Have your ideas about SAHMing changed over the years?

[MamaAllNatural]

Ok, I was getting into a really long winded post about how my views of SAHMs and of being a SAHM have changed so much over the years but...I'll spare you. :LOL Feel free to vote and discuss.

[MamaAllNatural]

I voted for everything but the first and last. My views on SAHMing have changed quite drastically over the years. When I was a teenager I never thought I would be one. Now I can't imagine not being one.

[Cranberry]

When I was pregnant and still employed, I thought I wouldn't be a SAHM because I liked (not loved) my job, the $$$ was good, I had worked hard to get where I was... but by the time DS was born and I became a MOM I couldn't think of anything else but leaving my job to be a SAHM! So happy I did.

[bluey]

From the time my first was born :LOL Before that I always assumed I would woh all the time. It's what I knew

[Persephone]

My mom was a SAHM until I was in 6th grade. I remember being very upset when she went back to school, because I wanted, needed her around still. I suddenly had to take care of my brother for hours a day, and no one was there for me after school. I was a latch key kid. I understand that my mom needed to go back to school for her own self esteem now, but at the time I didn't understand, and was hurt by it. My own experience has shown me that it's very important to have someone be at home all the time for your kids, even if they go to school, and that you should do whatever you can to make that happen.

As I got older, I truly understood the value of being a SAHM, more than my mom ever did. I'm educated, and staying at home isn't something I do because I can't do anything else (which is how my mom viewed it- very sad), but because I believe in the value of it.

So no, I guess I've felt the same way my whole life, but it's not til recently that I really cemented that belief in myself.

[meco]

I never ever thought I would be a SAHM. I am not sure how long I can afford to be a Single SAHM in the City (there is a TV show for you :LOL ), but I never thought I would at all.

I it. I hope to continue balancing work and home (like I used to), so my children are always with a parent, when I have more children.

[onlyzombiecat]

My mom was a SAHM and it seemed very right to me.
I think before having my own dd and becomming a SAHM I did not appreciate all that she did and how great she is for doing it so well. I had no idea that some days were probably really hard. I had no idea how she might have felt devalued since she wasn't getting a paycheck. I had no idea how isolated she felt sometimes.
I think before I was a SAHM, I had more judgement about women who did not SAHM. I admit to thinking that they were not being as good mothers if they left their kids with someone else. Having lived it for several years now I think now that it is not for everyone. I think I am more willing to see that there are many loving ways to manage the care of your children and it is individual as to what is best for a family's situation. SAHM is best for me and my family.
I believe it is a really good choice to make.

[mamaroni]

I voted since my 2nd child was born, but really my views have continued to change. Before I had any kids, and was working 60 or so hours a week, I never thought I'd sahm. In fact, I did work full time (after a 14 week maternity leave) after my first was born until she was about 13 months old (and I was newly pg with my son). Even then I figured I'd go back to work in a year or two. When ds was about 1, I started thinking about going back to work, but then I got pg again. At this point, my sahm job is so full and busy, taking on a second job might kill me :LOL But I think someday in some capacity I'll work again. Time will tell. One day at a time. I can't imagine how busy life will be once all 3 are in school. What I'd really really like to do is get certified to teach yoga. I don't ever see myself going back to my former career. oh jeez, here I am . I'll stop now.

[Greaseball]

When I was pg with #1, my thinking was "No way in hell is this baby going to change the way I live!" and I was calling around town to find the cheapest daycare that would take her the earliest. It was only because we couldn't afford daycare that I stayed home.

Then I decided it was the best thing for her after all. I figured that when she was three, I'd put her in preschool and go back to work. We weren't sure if we wanted to have another child or not.

When she was about 20 mos, we decided we wanted another child and got pg right away. So of course it wouldn't make sense for dd1 to go to preschool when I would have had to stay home with the baby anyway.

So then we had two kids, and I was feeling more and more like I would rather homeschool, and that even if we ended up sending them to private school, that I belonged at home so I could always be available to them in case they needed me throughout the day.

Now my thought is I don't care if I ever get back to work! But I'll shoot for going back when they are old enough to stay home alone.

[butterflyma]

I voted for 2 contradictory choices:
No, my whole life I've felt the same about SAHMing
Yes, since I very first became a mom my ideas have changed about SAHMing

I've always wanted to be a SAHM, and thought it would be my most important and valuable profession. I knew that I would love spending my children's early years with them. Also, I knew that it was not going to be laying around the house eating the bon-bons and watching soaps....

But, I didn't know, until I'd done this job, that it was going to be the most difficult/exhausting job I'd ever done. It's okay, because my family is worth it, and it is also the most rewarding and enjoyable job I've ever had. Still, that was what has changed about my perception of SAHMing.

[MamaFae]

To put it simply, I am the oldest of 20 grandkids and have spend my life taking care of my cousins and babysitting for other people's children. I love children. I knew early on (12-13 yrs old) that I wanted a ton of kids and that I would be at home with them. After seeing one of my charges take her first step while her mama was working, and seeing the saddness on that mama's face that she missed it, I vowed in my heart that I would not be that mama and miss out on those things! I also knew early that my English degree was to prepare me to homeschool not to teach in public school!

Now that my kids are hear it has only reinforced that desire to be with them. DH and I firmly believe that our children are the most important part of our lives and that we can sacrifice creature comforts and new gadgets for me to stay at home. If I would have been the one who could make more money for our family he would have stayed at home. But one of us would be there with our children.

Blessings,
N~

[kavamamakava]

Before kids, I had the attitude that you don't have to drastically change your life when you have kids, you just fit them into your life. Well, I have a completely different view of that now. I don't have any time or energy left to do anything BUT take care of my kids. And I'm so attached to them that I want to be their primary care provider rather than go to a job so that I can have the money to pay someone else to do that. I think that even if I were in a great position in a lucrative career, I would have stopped working so that I could be a SAHM. At least until preschool age. But, then again, we want to homeschool now.

I have a Bachelor's degree and feel that it has helped me be a better mother. Mostly because I feel settled in myself that I can choose a career at any time if I choose to stop being a SAHM.

[MamaAllNatural]

Originally Posted by kavamamakava

I don't have any time or energy left to do anything BUT take care of my kids. And I'm so attached to them that I want to be their primary care provider rather than go to a job so that I can have the money to pay someone else to do that. I think that even if I were in a great position in a lucrative career, I would have stopped working so that I could be a SAHM.

Yes, that's me too!

[meowee]

this may sound strange, but I never realized how phsyically exhausting and practically debilitating it would be. I have never been so phsyically wiped out and exhausted in my whole entire life.

[mamaroni]

meowee Me either, and I'd add mentally wiped out, too.

[kavamamakava]

Originally Posted by meowee

this may sound strange, but I never realized how phsyically exhausting and practically debilitating it would be. I have never been so phsyically wiped out and exhausted in my whole entire life.

People just don't seem to get what a hard job it is. The stupid stereotype of soap operas and bon bons just doesn't compute. The house would be a disgusting food covered, toy covered, trash covered mess and all my walls would be scribbled on and toilet growing fuzz and toothpaste smeared all around the bathroom, etc. if I just sat on the couch and watched TV while eating bon bons all day.

[Greaseball]

I knew this guy whose wife stayed at home but was not yet a mom. He was all mad because every day when he came home, she'd be sitting on the couch reading a book. He got the impression that was what she did all day. I guess he thought maybe some little gnomes had done all the housework and cooked his food.

[kavamamakava]

Can't win with a guy like that. Like my guy. If he sees a mess, he thinks I've done nothing all day. If the house is clean, he thinks I had a busy day. I'm not the maid. I'm the mom. If I have time or energy or desire to clean, I do. Cleaning comes in at #4, with my needs (not wants) first, kids second: diapering, cleaning, playing, food prep third and cleaning 4th.

*Just wanted to add that if the house is a mess, it means I've had a busy day, not the other way around. Easy days means ample time to clean. Hard days means mess everywhere because I just can't keep up.

[Mummoth]

Yes! Since my first was born I've realized that theres a whole lot more to it than I thought! I quit work when I was about 20 weeks pregnant. I had been doing home daycare & DH had been going "Don't get the door. Just don't answer it!!" (I gave them 1 month notice) Anyway for the 2nd half of my pregnancy, the house was pristine. I made DH lunches for him & supper was ready when he got home from work. I thought that the first month or two would be tough, but after that I'd be back to keeping house like that again Now I think I *could* have a somewhat tidy house if I put in the effort (the kids keep each other in good company) but it's just not important anymore.

[Mummoth]

Originally Posted by kavamamakava

Can't win with a guy like that. Like my guy. If he sees a mess, he thinks I've done nothing all day. If the house is clean, he thinks I had a busy day. I'm not the maid. I'm the mom. If I have time or energy or desire to clean, I do. Cleaning comes in at #4, with my needs (not wants) first, kids second: diapering, cleaning, playing, food prep third and cleaning 4th.

Yes, cleaning is reserved for only the most exceptionally dull days.