Terminating Parental Rights? - Page 2

[Satori]

Originally Posted by cunninghamt12204

I am almost 30, and am still recieving back child support. He finally got his life together after all these years, and have seen the adoption papers. Like I said I don't know current or statuatory laws, but I don't think that's what happened here.

He's paying the back support from before the adoption is all. The back c/s is always owed unless the judge orders it put aside.

[qsmama]

The other thing to consider is if you die the other natural parent will automatically get your child. Who do you want to raise your child in that unfortunate situation. This thought haunts me everyday. Like I said before, you do not have to cut off all contact if that is what is best for your child you can have an open adoption. You could research info about open adoptions. Than your child can have the best of both worlds per se and you can have peace of mind.

Peace and love

qsmama

[Satori]

: too

[rebeccalizzie]

Originally Posted by Satori

Your atty is incorrect and 1) its harder then hell to get the decision overturned and 2) it has to be done within X amount of time of the decision. (usually a year) The point of terminating is he could show up at any time and take your daughter or challenge you for custody. Do you want to have to allow him to show up drunk and demand to see your child or make her like miserable? or do you want the ability to control the visits and have it be on your terms? It sucks, you cant file for sole custody without serving him but if you cant find him you cant serve him and he can walk up and take your child at any time and you never see your child again and its legal. Your only recourse to protect your child is to terminate.

Ugh. In that case, I apologize for giving bad advice! DD's biological father is not on the birth cert, so in my state I do have automatic sole custody unless he files for some kind of visitation. I don't have to let him see her at all until the court orders me to do so (and now that the adoption is final, he doesn't have any rights period.) So I was going by my experience, and should have realized that my state is not every state!

Again, I'm sorry...I'm not going to delete my post, but I think I'll do a quick edit.

Rebecca

[Raynbow]

Phone calls, birthday cards, letters - even COURT mandated child support all count as "contact".

The easiest way to do this is for him to agree (point out the benefits - no child support) and voluntarily sign the papers.

[boobybunny]

As for other parent getting custody if you die, that is wrong. IF something happens to me, hubby takes ex to court, armed with "continuation of life," the school that is available to them here (spanish immersion), their baby brother, family, and my wishes.

There is an off chance that my former spouse might get the older two kids, but I have been told that my hubby would have to be a complete F up. (which he is not)

[qsmama]

I am not so sure about this?

Originally Posted by boobybunny

As for other parent getting custody if you die, that is wrong. IF something happens to me, hubby takes ex to court, armed with "continuation of life," the school that is available to them here (spanish immersion), their baby brother, family, and my wishes.

There is an off chance that my former spouse might get the older two kids, but I have been told that my hubby would have to be a complete F up. (which he is not)

I really hope that is true for you and myself but lawyers say lots of things. My three lawyers over the years have all told me that the bio parent will always get the child in case of death unless you can prove them unfit and maybe the step-parent can fight for visitation at best. I have spent time researching case law on this and have never found a case where a step-parent won parental/custodial rights unless the other parent was deemed unfit.

I would love to find out any other info b/c we would also like to fight for continuation of life....but I have not seen anything to give me much hope.

Best regards,

qsmama

[Khadijah]

I thought about this as well. Im now married. Had my first child at 15 The father of the baby said he didnot want anything to do with the child from the get go.Anyway he was ordered to pay child support. He paided it off and on, for a while and then he stopped. He hasent payed anything in over ayear. He not even on my childs birth cetificate. I thought about revoking his right but then thought I didnot want to have to deal with him again. And I havent seem him in years and dont care too. I look at it this way anyone can have a child but it takes a real man to raise him. Even know my first son is my husbands kid he said he dosent care. Hes raising him like he is his child. And since my child has never seen his real dad in the first place. He dosent know him as dad, and calls my husband dad.Thought about changing his name but i figure that last name is the name he started out with and the only one he will ever know Because a name dosent mean anything and your kid will know who raised him and treated him good. And to all the deadbeat Dads and you know who you are you will get whats comming to you.

[trinity6232000]

Originally Posted by JesiLynne

If Dh and I could terminate bio mom we would.
She has never really been a part of dd's life and even told us last year she was gonna terminate her right but has now changed her mind b/c she can't have anymore kids by her own choice (tubes tied) and is basically being guilt triped by her own mom.

She walked out on dh and dd when dd was a almost 2
But now that she wants back in a very reputable lawyer with 37 years experience told us it probobaly iswnt gonna happen even if we try.

So now instead of "being a parent" she is just picking up dd and taking her out to places and buying her toys and having fun.

She wants the benefits of being a mom with out taking on any of the responsiblty.

And she owes dd $10 k plus

I know this is a old post, but I just saw it today.

My dd's Dad is what I called (in my mind, never to dd) a "Holiday
Dad". He would bounce in lavish her with presents (the ones I
would never buy myself). Take her to Burger King or Mc D's
(food I am not comfortable with her eating). He never paid me
child support (I never fought for it either). Every once and awhile
he would hand me $20. A year ago he exited for good, his new
gf "isn't interested in kids".
So my dd has been Bio-Dad free for one year now. We still talk
about him. She pulls her pictures out of him, and we talk about
good times.

What I am trying to say is while it's natural to want to shield our
children (and this girl is your child in every sense of the word) from
pain. We don't want them to feel unwanted, or less than. But those
little moments, no matter how fleeting, they can mean a lot to a
young child.
There will come a time where your dd realizes that her Bio-Mom
wasn't as active in her life as Mother's should be. It's hard, but put
aside all the feelings of "She wants the benefits of being a mom with
out taking on any of the responsibility." aside and just forget about it.
OH how I know how hard that is. I know it seems it would be the best
thing if you could have the Bio-Mom's rights terminated. Then there
are times with my dd I would give anything for her Dad to pop in and
be a holiday dad again.

My dd has a Father Daughter relationship with my own Father. She
has the love of a Daddy, just like your dd has the love of Mommy from
you. So having that extra person who does the present thing, although
confusing, sad, and small it can be a benefit.

As I write this it seems really weird that I am the person typing these
words. Maybe I am wrong, but I had to post my feelings on this subject.

[PinkyPan]

I'm in PA, ending parental rights in this state means the dad is abusive, doesn't want child, neglectful due to drug/alcohol, etc. It means he gets No Contact because he could injure/damage the child. His resposibility for bringingthe child into the world does not end - he pays. I have had no contact custody and PFA for 3 1/2 yr and his rights have not been terminated yet.

[Satori]

I was at both the court house and the child support office today and in the state of CA once the parent is terminated they no longer have to pay future support, they do how ever have to pay arrears. They all got a kick out of the fact that the state found and attached dd's bio dads pay check the day they terminated his rights last week :LOL

[my5headedmonster]

Originally Posted by Maggie Mae

Has anyone had experience with terminating parental rights?

we are actually going through this right now. luckily my daughter's bio-dad has agreed to sign whatever papers he needed to.
he hasn't seen my daughter since 2001. she is almost 8 and doesn't remember him, but we do talk about the adoption. let me know if you have any questions about the step parent adoptions.

[wendy1221]

Originally Posted by PinkyPan

I'm in PA, ending parental rights in this state means the dad is abusive, doesn't want child, neglectful due to drug/alcohol, etc. It means he gets No Contact because he could injure/damage the child. His resposibility for bringingthe child into the world does not end - he pays. I have had no contact custody and PFA for 3 1/2 yr and his rights have not been terminated yet.

That's not true. I'm from PA and I was told that after having no contact for 2 years (but court ordered child support is considered contact) it was easy to have parental rights terminated. Unless the laws have changed in the last 4 years... I was told it wasn't really worth it unless I got married and my dh wanted to adopt--which is what happened, but by then we'd moved to IN where the laws are different.

And I totally missed the question I was asked all those months ago. I am still receiving support--but that's because until we go to court and ds is adopted, ds's bio dad's rights are not considered terminated. We don't have the money right now to finish the process, so we're waiting--and saving up the support to pay the lawyer! LOL! Our lawyer is a good friend of mine (but she's not doing it for free!) so she's happy to hold off and take better paying jobs until we have the money.

[Satori]

Wendy,

Why don't you do the adoption yourself? You don't need a lawyer to do it.

[lisamarie]

naking.....but a few years ago when my dh adopted my ds, i handled it all. the county social workers really walked me through the process and the paperwork. it cost us half of what an attorney wanted to charge us.

good luck-

lisa

[wendy1221]

Because ds's dad refused to sign and terminate his parental rights, we have to go to court to have the judge decree it done. So we're having that and the adoption done in one fell swoop. Oh, and same w/ the name change. Ds has his bio dad's last name and you can't change names here in IN w/out going to court (maybe it's just this county). It should be a no-brainer, but apparently sometimes it's more a big deal around here. I don't kow if it's b/c of IN's laws or what, but I've talked to people who did and they told me I really needed a lawyer.

[Satori]

Originally Posted by wendy1221

Because ds's dad refused to sign and terminate his parental rights, we have to go to court to have the judge decree it done. So we're having that and the adoption done in one fell swoop. Oh, and same w/ the name change. Ds has his bio dad's last name and you can't change names here in IN w/out going to court (maybe it's just this county). It should be a no-brainer, but apparently sometimes it's more a big deal around here. I don't kow if it's b/c of IN's laws or what, but I've talked to people who did and they told me I really needed a lawyer.

You can do it yourself quite easy, you do not need a lawyer. Just have faith in yourself! I posted over in the step parenting forum like a month ago with a website for those in your state, go check it out. You CAN do this yourself, it may sound scary but you can do it!

[sabrinat]

Originally Posted by Raynbow

Phone calls, birthday cards, letters - even COURT mandated child support all count as "contact".

The easiest way to do this is for him to agree (point out the benefits - no child support) and voluntarily sign the papers.

Yes, but what are you options if the only time you ever hear from him is if his income tax get's intercepted or his child support gets raised. My situation is that my ds's bio dad hasn't seen him since he was 3 (7yrs) never calls for bd's or xmas. but if it has to do with $$ he is on the phone so fast, not asking about ds, but the $$. I have asked him each time we've had the $$ discussion to relinquish his rights and let my dh adopt ds, but he refuses because it's "his seed". He has not tried to build a relationship with ds. I feel like we're in limbo. I don't understand why he insist on hanging on when he doesn't really want to do what it takes to be in ds's life. What can I do? I get c/s, but only becuz it's garnished.

[Satori]

Originally Posted by sabrinat

Yes, but what are you options if the only time you ever hear from him is if his income tax get's intercepted or his child support gets raised. My situation is that my ds's bio dad hasn't seen him since he was 3 (7yrs) never calls for bd's or xmas. but if it has to do with $$ he is on the phone so fast, not asking about ds, but the $$. I have asked him each time we've had the $$ discussion to relinquish his rights and let my dh adopt ds, but he refuses because it's "his seed". He has not tried to build a relationship with ds. I feel like we're in limbo. I don't understand why he insist on hanging on when he doesn't really want to do what it takes to be in ds's life. What can I do? I get c/s, but only becuz it's garnished.

You still have several options, how about using "extreme parental disinterest" many states allow that one.

[sabrinat]

I'm intrigued. I've never heard of that one...I even consulted an attorney once about termination and she never mentioned this. We live in NC. How do I find out if that's an option for us.