you out there who have been made worse by being pregnant? Not afterwards, but during..bc that is what i experienced and then after the babymoon period, it just gained on me and smashed me like a train. It was awfull.

I was fine, a normal-ish girl until.....
I swear the day after conception with my 2nd child I woke up with BiPolar. I cried every day. I threw things. I was so so angry. After the birth I just got worse. Not typical PPD worse, bonded with baby fine, loved her and all that. But Angry, hurting myself, hating DH, wouldnt leave the house. Woke up at 4:30 AM to clean behind the refridgerator....weird shit.


flash foward to today though... Im doing pretty good. Im on 200 mg of Lamictal, which seems like its working swell, along with my usual 1200 Lithium. We got me off the seroquel except for help with sleep and anxiety.



Im starting a JULY thread so change your subscription!!!

[BelovedK]

Just a quick response, I'm sorry you went through that and it validates my own experience to know that someone else actually felt that way bc of the pregnancy horemones...my theory is that the 'stress' of the pregnancy brings out anything that needs to be dealt with...physically and mentally.

BP made my experience less than pleasant and put my family through hell...i hate to think what it did to poor little DD, but she just popped out as the happiest baby ever.

I'll subscribe to the July thread.

[Pat'smum]

Hi I'm a newbie

Hi, I have just joined your thread, on Bipolar through seeing it on mothering.com. I am a mother of an eight year old who has Bi-Polar. I have had it for 9 years now and since I have had it presently I feel my best. I have a job and my son has a hearing loss but he's doing well accept for a few difficult behaviours but I think I will be able to get some good advice from people on this site. I think the reason why I am so well is because I stopped fighting Bi-Polar and started to be totally responsible with taking the medications, so I would advise everyone to do the same once you have found meds that work. I look forward to chatting with your forum again soon.

[DragonflyBlue]

I was dx'd in 2005. I started with Lithium, took it until summer of last year. Tired of the side effects and I wanted to try something new.

Lamictal. Got the very rare and possibly fatal rash from it.

Abilify. Worked great for a few weeks then I got the shakes, loss of motor skills and talked like a slurring drunkard. Added in a benzo to counteract that side-effect and it only improved a little bit.

Trileptal. Got massively depressed and felt suicidal even though I never told anyone it was that bad- just that I was depressed beyond belief. Added in Zoloft.

Decided I was sick of the med-go-round and went off all my meds around Thanksgiving.

Tried eating healthy, whole foods, tried to exercise, tried to get back into life but it's not working.

I'm raging again. Shutting down. Picking fights over everything. I hate my family, hate my life and just do not want to be here anymore. I'm not suicidal- I have no plan to harm myself. I just would like to go to sleep and not wake up.

I have about 9k available on CC's. I'm tempted to get in my car, fill the tank and drive off into the sunset and start a new life.

On the flip side, I've thought about admitting myself to the hospital. Only problem is with my insurance, you have to be suicidal for an admission. I'm not. And if you know any back history on me, you know my marriage is rocky even at it's best and I live in fear of dh using my illness against me should we split down the road.

I spend every day in my jammies or in sweats and a t-shirt. I force myself to shower and brush my teeth. I can't sleep at night and drink coffee to stay awake. I look at my life and cannot imagine spending the rest of it stuck in this hell.

I'm bored beyond belief, yet nothing interests me. Nor do I have the motivation to find anything interesting.

I'm just sick of it all.

I'm considering going back on meds just so my family will like me again. Nobody likes the raging me. I don't blame them at all.

I just feel dead inside and like I am just putting in my time until I die.

It sucks... It just really sucks...

[Ornery]

All I can say is hugs. I'm so sorry.

I've been down so far that it hurts to just keep my head above water and all I can do is tread water. And that is all I do during those periods of time. Tread water. But eventually it does tend to lift, at least for me, and I'm hoping someone will send out a liferaft to you soon.

Right now I'm trying to regulate. Just got a diagnosis in the midst of a major maniac episode. Never had those before October but they've started to rear their ugly heads. I tried Zxprexa (gained 15 lbs in a week) and seroquel which just made me into a very mean zombie. Today the doc decided to try depakote, which scares me but at this point I just want the mania gone.

I'm still researching and am going into a new doc next week (the one I saw today was a crisis doc) to see whether or not this is truly my dx.

To all those out there suffering, peace and comfort.

[trinity6232000]

Originally Posted by DragonflyBlue

I'm raging again. Shutting down. Picking fights over everything. I hate my family, hate my life and just do not want to be here anymore. I'm not suicidal- I have no plan to harm myself. I just would like to go to sleep and not wake up.

I have about 9k available on CC's. I'm tempted to get in my car, fill the tank and drive off into the sunset and start a new life.

On the flip side, I've thought about admitting myself to the hospital. Only problem is with my insurance, you have to be suicidal for an admission. I'm not. And if you know any back history on me, you know my marriage is rocky even at it's best and I live in fear of dh using my illness against me should we split down the road.

I spend every day in my jammies or in sweats and a t-shirt. I force myself to shower and brush my teeth. I can't sleep at night and drink coffee to stay awake. I look at my life and cannot imagine spending the rest of it stuck in this hell.

I'm bored beyond belief, yet nothing interests me. Nor do I have the motivation to find anything interesting.

I'm just sick of it all.

I'm considering going back on meds just so my family will like me again. Nobody likes the raging me. I don't blame them at all.

I just feel dead inside and like I am just putting in my time until I die.

It sucks... It just really sucks...

I have felt a connection to many of your threads in the past. This post really hit me. I have been threw the same med-go-round in my twenties. Now at 32 I've been on effexor for the past 4 years and clonazepam for sleep. It's calmed me, kept me stable, and I thank God for it, BUT I've also gained 40lbs. Oh well. My insurance is giving me crap about my meds this year, so lately I've been trying to take half of my normal dose so that I don't go into the poor house.

I feel the same way this week, due to life circumstances I need to move, find a new job, and maybe put my dd into a new school next year. I didn't plan this, I'm being pushed this way, and that mixed with half doses of my meds this has been a really hard week.

I can totally understand the not being suicidal, yet wanting to never wake up feeling. That's what I'm fighting right now. Being a single Mom, I'm afraid to admit myself to the hospital, in fear it will be used against me in the future. It's a hard place to find yourself, and I know that there are solutions but right now I haven't found them yet, and it's scary being in this place.

Everything you wrote above was like I wrote it myself. I'm so sorry your in the same place. I wish I had words of wisdom to pass along, but I don't. I take no pleasure in the fact that your in the same boat, yet I feel comfort knowing that I am not the only one.

I feel mad and resentful this week cause I look around at couples or parents and children and I feel like most people in this world have people that have their back. The people I thought had my back have shown it to be an act, and I feel so alone. It's not like I'm asking to be supported with money or given things, just a "well done" or a "how are you doing" would make my day brighter.

I feel like my best (which in my book is pretty damn good) isn't good enough for the world, and I'm so tired of being told I'm not good enough.

J please take care of yourself, and I'll try to do the same.

[DragonflyBlue]

I hear you too trinity.

I get pissed off because other families seem so damn normal. I don't know of another family that has had to deal with even half of what we have. My own therapist -who has been in practice for over 25 years - says the same thing.

Since 1998, there has been constant chaos in our home. It never ends. My teens are out of control. My oldest at home teen dropped out, works at the most 5 hours in a two week period. My 17 yo is on a new med that makes her bitchier than a pitbull with PMS and a yeast infection. My 14 year old rarely comes home from school, sneaks out of the house, etc. My 11 yo has anger management issues - who can blame him when his entire life has been chaos. The twins are hellions- normal 4 yo's, but still! LOL

It's been kids in and out of hospitals, suicide attempts, one who did die by suicide. (four kids with BP, three living)

DH and I are either doing very well or ready to divorce. No happy medium.

My oldest is married, has two kids and thinks he has all the answers to parenting- as does his wife and they love to try and tell us what we need to do or are doing wrong.

House rules are really simple. Come straight home from school, do homework and your one job and then you can hang out. Nobody wants to follow the rules. It's a constant battle with them.

What really sucks is that the kids want allowances for their illness, but me? HA! I'm not allowed to be ill. I'm not allowed to have off days. I'm not allowed to have med issues. I'm not allowed to check out now and then. They can. I can't.

I get nagged at for being on my computer. I go nowhere. I have no friends. This is my social life. If I did not come here, I'd have no other adult interaction aside from dh and my mom. (not counting therapy)

I love my family. I really do. But dammit, I want a life too and I did not sign up for this one!

I feel overwhelmed most days...

Did manage to do the taxes today. Getting back about 10k. So between that and my CC's, I'd have a nice sum to run away and start over. What's the incentive to stay?

*sigh*

I just want to be better. I want my kids to be better. I want a "normal" life!

[Fireflyy]

The med-dy go round...

Many of us with BP have been there with the med nightmare, and you are right, it does suck. I had that same reaction to Trileptal, gained 45 pounds on Depakote (still have 'em too), took Neurontin with the Trileptal, became a total zombie, had massive withdrawal getting off of it, became a complete wacko on Zoloft, plus a few other things I can't even remember now. I was dx'd in 1995, and it took me a good 3 years to find something that worked. Had a couple of decent years on it, then got pregnant and had to go off the meds. The story has several more chapters, but I did finally find something that worked. And the difference is something I never could have even imagined, because I had no memory of 'normal' or frame of referance to work with.

The key is to keep trying, even when you don't feel like it, and it just doesn't seem worth it. It is, although you can't see it now. Make sure you have a doc you like, trust, and can be honest with. And keep trying. I take Verapamil now, which is a calcium channel blocker (blood pressure med). It doesn't keep me flatlined, but it is within a managable range. My husband is also dx'd BP, and he takes Depakote, with no side effects, no weight gain. Things can be a little squirrly at our house from time to time :0.

Go back on the meds, not so your family will like you, but because the state you are in now is a rip off. You deserve better, you deserve to live fully. And your kids deserve that too. It's hard to see in the place you are coming from now, but just do it and decide that you will re-evaluate in a few months. You can always quit the meds again if you have to.

Good luck- BP is painful, harsh, and ugly, but not every moment of your life needs to be lived that way.

Originally Posted by DragonflyBlue

I was dx'd in 2005. I started with Lithium, took it until summer of last year. Tired of the side effects and I wanted to try something new.

Lamictal. Got the very rare and possibly fatal rash from it.

Abilify. Worked great for a few weeks then I got the shakes, loss of motor skills and talked like a slurring drunkard. Added in a benzo to counteract that side-effect and it only improved a little bit.

Trileptal. Got massively depressed and felt suicidal even though I never told anyone it was that bad- just that I was depressed beyond belief. Added in Zoloft.

Decided I was sick of the med-go-round and went off all my meds around Thanksgiving.

Tried eating healthy, whole foods, tried to exercise, tried to get back into life but it's not working.

I'm raging again. Shutting down. Picking fights over everything. I hate my family, hate my life and just do not want to be here anymore. I'm not suicidal- I have no plan to harm myself. I just would like to go to sleep and not wake up.

I have about 9k available on CC's. I'm tempted to get in my car, fill the tank and drive off into the sunset and start a new life.

On the flip side, I've thought about admitting myself to the hospital. Only problem is with my insurance, you have to be suicidal for an admission. I'm not. And if you know any back history on me, you know my marriage is rocky even at it's best and I live in fear of dh using my illness against me should we split down the road.

I spend every day in my jammies or in sweats and a t-shirt. I force myself to shower and brush my teeth. I can't sleep at night and drink coffee to stay awake. I look at my life and cannot imagine spending the rest of it stuck in this hell.

I'm bored beyond belief, yet nothing interests me. Nor do I have the motivation to find anything interesting.

I'm just sick of it all.

I'm considering going back on meds just so my family will like me again. Nobody likes the raging me. I don't blame them at all.

I just feel dead inside and like I am just putting in my time until I die.

It sucks... It just really sucks...

[Fireflyy]

Hang in there....

I am so sorry you have no one to get your back. I have a family, but they would sooner tear me down that support anything I do, so I have basically written them off. Please DON'T cut your meds though, if they are working for you. Insurance companies suck, but it isn't worth jeopordizing your health. Have you asked your doc about samples? You should tell him the situation and see if he/she has any suggestions. Some drug manufacturers will give price discounts as well. If you are on something that keeps you stable, especially given all you are up against, that is something many people are fighting just to get to!

Also, your doc might be able to write a letter to your insurance on your behalf, or suggest a generic alternative or something... don't give this up!

Originally Posted by trinity6232000

I have felt a connection to many of your threads in the past. This post really hit me. I have been threw the same med-go-round in my twenties. Now at 32 I've been on effexor for the past 4 years and clonazepam for sleep. It's calmed me, kept me stable, and I thank God for it, BUT I've also gained 40lbs. Oh well. My insurance is giving me crap about my meds this year, so lately I've been trying to take half of my normal dose so that I don't go into the poor house.

I feel the same way this week, due to life circumstances I need to move, find a new job, and maybe put my dd into a new school next year. I didn't plan this, I'm being pushed this way, and that mixed with half doses of my meds this has been a really hard week.

I can totally understand the not being suicidal, yet wanting to never wake up feeling. That's what I'm fighting right now. Being a single Mom, I'm afraid to admit myself to the hospital, in fear it will be used against me in the future. It's a hard place to find yourself, and I know that there are solutions but right now I haven't found them yet, and it's scary being in this place.

Everything you wrote above was like I wrote it myself. I'm so sorry your in the same place. I wish I had words of wisdom to pass along, but I don't. I take no pleasure in the fact that your in the same boat, yet I feel comfort knowing that I am not the only one.

I feel mad and resentful this week cause I look around at couples or parents and children and I feel like most people in this world have people that have their back. The people I thought had my back have shown it to be an act, and I feel so alone. It's not like I'm asking to be supported with money or given things, just a "well done" or a "how are you doing" would make my day brighter.

I feel like my best (which in my book is pretty damn good) isn't good enough for the world, and I'm so tired of being told I'm not good enough.

J please take care of yourself, and I'll try to do the same.

[Fireflyy]

So sorry....

I am so sorry for all the pain you are living with. I am guessing the constant stress around you, and the stress of worrying about your children (not to mention the pain of losing a child) has got to make it a lot more difficult for you to stay stable. I am really sorry.

Originally Posted by DragonflyBlue

I hear you too trinity.

I get pissed off because other families seem so damn normal. I don't know of another family that has had to deal with even half of what we have. My own therapist -who has been in practice for over 25 years - says the same thing.

Since 1998, there has been constant chaos in our home. It never ends. My teens are out of control. My oldest at home teen dropped out, works at the most 5 hours in a two week period. My 17 yo is on a new med that makes her bitchier than a pitbull with PMS and a yeast infection. My 14 year old rarely comes home from school, sneaks out of the house, etc. My 11 yo has anger management issues - who can blame him when his entire life has been chaos. The twins are hellions- normal 4 yo's, but still! LOL

It's been kids in and out of hospitals, suicide attempts, one who did die by suicide. (four kids with BP, three living)

DH and I are either doing very well or ready to divorce. No happy medium.

My oldest is married, has two kids and thinks he has all the answers to parenting- as does his wife and they love to try and tell us what we need to do or are doing wrong.

House rules are really simple. Come straight home from school, do homework and your one job and then you can hang out. Nobody wants to follow the rules. It's a constant battle with them.

What really sucks is that the kids want allowances for their illness, but me? HA! I'm not allowed to be ill. I'm not allowed to have off days. I'm not allowed to have med issues. I'm not allowed to check out now and then. They can. I can't.

I get nagged at for being on my computer. I go nowhere. I have no friends. This is my social life. If I did not come here, I'd have no other adult interaction aside from dh and my mom. (not counting therapy)

I love my family. I really do. But dammit, I want a life too and I did not sign up for this one!

I feel overwhelmed most days...

Did manage to do the taxes today. Getting back about 10k. So between that and my CC's, I'd have a nice sum to run away and start over. What's the incentive to stay?

*sigh*

I just want to be better. I want my kids to be better. I want a "normal" life!

[Fireflyy]

So sorry....

I am so sorry for all the pain you are living with. I am guessing the constant stress around you, and the stress of worrying about your children (not to mention the pain of losing a child) has got to make it a lot more difficult for you to stay stable. I am really sorry.

Originally Posted by DragonflyBlue

I hear you too trinity.

I get pissed off because other families seem so damn normal. I don't know of another family that has had to deal with even half of what we have. My own therapist -who has been in practice for over 25 years - says the same thing.

Since 1998, there has been constant chaos in our home. It never ends. My teens are out of control. My oldest at home teen dropped out, works at the most 5 hours in a two week period. My 17 yo is on a new med that makes her bitchier than a pitbull with PMS and a yeast infection. My 14 year old rarely comes home from school, sneaks out of the house, etc. My 11 yo has anger management issues - who can blame him when his entire life has been chaos. The twins are hellions- normal 4 yo's, but still! LOL

It's been kids in and out of hospitals, suicide attempts, one who did die by suicide. (four kids with BP, three living)

DH and I are either doing very well or ready to divorce. No happy medium.

My oldest is married, has two kids and thinks he has all the answers to parenting- as does his wife and they love to try and tell us what we need to do or are doing wrong.

House rules are really simple. Come straight home from school, do homework and your one job and then you can hang out. Nobody wants to follow the rules. It's a constant battle with them.

What really sucks is that the kids want allowances for their illness, but me? HA! I'm not allowed to be ill. I'm not allowed to have off days. I'm not allowed to have med issues. I'm not allowed to check out now and then. They can. I can't.

I get nagged at for being on my computer. I go nowhere. I have no friends. This is my social life. If I did not come here, I'd have no other adult interaction aside from dh and my mom. (not counting therapy)

I love my family. I really do. But dammit, I want a life too and I did not sign up for this one!

I feel overwhelmed most days...

Did manage to do the taxes today. Getting back about 10k. So between that and my CC's, I'd have a nice sum to run away and start over. What's the incentive to stay?

*sigh*

I just want to be better. I want my kids to be better. I want a "normal" life!

[Autumn Breeze]

: DragonflyBlue I think we all, at some point, want a "normal" life. But then we have to start asking "what is normal".

And this is my normal. At least now it is. I get depressed, I get hypo manic, I get really irritated, I get hyper sexual, I become lethargic, and a total 'cold fish'.

to make things even more interesting, my husband is also BPII! And couple that with his PTSD, OCD, and then extremely SEVERE chronic back pain for a year. Things were REALLY rocky here, and yes, sometimes scary But we talked (and yelled, and screamed and cursed) and things have been getting better the last 2 months. It's been a huge difference.

[leighann79]

I may join in here too. I was dx bipolar Jan. 03. Finally figured out that Trileptal and Wellbutrin are my magic pills and I did great on them. Then in '05 I got off of my pills, with the ok of my drs, so that I could TTC. We had Colleen Dec. '05.
I am just fine during pregnancy. I've been doing great for about 1.5 years. Something changed though because I have not been fine for about the past 6 months. I had a really bad day a couple of weeks ago and called my dr up to tell him I needed to see him that day. He was able to see me and now I'm back on Wellbutrin and Trileptal. We started with a small dose and are going to work me up. I felt better the next day (Trileptal works fast), but already I'm feeling like I will need him to up it a bit more. I really look forward to my next appt.
I was so ready to be back on meds. I was raging all of the time. Screaming at the kids and throwing things. Sometimes Colleen needed me and I just couldn't be needed anymore. I would have to shut myself in the bedroom to get away from her so that I wouldn't get mean. It's so nice to be able to deal with her needing me so much now.
I worry that my bipolar crap that I was going through has caused her to have the massive separation anxiety she has now. I can't go into the garage to get fire wood or go out in the back yard with out her to put the chickens up with out her freaking out completely. She gets hysterical and no one can calm her down. (well, grandma did ok once) When I am having a really good day she is almost giddy. She keeps looking into my face and smiling really big and she climbs all over me and hugs and kisses me. Does that sound like my bipolar stuff has been affecting her? If so, how long/how many good days until she is doing better?

[christigpa]

Oh trinity6232000, DragonflyBlue and leighann79!! I'm so sorry life is just not going well right now - sucks bigtime! I truly hope life turns around for you very, very soon.

Diagnosed BPII in 1993. Meds have been balanced for at least 10+ years. That and I'm in a happy place in my life. Each day I take Tegretol, Wellbutrin and Effexor. The pills make me constantly thirsty and give me drymouth yet I sweat buckets at the drop of a hat. I'm sure some of the weight gain over the years is due to one pill or another. If I miss an Effexor does I get a migraine and feel like I have the worst hangover in the world. However, they control my rage, uber-depressive or borderline mania states and try their hardest to chase away the gray skies. Many many times I have wanted to sleep away the emotional pain, the frustration, the helplessness - just sleep for two weeks. I've never been directly suicidal (thought about it during the initial years of diagnosis but I think it was more to get back at an emotionally-abusive now ex-husband). Never been hospitalized but have seen both my mom and sister go through two rounds each. Private or state-run, they are somber, scary places.

I can't speak enough about finding that right cocktail of meds - I'll put up with the sweating, the migraines, etc. - as long as I stay sane. lfetterman is right - go back on the meds - your old life is calling you!

Good luck ladies - let's keep eachother posted!

[monkeyscience]

Hi, everyone. I hope you don't mind me lurking around your thread. I'm NMY, nor have I been formally diagnosed as BP, but I have a feeling I will someday be a BP mama. I'm in the process of trying to get in to see a counselor, as the wild roller coaster that is my mental state is severely affecting my ability to do well at school and to live my life.

I have so many questions and fears - Will I ever find someone who can love me in spite of my problems? Should I try medication? Can I take medication while pregnant/breastfeeding? Will my children suffer because of my problems? Are they hereditary? Will I able to take care of my kids properly? etc., etc.

So... I'm going to hang out and see what people have to say about their experiences. I hope no one minds.

[Autumn Breeze]

Leigh, my daughter is 2 months older, and when I was at my most unstable (thus far) she was like that too. But I promise, a while after you level off, she'll improve. Just remember to try to be patient with her about it, because she's feeding off you. Trust me I know it's really hard to do, sometimes I still manage to forget and just get pissed off.




I saw a new pdoc this week, and she actually listened!! She doesn't like to use AD's to treat beepers, but will if necessary, and doesn't think it necessary for me right now. But she did increase the dose of my mood stabilizer (Lamictal) to 150mg. I have to split my dose, because taking 100 mg at a time, after a few days makes my back ache, and it's an ache that the motrin doesn't touch

So, now I take 75/75 am/pm. I can take the AM dose w/ my coffee and my pm dose with my lunch, so they don't ahve to be too spread out.




monkeyscience -

I have so many questions and fears - Will I ever find someone who can love me in spite of my problems? Should I try medication? Can I take medication while pregnant/breastfeeding? Will my children suffer because of my problems? Are they hereditary? Will I able to take care of my kids properly? etc., etc

Love - yes. You will, there is someone out there, or even someones who will love you for you, and be accepting of your illness. I promise.

Medication can help, so can natural methods of treatment. It's best to seek out a psychiatrist either way you go. And a psychologist/therapist.

There are medications you can take while pregnant and breastfeeding. If you have concerns about those prescribed to you, I would recommend calling poison control, they have the information you need. It's what I did, and I managed to even get info on the half lives of my meds, so I knew that if I didn't take one of them at the same time every day, that it was ok.

Will your children suffer, I don't think mine suffer, but I always feel like I can do better by them. It's not really herditary, but they're more likely. Not always. I have no family history of anything worse than Anxiety (my bio dad) And I'm bipolar. So, it can happen either way, there is no control.

YES, you can care for them properly. Some days it will take more work that others. Some days you may wish they weren't around you both because you're stressed and triggerd, and some days because you don't want them to see you this way.

YOu can do this.

[leighann79]

Autumn-- Thank you so much for that. I really helps me to know that. (((hugs)))

[monkeyscience]

Originally Posted by AutumnBreeze

You can do this.

Thanks so much for your responses and encouragement. I appreciate it.

Do the poison control people thing you're weird for calling even though no one's been poisoned?