My Hubby doesn't understand

[coopnwhitsmommy]

He loves that I stay at home, but he doesn't always understand why some days I get absolutly nothing done. How can I make him see that I'm doing everything I can

[annethcz]

Are your kids old enough to be left with dad for a period of time? Run errands in the evening, go out for lunch or something on a Saturday... For the most part, my DH is tremendously supportive of me. And allowing him to parent solo for a few hours every week helps DH not only to develop a better relationship with the kids, but gives him a glimpse of what my life is like.

The best illustration is when DH tries to work from home (he's an IT guy). He complains about how hard it is to get anything done with kids around. (uh, yeah, of course!)

[4evermom]

I remember seeing some cartoon along these lines. One day, the SAHM, actually did nothing. When dh came home he thought there must have been a terrible accident because the tv was blaring, things were strewn everywhere, milk was puddled on the table, etc. When the husband asked what happened, the wife replied that this is what it looks like when I actually do nothing.

[hlkm2e]

One Saturday I needed to go to a baby shower out of town. So, I left at 9:00 and didn't get back till 6:00. It was the perfect chance for dh to see all the little things. So, I made him up a little list of everything to do... cook 3 meals, throw in some laundry, run to the store, pick up the dry cleaning, etc. You get the drift. When I came home, they were both sacked out on the couch, exhausted watching cartoons. Needless to say, dh didn't get many things on the list done, but he sure got a feel for how the days go. He appreciated doing it too, because he never had that chance before. On the weekends, I was always here to get things organized. He didn't realize it took 10 minutes of prep to get out the door on time. It just happened. Because, I did it.

Anyway, maybe he needs some time by himself with the kids. To see all the itty bitty things that suck up time everyday.

Good Luck!

[LovinMyKids]

I ghet that too. He wonders what I did all day. Then Ileft him at home with all three kids for a couple hours. He did NOTHING. AT ALL. The house was a wreck. he had NO time to cook anything, etc...

[cjr]

I don't get flack from dh anymore. For the first year of ds's life the house was a wreck all the time and the laundry piled high every day. Not just in the laundry room, but in the bedrooms...hallway...livingroom and bathrooms. His standard question would be "what did you do today", meaning it looks like you did diddly squat. Finally I decided to take off every Saturday and do my shopping by myself. Did he get much done, nope. He also NEVER had dinner made when I got back. He has stopped asking me that stupid question. He has also helped make it a little easier for me by taking our dd to her bus in the morning (I made bus stop trips 3x a day which made it impossible to do much). Since he stopped nagging on me about the house, I in turn have made sure that at the very least the house it "tidied" before he walks in the door. It's a matter of taking 10 min (with the help of the kids) and just decluttering the house. The bathrooms may not be clean, the laundry may not be done but at least you can walk from the livingroom to the kitchen. :LOL

[Shenjall]

: my dh is wonderful! Its no suprise since he was sahd before I came home so he gets it. Maybe thats the answer? Like pp's have said - leave them for a day and with a simple list!

[P-chan]

Here's a copy of the joke (I found it at http://jokes4u.mycybernet.ca/ididnt.htm )

One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home. The kids were outside still in their pyjamas playing in the mud and muck. There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around. As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table, and a small pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been knocked over.
He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened to her. He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pyjamas on, reading a book. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what I did today?"

"Yes," was his reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!".

[loudmama]

I work PT outside the home & DH is with her when I work. It has been that way since she was 3 months old. Until recently, I worked 3 nights & 1 weekend day. DH has never asked what I did all day. He knows. I think that any SAHP should have some sort of regular time outside the home so that their partner can see what they do, so that they can develop their own relationship with their child(ren), & so that the partner that's at home can have some time away!

L

[RubyV]

SO was a SAHD for a little over 2 mos and so knows the pain of being home. He never asks me how the house is a mess, why dinner isn't ready. Baby is a full time occupation. HOusework gets split between the two of us.

[coopnwhitsmommy]

I think the big problem is that Dh doesn't do much to help around the house...I ask him to do 2things Make sure the trash is taken out and empty the dishwasher if he notices it is done, then load the next load (okay so maybe three things) Guess what...there are three bags of garbage on the porch, and he had NEVER once opened the dishwasher

[bethwl]

Tell him you need a vacation and make him take 2 days off work. Then go to a spa, a friend's house, anywhere. Let him see how much he gets done.

[QueenMommy]

First, I have to agree that it seems like he doesn't understand and that you should give him the kids for a few hours, a day, whatever. Let him see. My DH has never asked me those questions, thankfully, but I have always left a child at home while I went to the store (easier!), so he found out anyway! lol!

Second, I have found from experience that most men are like little kids...it does no good to say "I need you to do_____" and expect it to be done all the time (like trash). You really do need to say each and every time it needs doing, "I need you to take out the trash" or whatever. A lot of men just don't notice when something needs doing. Very frustrating!

[Greaseball]

The problem I have is that when I actually do get stuff done, the kids mess it up again! So my whole day is just cleaning the same things.