Do you feel safe?

[Shenjall]

To post anything you want to?

I had a post all typed out and I erased it. I got to thinking that if I whine about the bio mom in any way, I'll get flamed. But this is blended parenting, so why should I have a fear?

I guess sometimes I feel that even though I'm the sahm to my stepkids I'm still just that - the step mom. Just half. Not real, dont count. As in my dd teacher who has known only me since the beginning of the school year, "oh. youre not her REAL mom, you're her stepmom". Well, technically yes, but do you see anyone else here?

Or even f/t step-parent or not, why are we always on the last of the list?

Well, I'm going to hit submit now 'cause if I dont, I'm going to erase this post too!

edited to add that this is not me being critical of mdc or policies!

[Marlet]

...

[yoyo65]

I say "why not?" We all need to vent sometimes, find somebody who we can relate to and hopefully get ideas here from others who have been through it also. I'm sure we will get mostly negative stories about bio-moms, but I know there are good one's out there also. I would like to hear about both. Maybe we can all learn something.
I, fortunatlly, do not ever have to worry about bad bio-mom reading what I wrote about her, she is at the complete opposite of AP/Nfl parenting/living.
She doesn't even know any thing like this exsists. When you hear about her, you will understand. I can understand if the bio-mom was a member here, I would not want to write anything negative about her (even if I thought it) out respect for her children.

[Destinye]

I think healthy venting is a good thing! I hope BM does not come here but I seriously doubt it!

[Shenjall]

Thanks for the replies! I feel the

I dont think biomom comes here. I'm not worried about that. I guess I'm worried about reminders that I'm not their real mom. (Like I need reminding?)

For instance, I was going to post about how difficult it was for me to help dd (nonbio dd) make a mothers day gift for her mom. She asked, I got excited for her and off we went to brainstorm and make it. I admit, we had fun. We always do, we get along great - shes my dd!

I do it for her 'cause it makes her happy. I love her. She's happy to talk about her b/c she does love her. Am I being petty for somedays wishing she didnt

So, I'm worried to post about it b/c I dont want to hear the flames of "well, she IS her mother"; "you should feel sorry for her"; blah blah blah.

Maybe those posts would never come and its just in my head?

AAAACK!

[Marlet]

...

[SillyTreeFairy]

I agree. You are doing great. It is hard not to get frustrated.

I love the image of you making a mother's day gift. We did the same here even though he don't have him ft like you. It is hard. My dss school is pretty understanding and usually has him do 2 mother's day gifts, but even his teacher was like "Everyone is invited but I'll leave it up to you whether you attend or not." She said it several times so I wanted to yell "I get your point already." I had already talked to dh about not going anyway b/c she is still not always comfortable around me in school functions if dh can't be there. And I thought that since this is mother's day that I should abstain since it is her day, as far as she is concerned. But it did make me sad, when Sunday came and I didn't even get a phone call. Dh and I have talked about if dss mom's married her bf (who is sooo wonderful) about doing things for father's day for the him because we think that it is appropriate since you do appreciate how he interacts with dss. A phone call would have been nice, sigh.

Oh, well. Dh gave me a lovely orchid and dh's mother sent me a thoughtful book thanking me for my role. Those were nice. Is it bad that I would have traded them both for a phone call? Guess, it is easy to say now though, huh?

[SillyTreeFairy]

Guess, I miss the point of this post, but I would say I feel guarded in my post. I am a chatty person, but there are lots of things I don't post b/c they seem too critical, and I want to be careful for my own sake. I really want to limit the illwill as much as possible. There have even been some things that I've gone back and deleted after posting. The reason was not b/c I thought it would get back to X, or that I thought I was unjust in my assesment, but just because I feel it is important to always be careful of my own sanity.

[Shenjall]

I guess I sometimes feel that you only get the benefit of the doubt if you are a bio mom.

With my experience with dealing with courts; support; visitation; society; etc it seems that bio mom is put up on a pedestal and everyone else is out to get her.

I'm having a hard time getting my words across - especially today - I just cant help but feel if I complain about biomom I'm going to freaked on.

Maybe I'm just having a bad week and feeling sorry for myself and buying into the second-class parent crap.

[Katt2005]

I dont think you should censor how you vent. That would be totally missing the point of venting. How are you supposed to "get it all out", if you really aren't? I don't think anyone here would say anything bad back at you. Chances are they do or have felt the same thing at some point. I honestly would love to know how everyone REALLY felt about things. If we can't be open and honest, how can we really support each other, when thats not how they are really feeling? **HUGS**

[SillyTreeFairy]

Laura, please vent. Do anything to keep your sanity!!

I just sometimes feel I should hold my tongue cause I don't want to get bitter, because there have been so many petty things. Actually, I wish when I lot of the worse stuff was going on there was a place like this, because no one I knew was going through any of this stuff. I would want to talk about things, but my friends couldn't relate cause no one had kids (I didn't even marry until 24 so go figure), much less stepkids, and it was too hard for my family to listen to because my dad was dying. No one could handle anything else. Since most of it happend while he was sick and dying it is linked in their minds. Even now if I start to say something to my mom (who was my constant ear about everything before my dad developed terminal cancer) will clam up and say "I don't want to hear it." Its not like I bad mouth X all the time, because I don't. Its just sometimes I need a -you won't believe what's happend now, and I can get over it. Dh is great but too close to the situation to be too much help.

Plus, sometimes you can say what simply happen and people can get the pure horror of it without any details. It is pretty hard to argue against ugly truths which need outlets.

I hear you on feeling second class. My dh never had a chance with the courts on a lot of pts. because they broke up while she was pregnant. I'm just thankful he took her to court to get joint custody because she certainly took us on a ride while they were trying to work it out just between them. Her "generosity" simply wasn't enough. Oh well, things have settled down somewhat and hopefully, they'll just get better.

Oh, and I totally hear you on the getting tired of "Mommy, this, and Mommy that" My greatest consulation is that he is trying to share his life with us and that he does it with her about us. Sometimes when he is telling a story about over there we would catch ourselves saying "We do that at Daddy's too" or something along those lines. It shouldn't be about that but about his sharing. We still hear her do it to him sometimes and his sad little defeated look makes me want to double my efforts to keep my ego out of his interactions with me.

We have a week of vacation with him starting tomorrow, b/c dh's family is in town for his grandfather's 80th b'day. It is kind of sad how much I look forward to these big blocks of time. when it should be

[Silliest]

I don't feel *totally* safe because I used to have my name and kids names in my sig and discovered that google would find every single post I made here with that sig! Yikes!
i have no idea what Ex might have read. I never hid my MDC membership, but I doubt he was paying attention... still... I don't need to say anything that will stir him up if I can help it ;-> just in case.

[kblackstone444]

Do you feel safe?

No, but for other reasons. I know if I say something bad about my Husvand's Ex and he finds out, he will have my head because he will be afraid she will find out somehow and get even byt taking away his daughter. I don't blame him one bit, but that doesn't leave me with much venting room.

[Earthly_Joys]

Yes and no. Not feeling "safe" does not stop me from posting though. I need opinions and info from all point of views. There are times where I have not appreciated what people have said in response. Most have been incredibly supportive and those that disagree with me..disagree nicely. No name calling or anything like that.

I am not afraid of BM reading anything I post. I know for a fact she does not come to this site because she does not parent...she just exists. Second, she knows exactly how I, we, DSD feel about her. So anything I post here would not come as a surprise lol. Only thing I might be slightly uncomfortable with is giving her that inside look into our daily lives.

[Shenjall]

Wow. What a blast from the past this thread is. I have a few old ones popping in my inbox. lol

[Laggie]

Yep, it seems to be old-thread revival day in here

As for feeling safe, I do worry that BM might read this stuff. But I figure she already knows what we're unhappy about anyway.

I do vent quite a bit on here, and I don't feel like the biomoms attack me.

I think it's interesting to read the other perspective; sometimes it makes me think of things in a new way, and that's never a bad thing.

[Earthly_Joys]

I went back and looked at the OP date...and whoa! haha...I totally did not notice...I hope the moral support did ya good anyway! (even if it's late)

[Shenjall]

It did.

I still feel a slant towards biomoms (in favour) on the board, but I feel its representive of life too. I just deal. I know where I stand with my kids and how important I am to them (and they are to me). Regardless of whether or not they came from my womb.

And in the end, thats all that matters.

[becoming]

Yes, I feel safe to post whatever here. Suffice to say that my DD's father is not computer-saavy. I don't even think he'd know where to enter in "mothering.com" to get here if he found out about this place. He'd probably try to open it up in Microsoft Word. Plus I really don't have many bad things to say about him -- he does his best, for the most part.

BTW, I'm not the stepparent, my DH is.

[dadinblue]

Safe?

No.

This site is heavily moderated and changes can be made to your posts, signature and threads if they deem neccessary.

As previously mentioned, your posting history can be recovered at the click of a few keys. Google is not your friend.

I know an example of a police officer in Washington state who was fired for posting his thoughts on this chief to a private website. He thought he'd covered his tracks well, used an alias, left out names and important details. I guess he didn't leave out enough detail.

While I am not a fan of big brother or moderation, I recognize that we do need some self-censorship. This isn't like the BBS sites of olde -- we can get in trouble for what we say.