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So tell us about your blended family!

post #1 of 37
Thread Starter 
Well since we are here finally lets post!

I have a wonderful DH (most of the time) and 4 step-kids who are really great. 20, 18, 15 and 12 next week. We have DD 15 months.

The 20 year old we dont see much but he is now working with DH and getting along with him really well, and is fine with me, he has a DD a month older than us and is engaged.

The 18 year old has been very friendly to me and also has a DD 2 next week, and is also engaged to the father of their child, who is finishing college and working and supporting them all.

The 15 year old is really nice and lives with his maternal grandparents and he comes over a lot, and has really bonded with DD 15 months.

The 11 year old lives with his mother though he is not supposed to, and is meant to be with the grand-parents. However they are moving in with them this week. He has had a lot of issues though and is very jealous of me and DD, though still acts like he likes me, but feels very guilty doing so. He has been getting into trouble at school and she has him medicated for ADHD again though we had him off it last year. Its very hard as he is totally out of control, and she undermines everything DH and I do. We would like custody but would rather he came voluntarily. We will see how it works out with his grand-parents, as his mother has apparently realized she cannot handle him. The grandparents have really been great for DSD 15 though he is not too happy about his mother and brother moving in so who knows now.

So thats my blended family.
post #2 of 37
My family is a little complicated, who's isn't? When dh married the ex, she had two ds's from different dads, and then they concieved her third. So dh was a sahd for this three kids for almost four years.

By then she had found the next guy. So now, we see my dh's bio ds(5) during the weekends, and we want to see him more. And we see the other two(10 & 13) whenever it's convenient for her. Dh loves them as his own and wishes to see them more. In a nutshell, saving the drama for other threads, this is my family.

And we are ttc and getting married in two weeks.
post #3 of 37
Ok here's mine:

Dh has a son from a previous marriage. He just turned four in October (DSS not DH.... :LOL ). He lives in Oregon with his mom and stepdad and his new baby brother. He is getting a new sister curtosy of us any time now! :LOL So I guess techinically speaking DSS has two half siblings. He reminds me of my situation more and more (I have two half siblings and come from a divorced family as well). That's it. Not a lot on that front. We talk every Friday and are going to get to go see him soon!!!!
post #4 of 37
SUPER HAPPY
to see the 'blended families discussions' going on!
I've been waiting for this, as I believe we're slightly (or vastly ) different families when we're blended.

My dh has a son (12.5) who lived with us for the first few years we were together, but never adjusted to living with siblings, so he lives with his mother, 3000 miles away. I have a dd (10) who was a toddler when my dh and I were married. Together, we have a ds (4.5).

Let's just say that, in the beginning, we thought we'd be the Brady Bunch. Oh, boy. . . .

and let's also just say that we've come a very long way since that naive day.

We're happy now, but it's taken a lot of education and self-reflection, not to mention effort.


I'm unable to elaborate much right this minute, (gotta get going. . .), but look forward to joining these conversations in the future.


I am so thankful this is here!
post #5 of 37

Greetings!

My family situation seems like it is tame compared to some of the posts!

I have a DS who is 7. I just remarried in October. My DH had never been married and does not bring any children to the mix. We are expecting a baby in Sept (did not find out sex).

My ex and I are still amicable and still consider each other friends...and I still kinda consider him family, but more like a brother or something. Anyway, from my DS's point of view the family is more complicated. My Ex has a long term live in GF. I pretty much have placed her in the role of step mother whether or not she "legally" is. She has 2 teenage daughters. They all love, support, and treat my DS as if he their biological relation.

My son often asks us who is in our family...the list is pretty long these days....we include my DH's parents (who are divorced and each remarried), my DH's sister and family, my parents, my brother's family, my Ex, his parents and siblings families, his GF, her daughters and her parents....i think that is everyone

Fortunately for all involved there isnt much tension.

Look forward to getting to know everyone better!

A
post #6 of 37
Hello everyone. I'm one of the new co-mods. here and also have a blended family. I have my ds who is 8 yo and his dad (my first dh) past away when he was 3 yo. A few years ago, I married my dh, Todd and together we have our dd, who just turned 2 yo last sunday. When our dd was a newborn, Todd adopted my ds, but our ds still calls him by his first name.

Looking forward to hearing everyone's story.

Warmly~

Lisa
post #7 of 37
Okay, heres mine!

I have a ds (11) from previous relationship; dh had 3 (ds 14; dd 12; and ds 9) and together we have 2 (ds 4 and dd 2).

We have had full custody for almost 5 years now. Happily, it only took a short time to adjust to one another. We are all very close.

Now, the ex's - theres a whole other story! :LOL But it looks like they are coming around too.

Well, thats us in a nutshell.
post #8 of 37
Oh, I'm so happy to see this forum!

Ok, so I was one of those young adults that took a while to learn my lesson. All 3 of my kiddos have different bio-fathers. : I don't have to deal with my birth son's father much, since Nick lives with my mom, and bio-dad gets alternating weekends, so I just plan my visits around that.

Margaret's bio-dad is now married for the second time, expecting his third child. (no, I was not one of the wives, thank goodness). Mags is the first, then C is 4 mos younger and has severe behavioral issues, and K is being born on Monday via c-section. They drive me up the wall, but they love Mags, so that's all that matters, right? RIGHT???? : :LOL (I suspect I will have way more vents when the baby is here, but let's save that for another post)

Then in 2000, I married dh, and we had Aidan. For quite some time, dh was the only "daddy" Margart knew, as bio-dad was absent. So now she calls him Daddy and bio-dad Dad-Ryan. There was a time when dh was going to adopt her, but at the last minute, Ryan pulled his act together. She really has no concept of "step-dad". She's perfectly happy telling everyone she has 2 Daddies. Which can be fun if she doesn't mention that I'm her Mama, seeing as we live ina really conservative town. :LOL
post #9 of 37
K here's mine:

I have two daughters from a previous engagement to a man that started out nice but ended up an emotionally abusive, selfish, manipluative drug abuser. I have now been with a wonderful man for two years, and became engaged to him about a year ago; we plan to marry as soon as we can afford the wedding but there's no rush. My older daughter was two when I got together with him, and he has been more of a father to her than her bio dad so she calls him dad, and my younger one is now two but was four months when I met my fiance so she has no idea that he is not her bio dad, and just calls him dad. I plan on being open and honest with her once she is old enough to understand. My fiance is a really wonderful guy; he totally took in my kids as his own and even calls them his children; and his parents call them their grandkids and my kids call them grandma and grandpa. So thats the first part.........

Now my fiance also has a son from an ex who is six months older then my younger daugher. He doesn't see him at all b/c his ex is mentally unstable and he has no way to inforce his visitation rights due to some legal problems he has experienced. Once that is all taken care of we will try to establish a relationship with his son, but he's already 2 1/2 so we don't know how well that will go.......but oh well that's my blended family.
post #10 of 37
Hi all, interested to see this new area.
I am Cassidy, married to Eric since December 2002. Eric has a daughter Mia, now 6.5, from a previous (unmarried) relationship. We have joint custody of Mia; she is with us from Sunday morning through Wednesday evening. She also comes over after school on Thursday and Friday so she's around a lot . I have known her since she was 3, almost half her life now. We also have a son, 1.5, and a new baby on the way in July.

Because Eric is working and in school, he's not around much, so it's just Mia and Simon and I a lot of the time. She is really a joy and a good kid, very easy to get along with so I count myself lucky. We are also fortunate to have fairly good relations with Mia's mom. So far we have not dealt with a lot of specific stepfamily issues, but it has still been challenging at times to work out our "slightly complicated" relationships over the years.
post #11 of 37
I became a full time step mama 5 years ago when dss was 5. His mom lived about 300 miles away at the time so I filled in that role. For the past two years his mom has lived closer and sees him regularly now. Dh and I also have a ds who is 20 months old. We gave him the same middle name as dss so they would feel connected.
The ex just had a baby boy, too, so now dss has another sibling plus she is supposed to get married so dss's family is growing a lot especially since when I met them, they were just a daddy/son pair.
I come from a blended family, too, though I was a product of the second marriage and never really thought about it much unlike my (half) siblings who lived with us full time from my dad's first marriage.
I think it is kinda strange that my dad had full custody of his kids in the 70's, and when I met dh, he had the same. My mom was a stepmom and now I am too. We feel like a very experienced blended family.
post #12 of 37

I'm so gad this forum has been added....

My story is a little complicated but I will try to get through it and spare you guys too many yawns. I have to first say that I have been really hoping for a group of mamas on this board to come together because, well some of the issues you deal with in blended families just arent the same as they are in others...and Im so glad you guys are here. I posted a few weeks ago asking if there was a blended families forum and the next day I stumbled upon it in its early days. I went on bedrest for preterm labor a few days later so this is the first chance I have had to post.

I have two children from my first marriage, DD who just turned 7 years and DS who is 4.5 years. That marriage ended when I left ex-dh because he had/has a very bad substance abuse problem and is bipolar and would not get help for either of these things. There was alot of abuse (physical and sexual) in the weeks leading up to my leaving and the day I left, he assaulted me so badly I was hospitalized for three days. DS watched that assault in it's entirity and by the grace of god, DD was spending the weekend with my parents so she was not present. My leaving sparked a divorce and a very nasty custody battle that is still going on to this day. When I left I was granted a DVO by the court (which has expired) and I was awarded sole custody of both kiddos. My ex sued me for custody months later and we have been through mediation,psychological evaluations and will probably be going to trial in the near future to resolve this (I am fighting to keep sole custody but that is a whole another post). Because of the problems ex has, the kids started out with supervised visitations and he now sees them every other weekend but DS begs me to not "make him go" and has alot of fears about going there (another post another time). So with that history out in the open.....

I am now married to the most wonderful man in the world (most of the time) who has been a model of patience and reassuring love from the beginning. We have been married a year now and we are expecting our first child together, a baby girl, in just a few weeks. He has been a father in every single sense of the word for DD and DS and has been the one to wipe the tears, attend sports and school events, support them financially and emotionally, taught them to ride their bikes, you get the picture. He has stood beside from the beginning in all the court appearances for custody and has even paid for the majority of it all because he, in his heart, feels these are just as much his kids as they are mine. I couldnt ask for anymore and he came into my life at a time where I swore up and down I would have nothing to do with another man again We love each other unconditionally and sincerely and he has brought so much to our family just in the way of patience and compassion. He has been so reassuring in my moments of doubt and healing. He is perfect yes but we still have our normal problems any family has and it has taken me a long time to realize that isnt always a bad thing.

DD and DS are so much happier today and aside from normal childhood stuff, they have really overcome alot of things. DD is very spirited and demanding....she is closest to my ex's family and sadly, that family uses material items to try and buy her off....but they dont provide the warm unconditional love that you and I call AP. She struggles between the two but is beginning to learn you cant buy love. She has alot of attitude which I am still trying to decide is normal age appropriate girl stuff or a result of everything that has happened. DS is about the sweetest little boy you could ever meet and his heart is as gold as they come. He is caring and selfless and I literally learn from him everyday. He has some developmental delays which he has made huge strides with (speech, etc) but overall he will eventually catch up. He struggles the most because ex and his family exclude him from everything (they favor DD) and because of everything he witnessed, he just has alot of fear of ex. Both DD and DS are so excited about having a new sister. I totally believe everything happens for a reason and even though we are a "blended" family, this is the family we were meant to grow and live with. I learn from all of them everyday and I really believe I am better person and mother because of them.

So thats me/us and I am really looking forward to reading and getting to know more about you guys. Again, I am so glad you all are here
post #13 of 37
I have three of my own children, as you can see by my sig line. I am a soon to be step mom to two great boys, 14 and 18. We try to spend as much time as possible with them, and try to have the kids together as much as possible so that they can have a relationship. This summer the 14 year old will be spending part of the vacation with us, which will be a lot of fun for everyone.
My fiance has come into my family and become a loving role model and my kids love him. Because my children had been through so much during the marriage and the divorce, they need a lot of patience and understanding, and Jeff has given so much of this and more to all of them. I am very blessed to have such a gift,and so are my children.
post #14 of 37
Wow, how'd I miss this place?

I have three biracial (black/white) kids from my first marriage, ages 14, 12, and 11, and my dh and I have a little guy together. It will be my first experience stressing on baby sunscreen

My ex and I are civil and he takes his kids every other weekend, fri eve to sun noonish.

Its been remarkably uneventful for the most part, mostly due to civil relationship with ex and really laid back dh.
post #15 of 37
Just dipping my toe into this forum, so I guess I'd better introduce myself...

I have one sd who is 19 and a freshman in college. DH and I got together when she was 7, and married when she was 10. We have gone through the usual ups and downs of life, but had a decent enough relationship until--you guessed it--my kids started coming along, when sd was 14. We have had some pretty tense times over the last 5 years, although it is getting slightly better now. I don't feel that sd is in any way bonded with her sisters, though, and that is very sad to me. And it tears DH to bits. DD#1 asks for her older sister occasionally, and would like to be closer to her, but DD#2 can hardly recognize her if she sees her in a picture.

Obviously, there is more to say on this issue, but as this is a bit of a downer, I will just stop here for now.

Mia
post #16 of 37
I am new here too, so i figure this is the best thread to let you all know who I am.. :LOL
I have a 2 yr old daughter by an ex BF. And am pg with current SO's baby. We are still pretty new to the blended family thing, seeing as we have been together for almost a year now, and his ex is FINALLY realizing its over... He has 3 wonderful young boys. His ex hates me and wants me to have nothing to do with HER kids and HER ex. So ya see its pretty hard still. Cause he wants them to be friends, and not hate each other like his parents did. But part of that, causes problems with us here and there. Like She doesn't want me there when he picks up the kids or when she drops them off. So to keep her from starting anything at all, he does it. She uses the kids to talk to him about whatever, whenever. She makes him feel bad for leaving HER and the kids ALL the time. He actually almost left me cause she made him feel so bad about not seeing the boys very much, and since she hates me and uses ME as the reason. It felt to him like its the kids or me. Like she was gonna take them away if I was in the picture. Crap like that is always going on. He is getting better about not listening to her anymore, but then she throws how WE are having a baby and how he will see this baby ALL the time and hardly ever the boys, and then he gets panic stricken about how his boys are gonna hate him and blah blah, cause she is gonna say that stuff to them all the time. And like I try to tell him, its how YOU show your love mostly. But now it puts a fear in me that he isn't going to show much for this baby, due to feeling like he's doing more for this one than them. UGH...CRAZY I tell ya!!
Um, My family loves him and his kids. His family does not even acknowledge me. They think of me as a fling or something, like are ya done with her yet? I ahven't even been invited to any family get togethers, but his ex does EVERY time, and goes. Just like its nothing, like nothing has changed. SO says maybe this Thankgiving or Christmas I will be invited and she won't. I think he is hoping that or he wont attend. I hope not, cause, I don't know. I kinda feel like when he goes along with it and doesn't say anything about why she is there or why I'm not, it's like he is telling them *this * is okay with him. Like keep inviting her, keep ignoring the fact we aren't together and I have someone else.
We have talked about marriage here and ther, but to be honest, I don't know I could right now. I would be so hurt not to have ANY of his family except US as husband and wife, or except me as part of the family now. Hell they don't even care I'm pg.
Sorry so long, but that is my story so far...
post #17 of 37
I'm so happy to see this forum!
We're only "slightly blended", I suppose, but that's ok, right?
I have a 6 year old daughter from my ex-boyfriend. We were never married, but we were together for 5 years and had planned on getting married. Samantha was a suprise, but a very welcome one.
He is a wonderful guy, and an amazing father. There just wasn't a "click" anymore with us. Mostly me, I suppose. We continued to live together for 2 years after we "broke up", and while there was some bitterness and ugliness for a brief period of time, we both realized that we each considered each other our best friends, and that's the way we ended up. I started seeing Alex, who lived in Ohio (we live in Boston, MA). We met online : , at a very close knit band fan-site. Everyone on the board would meet up periodically, and since it was music-based, people would travel for shows and meet up with people in the city they were traveling to. I flew out to Ohio to visit my best friend from college, who had just had a baby, and I met Alex while I was out there. We maintained a long distance relationship for 2 years, and finally last July, after finishing grad school and selling his house, he moved out here to Boston. I moved out of my ex's apartment, and Alex & I got a place down the street. We got pregnant in September (I am 36 weeks pregnant right now), and are getting married October 1.

Alex is very good with Samantha, and my ex & him are buddies. I wouldn't say "friends", but I'm ok with buddies. Alex knew my situation from the very beginning, and I told him up front that Mike (my ex) was one of my best friends, and that we were committed to raising Samantha together. Alex can see how much it means to Samantha that her parents are so close, and he's glad that we are both adults about it.

Mike & I *are* committed to parenting together, and as we live only 1 mile apart, we do everything we can to parent 50/50. He works from home, so he gets Sammy after school, and she usually spends 4 nights a week at my house, and 3 at his. We are very flexible, and Samantha seems to have adjusted to it very well. She has already announced that her dad will be "Uncle Mike" to the new baby. Mike spent last Thanksgiving and Christmas with us, and we make it a point to go to dinner--just the three of us---once a month.

Things will soon get more complicated, with Cullen on his way shortly, but I'm hoping that there won't be too much upheavel.

Nice to meet you all!
post #18 of 37

My story

I have a 5 1/2 year old dss. My dh's girlfriend broke up with him shortly after getting pregnant. I've been with him since my dss was 3 months old. We have been married 4 1/2 years. So our blended family has some of the same issues but some different since they were never married. We are ttc, but I have PCO so it will probably take medical intervention.

I love my dss. When he was a baby, he started calling me Mommy, but dh's ex was so hostile to everything concerning me at first (even though she broke up with him) that I didn't think it would be a good idea. She is so insecure that I just didn't think it would be worth making it an issue. So I talked it over with dss when he was a baby and he picked his own name for me that only he gets to call me, which is Kiki. Of course, I get called Kiki when dh is talking to him about me or other family members are, but that would be like "Tell Daddy, etc." I just thought it inappropriate for a kid whose diapers I changed to call me by my fn, especially when I would be a parent figure for the rest of their life. I do whatever I can to foster the best interactions between parents that I can, which can be very difficult.
post #19 of 37
I've got 5 stepkids, so this could get long!

Oldest DSD and DSS are 24. He's in Iraq and she is enjoying being young, single and no children. We get along fine and their bio-mom is cool. we all get along. They never lived with us, but would visit quite often.

Next are two SD's with different bio-mom, 17.5 and 16 yrs. DH won costudy when they were 5 and 6. Bio-mom has a host of problems: psycotic, alcohalic, has had a total of 9 kids with 7 different men, drug addiction, boderline personality disoder, prostitute, neglects and abuses both physicaly and emotionaly her kids. Has lost custody or given up for adoption ALL of her kids. (her file with CPS in our county alone is 9 inches thick and has had CPS in all the surrounding counties involved also) 3 DUI's. Been in jail. Caught doing welfare fraud. Blames all of her problems on everybody else and refuses to take responsibility for her actions.
You name it, she's done it.
Which leads me to all the problems these two SD's have had in the past and are still having.
17.5 yr old has an attitude just like her mother. She has a bad attitude, short temper, and a huge "sense of entitlement". "you must do EVERYTHING for her, GIVE everything to her, she NEVER has to ,or SHOULD have to work for anything" She makes no effort to get along with anybody unless she wants something from you, and if you don't do what she wants to , she turns on you in a dime. VERY HOSTILE YOUNG WOMAN. She has been removed from her mothers' by the police and removed from our house by the police. As far as I know now, she is homeless, probably bouncing from couch to couch. She calls every once and while DEMANDING her dad GIVE her stuff, rent a apt for her and her friends and cussing him out and calling him all sorts of terrible names when he refuses to cave in. It's too bad she is letting her attitude get in the way, she is very acidemic smart and could really do something with her life.
Gotta go , my 4 yr old just got up. will tell more later.
post #20 of 37

part 2

16yr old SD has Fetal Alcohal Effect (bio-mom has drank and done drugs through out EVERY single one of her pregnancys). This has caused many problems at home and at school. She was skipping alot of school last year, which landed her on probation, the last Thanksgiving she got into a domestic with the lady she was living with and spent the weekend in jail (on her Sweet 16 birthday) and then was under house arrest for about a month until her hearing. That seem to be a wake-up call for her, she is back living with us now, and doing much better. She still has her moments, but maybe she is more like a normal teenager now. She's been going to school and has a job a a fast food joint and just got another job at a nearby mall.
In the first 8 years the girls lived with us, we had alot of problems with them, espcially the stealing and lying. they always had a really bad attitude. sassed back all the time. Then when they hit their early teens, they started playing the game "I don't like the rules here, so I'm going to live with my mom!" They would be with mom for sometimes up to a year and then she would get evicted or something or they would fight and the police would get involved and they would end up back here until they didn't like the rules again.
This is when they REALLY got bad. They wouldn break into the house when they were supposed to be at school and steal stuff. We had locks on stuff all over the place. I caught the older one smoking cigs in their room, knowing all the while her younger half brother has resiptory problems. caught her smoking pot on the front stoop in the middle of the day when she was supposed to be in school.
The bio-mom is still a huge problem. We won't hear from her for a couple months or so, then she'll start calling over and over (we had as many as 20 calls right in a row) leaving nasty messages about how we've cause all of her and her girls problems. How we are the worst parents in the world (that's rich coming from her). Everything she accuses us of doing , she's actually done herself. Been quiet lately though. Probably because I've heard she's done a runner to Canada.
That is just the tip of the iceberg with those three.

DSD # 5 is 14 and lives with biomom's mom. Don't see much of her because she is so very busy with school and extracurricual activities. She is basically a really good kid. Bio -mom is easy to get along with also.

That's my story.
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