Anyone's Husband Work from Home? Do you like it?

[Louma]

I'm curious how other couples like this arrangment. On the whole, I'm a big fan. I feel like a very lucky woman to be able to SAH, and adding a daddy who gets to see his baby on and off all day to dd's life seems like an unbelievable bonus for dd and for our relationship. We're closer than we've ever been. We're spoiled rotten, and I'm glad to be in this position.

But...

I was reading one of the threads in another section in which a woman suggested that the OP should find some space just for herself because she was feeling as though none of her possessions even belong to her any longer, and it reminded me of a serious case of jealousy I've been fighting.

First I should explain that my husband took a job in January so that he could work from home and be closer to dd and me. He was tired of missing milestones. I love having him work from our home office--he comes running when he hears dd wake up in the morning so that we can all snuggle; he works in the living room in the mornings so he can watch dd and me play on the floor; he joins us for lunch; he even gets up at 6:00 so that he can finish his work day at 3:00.

However, I am so jealous of the way "our" home office became "his" office. The closet used to be half mine. The desk used to be half mine. The SPACE used to be half mine. Now it's his room. I know I sound like a 10 year old who is tired of sharing her room with her sister (been there!), but I want my own room too!!! It seems like every area of our house is either communal space, baby space, or his space. I've gotta hand it to you mamas with tight living quarters. Losing the one room that wasn't a bedroom and/or a room that company goes into has really been killing me.

[AJP]

Yes and yes! Mine doesn't actually work *in* the house, though. We have a workshop here on the property, about 200 feet from the house, which is where the business operates. It's busy, with deliveries and other people coming and going, if it was in the house it would make me crazy - not crazy having my hubby around, it's great to be able to see and talk to him anytime (even after 17 years of marriage, we just love to be together), but the other stuff would be too much. (I'm quite introverted, too much socialization gives me a rash!) I feel very fortunate and so glad we have this arrangement. We live in a very rural area, and if he had to commute it would mean very long days away from home. He works long hours now (60 hour weeks are typical), but it's much easier to take for all of us since he's here.

It sounds like it would be very helpful for you to have your own space, even if you don't get to use it as often as he uses "his" office space. Maybe that's not an option right away, but I'd bring it up as something to work towards, to help you feel less like you're losing yourself in being a SAHM.

[KateMary]

I'm back at work now and just lurking in the SAHM forum but while I was on maternity leave dh was working from home and it had its pros and cons. It was great not being alone all day figuring out how to care for a newborn, and having that time together to bond. But I could never get on the internet. The office bacame his office for sure. It was also really hard for him to concentrate on his work. After I was back at work, dh stayed home with dd for a few months. I worked at home for a week cause my milk supply dropped and I needed to nurse as much as I could. That was even worse, I got absolutely nothing done.

[meowee]

my husband has taken over 3/4 of my already unattractive kitchen as an office. It is stacked to the ceiling with files and boxes and papers (FIRE HAZARD!!). There are times that I can't open the fridge door, because he was blocked it wih office stuff. he works outisde the home as well.

[QueenMommy]

My DH works mostly from home and sometimes I don't mind, but other times it drives me crazy!!!

It's nice because he is able to help out with the kids when I ask. But sometimes just having him home gets on my nerves. It's just me. I find it hard to clean when he is home. Don't ask me why...just a mental block I guess! lol!

Also, I really do not like his desk. It takes up so much room!

[eminer]

I love it!!! Our apartment is perpetually a disaster area, with 4 of us home, but I love it, anyway.

My dh works in our "living room" -- which is where we keep our sitting area, dining table, computer desk (and separate laptop), filing cabinet, older dd's toy shelves, and a hutch for office and art supplies. I do some of dh's work; in fact, we bought the second computer so that we could work simultaneously while the cubs are asleep or a time-sensitive project needs to get in. This gives us time to go out together during the day, e.g. to the park.

We were really sad doing it the other way, so this is great. The problem is that we live in fear of losing this job.

[newmainer]

My dh has been working at home since before my dd was born... though thankfully now he has a separate office in our basement, rather than setting up in the living room. It used to be hard for him to set boundaries between work and home, but now it works pretty well.

On the positive: we're on the east coast and most of his clients are on the west coast (he's a programmer/web developer) so mornings are nice and easy- he can easily watch dd for a couple hours, or take her to swimming lessons or something. Unless he has a deadline or crap has hit the fan, he can be flexible during the day, coming upstairs for lunch, a snack, to play with dd for a little bit, take the dog out, etc... this is especially great if i am having a bad day and need emergency relief. Plus, its just nice to interact on a more regular basis than just evenings and weekends. We don't get sick of each other or anything, so it's great.

On the negative: his office is downstairs. That means, work is always waiting. Oftentimes he works on the weekends. Since his clients are on the westcoast, it means evening hours for him, frequently after dinner. he's a contractor, so paychecks are irregular and we have to take our own taxes out and all that which has taken us over 2 years to do correctly and not get totally screwed.

But, given any other situation, I'll take it. We are pursuing other ways of making money, as he doesnt necesarily want to do this forever. But in the meantime, he makes enough to support us and its way more than any job around here would pay. Dd gets to see him a lot and I don't get as lonely.

[levar]

My hubby was work-at-home for ~3 yrs. {I miss it terribly and am desperate to go back to that! But that's a WHOLE 'nother post!} We really only had two issues:

First was when hubby would NOT stick to "hours" and just sort of work when he felt like it instead. This really messed up MY day because I'd wait to run laundry until he'd showered, I'd wait to leave the house for the zoo until he'd finished breakfast, etc. We worked this out by having a posted hourly schedule on the pantry door and gentle reminders to stick-to-it every once in a while.

Second was the office issue like you!! I worked at home out of "our" {MY!} office for 7 years before I quit and the office became hubby's. {Try THAT for feelings of posessive-ness!!} One FABULOUS solution that we came up with, that might work for you? Is that we bought a tower thing that allows me to be on my laptop online from ANYWHERE in the house or yard!! {I can't remember the name of it but I hope you know what I mean.} Another nice thing we were able to do, I now occupy a china cabinet with craft supplies. So while our son is playing outside or napping, and hubby is working in the office, I get out my craft supplies on the kitchen table and have some fun!! So although I no longer have "an office" I still get to do all the cool "office" stuff I used to do.

[GruppieGirl]

My dh and his business partner have been working out of our basement since January. They are talking about finding a permanent office space soon.

I love that is communte is only 10 steps away. Even though he works more hours than he did when he communted, he is home with us more.

I love that he sometimes comes up for lunch.

I love that my dd and I can sneak away while ds is napping. Dh just keeps an ear on him.

The cons of having a dh with a business partner is that the bathroom always has to be clean. We can't dance in the livingroom anymore (his desk is directly underneath). He gets a shelf in the fridge.

And...once he walked in on me getting out of the shower. :LOL Since then I have tried to at least keep a towel on around the house

[newmainer]

Oh, i have to add that having dh at home definitely makes the intimacy issue a bit easier... at least for now while we only have one child, when dd naps dh and I can get together for a little rendevous!

[ryssann]

I love being able to SAH with my WAH husband. We spend more time together than any other couple I know. I can get a shower every morning (a fact that I certainly do not take for granted), DD loves seeing him pop his head out of his office and come say hi. He loves being here to see her throughout the day. We can have lunch together almost every day.

But--He knows what I do with my days, if I'm cleaning, when I'm not. I can't just spiffy up the house an hour before he comes home after playing all day. (I'm sure he wishes he could plan a playgroup every week and just play, or take an hour walk.) There's no going outshopping and spending too much $$ without being accountable. If these are the only drawbacks to him being home-and they are the only ones I can think of-we have an ideal situation.

One more drawback--the cost of health insurance since he is self-employed.

[Pynki]

My dh worked from home for .. 2 years.. I loved it..

BUT.. I do have my own room.. We have a 4 bedroom house.. DH has/had a room upstairs.. All bedrooms are upstairs.. Spare room/my room is downstairs..

I miss him working from home..

[Ragana]

I am a full-time WAHM and my DH is a SAHD (how about that for alphabet soup...)

We love our arrangement. In my profession, I can make much more $$$ freelancing than working as an employee, which enables my DH to stay at home. Of course, as someone mentioned, costs like health insurance are higher and taxes are a pain. I'm lucky to have a steady stream of work.

As far as the house goes, DH tries to be out and about with the girls most of the day - partly because he doesn't like to sit at home. But it is also an issue of me being able to get work done without interruptions. My office is off of the living room, and although it has a door, that of course doesn't prevent the little ones from opening it, which actually is OK most of the time because it forces me to take breaks.

We really like being able to have breakfast together and sometimes lunch. I feel more connected to the family this way. I even get to share in playgroups, etc. when my schedule is flexible.

[Piglet68]

DH has worked from home since DD was 3 months old. I did a stint as WOHM while he SAHD for almost a year before my DS was born. Now he's back to WAH and I'm SAHM.

It has it's benefits. I can ask him for help when I'm losing control of things. I can have a shower each day, and do other things I need to do when the kids aren't cooperating. DH also has a wonderful relationship with our kids.

But there are many days when I think it would be easier if he were going to an office. I feel pressured to keep the noise down, to get everybody out of the house and to stay out. And it is REALLY frustrating to have the house totally tidied, go out, and come home to find even little messes. I feel like I spend all my time cleaning up.

His laptop is currently busted, but as soon as we can get it fixed, he'll head to the local coffee shop in the mornings and sip java while working via their WiFi. Works for him, works for me. And he's nearby if I really need help!

[Ragana]

Originally Posted by Piglet68

But there are many days when I think it would be easier if he were going to an office. I feel pressured to keep the noise down, to get everybody out of the house and to stay out. And it is REALLY frustrating to have the house totally tidied, go out, and come home to find even little messes. I feel like I spend all my time cleaning up.

Piglet, my DH says this very same thing.

[shayinme]

I almost hesitated to post in this forum because I think I fall somewhat in between as far as being a SAHM. I do work, but its all home based, I am a freelance writer for a few local papers and aside from an occasional need to meet a source I do everything by phone.

However dh is a freelance writer/editor and has been for 3 years, we are very fortunate that he is able to make a decent living as a freelancer. Since discovering I was pregnant in December I have been home ft writing and so far its not been a issue having dh at home. Of course it helps that when we bought our house last year space was a key factor, we live in a 1890's Victorian w/ 10 rooms so thankfully we have the space not to annoy each other.

His office is upstairs and mine is downstairs, during he day unless we have plans we generally communicate via IM or phone. As we take our ability to earn $$ seriously, we have separate computers, phone lines, etc which I think takes away a lot of the pressure we could have in a smaller space.

My 13 yo (from previous relationship) is here half the time and even then we are not on top on one another and dh recognizes when I want/need time to hang with my son.

As for messing up my cleaning or anything else, I am a clean freak who since becoming pregnant has had to relax my standards so it actually is nice having dh home because if we are able to share the duties.

Overall I think it works best for our family that dh is home and most certainly with the new babe coming I am looking forward to having him around. Many years ago dh had a high paying job that had crazy hours and that job nearly killed our marriage. I like having a partner who is around all the time. In the past when I need a break, I take a day and get away to Boston for a day trip. Plus I also think with the baby coming having access to dh during the day will help us to still have some us time, if ya know what I mean.

I have to say this type of arrangement does not work for everyone but it works for us. Its also been great while pregnant since dh has been able to make all my MW appointments which if he had a traditional job he would probably not be able to.

Shay

[mykidsmama]

My husband did & I loved it.
He is not right now & I miss him.
He misses me & the kids too but for
right now he needs this job.

[Louma]

Originally Posted by levar

Second was the office issue like you!! I worked at home out of "our" {MY!} office for 7 years before I quit and the office became hubby's. {Try THAT for feelings of posessive-ness!!} One FABULOUS solution that we came up with, that might work for you? Is that we bought a tower thing that allows me to be on my laptop online from ANYWHERE in the house or yard!! {I can't remember the name of it but I hope you know what I mean.} Another nice thing we were able to do, I now occupy a china cabinet with craft supplies. So while our son is playing outside or napping, and hubby is working in the office, I get out my craft supplies on the kitchen table and have some fun!! So although I no longer have "an office" I still get to do all the cool "office" stuff I used to do.

We have a wireless router as well, and it's helpful. We also bought an armoire to house our tv, and all the shelves (other than the tv/vcr/dvd shelves) and drawers are mine. It's like having another closet.

[USAmma]

My dh works from home one day a week and I am about to tell him to go back to the office on that day. The kids don't understand why they can't go and see him. Nitara cries and hits the door and says Daddy, and then he snaps at me for not keeping them from disturbing him because of his work. Ugh!

Not to mention that he takes up the computer so I don't get much net time that day. :

[Louma]

Yeah, dd likes to knock on Daddy's door as well.