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SAHMs: what does dh do around the house? - Page 2

Poll Results: SAHMs: What does your dp do around your home?

  • 4% (11)
    He relaxes and enjoys his family: his work is done
  • 23% (53)
    He regularly does "some stuff" (e.g. yardwork, repairs, projects)
  • 29% (65)
    He occasionally pitches in with various household chores
  • 12% (29)
    On weekends, he does as much as I do
  • 29% (66)
    He does as much around the house as I do all of the time
224 Total Votes  
post #21 of 87
Dh does whatever I ask he very often does the dishwasher without any asking.

Ya know, sex starts in the kitchen
post #22 of 87
My dh is mostly a SAHD and I am a SAHM. Dh has always done as much and lately much more than I do. He always does the dishes and I always do the laundry. He is the most wonderful. Now that I am 9 months pregnant he lets me sleep in the morning and he gets up with ds he even does the diaper laundry. We both cook and clean and I usually do bath and bedtime, dh reads books at bedtime and helps if I need it. We are a team and I don't know what I would do without him. We are so blessed.
post #23 of 87
Occasionally he will do something... but I do virtually all cooking, cleaning, etc. Part of it is me being pickier than him. He is unable to see dirt or register that something needs cleaned. The only thing he cooks is canned soup, frozen pizza, chili or hamburger helper.
I just informed him that mowing the lawn is his job since I do everything else.
post #24 of 87
I wasn't really sure which answer to select for the poll, so I chose the middle one - doing some stuff occaisionally or whatever.

As I read along, I realize that DH really does do stuff to help me out. The problem is that I have to pester him about it. He's agreed to take care of the trash/recycles and empty and load the dishwasher. But the trash is always overflowing and the sink gets full waiting for an empty dishwasher. When I just do his jobs myself, he feels guilty and says "no, I just need to do it." But I don't think it's fair for me and DD to live in a big mess waiting for him to hold up his part of the bargain! We're still actively trying to figure out the best work load divisions and methods for our family.

I don't have a problem with me being responsible for most of the housework, but I also end up taking care of the car maintenance, the house maintenance, the lawn, etc. and I often feel like this is unfair. I do like doing the lawn work - I find it very meditative and it gives me some "alone" time while getting something accomplished for our household.

DD is fairly high-needs and very hands-on. She's a little monkey, too. Add two rowdy dogs to the mix and DH leaving things all over the house and it's hard for me to keep up at all or complete any given task that doesn't take less than 5 minutes.

On the plus side, DH is a very affectionate and loving father who has changed poopy diapers from day 1. He likes to play with our DD and he likes to hold her and cuddle with her. He also usually is the one to give her a bath. And he'll change the sheets on our bed if I ask him to do so and hand him the clean sheets. :LOL

His work schedule is basically 8:30 - 6 plus 2.5 hours commuting time. He's recently started taking public transportation so he gets a break from the rat race and gets a chance to read his sci-fi books on the way home from work - yeah! Saves money too.

He's also about to start a big crunch time at work which means working lots of extra hours and probably weekends, too. I am trying to get him to help me with as many projects as possible before then so I don't feel so overwhelmed when I know he'll need more of his home time to de-stress and just be with his family.

We made a list of projects around the house to work on together, so hopefully, that will help. Also, we're trying to get more time for us to have together without DD (we are a co-sleeping family) so we had a date a couple of weeks ago. It felt so refreshing to see a movie that we got all sorts of stuff done around the house together AND spent lots of time with DD. So I know this is rambling on and on, but I guess a lot of it has to do with perceptions.
post #25 of 87

Mr. One-in-a-million

My hubby and I agreed that he would do dishes every night. I do the rest, except on weekends when he does his laundry and diapers. (During the week I do diapers and laundry.) He also takes DS for a walk every night to get him to sleep and spends about 2 hrs with ds every evening - my break time .

When DS was born, I could not handle dishes on top of new baby, surgery recovery and all the regular housework, mostly because I like a pretty clean house and dh cannot see the dirt...So DH does dishes - but if the kitchen is not clean, i don't usually cook either, he has to. Oh yeah, he also makes us pancakes every weekend.

It works for us so far...
post #26 of 87
my DH believes his job is done when he walks in the door, but he doesn't relax. he keeps working on his job stuff. If he would relax and enjoy the kids, it would mean a lot to me.

he does occasionally do the dishes-- very occasionally-- and occasionally "does the laundry" which means putting huge loads through the wash and dryer, then dumping it on the floor of the bedroom, oftentimes still damp.
post #27 of 87
Didn't vote because none were worded for me.

DH does almost all of the grocery shopping, and does all the weekend/holiday cooking. He doesn't like to clean, but will occasionally do something along those lines when he gets fed up with my messy tendencies. And tends to putter around the house, putting up pictures, fixing things, installing shelves, rearranging cabinets.

He used to do the machine part of the laundry in our old apartment ... meaning the in&out of machines part (then he brought it home and I did the folding part), but since we moved 3 months ago and now have machines in the basement of the building, I do it as a general rule.

Childcare-wise, though, I'm most of it. He's definitely involved, but I do the diaper-changing, and they're just generally my responsibility, and he'll help. IYKWIM.

Can't complain.

post #28 of 87
I chose the last option for us right now. Dh is not working at the moment, and I would say he does as much around the house as me or nearly anyway. He also does yard stuff as well. Now when he is working it is different. I do more around the house on days that he works because I feel like he's been working all day already and should relax a bit. I only have to ask if I am needing him to do something even then, but I just usually don't.
post #29 of 87
My dh does almost all the dishes, helps with laundry on weekends, and is great about helping with the housework on the weekends. He also is good about spending time with dd, something that I don't think has anything to do with the house hold chores.
post #30 of 87
The majority of the household chores are my duty.... but my husband will help with dinner cleanup - playing with the kids - and bedtime...

He really is a good guy and will pretty much do whatever I ask, although, not too much on his own initiative.

Warm wishes,
post #31 of 87
I do the majority of the household chores. DH has never scrubbed a toilet. I do all the dishes, the laundry, vacuuming, mopping, etc. But I've also never mowed the lawn. He goes to the dump, fixes things around the house, does the majority of the yardwork (I do have a garden that's all mine though).
post #32 of 87
I voted option number 2.

DH just cannot seem to comprehend how much I do. He doesn't grasp the concept that I never get time off. It's very frustrating.

He does take care of the yard, kitty litter, takes out the trash. He washes and dries the laundry. I fold and put it away. He pays the bills.

Other than that.....he's on the computer, playing video games, watching The Simpsons.
post #33 of 87
My dh cooks breakfast. I'm just not very good at breakast foods. He also cooks dinner about half the time.

He cleans the chicken coop, because it's too big and heavy a job for me to do.

He also cleans any of the dishes that get really gross just because I can't stand them, as well as cleaning out the sink after a particularly nasty load.

I do the laundry, but he folds his own clothes because he doesn't like the way I do it. I want to ask him exactly how he would do it, because this means they lie all over the bed for weeks.

He mows the lawn about half the time.

And, as soon as he comes home from work he considers the girls his responsibility so I can rest or read...or cook!
post #34 of 87
it's nice to read that so many spouses are hands-on with housework and children. mine certainly is.

he would be a lot more hands-on, too, if he didn't spend so much time trying to earn money. he's at the computer store he runs from about 8:30am to about 6pm 5 days a week. then he stays up till 2:30 and 3am frequently (4, even 5 nights a week) selling old computer stuff, mostly on ebay.

despite that tremendous load of responsibility, he washes his own laundry, watches the kids for hours by himself every weekend so i can catch up on my sleep (and i do the same for him), sleeps on the couch for hours at night while our rediculous baby watches baby einstein videos instead of sleeping, vaccuums, tidies, mows, and fixes what breaks.

he's a treasure.
post #35 of 87
My dh does very little in the way of household stuff. I'm not complaining, because what he does when he is home is take care of dd. She is not one to let you get much else done.

On evenings and weekends I do chores and clean up while he and dd do their thing. I am happy for the chance to get something done, and the two of them have a wonderful relationship.
post #36 of 87
My husband of 4 years will mow the lawn, fix the cars and that's about it. I have to nag at him to take out the trash, put his clothes in the hamper, put his dirty dishes in the sink and help me with our 1 1/2 yr old daughter! I love him to death but I wish he'd help out more! He washes dishes maybe once a year. He never does laundry, he changed a total of 10 diapers since Katelin has been born.. : I appreciate the things he does do though!

I'm new to the board by the way..you can check out my profile.

EDIT: I read some of ya'lls post after posting mine..in my opinion..you gals are lucky your husbands help out that much..and ya'll are the ones that are complaining! Sheesh
post #37 of 87
You didn't have a choice for me:

DH does MORE than me around the house!
post #38 of 87
What I'm especially grateful for is that dh does all the "man" stuff like killing bugs. I can say "There's a spider in the bathtub!" and dh runs to the rescue, without saying "Kill it yourself!"

My mom used to say, "What are you going to do when you move out and have no one to kill bugs for you?" I said, "I'll have my husband do it." And I do.
post #39 of 87
I voted that we're pretty much 50-50 as far as housework goes. Dh works incredibly long hours. He usually is at work by 6 or 7am and gets home between 6 and 8pm. When he gets home, I usually have some sort of dinner ready. Many nights it's just vegetables and sandwiches, but he doesn't mind at all. Then he offers to either take the kids or clean house. I always have him take the kids. I consider cleaning to be a break by that time! He and the kids dance around the house while I clean. I get the kids to sleep since dh obviously can't nurse ds! While I'm doing that, dh finishes up with the cleaning and then we have a couple of hours to hang out together in a clean house! We also split the yardwork, but dh usually likes to do the mowing. I've offered, but he always wants to do it!
post #40 of 87
I am one of those woman that feels it is not my job to do the majority of the household chores. It's my job to nurture my children and help them develope into wonderful human beings. If I worked and took my children to daycare and found out that the provider was spending all of her time cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping, yard work and so on...I would be very upset because that's not what I would be paying her to do.

I am having a tough time right now with dh. I just don't have time to "take care" of everyone elses needs and wants, and nurture my children. There are not enough hours in the day. He does the things he wants to do. He feels it's more than enough and is constantly reminding me how good I have it. However, his chores get put off until he feels like doing them. He also has certain chores he refuses to do..."I don't dust", "I don't clean windows", "I don't cook", "I don't do laundry" and so on. He will clean the upstairs bathroom, but it usually takes 3 weeks for him to get around it...yes it's gross and I hate it, but I refuse to do it for him. He washes the kitchen floor once a month, when he decides he's being a good husband. He will vacume, but he "doesn't do stairs". He used to do the supper dishes, but now he baths ds (which I'm fine with). When he does do something it's never complete. Like if he cleans up after dinner he doesn't sweep, wipe the table or the stove. If he cleans the bathroom he doesn't wipe the front of the cubbords or wash the floor.

He thinks I have it so good and that I have ALL this free time to take care of everyone. Truth is I don't. Truth is he lives here too. It is not too much to ask that your partner take part in cleaning up after his own living. I am not a maid or a cook, yet I get treated like it.

Sometimes he's great and will spend a whole evening tidying, not cleaning. I feel guilty because he's working so hard. Then I have to remind myself that I just spent the whole day CLEANING and I don't need to get up and help him.

He says his jobs are lawn and veihicle maintainance. Our veihicle was his mistake and has cost us a bundle of repairs, so that once all him. Our yard is a dissaster and I'm sorry, but mowing the lawn once a week for 4 months out of the year does not make us even in the chore department.

We're in the middle of this issue right now, can you tell? :LOL
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