Bartleby, your post *really* resonated with me! It was like looking at myself in a mirror, of sorts.
I have 2-3 solid hours of "free" time every day when my ds is napping, and what do I use it for? Surfing the net, basically, same as you. (Which is exactly what I"m doing right now.
)
I can also relate to the shame of having a master's degree and not using it. I feel very embarrassed about that. I have stopped going to recitals and functions where I might meet people I went to school with, because I don't want to feel embarrassed by all the great things they are doing.
And yes, there is part of me that would really love to be a writer too! Maybe that's part of why I spend so much time emailing and on the net. I know it would be better if I devoted that writing time to journaling or other more meaningful things.
This is getting a little off-topic, but you can probably understand how going through infertility impacts all this too. I feel that's where I first got off-track. Right after graduating from graduate school, I went through a year of really bad depression. WE'd been ttc 3 years at that time, and I wasn't handling it well at all. I ended up in therapy. But during that time, I found it very hard to focus on creating a career. Once I got back on my feet emotionally, I had lost a lot of momentum that I would have had just coming out of grad school. My ds didn't come for another 3 years, but I spent that time dilly-dallying around trying to figure out what to do with my life, and pretty much doing next to nothing with it. My passions in life changed all the time during that time, and they were always related to whatever I was going through at the time. I thought about going back to school and becoming a counselor or a social worker in the adoption field as we were going through those experiences. Now, after many years, I have realized that it really is music that calls me. And now, I am at the point where I can do all the things I ever wanted to do. I always wanted to be a SAHM and put my family first. Now I can do that. I always envisioned that I would be involved with music, but it would be on the side. Now I can do that.
Anyway, that was a long tangent! I kept my promise to myself and dropped my ds off at my friend's house last week, while I went and practiced the organ for an hour. It felt so good. It's only an hour a week, but it feels like such a good decision.
I have 2-3 solid hours of "free" time every day when my ds is napping, and what do I use it for? Surfing the net, basically, same as you. (Which is exactly what I"m doing right now.
)I can also relate to the shame of having a master's degree and not using it. I feel very embarrassed about that. I have stopped going to recitals and functions where I might meet people I went to school with, because I don't want to feel embarrassed by all the great things they are doing.
And yes, there is part of me that would really love to be a writer too! Maybe that's part of why I spend so much time emailing and on the net. I know it would be better if I devoted that writing time to journaling or other more meaningful things.
This is getting a little off-topic, but you can probably understand how going through infertility impacts all this too. I feel that's where I first got off-track. Right after graduating from graduate school, I went through a year of really bad depression. WE'd been ttc 3 years at that time, and I wasn't handling it well at all. I ended up in therapy. But during that time, I found it very hard to focus on creating a career. Once I got back on my feet emotionally, I had lost a lot of momentum that I would have had just coming out of grad school. My ds didn't come for another 3 years, but I spent that time dilly-dallying around trying to figure out what to do with my life, and pretty much doing next to nothing with it. My passions in life changed all the time during that time, and they were always related to whatever I was going through at the time. I thought about going back to school and becoming a counselor or a social worker in the adoption field as we were going through those experiences. Now, after many years, I have realized that it really is music that calls me. And now, I am at the point where I can do all the things I ever wanted to do. I always wanted to be a SAHM and put my family first. Now I can do that. I always envisioned that I would be involved with music, but it would be on the side. Now I can do that.
Anyway, that was a long tangent! I kept my promise to myself and dropped my ds off at my friend's house last week, while I went and practiced the organ for an hour. It felt so good. It's only an hour a week, but it feels like such a good decision.
