Proud to be a SAHM?

[chersolly]

I'm a worldly, strong, well-educated woman and when people ask me what I do, I have a hard time saying "SAHM". I hate to believe that I'm ashamed but I don't want people to assume that I'm a housewife - because I am not. Anyone else have this problem?

[hlkm2e]

I'm with you. I believe those things about myself, also. I think the problem is we know society doesn't have the same beliefs about us. So, we know that when we say we are SAHM, we may have to have a conversation where we defend ourselves, or have to convince the person that we don't sit around all day, or that yes we are lucky but we work hard, etc. And it just gets tiring having that conversation.

[Mom4tot]

Originally Posted by hlkm2e

I'm with you. I believe those things about myself, also. I think the problem is we know society doesn't have the same beliefs about us. So, we know that when we say we are SAHM, we may have to have a conversation where we defend ourselves, or have to convince the person that we don't sit around all day, or that yes we are lucky but we work hard, etc. And it just gets tiring having that conversation.

I agree with this. Sometimes I find myself wanting to justify by explaining my work history :LOL I think certain people mke assumptions about SAHM's and they are not always flattering or even accurate. I am 'proud' of the choice I have made, but I find it difficult to be appreciated by some parts of society.

[annakiss]

This is why I have a hard time telling people what I do. I don't really like the titles I'm offered - SAHM, housewife, mom... None of them really describe what I do. Not that I could really list on a resume what all my duties are without taking up two or three pages. I guess in a way I still consider myself to be an artist and a writer, though I've never done those things professionally by any means, and that's more about me than my kids are, if that makes sense. I occupy my time by being a domestic goddess, yes. And I think about the needs of my household almost constantly and work on finding creative solutions for things that we need, etc., but that doesn't define me, yk?

I think that there's a problem with the assumptions we have about what one does, for one thing, be that being an insurance adjuster or a movie star or a SAHM. Everyone has to do dishes and laundry and clean their house, yk? Everyone with kids has to parent. And it's not like those things are what we're looking for when we ask one another, "So what do you do?" even though those things may very well occupy more of one's time than an outside job. So there's a problem with implications and there's a problem with semantics. I think I usually talk too much, so for instance this weekend at a wedding shower I asked an old friend what she was up to and she explained what her job was and that she liked marketing, then I went on & on about birth and fertility and what my son was like and how I'm hormonal and going crazy with him, but that I enjoy the flexibility of being at home and how we want to homeschool, but that one day I'd like to pursue midwifery, yadda yadda yadda. It seems, I suppose, far more interesting and complex than marketing though. :

[Eman'smom]

I always feel the need to work into the conversation "before I quit to stay home with my kids I did....... That my degree is in ......., that I worked for X years before making this choice". I think the hard thing is since society doesn't value what we are doing as work I need to prove to people that I have marketable skills KWIM? That I'm not some lazy person that isn't working because either I can't or that I wanted the "easy" life of staying home with toddlers. :LOL

[jessemoon]

I tend to say something like "Well, right now I am focusing on being a mom to my little one...but at some point I will probably go back to teaching." I don't know why I feel like I have to mention that I had a career prior to ds's birth...but I usually do.

[MamaFae]

Wow! What a timely thread for me!

I have been feeling very out of sorts lately about being defined as "just a mom". ARGH! That phrase irks me to no end. : And it is so hard not to get defensive about it.

I am out with my two boys that are close in age (2 and 3 3/4) and obviously very pregnant with my 3rd and I feel like I get these disapproving, knowing looks from strangers everywhere I go. It could be in my mind, but I swear I got that "look" from a neighbor just yesturday while I was bringing them inside and she was out walking her ugly little rat dog that she never picks up after (yes I am a bit bitter).

I just can't help but wonder how some people who judge the SAHM's as less productive members of society would fair in our shoes. I mean my goodness! Look at all we do in a day! : just to list a few!

And this week DH is out of town, so I have been doing everything. I tell you I never worked so hard in all my life. And I agree that all the "titles" people have come up with to try to make SAHMing sound more glamorous or more important to society don't really do it justice. Although I do like domestic goddess because it makes me feel better.

It is really hard to explain to those who haven't done it. And it is hard when we feel the need to justify what we do with what we did before we were moms because society doesn't place a value on mothering. I guess the only thing we can do is to stop giving those explinations and claim mothering in its own right as the most important job period.

Blessings,
N~

[sparkprincess]

I'm very proud of what I do!

That's not to say I don't worry about what other people think. Especially since I never went to college and even though I worked prior to ds I wouldn't call it a career by any means!

Please don't take this unkindly, but you mamma's are just like the ones that make me feel inferior. When I meet someone new and they ask what I do, I state that I'm a stay-at-home mom and then they say "oh, I have a degree in x and x and did x before having kids, but now I'm a SAHM". Serouisly, I don't need your whole personal history! :LOL ( I say all this light-heartedly)

I like to think that I'm more than being a mom too, I have lot's of hobbies, but it would be weird to say "Oh, I knit, scrapbook, and work for my husband's co. on the side"..... People would be like "Okayyyyy".

[AJP]

Well, I am a "housewife" and don't care if people think of me that way, but I didn't have a career, per se, prior to being a mom, so I might have more of a hangup about it if I did. I grew up with a very feminist influence (and that's part of who I am, even though I'm not happy with many things about the feminist movement today), which included a negative association with that housewife word and image, but realized in my early 20s, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, that's what I wanted to be (but didn't actually "stay home" until our son was born when I was 29). That didn't make all my other interests evaporate or become trivial. I didn't personally identify with my jobs, they were a source of income and nothing more. It's always annoyed me to feel like someone is trying to put me in a cubby hole by figuring out what I "do", whether it was in school (where you're identified by who you hang out with and what your grades are) or in the adult, working world, and I always had this kind of perverse desire to remain un-categorizable. So I've had a lof of practice not caring what other people think of me. I know I'm intelligent, capable and have a very wide range of interests, my husband knows it, so will my kids. I've made peace with answering "mom" or "domestic goddess" to the inevitable question of "So, what do you do?" and if the person thinks I'm Just A Mom that's their problem. The people who care about me, the ones who actually matter, know me far beyond being a SAHM/housewife/whatever other label society would apply to me.

[MamaAllNatural]

Originally Posted by chersolly

I don't want people to assume that I'm a housewife - because I am not.

This is what I want to avoid too. I do feel very good about being a SAHM, I just don't really apply the word "proud" to much ... but if I did, I might even use that word.

Originally Posted by mom4tot

I agree with this. Sometimes I find myself wanting to justify by explaining my work history :LOL

:LOL I can relate to this as well!

Originally Posted by sparkprincess

Please don't take this unkindly, but you mamma's are just like the ones that make me feel inferior. When I meet someone new and they ask what I do, I state that I'm a stay-at-home mom and then they say "oh, I have a degree in x and x and did x before having kids, but now I'm a SAHM". Serouisly, I don't need your whole personal history! ( I say all this light-heartedly)

I don't think anyone is saying we'd feel the need to list our credentials/personal history to another SAHM. Just sometimes to people who are judging and don't understand SAHMing.

I am much more than a mom too.

[dharmamama]

I don't feel "proud" to be a SAHM. It's just what I do. Do I believe it's the best thing for my kids? Absolutely, but that doesn't make me proud. To me, it's just an "I'm their mom, I take care of them" thing. (And if I were a SAHD, it'd be an "I'm their dad, I take care of them" thing.)

I don't feel any need to highlight my work history, because that has no bearing on what I do now, and I'm not the type to identify myself by occupation anway. IMO, if you tell people that you are a SAHM but then are quick to add what you used to do, you yourself are the one devaluing being a SAHM.

I have found that most people are impressed that I stay home with the kids, because it's not the norm these days. They don't see me as uneducated or unmotivated. Most people recognize that being a SAHM these days is a lot of work.

But I don't really care what people think of what I do. I'm not doing it for them.

Namaste!

[artgoddess]

I really love being a SAHM, and I think that shows if someone asks me. I don't really get the "what do you do?" question, I'm sure because it's obvious and DS is always with me. I might hear, "Do you get to stay home with him?". In that case the asker is already letting me know they think it's a good thing if my answer is yes.

If someone does ask what I do, I just beam and say that I'm a mom! I think my not feeling embarassed additude carries a lot with others, cause I have never felt as though someone didn't think that was enough.

[philomom]

Well. I fudge on this one. I am so tired of being at a cool party and have folks wander off after I announce I'm a SAHM. So, I do work one morning a week at the local hospital. To strangers, this is what I tell them I do. I get a great answer. have great conversation and no one is the wiser of all their own "baggage".

I am proud of having raised my own kids. I just refuse to be treated like a non-person for doing so.

[thoesly]

I have no problem saying, "I'm a mom," when people ask me what I do. What I find funny is that no one accepts that. There's always a follow-up question like, "Well, what did you do before you had kids?" or "And what do you do during the day?" I don't mind the questions, but they seem odd when they aren't part of a "real" conversation. I chalk it up to curiosity since it's not the norm.

(Oh, and I wouldn't mind being a "housewife" either. My mother is a housewife who puts June Cleaver to shame. I called one night and she was ironing the couch. Seriously. She's a little obsessive, but she's the hardest working person I know and I grew up with enormous respect for her).

[JavaFinch]

I never used to feel this way - when ds was a baby and toddler I felt very proud to be a SAHM. But now that he's 6 and I only have him, I feel a little more self-conscious, like my job is too 'easy' being a sahm to one child who is 6, even though I do home school.

I had a good career before ds and I did plan to work PT after I had him, but for ME, and especially with the long commute, even part time would have been too much time away. I sometimes wish I could just pop back into my old job (it would take a lot of effort to regain what I've lost over 6+ years) a couple days a week, but for the most part, I'm happy with my easy-going life being a SAHM of one child - and hopefully someday I will have another.

[hairylegs]

What a well timed thread! I was with my SIL (an MD) and my brother (a minister) and a family friend. Family friend is chatting it up about saving lives and souls all the while I'm thinking, "Okay, well, this week, I tried a new recipe and scrubbed the toilet, and ds is finally potty trained and improving on his social interactions." When the conversation turned to me, the family friend says, "So....how's your husband?"

It's so frustrating to me that mothers don't get the recognition they deserve. I AM proud to be a SAHM. I'm also proud to be a knitter, baker, gardener, wife and domestic goddess. And I think that's what I'll answer when folks ask from now on. "What do you do?" I am a domestic goddess.

[HelloKitty]

I feel this way a lot, I feel like I have to explain my work history before saying I'm a SAHM. But then after I do that I get annoyed with myself because I should be proud to be a SAHM, and I feel like I'm doing a disservice to those SAHMs that don't have a big work history that they can talk about. KWIM?

I have a sweet story to share though - yesterday I asked my 15 year old to get me another cup of coffee and I handed him my cup - the cup I had been using was one of DH's firefighter mugs and it said something like "Getting ready to be a hero", the 15 year old jokingly says "Haha, how are you gonna be a hero today staying home?" Well my 11 year old speaks up and says "She's a hero every day - she's a Mom" Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. :

[wildmonkeys]

I usually say that I am a social worker and a mother. If they press I say that I am home fulltime right now but doing a bit of freelance research and writing for my old boss (as well as teaching gymnastics!).

For me it isn't about not being proud of being a sahm it is about the fact that I know this "gig" is a short stint. In 3ish years I will probably be back working more and more (however, my main focus will still be being a mom!) I just feel it is a more accurate description of who I am and what I do...I have been a mom for 5 years...I have been a social worker for 10 and I plan to do both for the rest of my life, ykwim?

I also think that being a mom or a professional are too often presented as all or nothings and that indicating that I am fully emerged and thrilled with being a mom doesn't mean I have thrown in the towel on my profession when the kids get older - I think that is good for working and sahms - you know?

BJ
Barney & Ben

[JavaFinch]

Originally Posted by wildmonkeys

I also think that being a mom or a professional are too often presented as all or nothings and that indicating that I am fully emerged and thrilled with being a mom doesn't mean I have thrown in the towel on my profession when the kids get older - I think that is good for working and sahms - you know?

True. But sometimes it is all or nothing - it was for me, and I'm fine with that.

[~Quse~]

I'm a SAHM, I absolutely LOVE it, and I have no problem telling people what I do. I never feel the need to explain myself either. I'm surprised more mom's aren't responding this way to this thread...BEING A SAHM ROCKS!