Do you get any "me" time? - Page 5

[BusyMommy]

Not only does my DH just GET IT, but I am VERY clear about needing time to recharge. Everyone is different, but I would take a stab in the dark here and guess that many of us AP mamas REALLY need that refueling time. We literally have children ON our bodies for most of the day. Plus, AP is attending to needs that many don't even see as needs in our kids. Perhaps the mama whose kid is in a playpen all day, or whose needs are ignored may not need that time to refuel. Hope you all understand what I'm trying to say here.

: ITA

Mine is for exercise so not only do I get free time but I also get endorphins. : I ski 3x/week without my kids and go to the gym 3x/week. Dh watches them while I ski and I either trade w/a neighbor or use the playroom for the gym. It's sooooooooooooo worth it.

[fire_lady]

for those mama wanting some "me" time.
I'm thankful that once in while I have time alone to relax. DH will be the to look after DS while I'm on the internet or I just wanted to take nap. There are times that DH will be the one to ask me if I wanted a time alone and rest. He is so sweet and understanding about this besides he loves playing with DS when he's home.

[vermonttaylors]

Some days are better than others with the ME time. We have it down to a science most days. I can go for a walk alone while ds is napping and dh is in for lunch and dd is playing on the floor. Sometimes I take dd in the backpack because I like her quiet company (ds talks to much for a walk to be meditative, funny yes, but not meditative).

I also get a shrink appointment every other week which I love (car ride alone, coffee and a donut in the village, great shrink!) and we hav hired a masseuse to come and give us each 90 minute massages every other week. It's awesome. Plus we go on dates and I try to see my "girls" for solo dinners a couple nights a month.

It's not perfect and it has to be renegotiated frequently, but it often works great and we both get some time.

Cheers!

[Kirsten]

Only read the first three pages - out of time to finish the rest - but feel the STRONGEST need to chime in on this thread!

I have been a SAHM for almost ten years. Was a nanny 11 hours a day for almost five years before that. So I have been wiping noses and butts, going to library storytime, trying to choose between 3T and 4T, singing Old MacDonald, dancing to Barney or the Wiggles, etc. for 14+ years.

It was my choice to do it. I love/d it. No one had a gun to my head. I truly wanted to spend my free time researching preschools and shopping at Gymboree and going to PTA meetings and reading parenting books. It was what I chose. But it was not balanced. My life was all for my kids. Who the hell am I????? Besides my kids' mother, who am I? What do **I** like? Sure, they have darling outfits that coordinate (not match - I am not matchy matchy) but why am I dressed in ten year old jeans and a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt?? We went to Disney on Ice and the Raven concert but what about music or entertainment for GROWN UPS??? How about reading a book that doesn't teach me a thing about nursing or discipline or education - just something interesting to ME? How about a restaurant that doesn't even HAVE kid menus???

I am now, after 14+ years, finally figuring out that I need time for me. I did get time away before but I spent it on kid-related stuff. Now I do stuff with that time that has no link to my kids whatsoever. And you know what? It feels INCREDIBLE! I am absolutely over the top with such a good feeling about everything now. I am happier. I know that makes me a better mother. I know for sure it is healthier for me. I count too.

I hope that those of you who get no me time will make it happen. Let me be your terrible warning (you know that saying - if you can't be a good example, be a terrible warning - or something like that!) Don't let yourself get to the point I did. I really got to an unhappy point where my kids were being affected and my husband worried I was just going to run away and never come back. It was then that I decided that whether my family liked it or not, I was going to save myself. It really felt like that at the time. Now I wish I'd done more stuff for me (NON-KID STUFF) even though I didn't feel I needed it at the time. Moderation!

Sorry to go on and on. I just feel really passionate about this, especially lately.

[lauraess]

That sounds like a few wise words at least. The key I picked up on that i agree with is : Even when you dont quite think you need it, Take it!-- because perhaps you've just reached a point of complacency with the stressful grind of it, the give-give-give more mode that you figure 'well, Im DOING it- and Im just fine- I dont NEED a real break yet.'
It is just way to easy to adopt that sort of thinking when your are a mom.
Thanks Kirsten

[janecarmel]

Do you get any "me" time? Reply to Thread

Yes, I insist on it. It's not usually WHEN I want it, but at least I get it.

[jujujoy]

I get me time, but I pay for it with lack of sleep. I stay up until around 11:00 every night so that I have plenty of time to read, play on the computer, and do whatever else I want to do with no interuptions.
I figure I will have plenty of time to sleep when my kids are all grown.

[napless]

In theory, I go out one evening a week after supper (with the baby!) while dh puts the boys to bed.

In practice, I often feel too tired to go!

Then I get cranky!

Last week I didn't go - so this week I vow that I'll go, no matter how tired I am. I think I'll go to the library first, to browse and read the newspaper. Then I'll go to a cafe to drink a latte and read magazines.

[CherryBomb]

I try to get a 10-15 minute shower every other day (or at least every 3 days!). I go to curves 3x a week. Other than that, it's only if I feel like staying up after they're both asleep.

[cjcolorado]

I've found that the best way to get the "me" time is to actually ASK for it. My husband is wonderful about taking our daughter (and usually spends one entire day of the workweek with her when I'm now able to go to work...which, BTW, I don't "count" as me-time!)...but, the caveat is that I absolutely have to ask for it. It would never occur to him to just say, "hey, why don't you go out for a run by yourself...or go bum around town for awhile." But, if I mention it, he's more than happy to take her and he always seems to have a blast with her. Since she's been old enough to carry in a Bjorn or sling, he's gone on hikes with her, done yardwork with her, taken her on bikerides, gone XC skiing with her, gone to the park, or just hung around the house. I bet lots of husbands/partners would be more than willing to step in if we are able to articulate just how extremely valuable maintaining a sense of self and sanity is to our good motherhood and a happy family life--especially when we are so otherwise extremely attached, physically and emotionally, to our kiddos.

[lauraess]

I have to disagree with you cjcolorado -though i know you mean all the best in respect to relations and all that- but I think the best way is to take it. Dont ask- lay down the law and when they're free it's their turn to take over child responsibility. Perhaps i've just seen too many women burnt out and walked on to think of them asking for something that is so absolutely positively coming to them, and so incredibly necesary too.

[TinkerBelle]

Originally Posted by lauraess

I have to disagree with you cjcolorado -though i know you mean all the best in respect to relations and all that- but I think the best way is to take it. Dont ask- lay down the law and when they're free it's their turn to take over child responsibility. Perhaps i've just seen too many women burnt out and walked on to think of them asking for something that is so absolutely positively coming to them, and so incredibly necesary too.

I am with you. DH does not ask me, so why should I "ask" his permission for something that is my "due"?

[lauraess]

I've, on a few 'passion filled' outbursts (NOT in the sack) proclaimed: "Every mom should be getting flowers at least once a week!"
-In all honesty Sahm's should have someone come in the door with flowers, a nice kiss and hug and a warm "go have yourself a night"
... But that isnt reality(sigh)
So, instead It's usually mom saying diner is ready and practically running out the door-- THATs usually when she's at her breaking point or close to it.

[Dal]

Depending on the day, Simon sleeps for 12-14 hours. I need 7 hours of sleep to feel really good, but can get by on 6 (though don't want to do this regularly). I get me time when he naps, after he's in bed at night, and much of the time when dh is watching him. I get a lot of me time: at least 4 hours/day. Some of this should be devoted to my grad work, but that isn't always the case. Dh and I share in housecleaning responsibilities, though admittedly he does more of that than I do, while I do more of the childcare and research relation to it than he does.

I would be very, very unhappy if I never had a moment to myself.

[lauraess]

Dal> I'm thinking you must have a babe. whether yours is so young and the new-ness hasnt worn off or a bit older, I still feel the need to point out that even when the child is sleeping you are "on". As in, the responsibility is still fully on you. Maybe it's simply because i never had a good sleeper or maybe it's my personality, but to fully get 'me time' I need to be only responsible for myself.

[Dal]

Hmmm. I figured I was interpreting "me time" differently from others here. Simon is 20 months old today. I really do feel like I'm having me time right now. He's asleep. I feel more at peace when he's here and sleeping than when he is off with dh. Dh is wonderful, but so long as Simon is busy &c., there is a chance that he could get hurt (whoever is watching him), which leaves me feeling a bit unsettled -- not continuously, but enough that I'm more relaxed when he's right here and sleeping. He still typically wakes up a few times each night, but that is varying more now.

[lauraess]

everyone's situation is different as is their reactions/state of mind/stress thesholds- so you may be just fine truly. I only say that (above) because as one poster pointed out that often we quickly get in the mode of being the constant and ultimate caretaker that we 'forget' how to really take care of ourselves. Just make sure you give yourself some special nurturing on a regular basis. that would really be something for just you but then in return it benefits all.

[MyrDawn]

One thing I learned very early on is that taking care of ourselves is one of the most important things a Mommy can do for her children. If we get too tired, stressed, or otherwise unhealthy, we can't give them good care like if we're in tip top shape.

My DH is a long distance trucker, so I usually only get a complete break for a couple hours every couple weeks, when he's home. I use that to go shopping, or somewhere else that's fun for me.

The rest of the time, since I'm usually ready to crash shortly after DD goes to bed at night, I make it a point to get up before she does in the morning, to give me time for a relaxing cup of coffee and to do my email. And, when she takes her afternoon nap, I use that for "me" time. Sometimes I take a nap, sometimes I read, sew, watch TV, scrapbook, or whatever I want. But, I do something I want to do, not something I have to do. I consider housework off limits during that couple hours of free time in the afternoon.

Since I set those rules for myself, and follow them, I am MUCH less stressed, have a lot more patience with DD, and can enjoy taking care of her, and playing with her, a lot more.