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How many kids do you have? Plan to have? Why? - Page 3

post #41 of 90
I have 5... I keep going back and forth too... I'd really like to get moving down the Midwifery education path...but I don't "feel" done but is that just the fact that I want another girl? I really want twin girls! lol yeah I am a little crazy...sorry no help!
post #42 of 90
well, we have 7 , 4 boys and 3 girls oldest is 17 (yes she has her permit!) and baby is 22 months. I just love all the different ages and stages and while it can be very challenging it is also very rewarding. I can go out for coffee and interesting talk with my teenager or have her babysit sometimes and cuddle and nurse baby and play and do homework with the others and they learn so much from each other! As for the enviroment, they were all cloth diapered wear alot of hand me downs, we don't waste much, at least we get really good use out of everything, and I feel that as wonderful human beings with a soul, comming from a big and loving family they will be able to contribute to their community and society. good luck on your desicion , what works for one family might not work for another so you have to do what is right for you.
post #43 of 90
We agreed before we married that we wanted hordes of children.

So, no birth control for us. :LOL
The no birth control is for religious reasons, but it sure does help to want lots of kids, since that's what we may get. I'm only 22!

Ds1 was born 9 months and a few days after the wedding. Ds2 is post-dates right now and driving me crazy right now with his reluctance to be born. :
post #44 of 90
I have a month old daughter and I would like a son and another daughter.
post #45 of 90
Originally Posted by ecomommy
How many kids do you have or want to have? What is their spacing? How did you decide?
We currently have two kids. They are 355 days apart. The younger one is adopted. I always wanted lots of kids, and I wanted them to be what my mother terms "stair-step" kids, you know, each one just a little younger than the previous. It won't work out that way, really, because after dd was born I told husband "No more bio kids." It's just luck that our son is almost exactly one year younger than our daughter. I would like to adopt another child who is one year younger than our son, but right now we are working on bringing home our almost-11-year-old daughter. So there will be a huge gap between our oldest and our next oldest. We both want one more after this one. I would like to plug the gap between the oldest two. Dh says he wants one younger than our current youngest. We'll have to see how everything plays out.

Why four? Because dh won't let me have five. :LOL Anything less than four would feel incomplete to me.

post #46 of 90
We have one, and that's probably enough. We won't make a permanent decision for a couple of years, but we originally planned on one and are still leaning that way.

Reasons to stop at one:
*We feel very fulfilled and satisfied as a family now.
*Statistically, only children fare as well as or better than children with siblings. (See the book Maybe One by Bill McKibben.)
*Pregnancy was rough on me, and I can't imagine getting thru it while caring for a toddler/preschooler.
*We like being able to get into sync w/his current stage without simultaneously trying to enjoy a totally different stage w/another kid. (I am a Brownie leader, and as much as I enjoy being w/kids that age, I do find it harder to really get into stuff w/them now that I'm caring for a baby.)
*I want to continue my career. The cost of daycare for two kids would make my continuing to work financially absurd.
*My partner is an only child and loved it.
*Although I have a sibling and I love him and he shaped my life to some extent, I don't feel that his existence is crucial to my happiness and "rightness" in life.
*When my brother was a baby/toddler and I was a toddler/preschooler, I felt gypped a lot of the time; not only did I get less parental attention, but many of the things I tried to do on my own were ruined by the blundering baby. I don't want my child to feel like that, and I'm afraid that because that still rankles w/me I wouldn't be fair to a younger child.
*We are concerned about population growth.

Reasons to have another:
*We'd still kind of like to have a girl. Of course, there's no guarantee that we'd get one!
*My partner had hoped to pass on his gorgeous hair color. Same as above, and also our son's hair won't necessarily stay the color it is now.
*Our son will have no first cousins (my brother plans to have no children) and it seems very lonely to me to have no siblings AND no cousins. He has several second cousins, though, and probably will have more.

What we'd really like to do is to increase our family size through polyamory. Right now we barely have time for our little nuclear family, but in a couple of years we hope to couple w/another couple who have a child or two, thus forming a multi-child family w/more adults to do the child-raising! It's hard to make these things happen just the way you want them to...but OTOH, when I was a teenager I thought I'd never find a man who'd love me and parent w/me, and that worked out!
post #47 of 90
We ahve 2 boys. A 4 year old and a 15 month old. We would like to have 2 more, but not sure that a number 4 will happen. A third definatly but we feel we need to be more secure in where we live before we have 4 kids. We'll see what the future holds. I always wanted lots of kids because growing up i was surrounded by a ton of cousins and lots of family and i loved it!! DH on the other hand has no family..jsut his dad, and he feels like he missed out on alot in some ways.

post #48 of 90
Currently, we have just one. I go back and forth on whether or not I want another. Most days I'm sure that I want ds to have a sibling, and tell dh this all too often. :LOL But other days I worry that we wouldn't be able to afford it. We both WOH, and daycare is pretty expensive. It's really just the first couple of years that concern me--after that, I know we'd be fine.

I just want to be able to provide a good life for my children, and I get nervous thinking of all the expenses for two children.

Also, ds is not ready for a sibling--I'm absolutely sure of this. Until I feel he is ready to be a brother, we won't be trying.

Anyway, dh and I have been talking and we're going to reassess the situation next spring. I hope things are clearer to me then!
post #49 of 90
We have one and are happy with one. We're not taking any permanent steps because we might change our minds someday, but I doubt it. Ds just turned 1 year old. Dh is about to turn 30 and has said he wants any children before 30 (and seeing as I can't concieve and deliver in a couple of weeks...)
post #50 of 90
Before Married: wanted 4

Now: Currently have an almost 3 year old dd who is dubbed "the Energizer Bunny' cause she never ever stops running! Also have 15 month old twins.

Future: no more for us. I'm way too spent with the ones I have now to give anything more to another little person. I just don't have the energy, patience or finances to support another child. I often daydream about another one, but once I start thinking of the sleepless nights etc., I know I'm done. I have no desire to go through that again. I'm happy enough to snuggle someone's newborn for a while and get my fix! :LOL
post #51 of 90
I don't have any yet, I am getting life in order and saving up to adopt #1. I'd really like to have a second one down the road, but I have conflicting feelings. I'd really like to have the pregnancy/birth/newborn experience I won't get with #1. BUT, I have a really strong feeling that I would have twins, and always have (and my mom was a fraternal twin). Also I worry that as I'm single, I can barely afford one! BUT maybe I'll get married at some point. I could wait until #1 is in school to try for #2, reducing the daycare costs (although I know other costs go UP as a child gets older). BUT menopause comes really early in my family, and unless someone hands me a house and $20,000 tomorrow it'll be a minimum of 2 years before I bring home #1. So, I'd like at least two, but may end up with just the one for financial reasons.

My 2 younger sisters (both also single) have both separately mentioned to me that they are tentatively considering ADI at some point in the future if their "Mr. Right" doesn't show up. Also, my best friend is planning to TTC starting early next year. I'm hoping that our kids will all be close enough in age to be sort of "surrogate siblings".
post #52 of 90
I have 2 boys. My oldest is so spirited I don't see how I could have another. He has had such a hard time with one sibling. However, if I had all the money in the world and was a bit younger I'd have as many children as possible. I just love babies, although, I am so completely awful at waking up all night long. My youngest is 8 months right now and I wish I could just freeze him at this age. He is so cute with those two bottom teeth sticking up. Yeah, I could have another one, but dh says no way and I can just see little beads of sweat pop out on his forehead at the thought of figuring out how to support one more perosn in this family. :LOL
post #53 of 90
I have one and am pregnant with our 2nd. We know this is our last because we were pretty happy with one and almost stopped there. Having 2 feels pretty overwhelming so I know I definitely don't want anymore. The only way I could see having a third IF, we were independently wealthy, dh were younger, and I had more family close by to help.
post #54 of 90
We have one..a 7 month old dd...and we plan for lots more!! Given my age...we think between 6 and 10..yup we're nuts!!! We have wanted this many since before we were married, and it's still the same!
post #55 of 90
Well, we have 5 children and I am 35 - our last was conceived when the youngest was 3 (still breastfeeding just a bit)....
So I figure we could probably still squeeze in two more

Warm wishes,
post #56 of 90
It's interesting reading everyone's 'stories' - so many different family sizes!

We have three, and I am pregnant with #4. After this baby, we are definitely done. I've always loved being pregnant, and when I was pregnant with #3 (thinking that was my last, as dh was unsure about having more), I was very sad.

Now, thinking that this is my last pregnancy feels very - satisfying! I am looking forward so much to meeting this last baby, who will be the 'baby' of our family - but I am also looking forward to the fact that this baby will BE our last baby, and we can move out of the baby stage.

It's a hard decision - some people stop because they just feel 'done'. And other people stop, even though they don't feel 'done', because there are other factors that weigh more heavily with them. I feel very fortunate that I am able to stop when I feel 'done', rather than having to stop before then...dh is very sweet (and very tired!).

Good luck with whatever you decide!
post #57 of 90
And other people stop, even though they don't feel 'done', because there are other factors that weigh more heavily with them.

Ok this is us. .. We have 3 wonderful kids. But we so wanted 4or 5. We knew i was dealing with issues from the start. Actually my issues started right around pueberty {sp } and just kept getting worse. At one time i was told i would never had babies. That was sad & i obviously proved them wrong. But my problems worsened with every pregnancy, birth & miscarriage i had. After my last one in May 2003 the decision was made basically for me that i needed, well HAD to have a hysterectomy to get relief from al lmy issues. UGh, talk about a hard decision to make. We so wanted more babies we even asked well can we or should we have just 1 more before surgery & i was told , advised it was in my better interest not to. That was heart breaking. Well here we are now 1 yr after prior surgery, no way EVER of having another baby unless someone loans me their uterus { and we know thats nots happening} . It is sad. I have so many regrets that i didn't just go ahead & have more babies & put off the surgery. The issues i was having though putweighed the possibility of more children since, what do i do if i get really sick & die?? Who would then be here for my 3 i was already blessed with. So that was what froced my decision to agrree with the doctors. It is VERY hard. Esp when i have girlfrinds {whom if you read this 1 mama in particular} feel bad since they are still having more babies & i am not.I am so happy for EVERONE blessed with kids!! already birthed & not yet here!!! I am jsut sad with in my self for not being able to have more. My family is wonderful yes but sadly i just don't feel completed yet mentally but my body had a mind of its own.
post #58 of 90
two girls, 2.5 years apart. we're done.

why? tough question. I believe in ZPG. Our family is complete. I'd love to just stay pregnant forever, but the fact remains that I'm of that age where I'd be labeled high risk just because I was born a certain number of years ago. I don't want to have to fight to have another vbac. I have plans for my future that can't start until my children are weaned from breastfeeding.
post #59 of 90
Thread Starter 
I am loving reading everyone's posts. It is so interesting, they are all so lively and varied. But what I like the most is these are thought out decisions about what works best for YOUR family.

Thank you for posting. It has given me so much to think about... I'm still up in the air. We've decided not to decide for now. Which is hard for me because I prefer decisions to be made than up in the air. I'm leaning towards just two but we're not doing again permenant for the time being. I'll let you know what we decide!!

Blessing to all on your parenting endeavors!

Mommy to Aine (3/5/01) and Hollis (8/12/03)

Of course now just after writing this I'm thinking you know I think I want another child... :
post #60 of 90
I have one DS, and we are done. I had a difficult pregnancy/birth, and I'm not sure I could even carry another baby to term. Also, DS is quite high needs and doesn't sleep well, so there's no way I would even think about another baby until I get many night's of goo sleep.
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