I sympathize with every mama on here who has a DP like mine,completely helpless in babycare.[I also seriously envy all of you lucky mamas who have the Co-Op DH's,but that's a different thread.]
Our 1st was born when I was 1 month over 18,and he was 1 month over 21,and it was an unplanned [and unprepared for!] pregnancy.
I do know that he's had some experience in baby/childcare since he had 2 younger sibs when he was a teen,but he was completely unprepared to be a parent.I didn't exactly train in mommy boot-camp,but I learned from watching others,and by trial and error.I assumed he could do the same.BIG mistake.
He had no problem feeding the baby expressed milk so I could nap [in the beginning],or doing the diaper dance [although he did look as though he were waiding through bio-warfare chems].But after the first few weeks,it was all up to me,night and day.He's a local truck driver,and works during the day,so I see nothing wrong with handing off the little guy for a while after dad gets home so I can have a shower,nap,etc.
WRONG AGAIN.I kept the bassinnet in our bedroom,at the foot of the bed [equal distance to both of us in bed].If the baby cried at night,I'd ask him to check on him,care for him,or atleast bring him to me in bed.The response I got?"You're closer.""I've gotta work early.""I don't know what he needs."I understand that he needs sleep for work,but so do I!And we all know that being a mom is a life-long commitment;no breaks,vacation time,or job alternatives.You know how I got him more involved?I got pregnant again.[Not intentionaly.]As soon as I found out we were having another one,I sat him down,and explained to him that even though I'm mom,I'm not Super-Mom.And even though he works OTH,there are days when I don't even step into our own front yard.I explained to him [in length and detail] that in order for this to work [and me to stay atleast reasonably sane] that he'd have to help out more.Now that there's another one on the way,I need you to be more hands on,and not just with the fun stuff either.And now that we have #2,he is much more cooperative than he was before.He's by-no-means as involved as I'd like him to be,but there's steady improvement.And some is better than none.So our compramise now is -when you're home,#1 is your concern until he goes to bed.[Which means he actually gets the easy part,since #1's old enough to tell you he's hungry,thirsty,gotta potty,tired,etc.]
He used to make me so mad in the afternoons when he'd come home from work;he'd undress and lay in bed watching TV until he fell asleep.Wanna know how I curved this habit??If I needed help and he was asleep,I'd go put the baby in bed with him so I could tend to whatever[#1,laundry,dinner,etc.].The baby-in-the-bed trick worked like a charm,he was almost instantly up and in the livingroom [he has a squishing-the-baby phobia].So now when I need help and he's in bed watching TV,I'll threaten to hand the baby over,or let #1 go play "bouncy" right in the middle of our bed.Either method works.
Our 1st was born when I was 1 month over 18,and he was 1 month over 21,and it was an unplanned [and unprepared for!] pregnancy.
I do know that he's had some experience in baby/childcare since he had 2 younger sibs when he was a teen,but he was completely unprepared to be a parent.I didn't exactly train in mommy boot-camp,but I learned from watching others,and by trial and error.I assumed he could do the same.BIG mistake.
He had no problem feeding the baby expressed milk so I could nap [in the beginning],or doing the diaper dance [although he did look as though he were waiding through bio-warfare chems].But after the first few weeks,it was all up to me,night and day.He's a local truck driver,and works during the day,so I see nothing wrong with handing off the little guy for a while after dad gets home so I can have a shower,nap,etc.
WRONG AGAIN.I kept the bassinnet in our bedroom,at the foot of the bed [equal distance to both of us in bed].If the baby cried at night,I'd ask him to check on him,care for him,or atleast bring him to me in bed.The response I got?"You're closer.""I've gotta work early.""I don't know what he needs."I understand that he needs sleep for work,but so do I!And we all know that being a mom is a life-long commitment;no breaks,vacation time,or job alternatives.You know how I got him more involved?I got pregnant again.[Not intentionaly.]As soon as I found out we were having another one,I sat him down,and explained to him that even though I'm mom,I'm not Super-Mom.And even though he works OTH,there are days when I don't even step into our own front yard.I explained to him [in length and detail] that in order for this to work [and me to stay atleast reasonably sane] that he'd have to help out more.Now that there's another one on the way,I need you to be more hands on,and not just with the fun stuff either.And now that we have #2,he is much more cooperative than he was before.He's by-no-means as involved as I'd like him to be,but there's steady improvement.And some is better than none.So our compramise now is -when you're home,#1 is your concern until he goes to bed.[Which means he actually gets the easy part,since #1's old enough to tell you he's hungry,thirsty,gotta potty,tired,etc.]
He used to make me so mad in the afternoons when he'd come home from work;he'd undress and lay in bed watching TV until he fell asleep.Wanna know how I curved this habit??If I needed help and he was asleep,I'd go put the baby in bed with him so I could tend to whatever[#1,laundry,dinner,etc.].The baby-in-the-bed trick worked like a charm,he was almost instantly up and in the livingroom [he has a squishing-the-baby phobia].So now when I need help and he's in bed watching TV,I'll threaten to hand the baby over,or let #1 go play "bouncy" right in the middle of our bed.Either method works.
: I feel like a single parent that has her bills paid. Every once in a while he will clean something, he mows the lawn. I love to be with my baby but I also would like to have clean dishes and showers every day. I can't wait for my dd to be old enough to get in the shower with me! I have no tips or tricks to get him to be more involved, maybe when she is older he will be more involved with playing with her... I know he loves her, but I can't help but feel like he has no interest in handling her.
