SAHMs: what does dh do around the house?

[butterflyma]

After years of trying to strike a balance that was equitable between dh and I (and not based on gender), regarding our household maintainance chores, I've become a SAHM and find it ACTUALLY IS MY JOB to do the majority of the work around our home : :LOL

So, I accept that the majority of what needs to be accomplished here is rightfully my responsibility; but wondered: what does the "modern dh of a SAHM do around the house?

Hopefully, my poll options aren't too limiting. Please expand upon/clarify/discuss your choice if you'd like to.

: : : : ~Brandi

[KermitMissesJim]

I chose the last option because it was the closest to our actual situation. Dh is always, always willing to help. I just need to let him know what needs to be done and when--he cannot see a mess right in front of him, lol.

He says he can't do his job without my support and vice versa. He's a gem!

[abac]

My dh is a weekend man. We usually do a super cleanup on Saturdays. But to be honest, I don't do that much cleaning during the week. An occasional load of laundry gets done and the floors get swept, but not much else. We have an agreement that I do the dishes every day and he cleans the litter box every day. He does laundry as much as I do. He has never cleaned the bathroom and I honestly don't think he ever will, but I think this is minor when looking at the big picture. We have a half-joking, half-serious agreement that he cooks and I clean.

[kathipaul]

My dh does most of our cooking and either cleans up afterward or gives dd her bath. That is pretty much it for midweek but he does as much as I do on the weekends. I do believe in doing most of the chores during the week so we can have some family fun on the weekend. So, I do all the cleaning and laundry and errands during the week. But if there are chores to be done, he helps 50-50. For example, Sunday we cleaned the whole house together because we were expecting his mom for dinner and wanted it to look really clean. Or, he will clean the garage or cook up a storm so we can freeze stuff for future use. He does his share.

[kavamamakava]

I voted that he does as much as I do on weekends. But actually, I slow the pace and do as much as he does on weekends. If he has the energy to clean the house, we clean together. If he wants to go on a family outing, we all go. I don't want to spend a lot of time on his days off doing something that prevents us from spending time together as a family.
During the week, he barely has time to shower since he works 50+ hours and has a commute. But he spends a good hour with the kids and if he's home at bedtime, he gets them ready for bed and puts them to sleep.

[roundpegmom]

My DH does pretty close to nothing. He did stain some furniture this past month, he is pretty anal about some things. I don't really ask him to do anything, If there is major remodeling, he'll be there, but for day to day stuff he doesn't do anything. When I had a fulltime job he did the yard work but since I have been at home, I handle that now.

Since I am home all day, I can't imagine needing or asking for him to do housework.

[DecemberSun]

My DH complains about anything he has to do, so most of the time it's easier to do it myself. He'll sit and watch TV or play a video game completely oblivious to the fact that I have been on my feet running around for hours. It just does not occur to him that running a household never ends- there is always something to fix, clean, cook, put away, etc. I can relate to the pp who said her DH can't spot a mess right in front of him! He will help if I ask him to, so I gues that's better than some, but I envy those of you who's husband's are so willing to help out...

[ledzepplon]

DH does everything I do with dd in the evening and weekends (diapers, baths, meals, etc.)

He's a pretty good cook, but since he doesn't get home until 6:30, I usually cook on weekdays.

He's not a handy guy in the traditional sense, but he's fantastic with techie stuff (like the computer).

He takes out the trash.

He helps with dishes.

I do most of the house cleaning, although we have a cleaning lady who comes every other week, so I save the heavy-duty stuff for her (like mopping, scrubbing showers). I do ALL the laundry, but that's one chore I don't mind.

[the_lissa]

In our family, we consider being a SAHM does not mean being a housekeeper. My job is to care of dd. We split the housework 50/50 and he does at least 50% of the child care when he is home.

Anyone else have a similar situation?

[Red]

In my house, we do consider the SAHM to be the one to do the housework! Then again, my babies are 14. :LOL

Dh works at a very physical job, and has a two hour commute, each way. He's much too tired to be making dinner,etc, when he gets home. However, he will go out and rake or cut wood, to move around after the drive.

On weekends, he works realy hard, mostly outdors. But he'll dig any garden beds I wnt done, or weed and rake and clean.


As soon as he's laid off, (every winter) he does ALLLLLL the laundry. Well, he washes and hangs and brings it up .......to be folded.



He's willing to cook, and he knows 3 recipes. As long as you don't mind one of those three, and you don't mind it taking two days to cook....




THe bathroom?????? Ha, he's NEVER cleaned it.

[FireWithin]

On the weekends he does almost as much as I do, and during the week he picks up about 70% of the childcare when he comes home from work so that I can focus on household tasks and myself.


I should add that there are things that now that I'm a SAHM he never does. A month ago I asked him to clean the bathroom. He had to ask where the products were even though that had been moved since DS could crawl. He also has not changed a sheet in over a year. But these are things I don't mind since he does so manyother thngs.

As I mentioned earlier I prefer him to be focused on DS and I focus on the house. Well, actually, I prefer him to be able to multi task and do everything at the same time as I do when I'm home alone.

Can your DH multi-task??

[atomicmama]

I'm blessed with Mr. Fabulous
He does a great job with everything around the house. AND, he cooks!

[farmer mama]

I pretty much view taking care of the house as part of my SAHM "work", but my kids are pretty easy to work with/ around and actually enjoy homemaking. :
When dh comes home I want him to relax and connect with our kids. He does do all the major repairs, painting, digging, etc on weekends. He is the master of the 10 minute before bed clean up, but I keep the house up so it isn't major, just dismantling a fort or picking up a few toys, but boy do those 10 min. help! When my dd was first born and I couldn't juggle everything, dh did dinners and dishes, so I don't mind doing it now.

[the_lissa]

Originally Posted by Red

In my house, we do consider the SAHM to be the one to do the housework! Then again, my babies are 14. :LOL

Ha I imagine your child care is less hands on than mine at that age:P

[the_lissa]

BY the way, I don't want it to seem like I think anyone else is wrong if they view cleaning as part of their job. I'm just saying it is different in my family. Whatever works for each family

[newmainer]

My dh is one of those really anal astrological signs (he's on the cusp of scorpio/virgo... or is it libra/virgo? yeah, I think that's it. if that means anything to you!) so he is a waaaay better cleaner than me. He actually enjoys it. Bathrooms, floors, stovetop- he does it. When he has time. I encourage him to take time to go for a bikeride or socialize wtih a friend rather than clean, honestly. He is a wahd, so he is home all the time. He keeps up with laundry on breaks, if he can, and does dd's tubby and cleans the kitchen when I put her to sleep (though now he is putting her to sleep and i do the kitchen, but that's fine). He loves to cook, but can't take time off from work to do it, but he will run the grill, which he loves :LOL. I have absolutely no complaints. I do what i can, do all the shopping and vacuum and try and keep up with laundry and bathrooms. I dont' mind. A lot of weekends if i go somewhere with dd, he takes the opportunity to crank up house music and go into a cleaning frenzy. Love that in a man!

[kbridi]

My ds is 6 months, (and a high-needs baby) so I don't get too much cleaning done around the house during the weekday. Ideally, I would do the house cleaning .. and once I get my Ergo, I hope I'll be able to do more.

But currently, I do most of the cleaning while dh watches ds. But dh does the cat litter, all trash, recycling and even does the wash. He also does most of the cooking. However, he doesn't do the baby at night, even on the weekends. This weekend at 8 a.m. he flat out said no to taking ds. That ticked me off.

But, I shouldn't complain. I think we have a good system. I just hope the Ergo helps me be able to get more done.

[violafemme]

DH does the dishes, the diapers(we wash our own), some of the laundry and will generally tidy things up at times. He gets up with dd on weekends to let me get some zzzzs. He bathes dd and feeds her dinner every night he is home. He cooks about once a week, mows the lawn (but doesn't do any other gardening/lawn care) and takes care of the trash/recycling. He's awesome.

I do the nitty gritty cleaning, vacuuming, bathrooms, floors, most of the laundry, gardening, painting and keep our 16 month old in clean diapers, clothes, well fed, well loved and well entertained/engaged ............and I do all his stuff when he is deployed.

We pretty much agree that my main job as a SAHM is being a mom and that the housework is something to be divided pretty equally.

[Persephone]

Maybe it's different for me, cause we don't have kids yet, but I consider his job to go out and work, and mine to stay home and work. I do 98% of the housework around here. And I like it that way. Occasionally, I'll need something done, and I'm busy doing something else, and I'll ask him to do it, and he does. Which is great. One of the main reasons I stay at home is so that we don't have to spend our time doing housework when he's not working. I can get it done during the day, and we can spend our evenings relaxing and enjoying each other's company.

[aishy]

We go through periods where he helps and periods where he doesn't. Recently it has been that he DOES help, which is nice. Last year august-december, when I was working about 5 days a week, nights (6 or 7-close which is anywhere from 12-1 at a movie theater) he was barely helping & that caused a lot of issues because I didn't feel I should have to do EVERYTHING *plus* contribute to paying some of our bills (I worked only cause it was necessary, at the moment i'm working 1-3 shifts a week cause I enjoy it). So yeah. He helps now heh.

Lets see. Sometimes he'll get laundry started, or move it from the washer to the dryer which I *hate* doing. I don't let him do diaper laundry though *LOL* He helps load/unload the dishwasher. He will sweep/mop, vaccum. He puts the kids to bed. He does all the outdoor yard work & maintaince. Just re-organized the garage which we are currently using for a lot of storage because we're still slowly unpacking!

Aisling