I have been having some weird feelings about discipline lately and I wanted to share, in case anyone else out there ever feels this way.
The question- Why do even bother asking or telling my dd to do things?
The whole cornerstone of the idea of "Discipline" is getting your children to do/not do stuff. But I am starting to feel like nothing I have ever done "discipline"-wise has ever made a difference.
Well, I suppose dd understands better about carseats, toothbrushing, the road, hitting, and MAYBE sharing than she would have with no guidance whatsoever, but other than that I don't think my expecting/nagging/reasoning/cajoling/or even forcing has had much of an impact.
The thing is that dd is actually pretty well behaved. Certainly she doesn't do anything out of the ordinary for an almost three year old. But I wonder if my attempts to encourage/mould her are akin to how I talk to my computer when my internet is slow.
I say "Come on, COME on" to the screen as if somehow I can make the computer go faster. I feel like telling dd to do stuff is the same way- she's going to get where she's going either way, but as a "good parent" I feel the need to press her forward. Ugh- I annoy myself when I do this!
Example- We went through a phase of being very insistent that everyone sit at the table for dinner. It involved whining, convincing, tantrums, time outs (which I have realized are pointless), etc for many nights. Finally I decided that making an issue out of it was making it worse. Now I don't even tell dd it's dinner time. And guess what- she wanders over and sits down on her own!
(I can imagine her little brain when I used to announce dinner in my most saccharine encouraging voice- "No REALLY mom? Is THAT why all the food is on the table and everyone's sitting down"- I don't know if 2 year olds have sarcastic thoughts like that, but I sure would.)
Likewise- I sometimes worry that I'm not doing enough to make it clear to dd that I expect her to clean up her stuff. I invite her to clean, encourage her, etc. Well, today I did nothing and went to go work and dd cleaned up all her paints, brushes and got out a sponge and washed the table.
Maybe there are some other kids out there who are more malleable? I hear stories about children who don't mind being told what to do- and are actually more likely to do something when told than otherwise. Maybe my next one will be this way.
But dd is an island unto herself. I wonder sometime if I'm becomming a negligent parent because I'm starting to think that best thing I can do for dd is not say anything.
Anway- I feel like I'm washing my hands of the whole concept of discipline. Something must be going right because dd is growing and developing just fine. But heck if I know how it's happening!
The question- Why do even bother asking or telling my dd to do things?
The whole cornerstone of the idea of "Discipline" is getting your children to do/not do stuff. But I am starting to feel like nothing I have ever done "discipline"-wise has ever made a difference.
Well, I suppose dd understands better about carseats, toothbrushing, the road, hitting, and MAYBE sharing than she would have with no guidance whatsoever, but other than that I don't think my expecting/nagging/reasoning/cajoling/or even forcing has had much of an impact.
The thing is that dd is actually pretty well behaved. Certainly she doesn't do anything out of the ordinary for an almost three year old. But I wonder if my attempts to encourage/mould her are akin to how I talk to my computer when my internet is slow.
I say "Come on, COME on" to the screen as if somehow I can make the computer go faster. I feel like telling dd to do stuff is the same way- she's going to get where she's going either way, but as a "good parent" I feel the need to press her forward. Ugh- I annoy myself when I do this!
Example- We went through a phase of being very insistent that everyone sit at the table for dinner. It involved whining, convincing, tantrums, time outs (which I have realized are pointless), etc for many nights. Finally I decided that making an issue out of it was making it worse. Now I don't even tell dd it's dinner time. And guess what- she wanders over and sits down on her own!
(I can imagine her little brain when I used to announce dinner in my most saccharine encouraging voice- "No REALLY mom? Is THAT why all the food is on the table and everyone's sitting down"- I don't know if 2 year olds have sarcastic thoughts like that, but I sure would.)
Likewise- I sometimes worry that I'm not doing enough to make it clear to dd that I expect her to clean up her stuff. I invite her to clean, encourage her, etc. Well, today I did nothing and went to go work and dd cleaned up all her paints, brushes and got out a sponge and washed the table.
Maybe there are some other kids out there who are more malleable? I hear stories about children who don't mind being told what to do- and are actually more likely to do something when told than otherwise. Maybe my next one will be this way.
But dd is an island unto herself. I wonder sometime if I'm becomming a negligent parent because I'm starting to think that best thing I can do for dd is not say anything.
Anway- I feel like I'm washing my hands of the whole concept of discipline. Something must be going right because dd is growing and developing just fine. But heck if I know how it's happening!
Obey/Obedience are definitely trigger words for me. I do not want to teach my child to obey! I think that is the problem with a lot of society today - too many people have been taught not to question authority. I don't see how you can expect a child to obey you without question and then be able to think for themselves the moment they leave the nest.
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: This is a great thread. Thanks for all the food for thought, mamas. Keep it up.
