how would you convince me to be a SAHM?

[clavicula]

i am really hesitating.
In our family DH is the maior breadwinner so it wouldn't be a financial breakdown for us...
so, talk to me about SAHM-ing!

[Mallory]

I would say just wait until that baby is here, and then realize you don't want to leave him or her for 8 or 9 hours a day.

On the other hand it is a hard job with long hours and I do believe that some moms do better if they at least work part time and get a chance to have some outside respect and adult appreciation. So I hesitate to say you must stay home.

[streetkitty]

I agree with PP. I never intended to sah- but once I had dd- I knew I could not leave her. I was the major breadwinner so it took some serious reshifting in our hh but both dh and I are glad we did. It is a very tough job but so rewarding. It just depends on how YOU feel about it. I love spending my days with my dd, running errands, going to the park, seeing friends, taking afternoon naps. Sometimes its a bit repetitive. Sometimes I want to call in sick but can't. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I do some wah, have a very helpful mil and still have many interests outside of being a mother- that all keeps me sane and focused on my primary job of raising my daughter while still getting time to myself a few hours a week other than when dd is sleeping.

[bluey]

What they said :LOL

Before I had kids, when I had my life all planned, I *knew* I would go back to work full time once my mat leave was up. No hesitation on my part. I was a daycare kid b/c both my parents had to work so it didn't occur to me to do any different. Then I had my dd and things changed. I *knew* I couldn't go back full time. I had to go back eventually though but I found someone to job share with so I only worked 2 days one week and 3 days the next, and I made sure to switch those shifts so I would be working the later shift to minimize the time she had to be in daycare. I dropped her off at lunch time and dh picked her up a few hours later. I was miserable. As were dd and dh. He hated seeing me so grumpy etc.. As luck would have it the company I worked for downsized, I was given the option of a buy out so took it. Best decision I've ever made.

I did find a job at the local big box in town where I work a couple nights a week but that was mainly so I could save up hours for another mat leave This summer I will be done with working out of the house. sigh. : I will be handing in my notice to said big box in a couple weeks.

[onlyzombiecat]

Go with your feelings. Maybe see how things go for a couple of months if you can afford it.
I lost my job while I was pregnant with dd so it was easy not to get a new one. I really did not want to leave dd. It was really important to dh and I that one of us be there with dd caring for her. We wanted to be the people raising her. We didn't want to miss any of her moments. I am really glad to be a SAHM.
I know it isn't for everyone though. I do know women who work and their dh works and they arrange their work schedules so one is always with the child when the other is working. If I did work that would be what I would want to do.

[MamaAllNatural]

Originally Posted by streetkitty

once I had dd- I knew I could not leave her.

:

[hipumpkins]

When I was pregnant I was so nervous to stay home with a baby that I asked DH if he wanted to do it. After that little baby was handed to me I was in love and never wanted to leave her.
I , however work 2 nights a week as a waitress. When she was a baby I hated going in to work even though it was only a couple nghts but now that she 2 1/2 it is nice little break in the week.

[cresorchid]

Wait and see. If we have to convince you, it's probably NOT the right path for you.

On the other hand, once you are past the point where baby is taking up 24 hours of your day (literally) for care, you may find that you like being able to meet friends for lunch or picnics, going to museums, hanging out with other SAHMs, being able to do all the stuff that you didn't have time to do when working...

I have always loved being a SAHM mom but have gone back and forth to work part-time and full-time at different periods out of guilt. I always come back to being a SAHM because the truth is, I love it. My oldest is 17 yo now, so I can say that I have done all different things. Right now, I homeschool my son which works well for us and gives me a really good "excuse" to continue being a SAHM when that stupid guilt starts in on me again.

Of course, I'm now pregnant with my 2nd baby (I know, large age dif) and that is a whole 'nother excuse. Can't tell you how excited I am.

[Bethla]

I've never really worked full-time before, except for a 6 month stretch of time before my third baby. My dh would care for the children while I worked and then he would leave for work when I'd get home. It was great that we didn't have to pay for daycare and my children were with their dad and not a babysitter. But it was stressful pumping while I was away and having my dh call me all the time because he didn't know what to do etc...

Then after my third son was born I said no more. I couldn't handle being gone all day from the kids and then dealing with my dh's innability to care for them. Our income dropped in half when I quit my job which has been really hard for us. I now work Sat&Sun. as a receptionist which gives us a little more money. I also am taking a class, one day a week too.

I've always known that if I stayed home it would not be for very long, but I'm really glad I've had the oppurtunity to do it while the kids are little. I know in about another year I will have to start working more hours--which will suck.

No matter what choice you make you can always change your mind later. It doesn't have to be either or.

[AJP]

I wouldn't presume there's anything I could say that would convince you, since everyone's situation, personality and tolerances are different. It's about your own family. I would endure a significant amount of hardship before I gave up doing this (and I know whereof I speak, there have been times in my life when I was dirt poor and I know how to navigate those waters).

[MyTwoAs]

A good book to read on the subject is Being There: The Benefits of a Stay-At-Home-Parent by Isabelle Fox, Ph.D.

[mandib50]

needless to say it's you're decision, but life is so short and the kids grow SOOO fast that i think spending time with them and raising them and being there for them when they're at home is where it's at. seriously for me anyway. your job can wait, money cannot replace the memories and relationships you build with your children. i tell my kids all the time someone could come along and offer me 10 million dollars to go to work for one year and i would say no. they love that
mandi

[OTMomma]

My advice is to remember that being a SAHM is a choice you get to make every day. You can decide you aren't satisfied with a 2 month maternity leave, and take off 6 months or a year and go back to work later if that suits you.

Personally, I think if I had gone back to work, I wouldn't have had the ability to be the kind of parent I want to be. I really wanted to breastfeed, and I am not sure I could have continued to pump for my baby after I returned to work. As is, I did nurse as long as I wanted to. I also really believe it is to a baby's benefit to have her mother with her all the time for the first year of life.

I didn't work dd first year, and it was great to be able to focus just on her. I did start some part time work when she turned one, and that worked well for us. Recently, we moved and I haven't looked to work again. Now that dd is bigger, its just more fun to be home with her than working.

Good luck with your decision. I agree with the others here, don't decide you don't want to do it until you meet that sweet baby.

[annarosa]

wait to see how you feel once the baby arrives and then re-evaluate every six months or so - I surprised myself by really enjoying SAHMing - you might just find it suits you so much you don't want to stop