Wow, Momma, I'm so sorry that this has happened.
I haven't read all of the other posts because I needed to talk with you right away.
DO NOT start setting up meetings with "older lesbians". Your daughter most likely is NOT a lesbian. Again, there's nothing wrong with it, but, it's very rare. If this were me, it would only confuse me more and anger me.
Listen, when I was fourteen years old, I was crazy. I couldn't keep my thoughts straight, I thought about sex all of the time, I had constant sleep overs with my girlfriend and TALKED about sex all of the time, even verbal role playing that went on for years. I've since learned that this is EXTREMELY normal. It never got physical, but, if I had been just a little different, it easily could have.
When I DANCED with another "girl"friend at a highschool dance, I was labeled "The Lesbian".
Fortunately this happened when I was 17 (big age difference from 14) and I had a very very very strong sense of who I was and I got through it - but it never went away. I was constantly called "dyke" and I even had my life threatened by a huge guy one day. People are so volatile and cruel at that age, I really think it's unfortunate that we pen them all up together for five days a week.
Another couple of girls had this happen when they were in the Sixth grade... and it stayed with them for years and years.
I didn't like talking with my parents about sex, who does, but, when my mother caught wind of it and started asking me "if I was questioning my sexuality" I wanted to crawl under the tile floor. See, I knew who I was, I didn't need my Mother questioning it.... I just needed to hear her say "They're JERKS! You're NORMAL, people are stupid packs of jackals much of the time, and I'll love you if you grow a third arm." And left it at that.
Momma, I don't know if your daughter feels the exact same way that I did, but, that experience was so powerful, I will always rember exactly how I felt. Deeply angry, confused, frustrated, misunderstood and violated (it was NObody's business but MINE).
You need to just tell your daughter how fantastic you know she is, how smart and gorgeous and capable and strong she is. And that you know that she is the best judge of herself, and her own feelings, and that MOST WOMEN have gone through a stage of either curiousity about the same sex, or experiementing with the same sex BECAUSE most girls are completely flooded with sexual thoughts at that age, AND they are NOT allowed to be around the opposite sex, OR, they aren't READY to dabble with boys, so, they depend on their trusted, safe, close, easily understandable girlfriends for either discussion, or exploration. This is as normal as zits and periods.
Momma, I am sending you all of my strength. Your daughter is probably feeling angry and upset right now, and she just needs to know that this is N.O.R.M.A.L.
As far as the town goes, that's the toughy. You might have to move. I know that sounds extreme, but, as understanding as you can be, and even though we know this to be very common, others are not so understanding, especially teens and peers.
This will probably get out and if it does it won't go away. Your daughter will be in for a very rough ride. And while I'm sure you could help her through it, it might be something that you'd like to avoid all together if you can.... while assuring her that it's not because of HER that you're moving, but, because of assinine other people.
Is that possible?
Hang in there, I'm really really really feeling for you and your girl right now.
Just read this:
explained to her that she doesn't have to decide her sexual pref at 14. Hell, she doesnt need to decide it at 40. And I will be there for her no matter what. I assured her that I know how cruel teenagers can be and if she would like to be homeschooled until we move (which is in one year) that's fine with me, but it's up to her.
I also explained to her that Lucys mom is very small minded and if we allow ourselves to be hurt by people like her then we are rewarding their efforts.
DH stayed home from work today to take care of the twins so DD and I could have some alone time.
YOU ROCK! If I could give your girl a big bear hug I would right now. You're handling this perfectly. Way to go. How is your man doing? I'm glad you're moving in a year, and I'm joyful that she has parents like you, way to go.