My little "Happy Biter"

[SageRocks!]

I'm hoping someone might have some ideas for me. My 15 month old has
started biting. Not when she is nursing, and not to be mean or
aggressive. It's either when we are snuggling or like today, she ran
up to me lauging and squealing, threw her arms around my leg and bit
me on the back of the thigh! She bites Daddy, too. She seems very
happy as she is doing it, so I don't want to get angry with her. But
it still hurts!

I'm trying to do what it says in Dr. Sears The Discipline Book - look
her in the eyes and say in a low voice "No biting, that hurts" and
then in a happier voice say "Give kisses" and then give her kisses.
So far all that has accomplished is Sage licked my nose one day and
head butted me on another occasion!

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!
Allison

[kathipaul]

I think that is pretty common. She will probably outgrow it. The book I am currently reading, Becoming the parent you want to be, says it is just a phase that many children go through as they learn to communicate. The authors suggest the following:
1. Set a limit - try to anticipate when it is going to happen and stay calm
2. Honor the impulse - the child is trying to communicate something
3. Give social info - "Biting hurts."
4. Redirect
5. Don't bite back. (This actually worked for me when I was a tot and was constantly biting my baby bro, but that is another story and all the experts will tell you not to do this. )
6. Don't stigmatize the child by calling her a biter in public

[2BMamaof3]

Really good advice kathipaul!

My 10 month old is doing this. He just toddle's up to me (YES, he's WALKING!) and bits me...HARD! Those little teeth....OOOOOIE!!

I do pretty much what kathipaul said....though he's 5 months younger...BIG difference.

Good luck,

Abby

[mommamonkey]

I have a happy biter, He usually does it when we are wressling around, I just stop and say "Btting hurts Mommy" and he stops.
He has never bit anyone but me...which is weird.

[Rainbowbird]

We had the biting problem when DS was a year to 15 mos. OUCH! It's the only thing he has ever done that made me want to scream at him. It really hurts. We started out telling him, "no, that hurts, be gentle, etc." but we were getting too wordy, I think. We also tried redirecting, giving him more chew toys, etc. but that didn't work either. It was in danger of becoming a habit. On the advice of our excellent pediatrician, we began to walk away from him as soon as he bit. We would only say, "We don't bite people" in the most unemotional tone we could muster, and then walk away without making eye contact. We would just walk to the other side of the room for a minute. Usually he would follow and the episode would be over. Once or twice he followed and tried to bite AGAIN. So we would just repeat the process and walk back to the other side of the room!

It stopped for almost a year and only recently has reared its ugly head again. I don't know if it's the terrible twos thing or what. But he has bitten once or twice this month (come to think of it he has been sick this month so I am sure that is part of it). I am doing the same thing again. Only now that he is older I will actually leave the room for a moment--step over the gate to where he can't see me. He gets the message that you cannot bite someone and expect them to hang around. At first I was unsure of this theory, b/c we don't even do time out, but this is kind of like a reverse time-out--WE leave if he bites.

The theory being behind this that you don't react and don't pay attention to the biting. He clearly was enjoying getting a rise out of us before--from the yelp of pain to the anger in our tone of voice when we explained why we don't bite. It was very hard to change our tune. But it really did work and I hope it does this time, too! Good luck--I feel for ya. It's a tough one but as the PPs said, very common.

[UnschoolnMa]

My son did this too. He would also squeeze sometimes. When he was very happy or excited, usually in the midst of snuggling or an excited hug. We basically did what KathiPaul wrote above: recognized that he was trying to convey something to us (Wow! I am really happy right now" etc) and that he didn't have the verbal skills to do so. We would say "Biting hurts" and then say "You are very happy aren't you!?" and clap with him or find some other way to share in his emotion.

[SageRocks!]

Thanks for all the ideas and great insight. We've been telling her "No biting" and placing her on the ground facing away from us, trying to convey the message if she bites she doesn't get to continue to snuggle up to us. Of course she is only arms length away, so I don't suppose it is a very harsh message. I've also been trying to shimmy out of her bite if I feel her putting her mouth on me and I redirect her. Hopefully this won't last too long.
Allison

[amybw]

You might want to also hand her something that she can bite.

We did the "biting hurts, give hugs" and it seems to be working along with a teether. DS has cut back on how much he bites us. I could have written the original post about a month ago.

I would hand him a few different teether type things and i even put them in my mouth and bit down to show him that it was okay to bite those. I would be silly and growl and bite it and pull on it so he could see that it was okay to be aggressive with that item but not to mommy or daddy ( or kitty). I also didnt like him biting his dolls, stuffed animals, etc for some reason.

I have also ( in a heated moment) stuck his hand into his mouth as he was about to go down. That wasnt very gd, but i was having a moment of frustration. He realized it hurt and i think ( despite what some may say about his comprehension) i think it made a difference to him. He will get a goofy toothy grin before he bites and now sometimes he sticks a finger in his mouth as he starts to bite and he gently comes downlike he is nibbling on his finger. It's kinda funny.

good luck! keep it up and it will be gone in no time!


Amy